Entries in the 'Man and Woman' Category

Tears Reduce Aggression

276.01Question: Researchers from the Weizmann Institute in Israel have found that human tears contain a substance that suppresses aggression. For the study, they collected emotional tears from women. Then, men were given the opportunity to smell these tears or a physiological saline solution. It turned out that female tears induce changes in the brain that reduce male aggression by more than forty percent. What is the spiritual root of tears?

Answer: Tears are excesses of the desire to bestow. In Kabbalah, this is called Ohr Hozer, the reflected light that comes out from the source of the light and envelops it. In other words, tears are a great force.

Question: Even in a spiritual sense?

Answer: Especially in a spiritual sense.

Question: So, it overwhelms me, I want to bestow, bestow, and bestow?

Answer: When a person feels that he cannot solve the problem of bestowing, then tears manifest. I really want to bestow, but I cannot; my nature is different.

Question: It is one thing when a child cries. Another thing when an adult cries. Are tears still a form of helplessness?

Answer: Yes, it is helplessness every time.

Question: So, I have to reach a dead-end and then tears come?

Answer: And then tears appear. These tears are the reflected light in which the direct light from the Creator is dressed.

Question: Can you explain the terms reflected light and direct light more simply?

Answer: It means that a person appeals to the Creator and receives help from Him. This is called light.

Question: Is this the direct light?

Answer: Yes, and reflected light is the light that comes to a person and reflects from him in the desire to merge with the Creator.

Question: In our world we have tears of happiness, tears of sorrow, pain, hatred, and all of these are still tears. Why are they all tears?

Answer: Tears are a lack of the ability to embrace the immensity.

Question: Do I want to embrace the unattainable?

Answer: Yes, those who want to encompass the unattainable and find that they cannot do it, they cry. This can happen to a little child or an old person as well.

Question: In Kabbalah, there is a concept called “gates of tears.” They say that the gates of tears are always open. Can you explain?

Answer: When a person has a complete realization that he has done everything possible to come close to the Creator and sees that he still cannot achieve it, he then explodes from within in sobbing, thus opening the gates of tears. In other words, all gates are closed, but the gates of tears are open to a person who comes to them in this way.

Question: When you said that he has been through everything, already done everything, does that mean that all gates are closed? So, he checked all the gates?

Answer: Yes.

Question: So, one must still check all the gates?

Answer: Otherwise how will one explode in suffering and prayer?

Question: Can we say that, in principle, our life is to check all the gates? Is this our life? And all the sufferings we get along the way, are they because the gates are closed?

Answer: Yes.

Question: We come to it with age, with wisdom? What do we come to the gates of tears with?

Answer: With a plea out of helplessness. With a request that we have done everything, and besides the Creator no one can help us, and only to Him do we turn. But we are capable of it! Not just crying and screaming like a child. But when you have been through everything and your despair is greater than all the problems that came to you.

Question: Have you ever cried?

Answer: I have cried. The last time I cried was when my friend was drafted to the army. And with this I felt that childhood and youth were ending.

Question: Was it your childhood friend leaving?

Answer: Yes.

Remark: So, you had that period of happiness called childhood, and it ended.

Answer: Yes, something like that.

Question: This is an overflow of what?

Answer: It is an overflow of emotions. We were very close friends, and it was the end of it.

Question: Another question: Your teacher Rabash, did he ever cry?

Answer: No, I imagine that it could have happened, but I never saw a single tear.

Question: Even, as you said, when his wife died, when he was distraught by that blow?

Answer: No, he did not cry and did not show any emotion.

Question: Why?

Answer: He did not have it in him. He did not have anything like it. I was with him for 12 to 13 years; he passed away in my arms, and never did he cry.

Question: But when you think about him, very often tears come to your eyes?

Answer: I am not him.

Question: What do you feel at that moment?

Answer: I feel bitterness that I could not bestow to him more than I did. And sometimes, it caused him a sense of offense toward me. So… I still have to figure this out.
[323852]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 12/25/23

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Love Is Born Out of Hate

963.5Question: One boy had a very bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and said: “Whenever you offend someone, hammer one nail into the fence.” On the first day, the boy hammered 37 nails. Then he began to learn to control his anger, and the day came when he did not hammer a single nail.

