Entries in the 'Man and Woman' Category

“Who Are Better Managers: Men Or Women?” (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: Who are better managers: men or women?

There is a saying that states, men change the world, while women improve it.

Women indeed organize the planet. The natural inclination of a female is to make everything as calm and comfortable as if it is at home.

The case is different for men.

Men need official recognition of their power. It is more intrinsic for men to push through boundaries, induce changes, and sometimes engage in extreme methods.

Women, as a rule, operate differently. In terms of the female desire for stability, women are better suited to manage the world. However, if we want to reach balanced and continuous development, both males and females should engage in management.

The perfect balance between the two different approaches can be observed in a family, where the wife commands in an indirect manner, and the husband carries out the commands. This is what said in the Torah: “Whatever Sarah tells you, do as she says” (Gen. 21:12).

As far as I’m concerned, I would place women in all leading positions, even in the military, except for hard army execution. However, in our current conditions, everything depends on the environment’s needs. If there is an understanding that for a particular purpose, either a male or a female manager is preferable, then the environment brings such a need to fruition.

A question that envelops the question about men or women being better managers is: Can we make the workplace function as a perfectly balanced family?

It would be complicated for today’s mixed teams. To make it work, we need a group of wise people who understand male and female natures and can guide the teams in terms of how to overcome their personal gender relations, so they could work neither as men nor as women, but according to a middle line for a common goal.

The middle line is the most effective and correct cooperation between male and female forces. Also, working in the middle line is not one-time execution. It is an ongoing process that we constantly have to work on.

The personnel group would need one or two people, or even better, a designated couple who will constantly maintain balance between male and female approaches among group relations.

Realizing the nature of both men and women, fitting them into a perfect middle line, where women remain women and men remain men, but together they rise above their natural qualities, means building a completely new balanced social construct.

Therefore, we have no need to measure whether men or women are better managers, but we should learn how to create the middle line by choosing a correct combination of our actions.

“What Should Couples Do To Improve Their Relationships?” (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: What should couples do to improve their relationships?

To improve their relationships, couples should first forgive anything that they hold against each other.

The same way we want others to forgive us for negative actions or mistakes we have done, we should try to forgive others in advance.

Moreover, forgiveness extends beyond relationships between couples. Ultimately, it applies to society at large.

Even in the smallest of acts, in all kinds of encounters with other people, when driving, shopping, waiting in queues, and so on, we would experience better lives if we tried to forgive people in advance. Today’s society lacks that a lot.

We need to internalize how small and weak we really are, and how easily our mood can drop due to some negative interaction. We thus need to lower our demands upon others.

After forgiveness, our next step is to work on love, i.e., “love your neighbor as yourself.” In other words, as we constantly consider our own benefit, and know all kinds of details about what we enjoy, trying to fulfill our own desires’ demands, we should try to understand our partner’s desires to the same extent, and seek to fulfill them as we do ourselves.

Love is thus grown through mutual concessions, where each partner concedes their self-focus and seeks to think about the other, trying to give them what makes them feel good.

This is why it is important to find a partner that has the same goal in life. Both partners can then enjoy from supporting each other to their mutual goal.

Preventing Divorce

laitman_627.1Comment: Shelters for divorced men are opening up across Italy. According to the law, a man must pay an alimony to support his children and ex-wife to the standard of living she became accustomed to when married, so that she will not be in need. On average, it comes to 1,000 – 1,500 Euros.

My Response: We have come to a state when our constitution, our rights and other laws result in men no longer being men; they are like children, degraded elements. They cannot take care of nor provide for themselves. Greedy wives strip them down to nothing, and they are thrown to the sidelines.

Question: Why is there such an attitude of disregard for men on the part of modern women?

Answer: The human ego is growing. In the twentieth century, it soared to such a height that it has become impossible to get along in any relationships. A man and a woman can no longer live together. And it is this way in any country, any culture, and any religion. It is incredibly complicated.

Question: What are the roles of men and women in the modern world?

Answer: Women are no less and no worse, and they are not dependent on men. On the contrary, such laws and views prevail in society that a man feels demoted, flawed, and under greater pressure from society than a woman. This is the evolutionary stage of societal development.

