Entries in the 'Children' Category

Turn Your Heart To The Children

547.06Society should properly realize itself relative to the younger generation. It should give them the right example, act it in front of them.

Let us say we are spoiled people, we neglect each other. But we must play like a correct family, in the right relationships with each other, and show the children how much we love them in one case, and in another disapprove of them. All this should be done very gently because we ourselves still need to be educated.

The mass media and all educational institutions should be involved in this. Such educational programs should be specially implemented in schools, kindergartens, and at work. Our most important problem is educating the next generation, the next humanity. If we do it correctly, we will properly educate our children and grandchildren, then they will their own, etc.

The problem of mass education arose for the first time now. We see that we have reached the end of the line, our children are turning completely away from us.

Nevertheless, we are capable to properly educate them. But to do this we need to fully mobilize all our resources and understand that education is the most important thing.

If we do this, then thanks to our children, we will eventually correct ourselves. This is what the Torah says: “You return the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to the fathers.” It is in this way that the children will force us to correct ourselves.

By correcting ourselves for their sake, we will correct them as well, and achieve the correct, normal, good state of all mankind. Then the whole of nature will shine in a different way because a person will enter into harmony, into balance, with it.

I believe that the state we are in today—drugs, depression, suicide, and most importantly the younger generation, which completely disconnects from us and absolutely does not want to deal with us—will force us to rebuild. Not even crises but just this.

As a result, a person will begin to understand that I am nobody, I am alone, I am despised and repelled even by my children. This will be experienced by us very painfully and will force us to turn our hearts to them, as it is said in the Torah.
From KabTV’s “Close-up” 8/19/09

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New Life 1311 – Quarrels Between Siblings

New Life 1311 – Quarrels Between Siblings
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

There cannot be contact and connection without feeling limitations and conflict with others. Siblings don’t feel each other if they don’t quarrel, but they may have difficulties with communication. Fighting over toys is natural between toddlers, and parents should not intervene as long as there is no physical harm. If a child cries to his parents that his sibling has done something to him, the parent can hug him, but shouldn’t take sides.

Quarreling for the sake of harming others is unacceptable, but otherwise it is a part of normal life. Quarrels strengthen the connection and love between us if we know how to rise above the feeling of rejection. Parents should not fight and should play with their children to provide an example of how to behave properly. To sum up, we should let siblings develop freely in order for them to become experienced and wise.
From KabTV’s “New Life 1311 – Quarrels Between Siblings,” 7/4/21

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“Setting Higher Goals For Our Children This Summer” (Linkedin)

My new article on Linkedin “Setting Higher Goals for Our Children This Summer

After a disruptive school year caused by Covid restrictions the long-awaited summer break is here. In order to reintroduce some kind of learning framework to children this summer, an overwhelming majority of large school districts in America are providing summer school programs. If implemented correctly, it is the right move. Excessive free time is a recipe for disaster.

Around 97 of 100 districts across the U.S. are offering summer school programming, in-person, virtually, or a combination of both. The plans include recreational trips, outdoor activities, and artistic programs according to monitoring educational organizations. After the challenging circumstances imposed by the pandemic, these measures could be an example for other societies around the world.

Children should not feel that they have so much free time that they have no idea what to do with themselves and hours seem to stretch endlessly. They need to have their time organized so that they will be happy with the built-in agenda, and understand that the expected plans are exactly what they want and need. Otherwise we spoil them.

There is nothing worse for them than free time with a huge void wasted lying on the couch, staring at the screen, or wandering around in the street. Children are not used to having free time and filling it themselves, so giving them “freedom” is like teaching them not to do anything. Children have desires and thoughts, all kinds of natural impulses, and we sort of tell them, “Do nothing with your drive or aspirations. What are they good for? What benefit will you get from them?”

There is of course time to rest, but it is not advisable to lie on your back for hours or walk around aimlessly. Playing football or dancing after studying geography for example, can be a break. Anything that is different from the intense action that preceded it is called resting.

