Entries in the 'Children' Category

Youth Antisocial Behavior: Is There A Solution?

Recent times has seen waves of tragic events around the world. One of the saddest tendencies is mass shootings in the US, many of which have been carried out by the young generation.

What makes a person kill at such an early age?

We live in an information society. While parents work hard 24/7 to run for the recent innovations, children are left home alone with their phones and dozens of informational channels constantly influencing them. However, all these channels don’t give them a real sensation of being here and now, being loved, being taken care of. Therefore, first, antisocial behavior is the way to attract attention to themselves, to be seen.

However, if we look closer, we’ll see that the problem is rooted much deeper. According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, today, humanity in general reaches a point where it needs to start developing greater awareness of the nature enveloping it: the force of love and bestowal.

The younger generation, especially teenagers, feel this necessity the most. It is expressed in such questions as: “What is the meaning of life?” “How can I turn my useless existence into something great and valuable?” “How can I become needed by my parents /friends/society?” Children ask these questions and, unfortunately, don’t get answers. They are not stupid, they are not criminals, this is just how the inner pressure affects them, and they have no method of how to deal with it.

Therefore, in order to prevent today’s youth from supporting different kinds of antisocial behavior, society itself must teach them how to exit the false paradigm of this world, how to understand reality, deal with influences of the information society, and uncover the meaning of life – the entrance to the upper world and higher existence.

Test Tube Babies

Dr. Michael LaitmanFrom My Facebook Page Michael Laitman 1/27/20

Stanford University professor Hank Greely thinks that in 20-30 years people will be choosing children from a laboratory.

“How Parents Can Prevent Their Children Cutting Them Off” (KabNet)

KabNet published my new article: “How Parents Can Prevent Their Children Cutting Them Off

When my late mother lived alone in her older years in Canada, I did everything I could to find her the best place to live.

My son, who also lives in Canada, would send me pictures and videos of her, as he was well aware of my concern for her, and regularly updated how she was getting along and felt. This continued until the very day he sadly informed me of her passing.

Today, there is a phenomenon where adult children cut off their parents. Sometimes it is due to physical or emotional abuse they suffered in childhood, but it is also often related simply to money. The older children feel that their parents fail to provide them with the money they wanted or expected, and so the children scrap the parents from their lives, cutting them off from their grandchildren as well, sometimes to such extremes where they even tell their children that their grandparents are dead.

“It is our duty to our children to sustain a parallel relationship of being both their friends and their teachers.”

Over the years, I have closely observed how my wife raises our children. She made it clear to them that they could get everything they needed from us. Every cent we earned was for them, and this is also how it is today when they are grownups with families. Also, we have organized our savings and assets to be handed over to them when we leave the world. They are well aware of our investment in them, and how much we sacrifice for them, and they also discuss it openly among themselves.

At the same time, they have never been spoiled. It has always been made clear to them that they had to pay for everything they received in one way or another. For instance, we paid for their university studies monetarily, and they had to “pay” for those same studies with their full investment and focus.

It is very likely that this is an outcome of the culture we were raised in. Nevertheless, however, it is a healthy and correct approach. Both of my daughters completed their national service, and each served the full two years. My point is that my children have always received my full support, but also a deliberate hand, which demands accountability, responsibility and effort.

It is our duty to our children to sustain a parallel relationship of being both their friends and their teachers. With such an approach, we prevent an attitude forming toward us as being something to use and discard of, i.e., where they perceive their parents as a mere ATM machine and a kitchen.

This is why it is beneficial for parents to spend time with their children: to talk with them, listen to them, and do the things that they enjoy doing together, i.e., becoming friends to a certain extent. Also, the children need to have a certain extent of fear in losing their parents’ positive attitude toward them if the children display contempt and laziness.

Such a relationship prevents any desire for children to cut their parents out of their lives. Why would anyone want to abandon anything that provides a sensation of confidence, security, safety, empowerment and warmth in their lives, especially in today’s turbulent times?

