Entries in the 'Man and Woman' Category

Five Kinds Of Love

laitman_258Remark: People perceive the attitude of others differently. Gary Chapman, a relationship consultant and the author of the book The Five Love Languages, five million copies of which were sold, describes the different approaches and perceptions of each type of person, the way they perceive love.

He says that there are five kinds of love.

The first is when people like words. When love is expressed by words of encouragement, support, and praise.

My Comment: Usually, women and little children like this.

Remark: The other kind of love is “time.” Here, on the contrary, words are not needed. You need to spend time with a person, to pay attention to him, to be with him, and so on.

My Comment: Time itself arranges everything between them. Time affects everyone. As the saying goes: “Time is a great healer.” Things change over time.

Remark: There is a kind of love called “touch.” That is, people like tactile sensations: when they are hugged, stroked, and they experience positive emotions from this,

My Comment: Everybody likes that: children, women, animals, and even men.

Remark: The next kind of love is “gifts.” Every little thing matters such as a trinket, a treat, a note, some kind of surprise, or something unexpected.

And the fifth kind of love is “help.” Do something for the other, express your attention by actions, iron a shirt, clean floors, cook supper, or just help with something.

Scientists say that conflicts in couples arise due to the lack of understanding. If I want to hear nice, pleasant words and the other person wants an ironed shirt or to spend time together, we have a conflict, we simply do not understand each other. That is, conflicts arise precisely because of misunderstanding.

My Comment: It depends on the consumer, so to say, with whom I am dealing.

I cannot give ironed diapers to a child and win his love by this; he will not understand. Even if I give him some tasty, good food. He needs a special warmth, special treatment, and assurance.

If I deal with an animal, I must treat it on its level so that it will feel that it can trust me, that I am its owner, I protect it, feed it, give it water, and look after it. That is, I am its big companion and friend.

If we are talking about the friendly love between men, then first of all, this means supporting and understanding each other.

If it is love between a man and a woman, then everything goes: anything a man likes and anything a woman likes. And one does not like what the other one likes. However, if they understand what the other likes, they can arrange themselves in such a way that they will enjoy even things they could never imagine and come up with by themselves, but because the other enjoys them.

A woman likes gifts, signs of love, attention, and so on. A man, first of all, likes to be served and fed: “The way to man’s heart is through his stomach.” This is really so, because in regard to communication and especially love, men are more primitive than women. If a woman can in some way remind him of his mother, her attitude toward him, then that is it. He is already following her like a little duckling after the duck.

Remark: We see that over the years relationships between couples develop. First, there is a romantic period, then it transforms into a more complex relationship, and after a number of years they suddenly discover that they do not understand each other and did not understand each other during all these years.

My Comment: In principle, it can be taught. Yet, if there is no such education or these couples are still very young and have no experience, do not know how to protect their relationship, do not know how to forgive and to make an internal compromise without even talking about it and discussing it, then, of course, it is very difficult.

We need to teach this. It is a collective. Man and woman, or in any other combination: man, woman, and a child, or two men, or two women. Any number of people is a collective and it requires a completely different approach than with one person. Here, it is necessary to teach. It is quite complicated.

We see that we do not engage in such work. Even today at school they teach sex and do not teach how to treat the other as a person and not as an object of sexual fulfillment. It is very one-sided, crude, and beastly. It means that there is no education at all.

I remember when I still lived in Leningrad and studied at the faculty of medical cybernetics, we came to the Leningrad maternity hospital number two. There were 400 birthing mothers there. I asked the doctor: “What psychological training do you conduct with them?” He said: “Unfortunately, we do not have such specialists.”

Remark: We see that throughout humanity’s history, love is valued most of all. Poets and writers praise it. People as if follow an elusive dream.

My Comment: They want to sell this elusive dream.

Question: Why does humanity need love?

Answer: Humanity needs love because without it there can be no life on the animate level or on our level.