Question: What will this lead to?

Answer: It will lead to the complete abolition of the institution of marriage. Or perhaps there will be very clear agreements prearranged by a lawyer and certified in court so that there will be no problems.

Question: Can you describe an ideal picture of harmonious relationships between men and women in the future? What should they be like?

Answer: There should be no demands placed on each other. We have to be educated so that we will not be conditioned to demand of others.

Question: What will happen with the shelters for divorced men? Will there be more of them all over the world, or less?

Answer: The whole thing will lead to the reassessment of our values. When we will no longer view marriage as means of achieving some material gains for women and of enslaving men. When we will view this as a natural state of human development that must be resolved, healthily and purposefully, instead of one trying to get ahead at the expense of another.

We need to involve society, men, and women, necessarily all three, so the involvement in raising children and their financial support falls in proportionate measures on both parents.

Question: A person has both male and female qualities. What should one do to bring them into balance? And what are these qualities?

Answer: From the perspective of Kabbalah, these are the desires to give and to receive, which truly have to be in balance within a person. We have to reached a state where these desires will be aimed at the common good, at the betterment of the entire society.

Laws have to be such that we would want to obey them. That is, we would receive such an education that would explain to us that the laws of society are the laws of nature, and the laws of nature are the laws of the Creator, and if we observe all these laws, we will be in an optimal state.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 11/17/19

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“Do Men And Women Experience Falling In Love Or Being In Love Differently?“ (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: Do men and women experience falling in love or being in love differently?

By nature, men and women are two opposites. Thus, by default, men and women experience nothing in the same way.

There is a saying that men love with their eyes, and women love with their ears. We can see how a man can lose his mind when he sees a beautiful woman. An attractive woman can distract a man from any serious task. However, this does not mean that he is a bad husband or a bad man in general. It is simply his nature. A man can be completely in love with one woman, but can occasionally stare at others, and one has nothing to do with the other. It is simply part and parcel of man’s nature.

The situation with women is completely different. According to nature, a woman cares about the home environment. She builds a family nest and sees to it being comfortable and welcoming. Regardless of the fact that today we live in the so-called “unisex” era, the natural urge of the woman—before it comes in contact with various social and media influences that can redirect the woman’s natural desire in myriad directions—is to take care of her very own home. Therefore, she requires a man who can sustain it. That is why women are more likely to fall in love with smart and wealthy men rather than with handsome ones.

In a woman, a man looks at the purely external and corporeal features that attract him. Even if behind the beautiful “interface,” he finds a girl who could be considered as silly, he is okay with that. As long as the woman falls into his idea of beauty, then that is enough for him.

However, it is not with the case with a woman. She judges a man not by his appearance, but makes a precise calculation whether she can build a comfortable family nest and raise her children with this particular man. Therefore, a woman can get used to any kind of man, but only as long as he aligns with her nature.

Love Can Be Different

laitman_284.07Question: If people maintain friendly relations after a divorce, then love did not bind them?

Answer: It is possible that love connected them. After all, love can be different.

If I respect another person, I feel attracted to him, but this is not enough to love him; I can still be faithful to him, understand, respect, and help him.

But to love is a completely different state. Love is not a state of reciprocity.

“I give you and you give me” is called a friendly state. And love is when it is not “I give you and you give me,” but rather, “I give you,” and that is all.

Perhaps two people meet, get together, and it seems to them that it is love, but in reality, it is nothing more than friendship. It can end at a purely physiological level, or at a level where people help each other, and so on. But this is not love.

Love is when you experience contentment from filling another person without any response whatsoever.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah,” 12/15/2019

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How To Find A Perfect Match

Dr. Michael LaitmanFrom My Facebook Page Michael Laitman 2/2/20

Researchers say that men are usually inclined to marry women similar to them both in physical parameters and in worldviews.

Similarities attract. This is a law of nature. In our lives, we look for a “twin.” When we get together, we have to choose someone close to our understanding of life, relationships, and things in general.

The law of similarity of form acts in everything on the planet and beyond. The wisdom of Kabbalah states that this is also how we can get closer to the upper nature. If the Creator is a force of love and bestowal, in order to “match” with Him, we will need to attain loving and bestowing qualities as He has.