His father said, “Now for every day that you have managed to restrain yourself, pull one nail out of the fence.” One day there was not a single nail left in the door, he pulled everything out.

The father said, “Son, you have done a great job. But look at how many holes are left in the wood. It will never be the same again.”

The moral is this: Every time you offend someone, it leaves scars. You can take back your words later, but the scars will remain forever.

The question is, is it possible to resist offending another? After all, you say that we are egoists anyway. Can we do it?

Answer: No, every moment we try to lower others; otherwise, I do not feel that I am living!

Question: You see and feel it, but you do it anyway?

Answer: Yes.

Comment: And by this we, as if, leave scars.

My Response: This is the principle of existence of our world.

Question: It means it is all covered in scars, by and large. Are the scars in me or in the one I am lowering?

Answer: In fact, it is in you.

Question: So, these scars remain in me. If we cover our transgressions, the fact that we offend someone, as you say with love, what happens to these scars?

Answer: Then they heal! There are no traces left!

Question: So, is the assumption that it is possible to heal scars so that no traces remain true?

Answer: None of the traces.

Question: This is the most important advice! If you cover all this transgression with love.

Answer: It is said about this: “Love covers all crimes.”

Question: How can you cover with love? How can you do it?

Answer: Selflessly. That is, just love. That is all.

Question: You just now humiliated him.

Answer: No, not just now, it cannot happen right away.

Question: You felt that you humiliated him, and it made you feel bad. Is this the case in stages?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Do you have to somehow evoke love for him? Can this love be evoked? It does not exist in me.

Answer: Yes, love can be evoked. From where? Because there is hate. This hatred, from the opposite side, manifests itself as love.

Question: So my hatred for this person is what causes love. At what point? Is it when I feel like I am wrong or what?

Answer: It is under the influence of the upper light.

Question: But do I need to feel something? That I want to make it up somehow, it hurts me, I feel bad, I have scars! Should I feel this?

Answer: Yes. It has to be present.

Comment: Then, this is a man before us.

In most cases, we do not feel it. Basically, we justify all the scars we inflict.

My Response: It means that we will have to check ourselves and correct ourselves a lot more.

Question: Why are we not hurt by these scars, we have so many? We have already “massacred” many people.

Answer: But we do not feel it. Our egoism erases it all carefully.

Question: When do I start to feel this, and what is it to “cover with love” hatred or dislike for the other?

Answer: I cannot say any more. Imagine that you are writing on a blackboard and then you start gradually erasing every word you say and writing the opposite.

Question: Do you mean “I hate” – “I love”? “You” – “myself,” like this?

Answer: Yes.
[324446]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 1/8/24

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Women, Step Forward!

294.2Question: We have a holiday on March 8th—International Women’s Day. It started as a struggle for women’s rights and then turned into a warm international, global women’s holiday. I remember buying my mom Queen of Spades perfume and a bouquet of tulips. We also bought flowers for the girls. And for special girls, beloved ones, maybe Bird’s Milk cake and something else. How was it for you? Do you remember?

Answer: No, I never gave anyone anything except for my mom.

Question: What did you give your mom?

Answer: I sent her a telegram.

Question: Although you were living together?

Answer: Yes.

Question: But when you were little?

Answer: Yes, when I was little, I went to the post office and sent my mom a telegram.

Question: What did you write?

Answer: Congratulations on March 8th, wishing you health, and that is all.

Question: What would you like to wish for our women now?

Answer:
Dear Women!
From the bottom of my heart, no twist, I love and respect you very much for your huge contribution to fixing the world that your men distort and disfigure.
So let’s continue our work together until the world is fixed. And then all men will understand how much they owe to their women—mothers, daughters, wives. And the world will become calmer and better.

Question: How do women fix the world?

Answer: With their gentle attitude, by not wanting suffering.

Question: Do they intuitively think about their children, that is, this thought immediately arises?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Then why do troubles continue and continue?

Answer: It is all because men do such things to the world.

Question: All these games?

Answer: Yes.

