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Learn To Make Each Other Happy

Dr. Michael LaitmanThe second principle of relationships between married couples says: “Each one must try to elevate the mood of the partner all the time.” Every person always welcomes the opportunity to improve his mood. And in a circumstance like this you need to see yourself as more than a partner, like a mother who cares about the welfare of her child.

That is to strive to please the other, to improve his mood, to be concerned that things will be good for him, to try to bring him what he loves, to prepare, to arrange things for him. And I need to show that I am doing this especially for the sake of my wife that I want to give her pleasure. I give her an example of behavior that I would like to see from her in relation to me.

This is talking about a married couple that learns to build the right relationship with each other. We understand that we are two egoists that must correct the condition of our family. Therefore, each one shows a different example and has the privilege to remind the other of how he needs to behave.

Together with this, it is very important to lift each other’s mood because we want to build a connection between us! A good mood helps open the person and a bad mood causes him to withdraw within himself. Therefore, in a bad mood, he is not prepared to connect with others.

If the partner is found in a depressed state like this, it is not possible to make him happy about anything, then it is necessary to descend to his bad mood, to share in his concerns, to try to see everything through his eyes, to agree with his assessment, and to justify him one hundred percent. And after you feel you are found in the same mood, in shared anger, try to take him out from there. For without connection it is impossible to bring the person out of a descent, it is first necessary to grasp him somehow.

And if you try to make the partner happy in this state, then this is liable to create the opposite effect and your optimism will summon within him even greater anger because you are standing opposite each other. First we must attain a connection, solidarity, to feel each other, and only after this, gradually, very slowly begin to lift his spirits, this will be the right psychological approach.

Every state needs to be exploited for the work of nullifying yourself. For example, you come home and see that your house slippers are not in their place, so you are happy that you have the opportunity to rise above your anger and that you receive material on which to work. You know that you will benefit from this in that you will empty an area within yourself for a deeper connection.

A person needs to get compensation for his concession so he will feel that it is worthwhile for him to make this concession, for in a form like this he gains love, a good connection, and even something higher! Within these feelings suddenly some kind of unique elevation appears that he rises from the level of the beast to the level of a human relationship and he can understand that it was worth it.

Question: What if I go home and see that he is wrapped in a storm cloud? My wife is in a bad mood and I’m terribly angry, I’m infected by the bad mood. What should be done in a circumstance like this?

Answer: Go look for a good mood the same way you would look for your house slippers! Search for ways to improve her mood and yours. You now need to become a psychologist in regard to your wife and search for a scientific approach to her, constructive and thoughtful, to build a connection like this with her that will take her out of despair and anger and will raise her to another level of relationship to life. Now you are working like a true psychotherapist.

And you even have stronger tools of influence than an external psychologist because you can approach your wife, hug her, and in a relationship of trust ask her what happened. First of all hug her, this will thaw everything immediately. This is like everything in life that brings a person pleasure and a feeling of support.

The whole method of familial relationships is supported by concessions and the connection that is attained with them by overcoming your ego so that “love covers over all iniquities” by helping the other, by giving an example of how to connect back with you. Everything necessary is already in these words; I have nothing more to add.
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 8/1/12

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Connecting The First Spiritual Circle

Dr. Michael LaitmanEverything that we want to attain in spirituality, which is the attribute of bestowal, can be attained only by our unity. So if we want to learn something during the lesson in the convention we can do that only if we imagine the unity between us. To the extent that we imagine this, to the extent we aspire for this, even if we don’t understand the upper unity (above our ego) exactly, even if we are only trying to imagine all that in our current attributes, it already spurs the upper Light, which means the next level that bestows upon us and “draws” us to it.

To advance is to ascend as a result of the influence of an upper level, which illuminates upon you to the extent that you are drawn to it. So every time we try to connect before a lesson, especially during conventions, we have to accurately focus on that.

If a person tries to create such inner tension by himself and to search for it, it will lead to nothing if it doesn’t go through the society, through connection, through the attribute that operates when many unite into one whole. After all, we were shattered so we would collect ourselves and feel spirituality independently, so we would be a spiritual “embryo.”

When we descend from the top down unconsciously, from the world of Ein Sof (Infinity) to our world, we have no knowledge yet, no awareness, no feeling, since it all happens as a direct result of the Light, or under the influence of the Direct Light. So we don’t exist yet, we are only on the first levels of our development. We have to develop just as our universe developed from energy to a material form through the levels of the still, vegetative, animate, and human beings.

