Entries in the 'Family' Category

New Life 1286 – Family Care For An Elderly Parent

New Life 1286 – Family Care For An Elderly Parent
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

Adult children of aging parents need to come together to share the care with time, energy, and money. It is impossible to determine how to equally share care for aging parents since we don’t have any way of measuring diverse contributions. Each child has their own unique situation that cannot be accurately compared with the siblings’ contexts.

According to the wisdom of Kabbalah and an integral perspective, children must put their differences aside and meet once a month or twice a year to divide up the duties associated with caring for their aging parents in a purposeful, businesslike manner, without emotion. The wellbeing of the parents should be the focus. Each child gives what they can, whether it’s time to take the parents to medical appointments, money to pay for services in the home, or emotional warmth and care. Each one pays back the parents as though paying back the Creator since the Creator arranges our parents for us.
From KabTV’s “New Life 1286 – Family Care For An Elderly Parent,”10/30/20

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True Love And Perfect Family

919Question: What is true love?

Answer: True love is absolute trust, impeccable support, self-sacrifice, and confidence that you are treated the same way.

Question: Throughout the development of mankind, the concept of family has changed greatly. What is an ideal family today?

Answer: An ideal family is the same as ideal love. It is built on top of all the problems, with them, and in spite of them. Therefore, if people knew how to create bridges over problems and keep them safe, then true love is created. Love is a consequence of a very hard work over one’s own and other people’s shortcomings.

Question: What does it mean to live above problems?

Answer: Knowing all the problems, we try, without closing our eyes to them, to respect the other, value him or her, and be connected with each other without forgetting about our problems.
From KabTV’s “Kabbalah Express” 9/1/20

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How Do You Feel During These Difficult Days?

515.02People, how do you feel during these days of the global coronavirus epidemic, which is pulling you into a whirlpool of feelings and thoughts? Just like in a kaleidoscope, one state replaces another, from heart attack to complete indifference. Horror waves roll one after another as if nature were whipping you in a blender. Everything that you were capable of and knew, everything you got used to for decades of your life—children, work, making money—everything is crossed out and is disappearing. How can we help you and relieve this enormous pain?

I know that you are a rational, intelligent, respected person at work. You like to have specific numbers and calculations that are above feelings. But now, you want to hear something emotional that goes right into your heart.

I will try to do this; just understand, the science of Kabbalah addresses the human heart through the mind or the mind through the heart. It combines these two opposite, completely different systems.

Our whole life is built on circles of relationships: relationships with ourselves, relationships with our spouses, with children, relationships with the Creator. Now all these relationships are undergoing revision, and most of all, our relationships with ourselves.

Coronavirus has made such a radical change in our lives that a person constantly finds himself in stress and fear, which dulls one’s mind and burdens one’s heart, like a heart attack, and in confusion, like a trapped animal.

What should you think about in order to calm down a bit and feel protected? It is worth making a complete revolution in your views on life. On the contrary, I think that before the coronavirus we lived in eternal stress and confusion, in tangled and unbalanced conditions.

We ran from morning to evening and from evening to morning to accomplish what society, bosses, family, and someone else obliged us to do. I was indebted to the bank, indebted to work, I owed, owed, owed. Such was my life.

And then something incredible called coronavirus appears. And this virus suddenly calms my whole life. I stay at home and do not go to work. Children are not wandering somewhere, nobody knows where, and they stay in their rooms, my spouse is also at home. We watch TV together or everyone is busy with their computers doing their own thing. Everything seems to be good. Probably the main reason for the confusion and fear is the possibility of lost income. Before that, everything was clear and reasonable, and suddenly, everything became incomprehensible, unclear, and every day prospects are more and more threatening. You are worried not about the distant future and time of retirement, but about the fact that there will be no money for food next week, next month.

So far, those are only fears, not reality. There are groceries in the house, the refrigerator is full. There is still some money in the bank account. These are only hypothetical fears about possible development of events. But if we live day by day, then we can say that life has become calmer.

