Entries in the 'Man and Woman' Category

Dating In The Vineyards

49.01Question: Today, when we talk about society, about people, the prohibition to marry members of other tribes for the people of Israel seems foreign to us. What if two young people fall in love with each other?

Answer: In my opinion in our time we already understand that there is no love. Love can be where there is a clear correspondence with the system of nature. Then people are not just looking for each other in the dark trying to determine who can somehow get close to whom.

It all depends on how much they can perform the highest function together. When they both connect to it and complement each other in this, because one cannot reach the next step without the other, then they are really able to be together and have found their correct state.

Question: Previously, people had such an opportunity to unite and get married. But the elders of Israel canceled this law. Why? What happened?

Answer: I can only say one thing: No one has ever canceled the laws of the Torah. And the fact that it says that young men and girls went out to vineyards outside the cities and got to know each other there, as modern youth get to know each other, is hard to believe, because it means completely different conditions, a different time, a different upbringing, and a different attitude of people to each other.

You can even take some of the current African nations who live according to their primitive, if I may say so, laws. They also do not have such a general permissiveness as the European peoples where there is an “exit to the vineyards” between the stone jungles in big cities.

This is not what is being said. All this is absolute allegory. There is none of this especially in the people where from an early age everyone was brought up only to maintain the correct unification with each other.

Question: Are we talking here about some kind of elevated spiritual states?

Answer: Of course. The state of attaining the light of Hochma is called the “vineyard.” This is a very high level. In order to achieve such a state, one must prepare for it and undergo a serious correction in the light of Hassadim.

Then, after the breaking, after the Ninth of Av, after discovering all your negative properties and qualities, you will be able to overcome them so that in a week, on the 15th of Av, you will go through the last correction and reach the state where you can really find contact with that level of the Nukva’s desire, the feminine quality, when connection with it gives you the opportunity to fully reveal the light of Hochma.

This is a very serious thing. Here we do not mean any carnal actions, but the appearance of the Messiah, that is, the light of the deliverer, which lifts humanity above its egoism into the spiritual world.

Question: So, this is not at all about what is written?

Answer: Do you really think that such a serious thing as the wisdom of Kabbalah speaks of how guys and girls meet once a year somewhere outside the city?

Nevertheless, much what is written in Kabbalah has, as it were, an erotic connotation since it is a matter of combining the desire to receive and the desire to bestow. The desire to bestow is masculine, the desire to receive is feminine, and therefore, it is described like this in “Song of Songs” and other primary sources.
From KabTV’s “Spiritual States. Day of Love – Tu B’Av

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New Life 1310 – The Reasons For Losing The Sense Of Closeness In The Family

New Life 1310 – The Reasons For Losing The Sense Of Closeness In The Family
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

Connections in the family are fading away because the ego continually grows and doesn’t want to be dependent on anyone. This is a natural process. People no longer feel obligated to their siblings or parents.

We can still learn how to develop a warm human connection in the family if we teach our kids about the ego and how to work with rejections and envy correctly. We need to show everyone what they will gain from being connected to others by doing exercises like, for example, helping a different sibling each day in every matter that comes up.

We can learn positive competition by comparing who can ascend higher above their own egoism in order to get closer to the other family members and awaken love in them. Family should provide a sense of support, communication, commitment, and being closer on a new level when we rise above the ego together.
From KabTV’s “New Life 1310 – The Reasons For Losing The Sense Of Closeness In The Family,” 6/27/21

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You Cannot Erase Mom And Dad!

294.2Comment: A New York school teaches children a new language that does not have the words “mom,” “dad,” “boy,” or “girl.” All these words are considered offensive by the school administration. Instead of “mom” and “dad,” you should say “adults,” “relatives,” and “family”; instead of the words “father” and “mother” gender-neutral terms should be used: “parent” or “guardian,” and instead of “husband” and “wife” – “partner.”

A new language is slowly entering the world. Will it enter or not?

My Response: It will not. What is given by nature is given by nature! That’s it!

You can’t go anywhere! “Dad,” “mom,” to replace?!

Question: In principle, these words—”dad,” “mom,” and in Hebrew: “Ima,” “Aba“—are they taken from a natural state? So the baby’s lips begin to say: “dad,” “mom,” “Ima,” “Aba“?

Answer: Of course.

Question: And there is no way of getting away from it?

Answer: No.

Comment: Even if people want to change this language?