Even in sex, we see some kind of need for something bigger, although it is purely mechanical and animalistic, for the sake of pleasure at that moment and nothing more.

If sex were only about that, then we would only be mating like animals. But we have a need for warmth and care, for mutual support, the thing we call love.

Love is mutual support. Love is the feeling of being loved, of being taken care of, of being loved just the way you are. These are very serious emotions; animals do not have them. Even in regard to their cubs, animals only have feelings for a short period of time in order to nurse them so that they will not die from hunger, and then they part and never even notice and recognize each other.

Remark: There is always such a moment in love when two people seemingly love each other, but one imagines love in one way and the other one in another way.

My Comment: It is because we do not get an education. Love is a human relationship, a need, an attitude to the other. Therefore, we need to study it and to teach it. It is not sex, but rather the ability to fulfill the inner needs of the other person. It may have nothing to do with sex.

Question: What do we study about love? How to fulfill, how to change my habits in order to treat the other so that it will give him pleasure?

Answer: For that, it is necessary to feel what kind of person he is. This requires a serious mutual work with each other. And do not be shy. “I like when you stroke me.” “And I like it when you smile.” And so on. Explain. Everything is very simple.

“No, I want him to guess!” How can he guess?!

We must understand and openly talk about it and discuss it. Although young people do not like this at all, it seems to them that everything should be spontaneous, simple, and immediate. A person is a very complex, multifaceted animal.

Question: What is the key you would give people for the law of love that will help them in relationships in any situation?

Answer: In any situation, the first thing is to concede, as my teacher said. Love is an animal that is next to you and you must feed it with mutual concessions.

It is in a woman’s nature to adapt to a man. I do not belittle her for this in any way, on the contrary. She is wise. After all, she gives birth. She has to create a certain environment in order to raise children, and so on. That is, nature gave her such capabilities.

Man is very primitive. He just needs to be reminded a little bit of the things he received from his mother and he will be running after you like a little child after his mother. That is all.

I recommend to all the women: go to his mother and start asking what food he likes, what kind of service, and everything around him. The mother will be very pleased! She will understand that this is really the woman that will be able to replace her.

This is a very simple, primitive system of relations: to think only how to give pleasure to another, at least somewhat, just a little. However, this already requires wisdom, experience, and understanding of human psychology.

Good luck in love!
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From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman,” 12/19/18

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Women—Appeal To The Creator

laitman_543.02Question: We must attribute all of our states to the Creator. But what should we do with the anger and impatience that arises in us? Do you understand that it comes from love and came for your correction?

But inside discontent rages, as if my mother scolded me, and I would respond: “Why are you scolding me? I am still unable to do what you demand.”

Answer: Does it mean that you treat your negative emotions negatively and want them to be positive so that instead of complaints and hatred toward the Creator there will be affection, gratitude and even love?

So ask for it. He sends you all this specifically so that you will ask Him for love so that He will love you and you will love Him.

In addition, ask to understand that you are receiving only positive influences from Him, but since they go through your egoism, they are felt as inverted, negative within you.

Ask for everything! Do not hide anything, on the contrary, disclose all the time. If you say that women have such serious feelings and many complaints, then act this way. The Kabbalistic books speak about it all the time. Look how lucky you are with your feminine nature, and you can more easily, more often, and more persistently turn to the Creator than men.

Men do not have this in their nature. They hide many things, erase them, think that this is wrong, weak, and that they must act in a different way. Women do not. It is very good that they express their emotions. In principle, this is the feminine nature, the quality of Malchut. Go for it!
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah,” 2/13/19

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The Difference Between Male And Female Nature

Laitman_120Question: My wife also studies Kabbalah, and I can say with confidence that we look at spirituality in completely different ways, as if we were from different planets. What is the method of unification in female and male tens and what should the effort of one toward the other be?

Answer: I think that it is necessary to proceed as it is.

I would like only one thing: that women do not imitate everything that men do. Even when it comes to a women’s ten, you should not try to do the same as the men, but as much as you can. Simply engage in mutual support.