What is the point of worrying about the possible future if you cannot help it? We do not know what will happen tomorrow, so why drive yourself crazy with excitement and fear today?

Of course, we have responsibilities for family and children, but our worries will not help in any way. What will be will be; we are all in the hands of a higher force, and all my efforts will not change anything, either in a good or bad direction. It will be as the Creator planned.

Maybe in such a state I will understand faster where the Creator is pulling me. After all, there is none else besides Him, and He always advances us toward the goal. So, let’s think about this goal and find out what the Creator wants from us. Our state is a consequence of the program of nature, and we should not think that we are smarter than it. It would be great if we understood where we are, in what universe, in what environment, under the influence of which forces.

All of it does not depend on us. We are just tiny particles of creation that think they understand something in nature. But even if we really manage to understand something in it, we would use it to our detriment. Therefore, do not regret that we did not achieve the goal that we set for ourselves because there was nothing good in it.

Before the epidemic broke out, humankind across the globe was on the verge of catastrophe, facing great adversities. Everyone has already openly talked about the impossibility of avoiding war, about the general global crisis in ecology, human relations, industry, politics, and finance. The world, built by man on the basis of his egoistic mind and feelings, was simply terrible and moved from one crisis to another.

What was good in your previous life? What are you sorry for now? Only that among all these problems, you managed to get your pitiful salary and feed your family. Did it make you feel perfect and happy? You regret that, at least, you knew everything in advance: there would be enough money by the end of the month and, if not, from where to borrow it. At least you had some certainty, and now you are nervous about the unknown. What should we do with this inner turmoil and feverish thoughts, the  “What if’s”?

Such thoughts are now tormenting most of the world’s population because this epidemic will soon cover all continents. Coronavirus swallows the whole world, all of humanity. Everyone will start to think: “What will happen to me tomorrow? Who do I depend on? How can I influence my fate? How can I guarantee myself  good today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow?”

It is very good that such questions are awakening in people and especially in young people. Is it all about money? If we are only concerned about our income, then we want to live like animals for whom the main thing is to be sure that they will be fed today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the rest is not important. So, do I want to “eat with a donkey from the same feeding trough” or am I a human, still thinking about other things?
From KabTV’s “New Life 1214 – Coronavirus. How To Deal With Fear?” 3/19/20

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New Life #218 – Adolescence: The Consolidation Of Identity

New Life #218 – Adolescence: The Consolidation of Identity
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz


Changing our early lives and adolescence is of critical importance for our development. We can help our adolescent children in developing a self-identity, an openness to change and social communication. If we go through the right educational process with a child, adolescence will not be felt as a sharp jump. Show adolescents examples of how we relate to every phenomenon “from two sides,” in a balanced way.

The adolescent will recognize negative and positive impulses, attractions and rejections that people have. In childhood, we sculpt a human image for a child, during adolescence we help him or her build a human spirit in themselves. At the end of adolescence, an internal decision must be made that success lies within the connection between people.
From KabTV’s “New Life #218 – Adolescence: The Consolidation of Identity,” 8/1/13

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New Life #217 – Sibling Rivalry, Part 2

New Life #217 – Sibling Rivalry, Part 2
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz


Parents can cultivate desirable behavior in how their children relate to each other by demonstrating their attitude toward the children’s treatment of each other. The addition of a colder, more mechanical line of judgement to the line of mercy in the parents’ approach should be introduced gradually if the sibling relationship seems to be deteriorating despite having been educated. Children should discover the need for balance in relationships. In this way, they can grow up properly and realize that their lives are in their own hands. In order for a family to become integral and round as nature requires, children must learn to compromise and treat each sibling as equally valuable.
From KabTV’s “New Life #217 – Sibling Rivalry, Part 2”, 7/28/13

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New Life #214 – Sibling Relationships, Part 1

New Life #214 – Sibling Relationships, Part 1
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz


Building a proper system of communication between siblings in the family rests with the parents. What is the way to bring children to the clarification and recognition of good and evil without criticism and comparison? Family workshops and discussions help children explore undesirable qualities. Effective manners of relating to the children help them develop positive relationships with each other.
From KabTV’s “New Life #214 – Sibling Relationships, Part 1,” 7/25/13

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“Man” And “Woman” In Kabbalistic Terms

laitman_543.02Question: Can the Creator be revealed between a man and a woman—two opposite qualities?