My Response: This goes against the degrees of nature, which thus determined us. And in man these degrees are given to him forever. But animals don’t, they disappear. After two or three years, cubs part with their parents. Or rather, with the mother, because the father does not define anything there at all.

Question: And if the cub meets its mother in three years, it won’t even recognize her?

Answer: It’s not that he doesn’t recognize, they start new offspring among themselves. That is, they are completely disconnected from the past.

The mother is only needed there to feed and train the cub for, say, two or three years, depending on what species, and that’s it. And then there is nothing.

Comment: And for a person remains for life.

My Response: For life, from generation to generation. We still want to know who was in our past generations. We are very interested in this.

Question: What kind of violence is happening now that a husband and wife are a partner, a father and a mother are a parent, a guardian?

Answer: All this mutilated the language, the relationships between people. These are all egoistic deformities that come out all the time that want to show themselves more and more right, acting. All this will pass. You don’t even have to fight with it, it will all die away. Give it a little time, and it’ll all be gone.

Question: And what will happen?

Answer: Nothing will happen, you cannot erase mom and dad.
From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman” 4/5/21

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What Is A Prenuptial Agreement For?

504Comment: Today, it is very popular to make marriage contracts, which are a bilateral agreement that regulates property relations in the event of a divorce. Before getting married, people are already dividing property and providing for the option that their family will break up.

My Response: It has always been that way. There is nothing to be surprised about here. The Jews, for example, have a Ktuba—a legal document in which they clearly state what and how much the wife is entitled to in case of divorce, and how the husband should provide for her in the event of a normal married life.

A marriage contract, like any contract between two parties, regulates everything, not only monetary relations, but also the husband’s obligations to his wife.

Comment: You are speaking specifically about Jewish law. But other nations are now also beginning to build their relationships with a marriage contract.

My Response: That’s good! Because earlier in Russia we went to the registry office and signed on a piece of paper that we were husband and wife. And then what? What are our responsibilities? Who told us about this?

I signed it with my wife, but what I signed, I did not know. After all, between us there are some responsibilities, some kind of relationship that the state accepts, approves, and takes responsibility for their implementation. If someone for some reason does not fulfill them, the other party can complain about him, and then the state will already understand in court what is happening.

But this is a very small part of what the contract should be. And the fact that serious agreements are being undertaken today is probably a good thing. I believe that everything should be built on a healthy, serious relationship.

I meet a woman and am going to live a long life with her, give birth to children, raise them, accumulate property, and be together in sorrow and in joy, in health and in ailments. I must somehow resolve this relationship. It cannot hold on to love alone, to some kind of feelings.
From KabTV’s “Close-up” 8/19/09

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“What Are The Main Reasons For Increased Divorce Rates?” (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: What are the main reasons for increased divorce rates?

The enveloping reason for increased divorce rates is due to natural human evolution. Our times are characterized by exiting the animal level of development and rising to the human level. In other words, nature is urging us to connect as a single global interdependent framework of humanity.

Since there is a growing need to connect as a single global system, we find our personal connections breaking more and more. Nature wants us to look beyond the family framework in order for us to later return to it on a different level, i.e. where we feel humanity as a single family.

In our individual lives, we experience a feeling of being in love, where we are overtaken by powerful emotions, excitement, inspiration, and a seeming perfection that was worth striving for in order to be together and upon which we could build a family. However, over time, we lost this feeling. Why, then, do we naturally fall in love if later that feeling dissipates?

What we need to understand is that we are in a system that nature runs. In this system, nature wants us to discover true eternal love, i.e. as love exists in nature itself. In the process, it wants us to detach from the conceptions and feelings of being in love that we experience temporarily in our current reality. We thus need to change our instinctive attraction to the other sex, which is fueled by natural passion and hormones, to a more goal-oriented connection.

We form the connections we currently know because we live for our children or our shared household. Moreover, being together is convenient because it lets us support each other as we grow older. Today, however, we need to find a new deeper kind of connection. We thus see more and more cases of divorce because we are in this transitional era where we already start feeling an increasing lack in the traditional frameworks that once held us together, that there is an additional and more sublime drive that we need in order to sustain and grow a happy family in our times.