If children are left without studies and without other activities, the impulses that are naturally vibrant in them can lead them to bad places. Parents should be greatly concerned about their children having unlimited freedom and should contemplate ways to fill their time constructively in order to further their development.

Firstly, a clear goal should be established: What do the parents want the children to achieve with their free time so they can provide enriching activities accordingly. In my opinion, the most important goal is to build the children into integral human beings, to develop a person who knows how to communicate properly with others, how to manage complex situations, how to create beautiful relationships with others, and who achieves in-depth understanding on the multiple levels in nature: inanimate, vegetative, animate, and human.

With the goal of elevating the child to a higher scale of merit as a human being—one with values, sensitivity, and consideration of others—the activities programmed for our children must have nurturing content that develops their thoughts and expands their feelings. At the end of the activity, it is valuable to promote a discussion for them to share their experiences with each other.

We should consider bringing children to the theater, to the symphony, to various museums. As a child, I lived in a city in Belarus that had a large building specifically designed for children. In the summer, I sat in a photo lab and developed pictures in a darkroom. In the winter, we went skiing together. These are only examples of some activities that could be implemented according to the conditions of each society.

Today, the schools we enroll our children in and entrust their education and a significant part of their upbringing have largely become breeding grounds for crime, violence, promiscuity, bullying, and drug dealing. Everything except what we would wish for our offspring.

A summer break where time is properly managed by parents can heal some of the hardships of the past year, but the real test of educating our children will be in the next school year. The education system, with just a few of its deficiencies touched upon, was founded about one hundred and fifty years ago. We need to think carefully about whether it is suitable for today’s world.

Let’s thoroughly examine and scrutinize what we are doing with the institution called “school” and the education we provide for our children. The scrutiny should include the appropriate plans for how to spend the next summer break. As adults, thinking about the future of our kids’ education might be a good idea on how to spend our free time this summer.

“Headed For Another Masked Summer?” (Linkedin)

My new article on Linkedin “Headed for Another Masked Summer?

The summer vacation has barely begun, and we are already seeing signs that it might soon end, or at least the fun part about it. Covid-19 is returning to Israel in a big way and threatens to do this summer what it did last summer, keep us at home, or at least at a distance from each other. It seems as though nature has no mercy on the children, who only want to enjoy the summer—their brief break from a traumatizing school year riddled with corona lockdowns.

But then, why should nature have mercy on children if we, their parents, don’t? That is, through our own misconduct, we are bringing on them the lockdown that we could prevent if we only conducted ourselves more responsibly. If we were better parents, we’d do what we have to do, both regarding ourselves and regarding our children.

And what we have to do is reorganize our relationships. Otherwise, we will not be able to cope with Covid, and certainly not with the upcoming viruses that are already standing in line to plague us, and which are bound to be more troublesome than the current pestilence.

Until we learn that we must rearrange our relationships from competitive to supportive and from callous to caring, nothing good will happen. We must understand that our only cure from the virus is by healing our hearts from negative thoughts about others, developing positive ones, and connecting with the very same people we currently repel.

To connect means to understand and feel that I am dependent on others. I may live in my physical body, but the heart of this body is in someone else, not in me. And not only is it in someone else, but in everybody else besides me. In other words, each and every one of us is entirely dependent on everyone else. We don’t determine our fates, and we don’t determine our present. In fact, we don’t determine anything; our interconnections determine everything, and we only follow the dictates of this network, consciously or not.

Even if we cannot feel this right now, we should at least understand that this is so and realize that if that’s the case, then “Love your neighbor as yourself” is not some lofty motto that no one takes seriously, but our only hope of changing our lives, of shifting them toward a positive direction.

We can ignore it and continue treading the path of meanness we have nurtured so fervently for so many decades, but it won’t be long before life forces us through pain to rethink our route.

