Entries in the 'Children' Category

Family And Marriage, Part 6

laitman_600.04Time and Love for Children

Question: Do I understand correctly that nature instinctively instilled love for children in us only so that we would learn to treat other people the same way?

Answer: Yes and no. Over time, love for children will change. It is already changing. Today, people relate to children differently than before.

Throughout all generations there has been a draw, caring, and love for children, but all this is changing.

Since our desire, understanding of the world, and method of communicating with the outside world are changing, naturally, the attitude toward children as a part of the world is changing too.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah,” 1/1/19

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Why Do Children Take Drugs?

laitman_961.1Question: Eleven-year-old girls in Berlin take ecstasy. An increase in the number of adolescents and children who abuse drugs has been recorded. This is of concern to both politicians and scientists.

When people take these drugs, they become sociable, feel like they are in love, and are more open to others. However, when the effect ends, they feel irritable, depressed, a loss of  strength and concentration. Such a “hangover” after taking the pills can last several days.

At the same time, a drug-related environment is growing in Berlin. You can go to a place where drugs can be tested for purity, and cleaned so as to avoid death.

These are eleven-year-old children! These are fourth graders. Where does such a craving for drugs come from in kids?

Answer: A young person wants to feel good and interesting. The world becomes good around him; something that he really lacks. The world becomes cheerful; something that is not in this world. The world is becoming friendly, which really it never is. He builds his world with this pill.

It is very hard for them. If some time ago people were in the ranks, and it satisfied them, they worked hard, and this put them in their place. However, the younger generation is unlike that, it does not want that. It wants to feel good in this particular way. Generations pass, and the German spirit is changing.

15% of Germany, France, and the UK are immigrants. This means that the social atmosphere is changing at a breakneck pace. The young generation of German children have to somehow adapt to this. They are taught, they are told, and they themselves see that they must somehow perceive the world that adults have made for them. This is not the same Europe anymore.

Question: You said that children are looking for a way out of themselves in order to leave the closed world they are in. How can I do that? What does the wisdom of Kabbalah say about this?

Answer: Kabbalah says that we have to make them a happy childhood. Adults need to try very hard to make this happen. We have to know how to do it, and they don’t.

Question: How can we do it?

Answer: By being connected through good relationships, and then, on this basis, create an atmosphere for children where they feel good, so that at eleven years old they would want to play among themselves, and not plunge into their world of illusion.

People have to build a society, but they do not. They obey multiculturalism and liberalism. The result is that they simply lose themselves and the next generation.

Interactions between people are something that they lack, and so they run away to pills.

We are present now at the rebirth of a generation. There was a generation of computers, then a generation of phones, and now this is already going to the next level.

Question: Scientists say that we live in a time that is lightning fast. Every second people send sixty million messages on social networks. If earlier, we perceived several frames per minute when we watched a movie, now we perceive several dozens. That is, we have become absolutely impatient.

Children apparently also want the result, they are perhaps unconsciously striving for, here and now. How can we overcome this impatience? In general, does impatience somehow help in our fast-paced time?

Answer: I disbelieve all of this because in the end a person needs to experience the fulfillment of his desires and feelings. He thinks he will fill it with a number of frames per second. It will not happen. He thinks that he will fill himself with the fact that he will travel around the world, forget himself, and feast his eyes—this will also end.

All this gradually ends. In addition, the crisis will not allow us to turn around the world this way and do what we want. A huge crisis is approaching, and I hope that it puts us all in our place.

Question: How can I replace an ecstasy pill with a spiritual “pill”—a “pill” of losing my temper?

Answer: Replacing with a spiritual “pill,” of course would be nice, but for this you and I will have to work very hard. We will have to spread this knowledge about the possibility of going out of ourselves into much higher spheres than ecstasy, telephones, computers, and so on.