Question: So women are not inclined to play games?

Answer: Absolutely not! Women are ready to forgive everything just to have peace. But men are not ready for that. They do not feel like they are achieving anything unless it is through fighting.

Question: What should women do now to come together and raise such a prayer, a cry to stop all of this?

Answer: If women could, then they would make men leave their childish games of war, become more thoughtful, and compel everyone to focus on peace, nature, humanity, and children. But for now, I do not see it.

Comment: But still, you say that women are involved in correction.

My Response: They are involved in correction, but it is very small. They are afraid to step forward.

Question: Do you still have a desire for them to step forward?

Answer: Yes, definitely! They should start governing the world, and the world will become a better place. Exactly then.

Question: Is it due to the fact that they have motherhood in them?

Answer: Yes, They give birth, they want everything to grow, to move forward. But men do not have that.

Question: But still, we both think. A thinking man, a thinking woman.

Answer: A man does not have that deep need for peace in the world. And a woman, she feels with her womb.

That is why this holiday, March 8th, is truly a special holiday. A holiday of hope for correction.
[326328]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 3/4/24

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Do Not Give Up even when Love Is Dead

294.2Question: There is a wise saying for the difference between like and love. When you like a flower, you pick it. If you love a flower, you water it daily.

What does it mean to love, to water a flower?

Answer: It is very simple. It is to understand what the one you love needs and to provide it for him or her, to fill them, to “water” them.

Question: So do I first need to find out what this person needs and give it to him? Is this called love?

Answer: This is indeed called love.

Question: So when I see a withering flower, for example, it is easier for me to water it, see it start to lift its head, and suddenly come to life. And when love withers away completely and the flower dies, do we then lose hope or do we still water it?

Answer: What else is left?

Comment: Leave it. Look for another flower. Or should I still water it?

My Response: I think you should still water it.

Comment: That is, this hope should be.

My Response: You can revive it with your feelings and by giving it water.

Comment: We are talking about love, which is believed to not be there. However, you feel that there is no such thing as no love there. You say we can revive it.

My Response: Yes, absolutely nothing disappears.

Question: Is something still alive there? It is so beyond reason after all. How can we believe it?

Answer: It is beyond reason, but we can see it in nature, too.

Question: As when something suddenly sprouts from a completely barren land?

Answer: Yes. We can overcome even the state of death.

Question: Can we overcome a dead, withered state?

Answer: At any state, at the vegetative level, at the animal and human levels.

Question: How can I convince myself of this? This is the most important thing.

Answer: It all depends solely on the expansion of your inner feelings. If you want, even the Pharaoh’s mummy will come to life. Let us say he was buried two or three thousand years ago, and your attitude toward him reorients itself so he begins to come to life.

Question: When you say “come to life,” what do you mean?

Answer: To live at our level.

Question: Meaning, will all the vital forces come back to him? This is not fiction?

Answer: It will not be fiction.

Comment: But in our current state, the way we understand things now, this is just pure fantasy.

Answer: Of course. This is decomposition into natural elements.

Question: Can we put them back together with our efforts?

Answer: We can bring them back together; we can do it.

Question: Where can I get the patience to work in this way?

Answer: No one has the patience. But there is an understanding of the process you are talking about. Let us say love has died in you now. And then what?

Question: Where to get the patience, as you say, to even raise the dead?

Answer: Let us say you have realized you are able to revive it with your efforts during, say, fifty years.

Question: Do I have to invest fifty years into this?

Answer: No, you are not thinking of investing fifty years into this. You are thinking of what you are reviving. The years become unimportant; you are already living the outcome.

Question: This is beautiful! Is this the way to live?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Then all my efforts matter less, everything I invest into it fades in the face of this goal, this revival. And then I will revive it?

Answer: Yes, of course. Your spirit will penetrate this dead state, and it will sprout.

Question: When can I give up, raise my hands because I am unable to revive it? Is there such a thing?

Answer: That is weakness.

Question: Is it really a weakness? And does it come to the person all the time? How do I work with it?