Our parents can be the closest people in our lives. Even today, I see my wife behaving similarly with our grandchildren. They get along very well, openly and honestly discussing everything together.

Education is conducted not by words, but by sensation. When children are impressed by a genuine person-to-person relationship, it is recorded in their hearts, and they naturally emulate it in their relationships with others.

The examples we receive at home as we grow up later affect our every relationship in life. The general principle is as follows:

  • the way that you relate to your parents is the way that your children will relate to you,
  • the way that you relate to your siblings is the way that your children will relate to each other, and
  • the way that you relate to your children is the way that they will relate to their children.

How To Fix Damaged Relationships?

laitman_961.2Question: Damaged relationships spoil people’s entire life, they can be confusing because of little misunderstandings. What is the right thing to do to prevent resentment, damaged relationships, and to improve them?

Psychologists give the following recommendations: Try to understand the point of view of the colleague. The result of an action is not always intentional. The difficulty with some micro-manifestations is that we all apply different standards to their assessment.

Answer: Where are the standards? The standard is mine—how I see others and compare myself with them or how I see myself and compare them with me. This is completely wrong. It is like taking a dress and putting it on. If I wear it, my stomach and my thin arms and legs will stick out, and the dress will look ugly to me.

There are no common standards. There can be only one standard—for the benefit of one’s neighbor. That’s all. I perceive no one in any way, neither myself nor anyone else. I am only interested in one thing: if some situations occur, whether they occur for the benefit of man.

By man I mean all of humanity, the general image of a person. In no way do I consider anyone specific or I most definitely will be lost.

Question: How can we understand correctly the point of view of the other person, whether it is right or not?

Answer: I cannot understand another person. How can I understand him? How can I exit myself in order to understand the other?

No, we simply need to act in a way that is good for the other person, for anyone. That is, except for my survival necessities, in everything else that depends on me, I must act for the sake of others.

This is natural. Very often we, as a result of our habits, make some movements, gestures, or utter some words, phrases that might seem even offensive to others.

We might not even feel and understand that. It is necessary to tune the heart. The heart should be adjusted to kindness toward others. All the rest will not work at all.

If a person is cordially attuned to the other, then it will be interpreted correctly. Even if he said something wrong, somehow could not express himself, the other person will feel that.

Aim the heart toward the other person, toward all people, toward the good. We need to get used to it. We need to educate ourselves for this. It is necessary that the same attitude be maintained by the environment and the surrounding society. Everything will then be good.
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From Kab TV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 7/14/19

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Family And Marriage, Part 6

laitman_600.04Time and Love for Children

Question: Do I understand correctly that nature instinctively instilled love for children in us only so that we would learn to treat other people the same way?

Answer: Yes and no. Over time, love for children will change. It is already changing. Today, people relate to children differently than before.

Throughout all generations there has been a draw, caring, and love for children, but all this is changing.

Since our desire, understanding of the world, and method of communicating with the outside world are changing, naturally, the attitude toward children as a part of the world is changing too.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah,” 1/1/19

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Why Do Children Take Drugs?

laitman_961.1Question: Eleven-year-old girls in Berlin take ecstasy. An increase in the number of adolescents and children who abuse drugs has been recorded. This is of concern to both politicians and scientists.

When people take these drugs, they become sociable, feel like they are in love, and are more open to others. However, when the effect ends, they feel irritable, depressed, a loss of  strength and concentration. Such a “hangover” after taking the pills can last several days.

At the same time, a drug-related environment is growing in Berlin. You can go to a place where drugs can be tested for purity, and cleaned so as to avoid death.

These are eleven-year-old children! These are fourth graders. Where does such a craving for drugs come from in kids?

Answer: A young person wants to feel good and interesting. The world becomes good around him; something that he really lacks. The world becomes cheerful; something that is not in this world. The world is becoming friendly, which really it never is. He builds his world with this pill.