The virus isn’t our enemy; it is showing us the truth of our interdependence. Had we acted on this truth, we would not have had a pandemic whatsoever. Our social responsibility would have made us separate ourselves once we got sick until we got better, and the virus would not have spread. This, by the way, is what sick bats do in order not to infect other members of their cloud (a colony of bats). If we had their sense of responsibility, we wouldn’t be talking about the Covid-19 pandemic, certainly not two years down the line.

Because we are utterly dependent on each other, we influence each other. This is why it is so important that we monitor our feelings toward others and try to cultivate positive ones. By doing so, we will influence others, who will influence still others, even without speaking about it. Before long, that positive wave will come back to us and to our children.

We determine each other’s fate, so let’s be responsible. Let’s draw the obvious conclusion that “Love your neighbor as yourself” is our only viable option for the future. We have tried everything else and look where we are: on the verge of another masked summer. Now that it’s getting to our children, we should stop taking risks. I hope we will learn and implement this lesson that nature is trying desperately to teach us before it resorts to harsher means.

Lie Down And Disconnect

281.02Question: The culture of “tang ping,” a passive lifestyle without stress and careerism, is gaining popularity among Chinese youth.
“Tang ping” means “lie down and switch off.” This is a salvation from the pressure of society, which pushes young people to look for work, to work hard and to build a career, as is customary in China.

The term “tan ping” was used by the author of a post who wrote that he has not worked for the last two years and does not see this as a problem. Instead of chasing success, he decided to just “lie down.”

Do you say that this is not always bad?

Answer: This is not bad. It is best to realize—What exactly do you want? For what? Why? And only after that, if it is really worth it for you and the world—so that you do not burn fuel, so that you do not pollute the air—carefully calculate what the meaning is of your work. Do you harm the environment, including still, vegetative, animate, and human nature, society, and so on?

And after that, do this work. Figure out: what can be the result of your work. Then you will see that maybe doing nothing is really the best thing to do for all mankind. And even the fact that you exist and consume some calories is not important. You are not causing damage.

Question: But how will I provide for my family?

Answer: We will provide for you. If we do not produce excess, but only what is necessary for all of us, for all of humanity, it will be enough for us to get off the couch and leave our phone, or even not leave it, for an hour a week—a week! And everything will be fine.

Question: Will there be something to eat and a roof to live under?

Answer: Absolutely everything will be there for you. Stop all these ships and steam locomotives that dart around the world and deliver all kinds of rubbish that no one needs. Only those who make money need these pieces of paper, and then they throw them into nowhere.

Question: When you say that a person should live as necessary, does this not mean an equalization, which we have already gone through some time ago?

Answer: Equalization is when it is being imposed on you. And I don’t care., I don’t compare myself with anyone. I am not afraid that I will have the same as my neighbor. I don’t look at the fact that I have the same furniture, the same food, the same clothing—it doesn’t matter.

Question: Why do I live so that I don’t watch others? What has changed in me?

Answer: Because I have my world, internality, that I live in. And therefore I do not feel that someone is suppressing me. On the contrary, they provide me with conditions. The environment, society, all of us together provide each other with conditions for internal development. And it doesn’t require calories.

Question: When such an understanding enters, will it automatically reduce everything to the necessary, and will the necessary be enough for me?

Answer: Yes.
From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman” 6/10/21

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Nothing Is Stronger Than Habit

571.03Question: There is nothing stronger than habit. A person’s nature, his essence, is a desire to receive that works according to a certain program: maximum enjoyment with minimum expenditure of energy. But since a person’s character cannot be changed, does it mean that habits cannot be changed either?

Answer: It is very, very difficult. This requires serious motivation, wanting to acquire some new imposed, induced habitual actions, deeds, and tastes.

Indeed, habit is second nature. We receive only some basic characteristics from nature and everything else is formed through the influence of the environment.

Comment: But we know from the science of Kabbalah that it is impossible to change a person’s nature.