The ascent from the bottom up, now that we are only beginning to implement it to all of humanity, can be performed only according to the unity between us or more accurately, according to our efforts to unite. We don’t have to unite, it is impossible, but we can aspire for that. To the extent that we aspire for that, we create the conditions to get closer to the next higher level, and then the first spiritual level illuminates upon us. By our attempts to unite, we spur its influence according to our yearning for unity.

If a person aspires for attaining spirituality without this influence, then no matter how he does it, he will only attain the distortions that exist in the world today: religions, beliefs, various methods, etc., many of which are based on different connections. If, on the other hand, we aspire to find ourselves in the center of unity (since we don’t exist otherwise), which means to create something common, whole, spiritual, the general vessel that was before the shattering, then we will draw the Ohr Makif (Surrounding Light) upon ourselves to the same extent. So let’s control ourselves and examine ourselves.

Any personal attempt to learn something, to understand, or to feel is wrong if it is not immediately aimed at unity and through it to exiting. Then the “I” becomes “we” and “we” becomes one whole in which we already begin to feel the upper level.

So the most important thing is to imagine this general state, the general vessel.

We have to train ourselves for this state. Here our very attempts are important, no matter what they are: if our search fails, when you constantly fall into your ego, into your personal desire and feeling. All these efforts are actually good, lead us towards the goal, and are accepted. It is just like a small child who constantly tries to do something and although he doesn’t succeed, it is such attempts that help him grow and eventually turn him into a skillful, understanding adult.

So we have to examine ourselves especially regarding this point. We have to get used to it just as we get used to every action or different perspective that seems strange at first. First, our ego will certainly reject this until we see some benefit in it for ourselves. But it is its help called “help against” that gives us the chance to make certain efforts when we enter and when we exit, that means when we are thrown out of thoughts about unity and by making artificial efforts, we remind one another about it and unite again in our thoughts, no matter what the outcome is, whether we succeed or not and whether it is easy or difficult.

Of course we will succeed less and less since the ego that we need in order to attain the first spiritual level is not a simple thing. Compared to the ordinary ego it is much greater and more sophisticated. It is our spiritual ego and it belongs to a different level, to the “human” level. It is based on the integrality that is above our nature, above the speed of Light, above the understanding of cause and effect that we see in our world. This ego is different not only in power but also in its inner intensity. Its structure is more complicated.

It is as if we build electronic circuits from different components and they begin to communicate with one another. They used to be separate parts: capacitors, resistors, diodes, and transistors, but they didn’t work. Each of them seems to be living a minimal life, but the circuit itself actually begins to work only when it is put together correctly and is connected to a source of energy, to the upper level.

So we mustn’t forget that our ego will constantly grow and that it will always be increasingly more difficult to reach the thoughts about our collective powers about the collective feeling and the collective mind. But in this way we reach the state of our initial connection.

The example of the electric circuit helps us understand that the main thing is the initial connection. Then more and more elements that cooperate better, join it and tune to one another, enter a “resonance,” and adjust themselves to one another. This is the spiritual ascent.

Then it is simpler. If someone starts working and if there is minimal life in this circuit, it becomes easier. After all, now you will work with the spiritual level with new data. You examine these instruments, you know them, you feel them, which means that you constantly adjust the circuit and tune it to work better until it becomes a system that functions fully at its utmost level.

But in the meantime, we have to assemble it first. After all, the moment we reach the minimal spiritual effort, there will be an immediate connection to the source and the beginning of a movement in the circle of connection between us. Then we begin to feel the upper mind and already work according to its laws.
From the Convention in Krasnoyarsk 6/13/13, Lesson 2

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The Elevator Between The Floors Of Attainment

Dr. Michael LaitmanIf from our current state we feel that there is a higher state, distinguishing the radiance that comes from it and anticipating its properties, we can use this upper state to advance to it. Then, we will make a step accelerating time (Achishena) instead of waiting for when this state comes naturally (Beito), and in this way we will bring the Creator joy and help our friends.

We need to find out whether by doing this we are going to make an action of bestowal or not. If this is bestowal, do we act above reason inside it? Of course the actions inside reason are preferable because it means that there is a revelation that gives us the power to act.