Answer: I once had a neighbor in the next apartment whose little son was ill with brain inflammation. I remember how, at about two or three in the morning, as I was going to the lesson, she knocked on my door and brought me this child, a little bundle, handed him over, and said hopelessly: “Take him.” That was it. That is the kind of state we cannot get to. Fight it!

Question: So, no surrender, neither with what I see nor with what I hear? Is that all?

Answer: Keep going!

Question: Is this what we call coming to real prayer?

Answer: Yes.

Comment: It is not easy!

Answer: But in my story, it was already too late. The child was already… the body was still reacting somehow, but everything inside was already nearly dead.

Question: And yet you say we cannot give up? Should that never happen?

Answer: Never.
[323299]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/27/23

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Do Not Listen to the Bulls

278.03Comment: A lion and a bull are having dinner together. The lion receives a call from his wife: “Are you coming home soon?” “Yes, darling, I will be there soon,” says the lion.

The bull looks at him surprised: “Well, you are a lion, the king of all animals. I answer to my wife: “This is none of your business, I will come when I want.” To which the lion says to him: “Do not compare us, your wife is a cow, and mine is a lioness.”

My Response: This is good!

Question: Is respect for a wife a behavior of a lion?

Answer: Yes.

Question: What do you mean by respecting a wife?

Answer: I mean love, understanding, and mutual connection. All this should be present. And I am demonstrating it all loudly and openly.

Question: Are you not paying attention to the bulls who are saying: “What are you doing? You are a lion, the king of the animals. Why are you talking to her like that?”

Answer: No.

Question: Please tell me what comes first: Am I raising a lioness at home, or does a lioness make me a lion after all? What happens first here?

Answer: I think the opposite is true here, the lioness makes you a lion. But I want to say this: What would happen if you talked to your little daughter or your son like that? You would lower yourself and speak softly. Why not with the wife?

You must always feel that you are above everyone, and therefore you must be below everyone.

Question: This is beautiful! Is this the behavior of a real king?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Then I have a question. How did it happen in the world that kings and dynasties disappeared? Politicians came out instead, and mostly not-so-nice ones.

Answer: They all are corrupt.

Question: How did it happen? What happened to all this: with royal nobility, with such an attitude toward others?

Answer: This respect gradually died out over hundreds of years and gave way to pride.

A king should be a king. It goes by inheritance; it goes by ancestral transmission. But then it all changed to sale and purchase.

Question: When was this gene cut off? What happened there? Where did the change take place? If we speak from above. You say that respectful attitude, nobility, is the state of the upper.

Answer: I think it was somewhere in Ancient Rome when they began to sell, buy, and poison each other, then everything went downhill. Before that, the image of the king was practically God’s vicar on earth.

Question: You keep saying that one way or another we must come to the equivalence with the Creator. Is this what is called returning to nobility?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Is it possible? You just said that it was all falling.

Answer: It is impossible.

Question: Then how to return to nobility?

Answer: This nobility will be replaced by the people. When the people have proclaimed themselves the viceroy of the Creator on earth in fulfilling all the upper laws, then they raise themselves to the level of the Creator and peace will be restored on earth.

Question: What should people become in order to reach this state?

Answer: They should exist in love for each other. This is the only condition. The mass should be as one.

Question: Do you actually see this? Do you not see the kings, do you see the people as one whole?

Answer: Yes, it is all gone.

Question: So, when we say “as one heart” or “as one” do you mean this?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Will it happen?

Answer: I may be wrong; I do not know. But, in principle, according to my reasoning, this is how it should be.
[322928]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/27/23

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“And Hold Fast to His Wife”

49.04From a letter:

Hello! My neighbor Irina is studying Kabbalah with you. She sent me a quote yesterday. She knows that my husband and I are having difficulties, to put it mildly, and wants to help us. So, I decided to write to you. The quote is as follows:

“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.’ That is, this one is worthy of being dedicated to the man, and the man is dedicated to her.

“Therefore, a man should love his wife as his own body and respect her more than his own body, have compassion for her and cherish her as one cherishes one of his own organs. And she, too, must respect and love him as her soul, for it is from him that she was taken” (Rabbi Abraham Ben David, Baalei HaNefesh).

