Entries in the 'Family' Category

How to Find a Soul Mate?

294.2Question: How does a person find a soul mate?

Answer: It all depends on the person himself and not on who he finds.

If you like someone as a person and see that he is serious and responsive, then everything depends on you. Try to treat him as gently as possible, and see if he understands you and if you begin to feel and support each other. The most important thing is mutual support and the need for each other.

Question: How can you understand that you are with the right person?

Answer: Try to be kind, helpful, and supportive. You will see how that person reacts to this and what he does in response: sincerely and wholeheartedly wants to support and preserve these states or takes it for granted as something that basically does not matter.
From KabTV’s “Blitz of Kabbalah Tips” 5/18/23

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An Incomplete Person

559Question: We know that Kabbalists always had to have a wife. What is the reason for this?

Answer: Procreation: “Be fruitful and multiply.”

Question: Baal HaSulam, the father of your teacher, Rabash, did not even let him go to the lesson before he got married. Why?

Answer: Because it is considered that if you do not have a wife, you are still an incomplete person.
From KabTV’s “Blitz Questions and Answers” 1/6/23

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“Why are most of the families falling apart at present?” (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: Why are most of the families falling apart at present?

More and more families are falling apart today because people cannot tolerate the limitations that families impose.

In order to tolerate the limitations imposed by families, there are a few variables, one of which is necessity: that the family unit is given to us by nature. That is, if we understand that living as part of a family framework, we can achieve the perfect and eternal state of being that nature is guiding us all toward, then we would gain strength to go through any situations that arise in the family.

We can thus relate to the family as a laboratory of sorts, in which we can work on becoming our higher selves. That is, the family unit is the greatest opportunity for us to reach a state where we positively connect to each other in ties of mutual love and bestowal. However, this can work on condition that we approach the family in a very particular way, which is correct for spiritual progress. We are not yet ready for such an approach in our present time, which is why I also do not discuss it in the lessons I give on a daily basis. But the time will come when it will happen.

In addition to acknowledging the nature-given necessity of the family unit, there should be a clear distribution of responsibilities, opportunities and reciprocal fulfillment in which children also play a significant role, as they partake in the relationship between husband and wife according to their age, and also they will most likely develop to having their own children, grandchildren, and so on. Moreover, if we are discussing a family that is in tune with the ideal natural state, then we also need to discuss three generations that share regular contact, i.e. where children regularly see and feel their grandmothers, grandfathers and their parents. I have elaborated on the merits of a three-generational family in other places.

Nature is gradually leading us to a state where we will have to act in our families in a way that is balanced with nature, and our world will be unable to exist without the family unit that is set up in such a way. So between the ideal family that nature will press us to realize and our current state of more and more families that are breaking apart, we are in for some tough years ahead.

However, it is still very risky to discuss these variables because it seems as if we load the heaviest responsibilities upon ourselves. When we see the inner essence of whom we are with, and that the years we spend together and the external appearance mean nothing, because everything is determined only according to their inner state, then we find that we can build an extraordinary new spiritual world of love and bestowal. We would not see the appearance and the habits of our partners as we see them today, but we would enjoy a continuous renewal within and among all of us. In short, we would change all the time, and would perceive a different world from one moment to the next.

Based on the video “Why Are More and More Families Falling Apart Today?” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman and Semion Vinokur. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

“Family Day—A Chance To Rethink The Meaning Of Family”

Dr. Michael LaitmanFrom My Facebook Page Michael Laitman 1/31/22

While other countries celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day separately, Israel celebrates its annual Family Day, to honor the family unit and its centrality to Israeli life. Each year, Family Day in Israel falls on a different date, as it follows the Hebrew calendar rather than the Gregorian calendar, and this year it takes place tomorrow, February 1.

If you look at the statistics, it seems that the family has lost much of its centrality. This is as true for Israel as it is true for most of the world, especially the western world. As of 2021, “There were 37 million one-person households in 2021, or 28% of all U.S. households. In 1960, single-person households represented only 13% of all households.” Moreover, “34% of adults age 15 and over had never been married.” Clearly, the family institution has lost its shine.

There are several reasons for this. First, people live much longer today than they did a hundred or a hundred and fifty years ago. At the same time, they are not taught about the importance of maintaining the family unit. When upbringing does not instill in us the importance of maintaining the family unit through trials and tribulations, people give it up quite easily.

In order to do something that is not immediately rewarding, people today need meaning. We live in a time when people cannot do what does not make sense to them, what seems to have no meaning. In order for people to maintain the family unit, they must feel that it is important. Otherwise, they will just get up and leave.

The world today does not support staying in the traditional family structure. People can take care of themselves financially and do not need the support of a spouse or a partner. As a result, as soon as there is a disagreement, and there are always disagreements because no two people are the same, they move out and move on.

Therefore, in order for people to choose to stay in a family unit, there must be a reason that is greater than the family itself. According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, if we seek spiritual correction, then within the process of correction we will also develop a connection with a partner. In the end, nature will require this correction from us, and in the process of correction, we will feel the mutual commitment of a man to a woman and a woman to a man.

A corrected family relationship is part of our correction. Until we achieve correction, the state of humanity will continue to deteriorate. But perhaps if we can convey the benefits that a correct, spiritual relationship brings with it, people will not want to part ways. It all depends on the meaning that people find in their relationships because as I said above, without a spiritual connection, people will have no reason or ability to maintain family relationships.

Motherhood In Crisis

552.03Comment: An interesting article appeared in Rosbalt “Therapist Explained why Motherhood Is in Crisis” in which, “The expert [Otta Maria Bloch] recalled that motherhood is in general going through a crisis these days, and among the reasons is not only the changed position of a woman, who must have time to make a career, and raise children, and remain a loving wife.