My Response: But inside nature itself—what I strive for, love or hate—everything happens within the framework of our common egoism. We are programmed by parents’, society’s, and friends’ attitudes toward us.

Question: We know that a habit is an action that is directly related to pleasure or suffering.

For example, children do not like to brush their teeth, but this habit can be developed in them if you give them some kind of reward for this, which gives pleasure. When you no longer give anything for it, the action itself becomes a pleasure since without brushing teeth one suffers.

So, through pleasure and suffering, can we develop a habit in a person, but still not change his nature?

Answer: We cannot change nature. Within the framework of our nature, we can simply manifest it in certain ways, but nothing beyond that. In general, nothing is done without a reward. Nature or us, or society, something should set us to act a certain way.

Question: Can bad habits be eradicated by suffering?

Answer: Not necessarily through suffering. Any habits can be eradicated. It all depends only on how much we really want to and know the way to do so.
From KabTV’s: “Spiritual States” 6/25/21

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When There Is No Support Of The Society

559Question: How can you raise a person to be simply good? At school, they tried to instill ethics and morality in us, but we can see that this does not work.

Answer: Our social and educational systems do not work because they do not have the support of society. As society becomes more open, people move further away from each other. Let’s take the very vivid example of China. It was a closed society that lived according to its own laws, different from the whole world.

Now that Chinese society is opening, it is starting to spread. There is no connection. No matter how much they try, they cannot stay together for long. Even more so, it is such a diverse, multifaceted set of people.

You cannot associate yourself with a huge number of people who are so different, incomprehensible, and inconceivable to your feelings. When it is millions, it is impossible.
From KabTV’s “Spiritual States” 6/25/21

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Six Rules For Getting Out Of Neurosis

962.2Comment: The well-known psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky has drawn six rules relating to how to get out of neurosis, stop worrying, and live well. First: do only what you want to do. “Just listen to yourself, to your feelings, and do what you want,” he says. This is the first rule of a normal, healthy life.

My Response: Not bad. It is difficult to disagree with this. Any person agrees with this because he is an egoist, after all.

Question: What stands behind this rule: I do what I want? We did not live like that. I went to work because I had to.

Answer: It depends on what I want. If my desires are at odds with others, with those around me, then of course there will be a problem of what I will get in response to the fulfillment of my desires.

Comment: The second rule: do not do what you do not want to do. He continues: “Concessions and compromises are a direct way to a cardiologist or oncologist. So you should not do what you do not want to do. Ever!”

My Response: It is true that internal contradiction causes all kinds of diseases and problems. He is right. But what can be done? After all, we live in a world in which I am not a son of royalty who can do whatever I want. Incidentally, I suffered greatly from the fact that my parents allowed me too much. I think this is a wrong attitude.

Question: There is a problem here, not doing what you do not want to. Suppose I went to work that I did not want to go to, and we were forced to do what we did not really want to do since childhood. I didn’t really want to go to school either. Do you think there is a problem here?

Answer: According to the psychologist, yes.

Comment: The third rule is to immediately talk about what you do not like. That is, to say right away: “You cannot do this to me, it is unpleasant for me.” This is a healthy way to respond. And you only have to say it once. If you are not heard, step away from the relationship.

My Response: I understand that. If possible.

Question: You add this tag all the time?

Answer: Of course! It cannot be different. Of course, I would not go to work that is unpleasant to me, I would not communicate with people who are unpleasant to me at all, I would only do what is good and convenient for me. I would not say what I do not like and would say what I like. What would happen then?

Comment: Fourth: not to answer if you are not asked. Remarks such as “How tired I am! I am sick and tired of everything, I have no more strength,” are not questions. And you should not respond to them with “What happened to you? Why are you complaining? ”

So don’t answer when you are not asked.

My Response: This is good. It is real, and it is reasonable.

Comment: Fifth: to respond only to the question. “When you are asked a question and you answer only that question, then you are a confident person.”