The human being is practically unlimited in his comprehension, in his development, a sense of eternity and the perfection of nature. We have to show him that this is possible. We have to develop in him the opportunity to feel the upper world literally in childhood. I hope that we will live to see it.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 7/14/19

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Five Kinds Of Love

laitman_258Remark: People perceive the attitude of others differently. Gary Chapman, a relationship consultant and the author of the book The Five Love Languages, five million copies of which were sold, describes the different approaches and perceptions of each type of person, the way they perceive love.

He says that there are five kinds of love.

The first is when people like words. When love is expressed by words of encouragement, support, and praise.

My Comment: Usually, women and little children like this.

Remark: The other kind of love is “time.” Here, on the contrary, words are not needed. You need to spend time with a person, to pay attention to him, to be with him, and so on.

My Comment: Time itself arranges everything between them. Time affects everyone. As the saying goes: “Time is a great healer.” Things change over time.

Remark: There is a kind of love called “touch.” That is, people like tactile sensations: when they are hugged, stroked, and they experience positive emotions from this,

My Comment: Everybody likes that: children, women, animals, and even men.

Remark: The next kind of love is “gifts.” Every little thing matters such as a trinket, a treat, a note, some kind of surprise, or something unexpected.

And the fifth kind of love is “help.” Do something for the other, express your attention by actions, iron a shirt, clean floors, cook supper, or just help with something.

Scientists say that conflicts in couples arise due to the lack of understanding. If I want to hear nice, pleasant words and the other person wants an ironed shirt or to spend time together, we have a conflict, we simply do not understand each other. That is, conflicts arise precisely because of misunderstanding.

My Comment: It depends on the consumer, so to say, with whom I am dealing.

I cannot give ironed diapers to a child and win his love by this; he will not understand. Even if I give him some tasty, good food. He needs a special warmth, special treatment, and assurance.

If I deal with an animal, I must treat it on its level so that it will feel that it can trust me, that I am its owner, I protect it, feed it, give it water, and look after it. That is, I am its big companion and friend.

If we are talking about the friendly love between men, then first of all, this means supporting and understanding each other.

If it is love between a man and a woman, then everything goes: anything a man likes and anything a woman likes. And one does not like what the other one likes. However, if they understand what the other likes, they can arrange themselves in such a way that they will enjoy even things they could never imagine and come up with by themselves, but because the other enjoys them.

A woman likes gifts, signs of love, attention, and so on. A man, first of all, likes to be served and fed: “The way to man’s heart is through his stomach.” This is really so, because in regard to communication and especially love, men are more primitive than women. If a woman can in some way remind him of his mother, her attitude toward him, then that is it. He is already following her like a little duckling after the duck.

Remark: We see that over the years relationships between couples develop. First, there is a romantic period, then it transforms into a more complex relationship, and after a number of years they suddenly discover that they do not understand each other and did not understand each other during all these years.

My Comment: In principle, it can be taught. Yet, if there is no such education or these couples are still very young and have no experience, do not know how to protect their relationship, do not know how to forgive and to make an internal compromise without even talking about it and discussing it, then, of course, it is very difficult.

We need to teach this. It is a collective. Man and woman, or in any other combination: man, woman, and a child, or two men, or two women. Any number of people is a collective and it requires a completely different approach than with one person. Here, it is necessary to teach. It is quite complicated.

We see that we do not engage in such work. Even today at school they teach sex and do not teach how to treat the other as a person and not as an object of sexual fulfillment. It is very one-sided, crude, and beastly. It means that there is no education at all.

I remember when I still lived in Leningrad and studied at the faculty of medical cybernetics, we came to the Leningrad maternity hospital number two. There were 400 birthing mothers there. I asked the doctor: “What psychological training do you conduct with them?” He said: “Unfortunately, we do not have such specialists.”

Remark: We see that throughout humanity’s history, love is valued most of all. Poets and writers praise it. People as if follow an elusive dream.

My Comment: They want to sell this elusive dream.

Question: Why does humanity need love?

Answer: Humanity needs love because without it there can be no life on the animate level or on our level.