It is very hard for them. If some time ago people were in the ranks, and it satisfied them, they worked hard, and this put them in their place. However, the younger generation is unlike that, it does not want that. It wants to feel good in this particular way. Generations pass, and the German spirit is changing.

15% of Germany, France, and the UK are immigrants. This means that the social atmosphere is changing at a breakneck pace. The young generation of German children have to somehow adapt to this. They are taught, they are told, and they themselves see that they must somehow perceive the world that adults have made for them. This is not the same Europe anymore.

Question: You said that children are looking for a way out of themselves in order to leave the closed world they are in. How can I do that? What does the wisdom of Kabbalah say about this?

Answer: Kabbalah says that we have to make them a happy childhood. Adults need to try very hard to make this happen. We have to know how to do it, and they don’t.

Question: How can we do it?

Answer: By being connected through good relationships, and then, on this basis, create an atmosphere for children where they feel good, so that at eleven years old they would want to play among themselves, and not plunge into their world of illusion.

People have to build a society, but they do not. They obey multiculturalism and liberalism. The result is that they simply lose themselves and the next generation.

Interactions between people are something that they lack, and so they run away to pills.

We are present now at the rebirth of a generation. There was a generation of computers, then a generation of phones, and now this is already going to the next level.

Question: Scientists say that we live in a time that is lightning fast. Every second people send sixty million messages on social networks. If earlier, we perceived several frames per minute when we watched a movie, now we perceive several dozens. That is, we have become absolutely impatient.

Children apparently also want the result, they are perhaps unconsciously striving for, here and now. How can we overcome this impatience? In general, does impatience somehow help in our fast-paced time?

Answer: I disbelieve all of this because in the end a person needs to experience the fulfillment of his desires and feelings. He thinks he will fill it with a number of frames per second. It will not happen. He thinks that he will fill himself with the fact that he will travel around the world, forget himself, and feast his eyes—this will also end.

All this gradually ends. In addition, the crisis will not allow us to turn around the world this way and do what we want. A huge crisis is approaching, and I hope that it puts us all in our place.

Question: How can I replace an ecstasy pill with a spiritual “pill”—a “pill” of losing my temper?

Answer: Replacing with a spiritual “pill,” of course would be nice, but for this you and I will have to work very hard. We will have to spread this knowledge about the possibility of going out of ourselves into much higher spheres than ecstasy, telephones, computers, and so on.

The human being is practically unlimited in his comprehension, in his development, a sense of eternity and the perfection of nature. We have to show him that this is possible. We have to develop in him the opportunity to feel the upper world literally in childhood. I hope that we will live to see it.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 7/14/19

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Five Kinds Of Love

laitman_258Remark: People perceive the attitude of others differently. Gary Chapman, a relationship consultant and the author of the book The Five Love Languages, five million copies of which were sold, describes the different approaches and perceptions of each type of person, the way they perceive love.

He says that there are five kinds of love.

The first is when people like words. When love is expressed by words of encouragement, support, and praise.

My Comment: Usually, women and little children like this.

Remark: The other kind of love is “time.” Here, on the contrary, words are not needed. You need to spend time with a person, to pay attention to him, to be with him, and so on.

My Comment: Time itself arranges everything between them. Time affects everyone. As the saying goes: “Time is a great healer.” Things change over time.

Remark: There is a kind of love called “touch.” That is, people like tactile sensations: when they are hugged, stroked, and they experience positive emotions from this,

My Comment: Everybody likes that: children, women, animals, and even men.

Remark: The next kind of love is “gifts.” Every little thing matters such as a trinket, a treat, a note, some kind of surprise, or something unexpected.

And the fifth kind of love is “help.” Do something for the other, express your attention by actions, iron a shirt, clean floors, cook supper, or just help with something.

Scientists say that conflicts in couples arise due to the lack of understanding. If I want to hear nice, pleasant words and the other person wants an ironed shirt or to spend time together, we have a conflict, we simply do not understand each other. That is, conflicts arise precisely because of misunderstanding.