Answer: There are no men and women in Kabbalah. In Kabbalah, each of us has both a male and a female root.

Question: What are “man” and “woman” from the Kabbalah point of view?

Answer: A man symbolizes the quality of bestowal without any reference to gender, and a woman symbolizes the quality of reception without any reference to gender.

Any two objects, the created being and the Creator, or different parts within the created being, can always be compared as male and female components. That is, each object can be a male part with respect to one thing and a female part with respect to another one.

Everything is determined only by the action because any object is a desire to enjoy. To the extent that the desire manifests itself in reception or bestowal, it is called a male or a female part. From the spiritual point of view, at one time I can be a woman and at another time I can be a man.

Question: However, in this world someone is born as a man and someone as a woman. Why does this happen?

Answer: It is because based on the upper roots, the same distribution occurs on the animate level. But these gender differences mean almost nothing. We are entering the era of complete spiritual equality. Women will express their spiritual aspirations exactly in the same way as men do.
From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 12/10/17

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They Don’t Want To Have Children

Question from Facebook: Women today don’t want to have children. Things were different in my time. Today my daughter doesn’t want to hear what I have to say about the motherly instinct and that it is the greatest thing there is. What is happening to women today?

Answer: Our egoism keeps growing and determines how humanity advances and how it evolves. People don’t want to have families anymore, to see their relatives, or to have children.

They think more about the fact that it will be too costly, and they care only about loving themselves. Therefore, as far as they are concerned, there is no point having children and bringing them up so that at the age of 20 they will leave home without even saying goodbye.

Question: How can a woman feel happy about being a mother again?

Answer: If a woman can be certain that what she is doing is for some good. And today there is no benefit for her, the child, or society—no one.

Society does not need people because robots are replacing them today. A child has no benefit from being born into this world. What is he born for? In order to do drugs later on in life or to be unemployed? His mother has no benefit from that because she serves him and takes care of him for 20 years and then he disappears.

Therefore, looking at this reality, she prefers to dedicate this time to herself, to friends, to spending time in clubs, traveling, and various other engagements. We see that women today manage very well with this.

Question: When would women feel the benefit of having children?

Answer: Only if they discover that they have a new goal in life that cannot be attained without a family and children. This goal is to discover together with her husband and children the next level of their development, which means the upper world.

There should be a certain connection in the family between the parents and the children where they can discover the Creator between them, and the woman, like the Creator, gives birth to a human being and in this action feels that she is like the Creator. Without this goal, she feels unfulfilled. We should return to this state.

This will only happen after humanity begins to acquire a new nature, the attribute of love and bestowal.
From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman” 6/8/17

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Ynet: “For Brethren To Dwell Together In Unity”

From my column in Ynet: “For Brethren To Dwell Together In Unity”

Is tribalism something good or bad? What is the power inherent in it that causes us to long for the sensation that is created during times of war? What is the harm that a lack of tribalism is liable to cause to our sensation of security, and how can we overcome it? Rav Laitman on the wisdom of the tribe.


Sebastian Junger, American journalist and author, has dedicated most of his life to staying on dangerous battlefields during wars throughout the world and reviewing them for newspapers. One of those times, when he returned from the first difficult and hard-pressed time in Afghanistan to the bosom of his loving family in the big city of New York, what was waiting for him was an unexpected experience: Suddenly, post-traumatic stress disorder began to stir in him, panic attacks and depression, that he didn’t know how to deal with.