If we can tap into this drive, which we have yet to accurately identify, we can set ourselves off on a path to discover a completely new feeling that emerges in a more goal-oriented connection to each other. We can then springboard from our increasing distaste toward our current frameworks to seek connections on a whole other level: a much stronger and warmer family-like connection among all humanity. If we enter such a sensation, then we discover a fulfillment that we have never felt before. It is as if we float freely, becoming very light and feeling an eternal thrush of life permeate us.

While we have the opportunity and the ability to determine these new goal-oriented connections through connection-enriching education, we see how these explanations go largely unnoticed. Nature thus prods us from behind by means of pain and suffering, and we find all kinds of connections that we once held shattering, with divorce being a key indicator of our broken connections in relation to the family. The purpose of this increasing feeling of detachment we feel, including the increasing divorce rates, is in order for us to get sick of our separation and develop a sincere new desire to connect on a whole other level. Eventually, we will make motions to connect in this new way, since we will find that otherwise we will be cornered. When we start connecting as nature requires us to, we will then discover the beauty in such connection.

Therefore, together with the increasing irreconcilable hatred and disagreements that break up more and more families, there surfaces a new sincere need for love. If we all understand the sublime fulfillment that true love brings, then we will want to have these feelings in our families. We will then return to the family after we learn how to love the entirety of humanity, and we will then wish to share a deeper and more uniquely personal and internal version of this connection with a spouse.

Based on New Life episode 19 on February 2, 2012 with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman, Oren Levi and Tal Mandelbaum Moshe.
Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash.

New Life 1308 – Concession, The Means For Better Communication In A Couple

New Life 1308 – Concession, The Means For Better Communication In A Couple
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

The internal psychology of a man and a woman is totally different and this is the reason for all of our communication problems. Successful communication depends on one’s ability to work above the ego and make concessions. Making concessions unconditionally means investing all of one’s powers in serving one’s partner.

We love when each one tries to feel, live in, and fulfill the desire of the partner. We show the other we are trying even though it’s hard, that we are willing to make the effort anyway. It is a kind of a game that becomes real as you get used to it. A person who develops the attribute of making concessions discovers the force that connects and ties all parts of creation as one.
From KabTV’s “New Life 1308 – Concession, The Means For Better Communication In A Couple,” 5/30/21

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New Life 1307 – Why It Is Difficult For Men And Women To Communicate

New Life 1307 – Why It Is Difficult For Men And Women To Communicate
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

A woman is usually more warm and emotional and a man is more practical. A woman is made of different forms: she is 25% mother, 25% little girl, 25% woman and 25% man. A man does not give birth and so he doesn’t change. He is a reserved, limited creature. Complementation is built on the feeling that each side wants to connect with the other because they see a real gain in life as a result of the connection. A couple should get used to speaking about everything and expressing what they feel with words. We need to learn to connect to each other carefully and gently, to gradually open our hearts and develop love between us until we finally merge correctly as two opposites and feel as one body.
From KabTV’s “New Life 1307 – Why It Is Difficult For Men And Women To Communicate,” 5/23/21

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Let’s Talk About First Love

284.05Comment: Let’s talk about first love. You know, the first feeling is that you froze, something happened to you! Something skipped a beat, and you are ready to give everything and all your life, just not to break away. Just for her. This object is everything!

I remember the girl Tanya. I remember my first feeling when I looked at her like that! I wanted her to pay attention to me. And all the time I was looking for a place to be closer to her. All the time, just for her to pay attention! She didn’t.

My Response: This is natural. It’s the same for everyone.

Comment: This feeling is given to us.  It is unforgettable. Not in 20 years, 40 years, or even in 80 years does a person not forget it.

Answer: No, until the end.

Question: Do you remember your first love?

Answer: I also met her here in Israel when I was about 60 and she was the same age. She became very ill and died. Her husband called me and told me that Luda had died.

Question: Was it your unanswered love? In childhood?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Why is the first love not realized? Why? Such a feeling!

Answer: So that you can always dream about it. About the very feeling of love, about this feeling. And if you were to connect, you would ruin that feeling. In this way, the Creator places it among people, and it is in this spiritual form that you strive for, but it is unattainable.

Question: So it’s like the Creator says, “Remember this all the time”?

Answer: Yes. It’s sitting somewhere in you.

Question: That is, this feeling when you are ready to give everything, you forget yourself, you dissolve in the other?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Is this what gets into a person’s heart? Like a splinter. And is it there all the time?

Answer: Yes. And everyone has it.

Question: Whom do I love? I love her at this moment of the first love?