My Response: This may be good. But then you will not have any topic for conversation, and people will think that you are just closed inside yourself, selfish, and that is it.

Comment: Furthermore: “When sorting out the relationship, talk only about yourself. This rule does not imply any conflict at all. You do not sort out the relationship with your partner, do not argue with him, and just talk about yourself, only about yourself.”

My Response: Okay, talk.

Comment: All of your answers just now testify to the fact that these rules are more suitable for a person who lives in an empty space.

My Response: Of course.

Question: That is, if you are surrounded by others, you by and large will not be able to really observe these rules?

Answer: No.

Comment: Another thing he claims is that only a stable, psychologically healthy, and egoistic person can observe these rules, and that is how one should live in our world.

My Response: I do not think this is possible.

Comment: You keep answering that the environment will not give you the chance to live according to these rules.

My Response: No. It will press, change, and reformat you. It is not correct when I say only what I want, when I need to, and what I need.

Question: Then give us your several rules or one rule of how to live a healthy life in the environment, in our world, so that you feel that you are living. What do you think?

Answer: We have no other choice but to raise our eyes above ourselves and think about what the surrounding world and nature requires of us, even regardless of us. What is it leading all of itself to, what does it desire?

The surrounding nature wants to be in absolute rest and uniform rectilinear motion, as we learned in school about the laws of physics. This means that there is a goal when all of nature will be harmoniously and mutually interconnected at all its levels and in all actions and when all of the reactions of nature will be absolutely, correctly associated with actions. In this state, the world will be in absolute harmony.

When we are in such a state, then what he writes about can be partially fulfilled. Because we are connected with each other internally already in advance, I do not need to talk or discuss anything with anyone. What I feel, those around me understand and feel too.

Question: That is, then there will be no violence?

Answer: Yes.

Question: So, you are saying, look at nature, cling to it, and live like this. In such a movement.

The main thing is: what should my behavior, that of a man, be?

Answer: That I annul myself, despite the fact that he says you should only listen to yourself and everything else. But in fact it will result in something else, as if in the opposite of itself, when I annul myself, when I add, combine, unite myself with others into one common whole and relate not to myself and not to others, but to this common whole, to our internal connection with each other, and all of nature is in this union.

Then a person enters an absolutely comfortable state. There is no need to ask anyone any questions, to receive any answers, no need to torment and strive; one just needs to maintain this inner absolute and complete balance. And then you will begin to feel perfection, eternity, mutual penetration, mutual understanding, attainment, and awareness of the creation in which you exist.

Question: Then what will the first rule “do only what you want” turn into, based on what you have said?

Answer: Your desires will not be different, just do what you need, what everyone around you wants.

Question: “Do not do what you do not want to do?”

Answer: You will correct your desires, intentions, aspirations, and goals in such a way that they will be so true that only their implementation will be correct and absolutely true.

Question: “Talk about what you do not like right away?”

Answer: You will feel all the slightest inconsistencies, mismatches with the general plan of nature, and you will immediately correct them.

Question: “Do not answer when you are not asked?”

Answer: You will feel those around you and very keenly understand whether there is an opportunity to complete them with something. But in principle, this work on completing others is the most important one.

Question: “Respond only to the question?”

Answer: Yes, you will feel the desires of others, and only they will determine your actions.

Question: “When sorting out the relationship, talk only about yourself?”

Answer: Yes, because everything depends only on you, and everything will be determined only by you, and you will feel that you, being in the center of the world, rule, determine, and most importantly, care about this world. And only this care for every created being is your life.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 4/19/21

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Learning Integral Relationships

528.04The most important thing in our work in regards to society is simply to educate people. Those people who will be able to reveal integral qualities within themselves, that is, to connect in the ten with the others in order to exit the individual egoistic perception of the world into integral interaction, when they rise above their egoism and begin to feel not themselves, but their collective as themselves, and through it perceive the entire universe as integral—these people will continue to engage in education and management. We need to prepare them for this.