Still, Malchut and Keter are two opposite properties of creation, therefore, the same method cannot be successful for both. After all, we see in our world how women are different in everything.

The fact that nowadays they are trying to artificially make men and women absolutely equivalent—I do not say “equal” but “equivalent”—this, of course, is completely wrong. We do not take into account our internal structure, psychology, way of thinking, in general, everything that is in a man and in a woman.

We believe that by destroying the differences, we will become equal and will look at it as great progress. This is not progress.

When we try to destroy nature in its natural manifestations, it always ends in big losses. We already see this in the young generation. Some more time will pass, everything will be revealed, and humanity, as usual, will stumble upon its mistakes and begin to somehow turn itself back.

In Kabbalah, it is absolutely clear that the difference between the male and female nature should naturally manifest itself in our advancement.

The Torah does not describe the history of people, but our path, the embodiment of the upper light in the ego at a certain stage of its development.

We go through the same stages in our spiritual movement. For example, the path of Egyptian captivity is existence in our egoism, exiting it, etc. There is a difference between male and female movements everywhere, although they go in parallel. We do not see the replacement of one by the other or equality anywhere.

We are not equal. There is nothing we can do about it. It is unnecessary. On the contrary, we must further explore the difference between us so that everyone can maximally realize their mission in the nature that is given to them.

Most importantly, do not copy what men have and do not do the same because even this is reached with difficulty, artificially. It is necessary to approach everything much more wisely.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah,” 2/13/19

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How Balanced Relations Between Genders Solves Depression: Women’s Depression And The Meaning Of Life (KabNet)

KabNet published my new article: “How Balanced Relations between Genders Solves Depression: Women’s Depression and the Meaning of Life

Depression is a global epidemic. Currently, over 300 million people around the world suffer from depression, and women are diagnosed nearly twice as much as men.

Why is there such a striking gender gap in the numbers of depressed people in the world?

Dissatisfaction in women compared to men has a deep spiritual root. It is embedded in the feminine nature.

Is There Anything That Could Completely Fulfill a Woman?

According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, there is.

Spiritual attainment.

Spirituality is attained when the woman—the female force—uses her deep desire to propel the man—the male force —to reach a higher purpose in life. The complementarity of the opposite male and female forces enables their mutual attainment of harmony and fulfillment.

The female ability to elevate the world to a higher state stands at humanity’s foundation. Just as the old adage says, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” Nature is designed such that the female ability determines how to correctly adjust and direct the world, i.e., how to find the appropriate cooperation between male and female forces so that both function together supportively and harmoniously.

Women’s sense of longing is evidently far greater than men’s. A man can be more easily satisfied by earthly fulfillments, for instance, by engaging in some activity together with his friends.

A woman desires more depth. She wants warmth and love. She longs for more sympathy and support. Her way of fulfilling herself is a lot more complicated than how men fulfill themselves.

Everything begins and ends with a woman. She feels herself as the center of reality, the queen of the world. Her sense of uniqueness is a natural feeling that she rightfully embodies.

“When we attract this force, it performs what is called a “correction” upon our self-centered, egoistic desires, which naturally oppose the tendency to unite, the needed “click” for us all to merge as one and experience a higher level of reality.”

Why It Is Nearly Impossible for Women to Truly Bond

According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, it is nearly impossible for women to truly bond. Their yearning for a greater sense of wholeness can only emerge when opposite forces support one another in a delicate balance.

Therefore, male and female forces need very precise fine-tuning so that an intermediary force emerges between them: the force of love, bestowal, and connection. The study of Kabbalah deals primarily with how to attract this force in order to unite people, and discover an eternal and whole reality in such connection. When we attract this force, it performs what is called a “correction” upon our self-centered, egoistic desires, which naturally oppose the tendency to unite, the needed “click” for us all to merge as one and experience a higher level of reality.