And the action above reason is the means of ascending to the next degree by the path of Achishena, accelerating time. But it is not entirely in our hands, we do not have the strength to rise to this height; rather, we use the elevator that is divided into two halves. First, we perform the action above reason and thus attract the force of correction, and then with the help of this force we carry out correction and rise to the next degree.

It is good if we clearly, “within reason,” see the means that enable us to rise to a higher degree. But it is better to work with them in “above reason” because it will be the path of the Light (Achishena).

Gradually, a person learns these principles and begins to work successfully. I hope that we are at this stage of discernment and soon everyone will accumulate enough impressions to become clear in everything and see the map of the route of his development in all its features.

It is worthwhile to keep in mind that the upper degree is achieved by faith above reason, that we use as the means of ascent, time acceleration. But we should seek not to remain in faith above reason but to go “inside reason,” that is, to attain more and more. The goal of each state is to reveal the Creator in our corrected desires.
From the Preparation to the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/3/13

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Two Methods Of Dissemination

Dr. Michael LaitmanWe have two methods of dissemination: physical dissemination through the usual system of connection and simultaneously an inner dissemination in the spiritual network that is discovered to the degree that we apply the integral method between us. Our success depends on the degree to which we aspire to this, that our efforts will somehow be able to enter the system of creation, and then gradually will enter it.

Therefore, inner work in the system of creation in the connection between us and between all of humanity needs to be primary and the external work needs to be secondary. Then after that, paradoxically, the secondary external system will begin to act since they will require our method. If we work among us in groups in the right form, our actions and efforts will extend into the inner system. Then the people around us will suddenly begin to feel how relationships in couples, in the workplace, internationally, among peoples, and so on, should be organized. This will attract them, they will come to us and will aspire to this.

Do you see how each of us suddenly feels and understands where the origin of this higher knowledge is to be found? I personally searched for truth everywhere until I found it “coincidentally,” as it seemed to me. But the truth is that nothing is coincidental in this world since from our side there is some kind of distinct desire to bring ourselves out of depression from a blind alley; it seems there is everything, but there is nothing, on one hand.

On the other hand, my teachers Baal HaSulam and Rabash tried to disseminate. So it happened that I was influenced by this inner force that they tried to insert into the system of creation. Therefore, I advanced towards them like a charge in an electromagnetic field advances toward its origin. So it is for each of us.

We must understand that the main thing is unity between us. We dedicate much time and effort to dissemination, but the main thing is dissemination between us. The groups are now essentially involved with external dissemination.

But unless we are ready for internal dissemination, we will not get anywhere. In the spiritual world, everything is interconnected: In the beginning of the action is its end, and in the end, the beginning. The opportunity was given to us to reach the method of correction, the ascent, because the rest of humanity requires this. In an integral system you require others—each requires all and all require each—you see this is an analog system mutually connected, so we have no other choice. It is even forbidden for us to think in an individual form.

If we are detached from spiritual thoughts, immediately we must think about closeness between us, meaning the basis, the bedrock, upon which our dream can be realized, a higher state. We have to think of the matter: where it will manifest itself, in what medium. The carrier is our common connection between us. So it will be with the entire world.
From the Convention in Krasnoyarsk 6/13/13, Lesson 2

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Two States

Dr. Michael LaitmanQuestion: It is very important for us to transform the inner states rapidly. State number one is: “There is none else besides Him.” And what is the second state? There must be at least two if there is a change of states.

Answer: In contrast to the state of “There is none else besides Him,” its opposite is found, my ego. What else can there be?

You are like Moses found between the Creator and Pharaoh and both are plagued by it. The Creator says to him, “Go to Pharaoh.” And he, the poor man, stands unable to decide, “Where am I going? Where are you taking me to this gigantic snake?” The Creator intentionally pushes Moshe towards the ego because it is only when you face it that you need the Creator. This means that the Creator pushes us into an abyss so that we will be caught there. This is all the work in exile from spirituality since we are detached from the oneness of the Creator.

The state of “There is none else besides Him” is not happiness but immense tension, so as not to fall and open this state further, for the moment that you leave Him, that’s it! He disappears.

Therefore, I wish you to be only in a single state like this all the time. There is no need for a second state because you see it is contrary to the first, everything is disconnected within it, you don’t see anyone or anything managing our world, so you begin to invent something by yourself.