As researcher by nature, he examined this phenomenon in depth and discovered that he was not alone. Hundreds of US soldiers experienced similar trauma, but the shocking discovery that Junger made was that, at the heart of the depression, there was a deep longing for the feeling of tribalism and brotherhood that he had experienced under sniper fire.

In times of war, soldiers sleep together, eat together, and fight together for a common goal, and result in the creation of a collective brotherhood. But once they are removed from their stay in a cohesive group and the sense of “togetherness” and return to the divided and alienated society, a feeling of emptiness attacks them immediately. For Junger, it took more than a year to overcome the situation that only got worse, but because of his pain and his own insights, he published the Tribe about six months ago, which examines the benefits that we have lost over the years when we detached from the life of the tribe.

What has humanity truly lost when we abandoned the tribal world? Is the price that all of us pay for our individualistic life worth it? What can we do today to rebuild our tribal life, the cohesion and unity that are so important for our personal and national strength?

 Secret Tribal Wisdom

The first (and last) time humanity felt like one big tribe was around 3,500 years ago in ancient Babylon. “Now the entire earth was of one language and uniform words” (Genesis 11:1), and the unique power inherent in the tribal feeling granted a sense of a protective and safe womb and it neutralized all self-concern in a person: from concern about food, clothing, and shelter, to the feeling of security in times of war and canceling uncertainty about the future. The sense of security came from the members of the tribe surrounding a person, but its origin was much deeper—the general power of nature—a “tribe”—broader in scope, spanning the entire universe. The general force of nature provides the positive power that nourishes us individually and collectively, protects us on a psychological level, and serves as a refuge for us. Just as the family unit is used by us for support, so the system of nature provides a feeling of calm and serenity, enveloped with warmth and love and balanced relationships.

One fine morning, egoistic nature broke out among the Babylonian tribe, disrupting the serenity that had dwelled among them up to then, and strengthening the feeling of “self” in each one. The Babylonians began to split and divide into smaller peoples and tribes (in retrospect, these became the foundation of the seventy nations of the world about which the historian Josephus wrote at length). The first positive force was trampled, and was replaced by the negative force of egoism, which leapt to the heavens as indicated by the story of the Tower of Babel. Instead of “we,” “I” was created. Instead of concern for others, there was concern for oneself, and instead of a tribe, the individual was the center.

Had the Babylonians been able to preserve a sense of tribalism, increasing the positive power that united them over the gaping void between the negative strength of the ego, their relationship would have strengthened and they would have risen to a new level of existence. But from where would they awaken the positive force? How could they maintain contact despite the distance created? This is precisely the “wisdom of the tribe” that Abraham taught.

A Small Tribe Within the Great Tribe of Nature

Abraham gathered a group of Babylonians around him. He taught them the wisdom of Kabbalah and educated them on how to return to being a cohesive tribe that would operate through altruism. “Charity and bringing peace among one person and another has never been found as much as it was in Abraham, for after all he was the father of a multitude of nations and he united them and made peace between all creatures” (Gevurot HaShem Chapter 6). The method that Abraham taught the Babylonians was simple and logical: transcend the conflicts that separate them and connect with love.

How is that done? It is through effort and a desire to connect with each other through brotherly love so they would awaken the positive force that exists in nature. Like a small tribe within the great tribe of nature, all of the parts are gradually connected into one big family by means of that same positive force of nature.

With the help of the method of Abraham, “Love covers all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12), the Babylonians who were alienated from each other connected between them “as one man in one heart,” and over many days, that group became the people of Israel (Yisrael, Yashar El, straight to the Creator, the positive force in nature). The sole function of the people of Israel today is to convey the wisdom of the tribe to all of humanity, to be “a light of nations” (Isaiah 49:6).

But like a big steamroller, egoism continued to crush everything in its path and divided the nations into more and more peoples, nations, and cultures, and even they were divided into factions, communities, and groups, divided into political parties, movements, and gangs, until a person was left standing alone. Today, the global tribe has become modern, broken into fragments.
What transforms the tribe into all of humanity? It is concern for everyone, mutual responsibility, and belonging to a single force.

