The Shared Space In Which A Family Is Born

Dr. Michael LaitmanQuestion: What are the phases we have to go through in establishing the relations in the family until we reach the complete unity?

Answer: First I need the help of my wife, which is called “help against,” so I can examine myself and unite and explore one another as much as possible. I have to discover that I see the other as a distorted figure that the ego depicts for me. This is the psychology that we have to learn; this is how we have to educate everyone so that they can be mature adults who understand their own feelings and special attributes. Then a person will be able to use all his special attributes correctly in the connections with his or her partner.

First you build a relationship with your wife, drawing her picture and your picture and decide to what extent you can enter into it and to what extent she can enter yours, and where you meet. You start from the basic understanding that you are two egoists facing one another separated by an infinite distance. Now each one has to leave his starting point and start getting closer to his or her partner.

The closer I get to the other side, the further away I get from my natural basic point, and the more difficult it is for me to advance. It is also increasingly more difficult for my wife as she remains with her “self.” We have to thank one another for these efforts, and so we will be able to advance closer towards one another. All this happens thanks to our mutual concessions until we reach an inner connection.

This is the point of contact for which we are ready to give up our own base and connect. To connect means that I receive from my wife what is essential for her according to her character, so that it becomes essential for me. Thus the contact is created between us, a connection, mutual incorporation. There are protrusions and indentations in each of us by which we connect.

What is important for my wife should also be important for me, and she does the same with regard to me so that a shared space is created between us. Working in this space, thanks to our efforts to hold on to the connection in different states, helps us connect. This shared space is called a couple.

There are huge spaces besides this shared space that belong only to me or to her. It is like two intersecting circles with a common area between them in which each receives the other’s desires as if they were more important to him than his own desires.

The Shared Space In Which A Family Is Born

I see that there is no choice and that these are my wife’s needs. What should I do with the areas that are still separated from one another? We will have to work on them by clarifying them and with common efforts we do all that in our desire to create one whole from the two of us.

The Shared Space In Which A Family Is Born

If we know how to unite into one whole in the family, then we will also succeed in larger external circles, and even more external circles, until the whole world becomes one person. Then there will not be a global integral crisis. There is plenty of everything in the world, but we have developed in the wrong direction. Instead of developing everything for the good of man, we have acted to harm him. It is like a couple locked in an apartment unable get along and so they are ready to burn everything out of their mutual hate; it is the same situation and the same problem.
From a “Talk About a New Life” 7/25/12

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