Even in sex, we see some kind of need for something bigger, although it is purely mechanical and animalistic, for the sake of pleasure at that moment and nothing more.

If sex were only about that, then we would only be mating like animals. But we have a need for warmth and care, for mutual support, the thing we call love.

Love is mutual support. Love is the feeling of being loved, of being taken care of, of being loved just the way you are. These are very serious emotions; animals do not have them. Even in regard to their cubs, animals only have feelings for a short period of time in order to nurse them so that they will not die from hunger, and then they part and never even notice and recognize each other.

Remark: There is always such a moment in love when two people seemingly love each other, but one imagines love in one way and the other one in another way.

My Comment: It is because we do not get an education. Love is a human relationship, a need, an attitude to the other. Therefore, we need to study it and to teach it. It is not sex, but rather the ability to fulfill the inner needs of the other person. It may have nothing to do with sex.

Question: What do we study about love? How to fulfill, how to change my habits in order to treat the other so that it will give him pleasure?

Answer: For that, it is necessary to feel what kind of person he is. This requires a serious mutual work with each other. And do not be shy. “I like when you stroke me.” “And I like it when you smile.” And so on. Explain. Everything is very simple.

“No, I want him to guess!” How can he guess?!

We must understand and openly talk about it and discuss it. Although young people do not like this at all, it seems to them that everything should be spontaneous, simple, and immediate. A person is a very complex, multifaceted animal.

Question: What is the key you would give people for the law of love that will help them in relationships in any situation?

Answer: In any situation, the first thing is to concede, as my teacher said. Love is an animal that is next to you and you must feed it with mutual concessions.

It is in a woman’s nature to adapt to a man. I do not belittle her for this in any way, on the contrary. She is wise. After all, she gives birth. She has to create a certain environment in order to raise children, and so on. That is, nature gave her such capabilities.

Man is very primitive. He just needs to be reminded a little bit of the things he received from his mother and he will be running after you like a little child after his mother. That is all.

I recommend to all the women: go to his mother and start asking what food he likes, what kind of service, and everything around him. The mother will be very pleased! She will understand that this is really the woman that will be able to replace her.

This is a very simple, primitive system of relations: to think only how to give pleasure to another, at least somewhat, just a little. However, this already requires wisdom, experience, and understanding of human psychology.

Good luck in love!
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From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman,” 12/19/18

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Imperfection Is Not A Hindrance

525Remark: Almost everyone of us wants to be good and strives to always be the best. Scientists claim that it takes courage to be imperfect.

My Comment: One who is always checking: Are you not bad; are you worse than others, etc.? This is an unhappy person. He does not rejoice in himself, but looks at everything only in comparison to others. Nothing good will come of it because we are all different.

It is possible to compare only if all my parameters coincide with all the parameters of another person and yet he is more successful than I am. But if we are different, then what is there to compare?

Let us assume that my parameters are worse in some way and the other person’s parameters are better in some way, or vice versa. Naturally, there will be differences. So what? In this case, they say: “Go to the craftsman who made me.” It does not depend on you.

Remark: Scientists claim that behind the desire to be good is caring for one’s own prestige.

My Comment: Naturally.

Remark: The one who is really worried about others will not waste valuable time to find out whether he is good or bad. He is simply not interested in it.

My Comment: Absolutely. Does he do it for the good of others or not?

Remark: It is stated here that he acts for his own good.

My Comment: So, it means that all this is vicious and nothing good will come of it in the end. One should only develop in the direction of a bigger benefit for others.

Question: What benefit does this bring a person?

Answer: That which he reveals to the Creator because there is no other good for people. Only to reveal the Creator to them.

What does it mean? To show them that there is a goal that must be achieved and help them in this. That is all, nothing more. Do not to think about yourself. It feels so comfortable, calm, and good.

Only when you think of others—a very good life. This is the most reliable, the best, and the most beneficial thing that a person can do—to help others reach the Creator.