Answer: No, you don’t even see her as a matter of fact. You are looking at her not with the right eyes. You were just shown that there is some spark in her that attracts you, and that’s all. And you want to see that spark all the time.

Question: Is it in order for me to always look for that kind of love?

Answer: You don’t even have to look for it, you are just tied to it.

Question: So this is all happening for me to know that such love exists?

Answer: Yes. So that you know what striving means.

Question: And so you would strive for this?

Answer: Yes. But, as a rule, no one gets marrieds to their first love.

Question: Is there an upper force behind this, the Creator?

Answer: Of course, this all goes according to the upper program! This is very well thought through, we are brought up in this way.

Question: Can we say that this means that the next sentence will be: “The Creator is love,” “God is love”? Is that what He wants to tell us?

Answer: It’s at the end. This is after you have lived one and maybe more than one life, and have accumulated a few more such impressions from your first loves. Then you will feel what it really is—true love.

Question: Will I then feel that I did not relate to her, but it was all to the Creator?

Answer: No, of course, not to her.

You haven’t even seen her. There was a spark placed in her for you, for which you were striving all the time. Otherwise, there is nothing.

Therefore, it is very, very rare that people meet for the first time (at school or somewhere else), fall in love, get married, have children, create a family, and live the rest of their lives together. I’ve seen a few cases like this, but… I’ve always been very interested in looking at them.

As a rule, they have many children. Interesting. And they somehow understand each other very, very clearly.

Comment: These are happy couples.

My Response: Yes. This is very rare.

The first love is given, so that we realize that we need to seek eternal, upper, true love. Not a person to a person, and not a person to a party, and not a person to the motherland. Only to the Creator. Through other people—love for the Creator.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 4/1/21

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The Mystery Of The Unification Of The Masculine And Feminine, Part 16


Question: Why in many cultures and religions does a woman rank lower than a man?

Answer: It is because all cultures and religions are egoistic and since the male part is similar to the Creator and the female part is similar to the creature, so the woman is supposedly in a lower rank.

Comment: I suppose that in some areas women have more of a prerogative than men. For example, during pregnancy, only the woman becomes the “mistress of the house” of the fetus and can decide from her own freewill whether to have an abortion or not, without asking the man.

My Response: We are not talking about prerogatives that nature has determined for us. Whether a man or a woman, we do what we want with our body; this has no pertinence to us.

Question: What are the left and right reins in spiritual work and what is the whip if I want to control and manage my “horse,” the ego?

Answer: There are many components here in the cart, in the wagon, in the person and in the reins. This is a complete system that is called a spiritual Partzuf. This entire system is actually a metaphor for the soul, and we will learn about it.

Question: How should a man support a woman in a relationship, and vice versa, how can a woman support a man?

Answer: It is simply up to them to understand each other and to try to give the other the opportunity to learn and support him or her. I would not want to talk about more than that, otherwise you will ruin everything. You might begin by helping each other in such a way that nothing will be left of your group, it will seem to you that this is so simple. The wisdom of Kabbalah exerts such enormous forces among us that you simply have to be careful! In no way should you make definitive movements.
From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah” 3/3/19

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294.4Will women save the world?

Question: Knowing how huge male egoism is and how much it has become hardened in the process of evolution, will women save the world?

Answer: Yes, women will save the world. If they want to, men will bend under it everywhere and always.

When I visit different countries, special communities and peoples, I always wonder who is in charge of their family. Who rules: a male voice (“I am the master!”) or a female voice?

The man replies: “Of course I am!” But as soon as his wife takes a look at him, everything becomes clear. And so it is everywhere, in all cultures. It comes from a spiritual root.

Women need to give men the right direction in life. After all, they can run away anywhere, and women, as a mother, must control them a little on the way to the Creator. Men need it.

If it were not for women, men would make this world a complete sandbox, or numerous tourist routes, or races, football, anything except a normal life with the right development. This is indeed the case. Therefore, the feminine part is very important, especially in Kabbalah.

We can see how much in the last 100 years a woman has rushed forward, become independent, strong, broke through to all the authorities, and so forth. All this is precisely because we are moving toward the correction of a world in which female power, strength, her quality and devotion are necessary to achieve the highest goal.

So, men, listen to the women. In each group, try to increase the strength of the female part as much as possible. Women should be promoted and try to exploit their consistency to make the group more stable.
From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah” 3/3/19

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