I looked at Wikipedia, this is a Jewish sage. He lived in the 12th century. Tell me, is this suitable for us today, the way we are? Or is it only for the 12th century?

My Response: I think this attitude is more or less suitable at all times.

Question: Then she asks: “Explain what it means to hold fast to his wife and become one flesh?”

Answer: To take care of her. The way you take care of yourself, take care of her.

Question: This passage from the Torah says: a man will leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. That is, he will already care for his wife. Is this called “to hold fast”?

Answer: Yes.

Question: The second question is: what does it mean that we should be dedicated to each other? The word “dedicated,” what is it? Is this fate? What is it about?

Answer: Of course, this is fate. You see how people get closer to each other, get to know each other, how they gradually feel that they are good together. This is called “dedicated.”

Question: Is there some kind of hand in this that brings people together?

Answer: Of course.

Question: Do they not just meet by chance?

Answer: No. There is no chance at all.

Question: Is this what is called “dedicated”?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Next, she asks: “What does it mean “must love as oneself”? It sounds like an order that I am obliged to do this. Is it possible to oblige a person to do this?”

Answer: A man and a woman should see this goal before them: to love the life partner and companion so that they take care of him or her as of themselves. At least as much as possible. Both he and she have this task.

Question: “What does it mean that I should respect and love him as my soul? I don’t even know where my soul is, or if I love it at all. What does it mean to love like my soul?”

Answer: Like your life.

Question: One more question: “What does it mean that I, a wife, am taken from my husband? It is written, for it is from him that she was taken.

Answer: It is believed that a woman who lives with a man, as it were, becomes a part of him. It is called that she is taken from him.

Question: Her last question is: “In general, how to live together without getting divorced?”

Answer: It depends on people, and how seriously they take life. If they feel responsible to their children, and for each other, then they will manage.

Question: You know, today divorces take place all over the world.

Answer: I do not understand this because I believe that there should be no divorces.

Comment: You see, it is not for nothing that her first question was: “Does this apply to the sage of the 12th century or to us too?”

My Response: I think it does not matter what time it belongs to, but there should not be any divorces in general.

Comment: This is not the first time you have said this. Do you know what the comments are about this? “What if he is like that? What if she is like that? What if he drinks? What if he beats me?” And so on, a lot of them.

My Response: I cannot comment on all these screams, but I believe that there is still no place for divorce. Especially for the sake of children. It always hurts a lot.

Question: When you say that, do you mean a family that has children?

Answer: Otherwise, it is not a family, between you and me.

Question: Do you not mean that if it does not work out?

Answer: If there are any problems, it was already there initially.

Question: In principle, if they have children are they a family?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Can you suggest some kind of exercise for people who are in a state of anxiety: “What if it happens? What if we get divorced? We are moving toward this; we are getting closer to this.” What should they do? How can they sit down together and talk?

Answer: This is a problem and a long period of re-education. I think this is not easy. But still, divorce is the very last and, I would say, unacceptable step. This is something that cannot be crossed.

Question: If this enters into them, if they somehow absorb this into themselves, will this allow them to begin getting closer to each other from this moment on?

Answer: Yes. That is, it is important to discover and work with the point that there can be no divorces.
[322021]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/20/23

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The Spiritual Work of Couples

627.1Question: My husband and I both study using our method. How can we reach concessions if we are both very hot-tempered?

Answer: Start competing with each other to see who will concede more to the other.

Question: If I get married, I am afraid that the Creator will lose His importance to me and fade into the background. Can love for another person interfere with the spiritual path?

Answer: No. True love for the Creator never interferes with the love for a person.

Question: I have been studying for 12 years, but my husband does not study Kabbalah. However I see how, during this period, his approach to Kabbalah changed from absolute hatred to a high reverent attitude toward you and the methodology. At first, I felt only one-sided fulfillment, not in a mutual connection, but from the moment he began to be imbued with the ideas of Kabbalah, a new mutual connection appeared between us. What is this transition from one-way fulfillment to mutual connection?

Answer: A new Kli has appeared from the two of you, and you feel it. But this is just the beginning, then you will feel much more.

Question: How can I be sure that my chosen one is the woman with whom I will serve the Creator together?