My Comment: It depends on the consumer, so to say, with whom I am dealing.

I cannot give ironed diapers to a child and win his love by this; he will not understand. Even if I give him some tasty, good food. He needs a special warmth, special treatment, and assurance.

If I deal with an animal, I must treat it on its level so that it will feel that it can trust me, that I am its owner, I protect it, feed it, give it water, and look after it. That is, I am its big companion and friend.

If we are talking about the friendly love between men, then first of all, this means supporting and understanding each other.

If it is love between a man and a woman, then everything goes: anything a man likes and anything a woman likes. And one does not like what the other one likes. However, if they understand what the other likes, they can arrange themselves in such a way that they will enjoy even things they could never imagine and come up with by themselves, but because the other enjoys them.

A woman likes gifts, signs of love, attention, and so on. A man, first of all, likes to be served and fed: “The way to man’s heart is through his stomach.” This is really so, because in regard to communication and especially love, men are more primitive than women. If a woman can in some way remind him of his mother, her attitude toward him, then that is it. He is already following her like a little duckling after the duck.

Remark: We see that over the years relationships between couples develop. First, there is a romantic period, then it transforms into a more complex relationship, and after a number of years they suddenly discover that they do not understand each other and did not understand each other during all these years.

My Comment: In principle, it can be taught. Yet, if there is no such education or these couples are still very young and have no experience, do not know how to protect their relationship, do not know how to forgive and to make an internal compromise without even talking about it and discussing it, then, of course, it is very difficult.

We need to teach this. It is a collective. Man and woman, or in any other combination: man, woman, and a child, or two men, or two women. Any number of people is a collective and it requires a completely different approach than with one person. Here, it is necessary to teach. It is quite complicated.

We see that we do not engage in such work. Even today at school they teach sex and do not teach how to treat the other as a person and not as an object of sexual fulfillment. It is very one-sided, crude, and beastly. It means that there is no education at all.

I remember when I still lived in Leningrad and studied at the faculty of medical cybernetics, we came to the Leningrad maternity hospital number two. There were 400 birthing mothers there. I asked the doctor: “What psychological training do you conduct with them?” He said: “Unfortunately, we do not have such specialists.”

Remark: We see that throughout humanity’s history, love is valued most of all. Poets and writers praise it. People as if follow an elusive dream.

My Comment: They want to sell this elusive dream.

Question: Why does humanity need love?

Answer: Humanity needs love because without it there can be no life on the animate level or on our level.

Even in sex, we see some kind of need for something bigger, although it is purely mechanical and animalistic, for the sake of pleasure at that moment and nothing more.

If sex were only about that, then we would only be mating like animals. But we have a need for warmth and care, for mutual support, the thing we call love.

Love is mutual support. Love is the feeling of being loved, of being taken care of, of being loved just the way you are. These are very serious emotions; animals do not have them. Even in regard to their cubs, animals only have feelings for a short period of time in order to nurse them so that they will not die from hunger, and then they part and never even notice and recognize each other.

Remark: There is always such a moment in love when two people seemingly love each other, but one imagines love in one way and the other one in another way.

My Comment: It is because we do not get an education. Love is a human relationship, a need, an attitude to the other. Therefore, we need to study it and to teach it. It is not sex, but rather the ability to fulfill the inner needs of the other person. It may have nothing to do with sex.

Question: What do we study about love? How to fulfill, how to change my habits in order to treat the other so that it will give him pleasure?

Answer: For that, it is necessary to feel what kind of person he is. This requires a serious mutual work with each other. And do not be shy. “I like when you stroke me.” “And I like it when you smile.” And so on. Explain. Everything is very simple.

“No, I want him to guess!” How can he guess?!

We must understand and openly talk about it and discuss it. Although young people do not like this at all, it seems to them that everything should be spontaneous, simple, and immediate. A person is a very complex, multifaceted animal.

Question: What is the key you would give people for the law of love that will help them in relationships in any situation?