Freedom Of Choice, Part 7

laitman_560“Fate” from the everyday point of view

Question: If we consider fate not with respect to the final correction, but from the everyday point of view: who to become, whom to marry, what kind of children will I have, what problems, etc., can this be changed?

Answer: It is very difficult because for this we must educate future couples in advance in understanding the meaning of life, the purpose of life, the realization of this purpose, and how much they are ready for it.

To select these couples as they become ready, understanding what they should sacrifice, what they should let go of,  than, on the contrary, what they should help each other with and how they should mutually support each other to achieve this goal. A lot of work has to be done here.

I hope that if not in our generation, then in the next, people will do it because humanity will come to a state of separation from any solution to family problems. People will stop marrying and having children. They will not understand why they need it! Up to the point that even sexual instincts will “freeze” in them. This is a problem that will be addressed through the matter of suffering.

Question: But on the other hand, why should I change anything if, let’s say, I understand or believe that there is some upper force, and it leads me to the goal of creation?

Answer: It leads you by the way of suffering. However, you do not realize yourself as a person. If you go with the flow, then you are an animal.

Question: If I do not make conscious efforts to change myself, then does the upper force act on me in the form of suffering?

Answer: Like on any animal. At that moment you are called an animal. And you are called a man only in those moments when you yourself see the goal and exert forces to get closer to it.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah,” 2/4/19

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“Why Divorce Negatively Affects Men More Than Women” (KabNet)

KabNet published my new article: “Why Divorce Negatively Affects Men More Than Women

Divorce and parental separation has been associated with a range of negative outcomes affecting all those involved in the process. But why is it particularly difficult for men, as multiple studies indicate it to be?

How could men and women create a support system that will not only help the couple overcome challenges related to the split, but also help children cope with their parent’s separation?

Marriage has been directly associated with men’s health. 66% of men rely on their wives for their primary social support. Thus, divorce greatly increases a man’s sense of isolation. Also, socially isolated men have an 82% higher risk of dying from heart disease.

“66% of men rely on their wives for their primary social support. Thus, divorce greatly increases a man’s sense of isolation. Also, socially isolated men have an 82% higher risk of dying from heart disease.”

Why Is it Harder for Men to Endure Divorce?

Comparing the impact of divorce by gender, we discover that one of the reasons men find it more difficult to deal with a separation is their inability to open up and share their failures, worries, and pain from divorce with others. In comparison to women, since men are less prone to reach out for support when their family gets shattered, their chances of suffering from helplessness, stress and depression increase. In some cases, severe mental health problems arise in men that even lead to suicide. As confirmed by an investigation of the University of California, divorced men are nine times more likely than women to die by suicide. How can this be explained?

In general, factors that impair the mental and physical health of the divorced are loss of control over life, impairment of family and social sense, financial anxiety, loneliness and emptiness. All these feelings are intensified in divorced men. In addition, we can add to this difficult situation the potential for false accusations that often become part of the lawyers’ disputes over the custody of children.

There is a common misconception that it is easier for a man to live the single life after a separation, a life free of worry and commitment, while single mothers are left overwhelmed with the task of raising children alone, often dealing with most of the economic burden single-handedly. However, in practice, this picture often turns out to be unfounded. Instead of celebrating their supposed freedom, men often feel like abandoned children alone in the world, unable to pick up the pieces of their broken lives and carry on. Their confidence and self-esteem is undermined by divorce.

While in many cases women receive almost full custody of the children, fathers find themselves “divorced” from their children as well. Relentless quarrels with the ex-spouse often complicate the relationship with the children who sometimes hold a grudge against the father for leaving home, feeling distanced regardless of the compensation he might try to give them to maintain his position in their lives.

Understanding the Other Side Better

What Western society misses is that a man, despite the “macho” image he might portray to cover up his own insecurities, is almost totally dependent on the emotional support of the woman next to him and his family for a sense of well-being, much more so than most of us imagine. The wisdom of Kabbalah explains that a man by nature is fragile and vulnerable and needs a feminine influence resembling a mother figure to accompany him from childhood and throughout his life. Just as a fetus receives nourishment from its mother through the umbilical cord, a man remains in need of a woman’s nourishment in the form of support and care to continue to remain fulfilled.