This is the best state, when it does not matter what happens to you. The main thing is that you devote yourself to this craft.
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From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman,” 6/25/19

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New Life #284 – The Evolution Of Emotions

New Life #284 – The Evolution Of Emotions
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

Emotions are a part of our desire to experience pleasure and evolve from the level of animal to the level of human or Adam. The mind or brain helps us fulfill our evolving emotional desires. We desire food, sex, and family within our animalistic bodies and money, honor, and knowledge in a more abstract way. The development of knowledge brings pain rather than pleasure as the masses begin to question what they are living for and can no longer find fulfillment. A growing sense of emptiness and depression pushes us toward the attainment of the upper degree. We experience the greatest pleasure when we rise above our own lives and attain the root or source of all life.
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From Kab TV’s “New Life #284 – The Evolution Of Emotions,” 1/7/14

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New Life #1154 – Experiences In Life

New Life #1154 – Experiences in Life
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

The ultimate experience is to discover the Creator, the upper force, which is the source of all reality. It is worthwhile to prepare and educate children before they go through experiences and summarize afterward so they can learn how to protect themselves. They need special treatment as they go through traumatic events like domestic violence. These days, people are constantly seeking out new thrills; however, the wisdom of Kabbalah raises us to a higher degree so that worldly experiences become like a grain of sand. In the process of spiritual development, our soul becomes our guide to attaining the truth and perfection of the upper world.
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From KabTV’s “New Life #1154 – Experiences in Life,” 8/13/19

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Blitz Of Kabbalah Tips – 3/10/19

laitman_962.3Question: You talk about the education of a single European, a single person. What will be the basis for the upbringing of a new individual? Is Kabbalah the method that you propose? Where is the basis, the concept of your proposed path?

Answer: You just need to open the books of the wisdom of Kabbalah where everything is written, and read them.

Question: Who is the Creator? Something not from this world? So how can one induce Him for anything?

Answer: The Creator is not from this world, that is correct and accurate. He is the highest power of bestowal and love. He can bestow to you only to the degree that you want to instill the properties of bestowal and love in you. If you want to acquire the attitude of love and bestowal toward others, then you must turn to the Creator.

Question: What does the fulfillment of a desire mean?

Answer: The fulfillment of a desire means getting what I want. In our state, all of our desires are egoistic, and therefore, we do not receive their fulfillment. Even if we do get fulfillment, we discover later that we have become even emptier. This teaches us not to want to be fulfilled egotistically.

Question: Could the Jews have awakened without anti-Semitism?

Answer: Certainly not! That is why the Creator urges us to fulfill our destiny by inciting hatred toward Israel.

Question: What should little children of two or three years of age be taught first and foremost?

Answer: At the age of two or three, it is certainly too early to teach them anything. But you can try to teach them to be connected well with others.

Question: How does the Creator respond to your teaching us? Do you feel His response?

Answer: The Creator fully approves of me, He responds very well, and I feel this perfectly. I am not joking! You can do the same and discover it.

Question: I am an artist. Please tell me, why are visual arts necessary and will they be important in the future?

Answer: No, they are not very important and will not be important in the future. This is because people will discover an inner spiritual vision that cannot be expressed in any way but solely and only through our soul.

Question: Why should you care for others if you yourself need love? What I mean is, should I not care about myself first and foremost?

Answer: In this case you will never be able to satisfy yourself and you will never feel love. If you are in need of love, you must love others. Then you will begin to feel love for you.
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From KabTV’s “Answers to Questions from Facebook” 3/10/19

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New Life #1153 – A Puzzle Of Experiences

New Life #1153 – A Puzzle of Experiences
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

Every experience leaves an impression on a person and these accumulate to build his overall outlook on life. Each one goes through his own, egoistic experiences to complete his unique place in the total human mosaic. We were created differently so that we will reach the experience of divinity connected with the upper force of bestowal and love. The experience of divinity is not mystical but the general attachment of all parts of the puzzle into one. That is how we ascend above this world in which everything is felt separately, to eternal unity.
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From KabTV’s “New Life #1153 – A Puzzle of Experiences,” 8/13/19

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How To Raise Children

laitman_543.02Remark: In Japan, any physical punishment of children will soon be banned. The ban on physical punishment of minors applies to parents, social workers, and teachers.