“’The attitude towards motherhood is also influenced by the growing speed of life, a dense information background, and a shift in values ​​towards self-love. Now for many, success is financial well-being, the ability to have fun here and now, without investing much effort in it. And parenting in itself presupposes not receiving, but giving, ”noted Maria Blokh.

Question: What is your comment about this?

Answer: We have come to such selfishness that we do not want children! We do not want to raise children, we do not want to give even to our children. Let them grow as they like or let the state provide for them and take care of them. Not us.

This is motherhood in crisis, this is family in crisis in general. And what is a family if there are no children? If earlier people were against boarding schools, kindergartens, and other such institutions, today it is the other way around: “How can I send my child somewhere so that I could take care of myself,” says a modern woman.

Comment: Will we return to normal motherhood?

My Response: I think we will. Through suffering, but it will come.

Question: Is it correct to say that parenting itself does not involve receiving but giving?

Answer: Of course.

Question: So we have a crisis in bestowal?

Answer: Yes. In general, all nature is built on the fact that we learn through our attitude toward children to give, then to give to others: adults, others, society, and then to all of nature.

Question: But we see that a mother immensely enjoys when her child smiles at her or takes a spoonful of porridge. We see that this is a great pleasure. Where does it go? Why don’t they want to continue this further, to give birth to more children?

Answer: They are not to blame. Nature made them this way. It wants people to realize how selfish they are, that this selfishness drives them and therefore, they are okay mothers.

Question: How can you otherwise give birth?

Answer: You must first change the goal and then give birth.

Question: What should the goal be? Why am I giving birth to a child?

Answer: Only for the sake of the world. So that there are more good, righteous people in the world I will give birth and raise my children this way. This is why I give birth to them. We have grown to the point where we must correctly deal with the intention: What is the reason I am doing it?

Question: That is, the intention will become the main thing when I give birth to a child?

Answer: Yes. First the intention, then the action.

Question: Is that why this crisis is happening now?

Answer: Yes.

Question: But will this happen?

Answer: It will definitely happen!

Question: And this is how they will give birth to children?

Answer: Yes. And it will be a new world.

Question: Will these children be happier?

Answer: Of course! They will be taken care of in a different way, and they will feel that they are being born in a new world, and they will want to live in this world.

Question: Will mothers be happier too?

Answer: Of course. They will know why their child grows, lives, and exists. They will feel the very nature of the infinite.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/12/21

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New Life 1320 – The Generation Gap

New Life 1320 – The Generation Gap
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

Nature creates generation gaps so that humanity will advance. It is impossible to convey the wisdom of life to younger generations, so we need to establish an environment that reflects positive values. If an adult has a desire to give, he should try to learn what is good for the young person and give that. A parent should be close to his child, like a friend, so that he can speak to him freely about everything without moralizing or criticizing.

Only love can help us communicate and bridge the generation gap. We should show a child that if he does something wrong, he makes us change our attitude toward him. There is a wide pipeline between our child and us through which love constantly flows, but the key to the tap is in the hands of the child.
From KabTV’s “New Life 1320 – The Generation Gap,” 10/10/21

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“Dating And Relationships: What Are The Keys To A Successful Relationship?” (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: Dating and Relationships: What are the keys to a successful relationship?

The key to a successful relationship is in the willingness to concede. Upon mutual concessions, partners have the ability to grow their love for each other.

One who concedes in a relationship gains peace, connection, tranquility and love. It leads to positive connection and one that is not based on pride and domination. My teacher, Rabash, once used to say that “a family can exist only out of mutual concessions.” We need to love, to treat each other amiably, concede to each other, and by doing so we gain a sensation that we call “love.”

Concession depends solely on you. There is no need to pressure the other. If you exercise concession, then you will see what a powerful weapon it is, and through your examples to concede, you will simply win over your partner.

Based on a talk with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

New Life 1318 – Coping With Violent Communication In The Family

New Life 1318 – Coping With Violent Communication In The Family
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

The education system needs to teach children how to behave in relationships. Children who grow up in families with violent communication will likely feel insecure and want to escape. They should withdraw from their violent family environments in order to succeed in building new, corrected patterns. They need positive examples to learn from. The first principle we should teach is the principle of equality. If someone relates to us with verbal violence, we reflect the same back to them, like a mirror image, so they will feel their need for correction. Behind the principle of equality, there is a desire to be built by each other, to build the right patterns for ourselves.
From KabTV’s “New Life 1318 – Coping With Violent Communication In The Family,” 9/12/21

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New Life 1316 – Quarrels In The Family

New Life 1316 – Quarrels In The Family
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

In a corrected life, we scrutinize the conflicts between us with the intention of reaching love and peace above them. In order to quarrel correctly, we need to learn the method of relationships that is explained in the wisdom of Kabbalah. Men and women are innately different.

Quarrels should be regarded as the necessary revelation of each one’s nature in contrast and opposition to the nature of another. The natural gap between them can be bridged when we openly express our preferences, respect each other’s views, set a good examples for one another, and establish mutual understanding.
From KabTV’s “New Life 1316 – Quarrels In The Family,” 8/15/21

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New Life 1315 – Relations With Grownup Kids Who Have Left Home

New Life 1315 – Relations With Grownup Kids Who Have Left Home
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

A long time before kids leave home, we need to get them used to calling their parents once a day and visiting them weekly. It is important for the parents to share what they go through, to show that they care, to ask questions, and to set an example. The parents should prepare their children for the phase of leaving home and raise them to be independent.

Kids who have not received the right preparation for life will feel weak, and will find it hard to build themselves and establish a connection with a life partner. Parents should give their children a sense of security, guidance, and a feeling that we are always there for them.
From KabTV’s “New Life 1315 – Relations With Grownup Kids Who Have Left Home,” 8/8/21

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