In order to discover “There is none else besides Him” it is necessary to use the principle, “If I am not for myself who will be for me”.

Question: Actually we pass through a multitude of different states….

Answer: There is no multitude of states. There is either the Creator or myself. There are no other states! Who establishes the state? Either I understand, see clearly, and feel clearly in every one of my cells that everything around me is the Creator or I think that everything depends on me and a few other sources. One of the two! There cannot be three. It is either the ego or the Creator.

Question: Which is to say if I hold onto the Creator like a leech, then nothing else concerns me and I don’t replace this state with anything?

Answer: It is not that nothing concerns me. There is a constant tension that doesn’t allow you to let go, don’t miss, don’t miss, and don’t miss. But if the group helps you this becomes a pleasant journey because together with the others when everyone helps, everyone acts, everyone awakens, then you are freed from tension.

Anyway, you cannot hold onto a position in this state by yourself. But when the group encompasses you, then your shared work begins. And the Creator, instead of personally illuminating you with some very small ray of Light, begins to be revealed between you as a whole range of feelings like a sea overflowing its banks.

And you begin to play with this level of power between you. But this is already an easy game. It is difficult only as long as you are individually held by the Creator. But when you feel Him among you, already you begin to play with this characteristic: how it can be increased, how its form can be changed; it’s in your hands.
From the Convention In Krasnoyarsk 6/14/13, Lesson 3 

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Pain As A Lever For Ascending

Dr. Michael LaitmanQuestion: Why has the Creator based our whole life on suffering? It says that only the heroes who had the patience, which means who held on, finally discover the Creator. It turns out that a person still suffers even after he comes to study.

Answer: A person doesn’t suffer less in ordinary life when he has to work. Every morning I see my neighbor, who is a professional and not a poor man, take his kid to kindergarten at six o’clock in the morning and then go to work. He comes home late in the evening and then goes out again, thus spending the whole day outside his home. How much time does he have to live? After all, he has to sleep, eat, and take a shower, how many hours are left? Isn’t that a life of suffering?

But since this kind of life is the norm, he doesn’t feel any suffering, he is even proud of it and feels that he is a success. He pays so dearly for this hard life, but on the whole what does he get? He works his whole life to suffer less, and he has offspring who will also lead the same life, if not worse, so what is the meaning of such a life?

A person who begins to study the wisdom of Kabbalah doesn’t suffer. He knows that he is correcting his soul. In his ordinary life he worked for some boss not even knowing why. He lived since he was afraid to die and so he paid in pain in order to sustain his life. By studying the wisdom of Kabbalah, a person doesn’t pay in pain but feels pain while correcting his soul. This pain is the feeling of the illness inside his soul that shows him exactly where it needs to be corrected. So this is beneficial pain since it reveals the place of corruption.

I have to be glad about this pain, as Baal HaSulam says: “I am glad about the wicked that are revealed” since now I finally know what needs to be corrected. People pay a lot of money in order to get the right diagnosis for their illness: They go to experts and are screened by special equipment since the most important thing is to know what I suffer from. Sometimes when you don’t feel pain it is even worse.

Here however, I am shown the reason for my sufferings! In medicine the right diagnosis is considered 90% of a successful treatment, while in our case it is 100% since I know exactly what my evil is and immediately find a cure.

In our world you don’t know if you can find the right cure after a diagnosis, but in the spiritual world the diagnosis is an immediate guarantee for a cure. The same snake that is revealed turns into the cure, the “angel of death” becomes the “Holy angel.”

The moment we discover the pain, we find the cure for it in the pain itself. It says: “I have created the evil inclination, I have created the Torah as a spice since the Light in it reforms.” The same Light that reveals the snake turns it into a “Holy angel.

So for us pain is a sign of illness, we want the pain to be revealed so that it will be a lever for ascending, a leap to the spiritual level.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/06/13, Writings of Rabash

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Two Behind One Wheel

Dr. Michael LaitmanQuestion: Suppose I invest all possible efforts in getting close to my wife, yet I don’t find reciprocity from her. Is there some kind of limit to this when I can say that according to how my partner reacts it is worthwhile for me to stop and wait?