Answer: You must feel this, according to the goal you must reach. First, your chosen one should aim toward the same spiritual goal.
[321109]
From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 11/19/23, Writings of Rabash “Discernments in States“

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Guided by Feelings

506.1Question: In practice we see that in a married couple one manages one process and the second one another. How is equality between husband and wife achieved?

Answer: It is impossible to measure. It is just that everyone wants to please the other. Therefore, there are no calculations here of how much I did for you and how much you did for me. You will never reach a real connection in this way.

You should be guided by feelings and not by rational calculation: “You for me, and I for you.”

Question: Does it mean that until we come to the correction of our qualities in spirituality we will not be able to come to the correct corporeal relationship between husband and wife?

Answer: On the contrary, first, you need to correct your qualities in corporeality and then move to spirituality.
[321064]
From the Daily Kabbalah lesson 11/19/23, Writings of Rabash “Discernments in States“

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It’s Good for Men to Be Silent

565.02Question: Communication should be through feelings, internally, through silence. Why talk? What are words for?

Answer: Words are in order to get in touch in conversation, in order to tune in to each other. Musical instruments also are tuned before they are played together. It is the same here. But in principle, if you know a person, then you can come to him, sit down next to him, and be silent.

Question: In general, can we say that a few words can be spoken in order to be silent?

Answer: Yes. If people know each other, even married couples, they are silent. A woman, however, needs to speak, express, and listen a little more. This is how they are built because they are adapted to looking after small children and so on. But men do not. It is good for men to keep quiet.

Question: So do you see that in the future, maybe the distant future, that the transmission of information will be through silence?

Answer: Sure. This will not be like our TV nowadays.

Question: Will it fall silent as a result?

Answer: I think so.

Question: And what do you say about hermits who move away to be silent?

Answer: There are good periods in a person when he does not want to communicate with anyone except with himself and with the Creator. And he has this communication going on.

These are good states, and they are very strong. They are very thoughtful and generate a lot in a person.
[320504]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 9/21/23

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What Should One Do if Your Wife Is Lured Away from You?

565.01 Igor writes:

Dear Michael Laitman,

I never thought that this would happen to me! I had a misfortune. My closest friend lured my wife away from me! It is a primitive triangle, but I can no longer breathe and live!

You say: “We must accept the situation.” But how? I now understand what hatred is and what despair is when one gives up and tears flow uncontrollably. I am crying for the second time in my life: the first was at my mother’s grave and the second is now. How can I survive this?

Answer: I do not know what to advise a person in this case. I think that you need to think about others and not about yourself. Was she happy with you? Apparently not so much, and that is why she left.

What could happen now? Suppose you force her back or in some fantasy you make her feel bad so that she comes back to you, throws herself at your feet, cries, and all that. I do not think that would reassure you because the very action when she left for someone else is already irreparable.

The best thing, of course, is to change the environment, get married, and start a new family.

Question: That is, let it go? She was a part of me, my “I,” that is why Igor is suffering, and you say: “Let it go”?

Answer: Yes.

Comment: A part of his “I” was cut off and you say…

My Response: This is generally a huge loss and a very strong defeat, of course. Let her go!

Question: Let her go? Do you even say: “Let her be happy there”? And do you think that at that moment he will begin to feel a relief if he comes to this thought?

Answer: I think so. It is very difficult to change your hatred to some kind of love, that you love the person with whom you were maybe even happy, and everything was good. But she did not feel good, and she exchanged you for someone else.

And you make it so that despite the fact that you were happy with her, you raise yourself here and think: “But if she really did not feel good, and now she feels good, can I be happy because she is happy?” Here you have to answer this for yourself.

That is, you must rise above your egoism, above your jealousy, ambition, above all this, and say: “If she is happy, then I am happy.” Otherwise you will not fix it.

Question: You will eat yourself up as a result. Will you feel much worse?

Answer: Yes. And if you find out that she is happy, and you will feel happy because of this, then you resolved this problem.

Comment: This is beautiful! But how hard this is! How difficult!

My Response: It is very hard in feelings.
[318241]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 10/16/23

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