Answer: In any situation, the first thing is to concede, as my teacher said. Love is an animal that is next to you and you must feed it with mutual concessions.

It is in a woman’s nature to adapt to a man. I do not belittle her for this in any way, on the contrary. She is wise. After all, she gives birth. She has to create a certain environment in order to raise children, and so on. That is, nature gave her such capabilities.

Man is very primitive. He just needs to be reminded a little bit of the things he received from his mother and he will be running after you like a little child after his mother. That is all.

I recommend to all the women: go to his mother and start asking what food he likes, what kind of service, and everything around him. The mother will be very pleased! She will understand that this is really the woman that will be able to replace her.

This is a very simple, primitive system of relations: to think only how to give pleasure to another, at least somewhat, just a little. However, this already requires wisdom, experience, and understanding of human psychology.

Good luck in love!
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From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman,” 12/19/18

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Imperfection Is Not A Hindrance

525Remark: Almost everyone of us wants to be good and strives to always be the best. Scientists claim that it takes courage to be imperfect.

My Comment: One who is always checking: Are you not bad; are you worse than others, etc.? This is an unhappy person. He does not rejoice in himself, but looks at everything only in comparison to others. Nothing good will come of it because we are all different.

It is possible to compare only if all my parameters coincide with all the parameters of another person and yet he is more successful than I am. But if we are different, then what is there to compare?

Let us assume that my parameters are worse in some way and the other person’s parameters are better in some way, or vice versa. Naturally, there will be differences. So what? In this case, they say: “Go to the craftsman who made me.” It does not depend on you.

Remark: Scientists claim that behind the desire to be good is caring for one’s own prestige.

My Comment: Naturally.

Remark: The one who is really worried about others will not waste valuable time to find out whether he is good or bad. He is simply not interested in it.

My Comment: Absolutely. Does he do it for the good of others or not?

Remark: It is stated here that he acts for his own good.

My Comment: So, it means that all this is vicious and nothing good will come of it in the end. One should only develop in the direction of a bigger benefit for others.

Question: What benefit does this bring a person?

Answer: That which he reveals to the Creator because there is no other good for people. Only to reveal the Creator to them.

What does it mean? To show them that there is a goal that must be achieved and help them in this. That is all, nothing more. Do not to think about yourself. It feels so comfortable, calm, and good.

Only when you think of others—a very good life. This is the most reliable, the best, and the most beneficial thing that a person can do—to help others reach the Creator.

This is the best state, when it does not matter what happens to you. The main thing is that you devote yourself to this craft.
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From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman,” 6/25/19

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New Life #284 – The Evolution Of Emotions

New Life #284 – The Evolution Of Emotions
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

Emotions are a part of our desire to experience pleasure and evolve from the level of animal to the level of human or Adam. The mind or brain helps us fulfill our evolving emotional desires. We desire food, sex, and family within our animalistic bodies and money, honor, and knowledge in a more abstract way. The development of knowledge brings pain rather than pleasure as the masses begin to question what they are living for and can no longer find fulfillment. A growing sense of emptiness and depression pushes us toward the attainment of the upper degree. We experience the greatest pleasure when we rise above our own lives and attain the root or source of all life.
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From Kab TV’s “New Life #284 – The Evolution Of Emotions,” 1/7/14

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New Life #1154 – Experiences In Life

New Life #1154 – Experiences in Life
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

The ultimate experience is to discover the Creator, the upper force, which is the source of all reality. It is worthwhile to prepare and educate children before they go through experiences and summarize afterward so they can learn how to protect themselves. They need special treatment as they go through traumatic events like domestic violence. These days, people are constantly seeking out new thrills; however, the wisdom of Kabbalah raises us to a higher degree so that worldly experiences become like a grain of sand. In the process of spiritual development, our soul becomes our guide to attaining the truth and perfection of the upper world.
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From KabTV’s “New Life #1154 – Experiences in Life,” 8/13/19

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