However, in principle, all of humanity is necessary for this. Every person today has a question about the meaning of existence, about the way we can restructure our lives. Nature itself says that we must change ourselves in accordance with it.

We have completed the egoistic path of development. In recent decades, it has been in crisis, and is beginning to devour itself. Like in the saying: the revolution devours its children. It is the same here. Humanity must begin to feel this.

I think that if we really created small experimental groups that would solve managerial tasks and give their recommendations based on the integrality of nature, meaning from the correct relationship of a person with nature, then we could not make mistakes in our decisions and would turn a society with such managers into the society of the future.
From KabTV’s “The Science of Management”

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How Can You Learn To Be Happy?

284.03Comment: We see that people are not doing very well in the world today. They suffer, this world drowns them.

There is a letter from a program viewer about such a state.
Dear Michael Laitman, you say that everything that happens should bring joy. Teach us joy, I beg you very much!  There is complete chaos all over, and everything happening to me, to my family, loved ones, to the world is a nightmare! Only a year ago, it was impossible to imagine that it would be so.

My Response: The whole problem is in good and bad states—how we perceive them. This is a purely subjective perception. If we knew for sure that this state was good, directed toward good, toward our good future, then we would also endure this state in a different way.

When you treat a dog or other animal and hurt it, it understands that you are doing something right and good for it and it will endure your treatment calmly.

In the same way, we must understand that this is how we should relate to what we are going through. We must raise ourselves a little to the level of being aware of our common goal and look at all our changes as something that we need to go through in order to learn! Learning to understand nature or the Creator is one and the same. It is the same nature that guides us, gradually leads and teaches us.

Question: It must be painful?

Answer: It hurts because you disagree with it. As soon as you start to agree with it, there is no pain but, on the contrary, there is joy.

Comment: The goal must be very high then.

My Response: We are trying to explain this to people. Those who can be filled with this goal, they relate to life in a completely different way.

Comment: If the goal used to be, as it was said before, to build a house and start a family, now there are tons of obstacles on the way to it. A person understands that he is really being rammed.

My Response: You can do it. You are simply reminded that you must also take care of the burial place.

And therefore, when you build a house, start a family, and give birth to children, there is this place in front of you which you must also prepare for yourself. And you see the uselessness, the futility. It kills the person.

We are becoming more developed so we can no longer close our eyes to all this or take a philosophical attitude as it was treated for a while: “You cannot do anything. Such is life.”

No, it does not apply today. If “such is life,” then why should I have children, why should I learn a trade? Why all this? And then it turns out that day to day I do not serve myself but others, and such,  or children who do nothing afterward and have no gratitude. Our entire existence emphasizes our uselessness. The lack of purpose is such that there is simply nothing, and thus, apathy appears.

The time has come to realize that there is no meaning in our life. Where is it?

The meaning of life means that there is this enormous nature and there is a thought that controls this nature, launches it, creates it.

It is this thought, this design, the great design of nature, that we must reveal. And then we will know the meaning of life. Because life is everything. What do we mean by “everything?” It is still nature: vegetative, animate, and human. It all has a meaning that is above this life.

And this meaning, it twists, it organizes, it rotates everything. So we need to rise above our life.

We just need to open our eyes and understand why nature created it all. This is what nature drives us to. This is what we must reveal.

And the idea is to rise above our world because it is actually the worst of the worlds, and this is not a poetic expression. To rise above it means to reveal this plan, this force, this thought, this idea. And when we understand it, this thought, then we begin to see beyond time, beyond space, beyond everything. Then a person begins to feel himself at the level of the Creator.

Question: And still, what is this thought?

Answer: Harmony! The absolute harmony of all parts of creation! Something which is not in us. And therefore, acting in this way toward us, nature pushes us to understand this harmony.

We must reveal this. We are not going anywhere! We cannot simply destroy ourselves, we cannot refuse it, forget ourselves. We must discover and attain this harmony.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 2/11/21

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