Answer: I must help my partner, not just stopping my attempts deciding that I have already tried enough and now I can relax. I simply understand that in a better relationship I would pamper her too much and weaken her, she couldn’t tolerate a good relationship like this from me and remain balanced.

Even while I stop myself from showing excessive kindness and love, I do this out of love. As with children, it is impossible to be too good to them without spoiling them through over-indulgence.

It is necessary to basically consider that we are all “beasts”; we all must work on ourselves to become human. This is possible only through reciprocal work in the family, and then in the whole society.

Question: What is considered a good result here?

Answer: It is possible to be satisfied with the result if we start to feel each other. I no longer approach my wife as if I am travelling in a car to a distant destination; rather, we are found next to each other and turn the steering wheel together. We need to feel that we have common desires, hers and mine, and we both manage them. Our two egos, mine and hers, remain below, while our shared desire to bestow to each other, is found above. We are like two scientists, like two humans, working together on our “beast”.
From KabTV’s “A New Life #46” 8/01/12

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Brazilians Want Bread Instead Of Games

Dr. Michael LaitmanIn the News (from BBC News): “As many as 200,000 people have marched through the streets of Brazil’s biggest cities, as protests over rising public transport costs and the expense of staging the 2014 World Cup have spread.

“‘For many years, the government has been feeding corruption, people are demonstrating against the system,’ Graciela Cacador told Reuters news agency.

“Others complained about vast sums of money spent on hosting the 2014 World Cup and the 2016 Olympics instead of being invested in health and education.

“This is a communal cry saying: ‘We’re not satisfied!,’ Maria Claudia Cardoso told the Associated Press news agency.

“‘We don’t have good schools for our kids. Our hospitals are in awful shape. Corruption is rife. These protests will make history and wake our politicians up to the fact we’re not taking it anymore,’ she said.

“‘We need better education, hospitals and security, not billions spent on the World Cup,’ said one mother who attended the Sao Paulo march with her daughter.”

My Comment: “Without bread there is no Torah.” When the income level of families fall below the minimum cost of living, the “red light” flashes in their head, and they want to survive, not to have fun. But the modern state structure will not be able to create the distribution system that guarantees the minimum cost of living. Without integral education, no one is ready: neither the officials, the givers, nor citizens, the recipients.

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Working With The Right Line

Dr. Michael LaitmanQuestion: How is it possible to understand that I am found in the right line? How long can this feeling continue and at what moment does the rejection into the left side occur?

Answer: The expression of being found in the right line is a feeling of joy, happiness, security, spiritual elevation, and a mutual yearning for this. A feeling of good energy is the right line. It is impossible to cry and be thankful simultaneously.

Theoretically, we can advance in the right line only by constantly growing, extending, and expanding in connection with the friends, the group, bestowal, and love. But in practice, this is impossible. In spite of it all, we are not that strong.

In practice weakness, laziness, and so forth comes, we leave the right line and are thrown into the left. For the sake of the work, the ego enters, drawing us to the “left,” to comfort, relaxation, and letting go. We no longer want anything, we begin to criticize others and no longer want to work with the group, with the friends. It is apparently necessary to leave this state, but we don’t succeed in doing this.

What can one do? In a situation like this, the group needs to “shake and squeeze” us. It needs to declare: “You must leave this state!” It must agitate a friend in this manner to influence him with the power of persuasion and joy, with everything possible, just so he will not remain in a descent and will leave this critical state.

It is necessary to understand that if a person falls, his departure and descent from this fall depends on the group. The group must try to help him at least twice. If the group works on the friend for a particular time and there is no result, then it is necessary to let him rest; after a number of days the group can seriously begin to take care of him again. If they don’t succeed again, only then are they allowed to let him go, but he can also remain.

Question: Will there be a time when we become so strong that we can all advance together in the “right line”?

Answer: To advance together in the right line is our goal. It is necessary to work on this. For when we are found in the right line we attract the Light, the power of bestowal, maximally, we constantly thank the Creator and we are welcomed by Him. But this is only on the condition that there is serious cooperative work, because in general we become weaker in these states, we begin to enjoy our sensations, and this is liable to lead to a descent.

When we are found in the right line, we need to say to ourselves we are enjoying the friends and in this way, we are giving pleasure and delight to the Creator. If I hold on to my yearning for the Creator through the friends, then I will not fall.
From the Convention In Krasnoyarsk Day One 6/14/13, Lesson 2

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