What have we created during these 3,500 years? Has the dissolution of the big tribe transformed our lives for the better and made us more comfortable? Clearly, it hasn’t. We have returned to the starting point like we were in Babylon—billions of people don’t know how to get along with each other. Even if it seems for a moment that everyone suddenly will get along and take control of the situation, the ego will prevent it. Moreover, if we make it possible for the ego to continue to operate, it will cause us to deteriorate into an extreme civil war.

There is no doubt that stressful situations like these are made to bring us closer together as Junger testified in his book. The question is, why do we require a war or a big disaster to overcome the separation that egoism sows? Is there no other way to preserve the sensation of unity and restore the sensation of tribalism that is so vital for us? The solution remains the same: we need to return to the advice of Abraham, the father of the nation, and connect between us. However, unlike in the days of Babylon, this time the connection must be global, not local.

The Tribe of All Humanity

Baal HaSulam writes: “Therefore, in our generation, when each person is aided for his happiness by all the countries in the world, it is necessary that to that extent, the individual becomes enslaved to the whole world, like a wheel in a machine.

“Therefore, the possibility of making good, happy, and peaceful conducts in one state is inconceivable when it is not so in all the countries in the world, and vice versa. In our time, the countries are all linked in the satisfaction of their needs of life, as individuals were in their families in earlier times. Therefore, we can no longer speak or deal with just conducts that guarantee the well-being of one country or one nation, but only with the well-being of the whole world because the benefit or harm of each and every person in the world depends and is measured by the benefit of all the people in the world” (“Peace in the World”).

Living in a tribe gives peace and security. The burden is distributed among everyone, and day-to-day survival, which is typical of a competitive society, disappears as if it never existed. In the not too distant future when more and more people find themselves unemployed, the tribal way of life will provide us with everything required for our existence with ease and comfort.

A tribe is not a function of the quantity of people. A tribe could number billions and even more. What would make one tribe of all of humanity? It is concern for everyone, mutual responsibility, belonging to one force. One small step toward connection between us will create a warm and friendly connection, and will awaken the positive force. Then, we will ascend to a spiritual dimension, to the feeling of a single tribe in which all of us are “children of Adam,” members of the same tribe of Adam HaRishon (the First Man). Just as Junger returned from the momentary tribalism on the battlefield and yearned to return to a feeling of unity, so from such a divided world where we are living in incessant war, we can return to live together in a tribe of brethren.
From Ynet: “For Brethren To Dwell Together In Unity” 12/13/16

New Life 521 – The Magical Secret Of The Family

New Life 521 – The Magical Secret Of The Family 
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

The values and habits one gets while growing up in a family are engraved in him for a lifetime. The family is first and foremost the mother. A boy is connected to his mother for his whole life. From her, he moves into the hands of his wife.

If a woman envelops a man in an atmosphere like in the home of his mother, he will treat her with love like his mother. A woman who builds such an atmosphere for her husband at home, her husband will really be hooked to the family.

A woman’s nature is revolutionary, is adaptable and flexible, she adapts to everything. However, a man always remains a child who wants his mother.

Today the family is in crisis where we are about to move toward a new form of relationship between people, included in the new approach will be we are all one family. Evolution is forcing us to learn to develop love. In the future family, the upper force will dwell, the force of love, bestowal, and connection, a power that comes from above our nature.

People are getting divorced today because they feel an emptiness that nothing can fill. Something is missing for them. In the future connection, people will build a family together because they will feel that it brings them to a higher goal. About this it is written, “When husband and wife are worthy, the Shechina abides with them” (Sotah 17a).

This is the discovery of the upper force, eternal life. The upper force is the force of love and bestowal, it is higher than our natural egoistic attitude to those around us. In a family, a person will life without restriction, full of discernments, joys, and happy children.
From KabTV’s “New Life 521 – The Magical Secret Of The Family,” 2/15/15

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