My Comment: How can I express my dissatisfaction with the child’s behavior if it goes beyond what everyone says is acceptable for society, the family, and so on?

Let them give me a full distribution of the influence on children in order to educate them. Because education implies limiting.

You must express your discontent so that the child understands. And he would understand that it is for his benefit. That is, you do it not because you are annoyed and full of nerves, but because you wish for his good. This is of utmost importance in education.

Question: How do you keep in mind that you are not unloading your emotions onto a child?

Answer: To do this, educators must be educated.

Question: That is, you can’t do anything with prohibitions?

Answer: You cannot do anything. So what if there will be the law? What, they will be fined, imprison the parents? It will make such a mess in society.

When the state introduces such a law, and in general any laws, it must necessarily teach how to comply with this law and give it appropriate reinforcement.

Question: What is a proper upbringing?

Answer: It is said: “Man is born to small animals.” Gradually, if we do not educate him, he will become a big animal. In order to educate him, it is necessary to apply a certain pressure—simultaneously with his development.

Letting him know that I am putting pressure on him regarding the animal in him and not about the man in him. I want to develop man, and I want to curb the animal… and the animal is wild.

A child should know that he consists of two parts: good and evil, and we must limit evil.

Remark: I anticipate outraged comments on Twitter …

My Comment: It doesn’t matter. What difference does it make whether or not there are outraged comments? Most importantly, say the truth, and then it will become realized after a while.

Question: So your conclusion is that you need to educate parents and educators?

Answer: Of course. It is necessary to raise parents before raising children. Otherwise, parents will raise their children even worse than themselves.
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From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman,” 4/9/19

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Whom To Leave Billions?

laitman_600.01Remark: The ten richest people in the world are not going to leave their fortune to their children.

My Comment: The custom of leaving possessions to the next generation has become outdated. People understand that it does not give children any happiness.

That is, a child has to be given a good education, and a minimal, normal right to exist, slightly above average. But no more than that. That way the child will make efforts to achieve more. He will also learn to save himself and his family in order to protect himself from all problems. Without this, one will be all over the place and will not know what to do and where to hurry.

It corrupts people. By the way, the Torah says that a father should not tell his son about his wealth and that it will go to his son.

Question: What about the fact that rich people leave their millions to charities?

Answer:  Where else could it be left? People will donate to research and for the ecology, and little by little it will all be gone. There will be all kinds of organizations that will advise about how to divide one’s money, dissolve it in parts, and that is all.

Question: Is giving everything to charities a selfish act? Some people have earned a lot of money.

Answer: Yes, they earned the money, but now, at the end of their lives, they understand that this money cannot be taken with them, that nothing can be done, and no one is eternal. They hope that in this way they will nevertheless leave their name and themselves with humanity. This is some kind of redemption.

Remark: There is a word: “to perpetuate.”

My Comment: Perpetuate, yes. But I do not envy them. If they still hope that this will proved them with some service after they have already parted with this life, then, of course….

Question: It does not serve them? What would serve then?

Answer: I do not want to talk about this. Let them leave their money to charities.🙂

A man has nothing left! Absolutely nothing but good deeds. Good deeds are only in being able to push this world to unite. That is all, just this!

Only this can somehow really be recorded in a person’s soul. When man engages in uniting the world, he engages with his soul, with his inner property. Therefore it remains in him, and death has no power over it.

Question: What kind of action is for the unification of the world?

Answer: It is a mutual desire of people to help each other, even at the earthly level. The most important thing is uniting to reveal the higher mind, the highest property, the highest power, the Creator, the property of love and bestowal.

If they will direct people to this, then it will in fact remain with them and it will be their eternal great contribution to the development of their own souls.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 3/19/19

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