Women in return should receive from men security, confidence, and total recognition for the pivotal role and contribution they play. A man needs to constantly emphasize his love and appreciation for his wife and should pamper and embrace her as much as possible to avoid losing her.

The problem is that both men and women, from an early age, receive no education on how to understand this interactive mutual support mechanism and how to use it positively for the sake of family integrity. Each partner is locked in the ego, in individual self-concern, and often misinterprets the other until the partnership is unable to endure the resulting emotional crunch and the decision is made to tear the family unit apart.

The Key to Successful Relationships

In fact, the success of a marriage does not depend on physical attraction or even on personality, as our consumerist culture would have us believe. Marital success depends on the attitude and warmth that partners provide to each other, a necessary condition for a balanced relationship.

We need to stop assuming that we know what the other loves or needs. How can we expect that two different people from two different families, with two different upbringings, would know what each other want? It is unwise to sit back and wait until one would suddenly do something positive to the other. Instead, they must proactively and openly discuss their needs and desires, and then they will realize how positive such communication is to their relationship.

If, after making all possible efforts to preserve the family unit, divorce seems to be inevitable, it is indispensable for ex-spouses to transcend their own nature and differences to build a life as friends. In such a scenario, all family members — men, women and children — will benefit from the encouraging communication and cordial relations. Everything must begin with an education that aims to develop close and positive relations.

How To Fix Damaged Relationships?

laitman_961.2Question: Damaged relationships spoil people’s entire life, they can be confusing because of little misunderstandings. What is the right thing to do to prevent resentment, damaged relationships, and to improve them?

Psychologists give the following recommendations: Try to understand the point of view of the colleague. The result of an action is not always intentional. The difficulty with some micro-manifestations is that we all apply different standards to their assessment.

Answer: Where are the standards? The standard is mine—how I see others and compare myself with them or how I see myself and compare them with me. This is completely wrong. It is like taking a dress and putting it on. If I wear it, my stomach and my thin arms and legs will stick out, and the dress will look ugly to me.

There are no common standards. There can be only one standard—for the benefit of one’s neighbor. That’s all. I perceive no one in any way, neither myself nor anyone else. I am only interested in one thing: if some situations occur, whether they occur for the benefit of man.

By man I mean all of humanity, the general image of a person. In no way do I consider anyone specific or I most definitely will be lost.

Question: How can we understand correctly the point of view of the other person, whether it is right or not?

Answer: I cannot understand another person. How can I understand him? How can I exit myself in order to understand the other?

No, we simply need to act in a way that is good for the other person, for anyone. That is, except for my survival necessities, in everything else that depends on me, I must act for the sake of others.

This is natural. Very often we, as a result of our habits, make some movements, gestures, or utter some words, phrases that might seem even offensive to others.

We might not even feel and understand that. It is necessary to tune the heart. The heart should be adjusted to kindness toward others. All the rest will not work at all.

If a person is cordially attuned to the other, then it will be interpreted correctly. Even if he said something wrong, somehow could not express himself, the other person will feel that.

Aim the heart toward the other person, toward all people, toward the good. We need to get used to it. We need to educate ourselves for this. It is necessary that the same attitude be maintained by the environment and the surrounding society. Everything will then be good.
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From Kab TV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 7/14/19

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Male And Female, Part 13

laitman_962.5Family of the Future

Question: It is written, “A man and a woman, and the Creator between them.” What does it mean?

Answer: It means that if the male and female parts, altruism and egoism, connect in order to create something common directed at bestowal, at mutual love, and in general, outside of themselves, then the upper force called “the Creator” is felt between them.

Question: Can we say that there will never be a normal married couple if the quality of mutual bestowal and love, that is, the Creator, is not revealed between them?

Answer: Yes, absolutely. This is why in our time we are experiencing family crises. Only if we understand that we need to build the family in a new perfect inner-family organization, under new contracts, then we will be able to build it.

A family is a unit that is designed to teach us how to correctly interact with the whole of humanity, because the entire world exists in the family.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah,” 12/31/18

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