It is written that “man and woman, the Divine presence is between them.” The correct combination and functionality of male and female forces is that:

1. the female force balances the male force by activating the male force toward connection, and

2. the male force balances the female force by providing it with strength, understanding and support for the female to rise above its nature.

This is the mutual complementarity that allows male and female forces to function harmoniously.

What Force Is the First to Activate the Other: The Male or the Female?

It is the female. The need and request for unification always emerges from the female. The desire for a connection in the depth of the desire, the soul, is at the basis of every woman’s dissatisfaction and depression.

Even though men think they make progress and breakthroughs due to their own abilities, in fact, all of the male’s activities are for the female, i.e., in order to become significant in their eyes. It is the way we are naturally built.

Thanks to the differences between genders, over which they need to connect into a single whole, perfection becomes possible. There is nothing in each of them alone that the other doesn’t complement, since in spirituality, their wholeness can only exist in mutual complementarity according to the principle, “love will cover all transgressions.”

In other words, instead of fighting our differences and focusing on the differences between men and women, we need to find our common ground of support and understanding where we can together discover a much greater fulfillment and purpose in life—the revelation of how nature functions in more unified levels—and start resembling our relationships to nature’s own form of complete unification.

The sensation of attaining perfect unity will cure depression, as we will work directly with the key that unlocks our negative sensations, opening them to a fulfillment of a completely new kind: balance with nature’s unified form.
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New Life #277 – The Male Brain And The Female Brain, Part 2

New Life #277 – The Male Brain And The Female Brain, Part 2
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

Spiritual transcendence occurs when a person constructs himself both as a man and a woman. We perform actions as men when we help others and desire to attain spirituality. We behave as women when we receive help from others and desire to enjoy life. Completion, wholeness, and true love between the genders requires connecting through sharing a common goal: to be one and to benefit the single system in which we all live. In the state of love for others, awareness will include both genders since a whole person has both male and female aspects. In such a connection, we will find that the differences between men and women disappear in the concept of one where there is a new brain structure, a new way of life, and a new dimension.
From KabTV’s “New Life #277 – The Male Brain and the Female Brain,” Part 2

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New Life #276 – The Male Brain And The Female Brain, Part 1

New Life #276 – The Male Brain And The Female Brain, Part 1
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

Men and women experience the desire to enjoy in opposite ways, which are supposed to connect into one perfect system at the end of development. Women desire to build a home, a place to rule. Men, on the other hand, desire to break out, far away from home, and play with all kinds of new things. The nature of a woman is to absorb and receive. The nature of a man is to spread and overcome. In recent generations, there has been confusion and shuffling between the genders and the distinctions are fading. Men have taken on a feminine form since they are weaker than women. Men lack patience and are only strong in the short-term, whereas women are connected to nature and can survive long-term. The destruction of the masculine nature is not a coincidence but a course planned in the evolution of nature.
From KabTV’s “New Life #276 – The Male Brain and the Female Brain, Part 1”

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New Life #1148 – How To Arouse Love In Couple Relationships

New Life #1148 – How to Arouse Love in Couple Relationships
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Tal Mandelbaum ben Moshe

Couples need to learn how to build, inspire, and revive their love relationships by rising above egoism. We need to learn how to understand our egoistic human nature and why we cannot tolerate one another. Couples who want to undergo such a process need guidance in a group course where participants show each other how much they try to rise above their own desires for the benefit of their partner. Love is like an animal and must be constantly fed. Rising above egoism opens new horizons according to the principle, “love will cover all transgressions.”
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From KabTV’s “New Life #1148 – How to Arouse Love in Couple Relationships,” 8/1/19

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What Loneliness Is Given For?

laitman_919Question from Facebook: Why is loneliness given to us and how do we correct it?

Answer: Loneliness is given to you for you to feel that everything is in your hands, nobody pressures you, you are in charge of your condition, and you can do everything.

Start to use your loneliness correctly and you will see how good it is because in reality this state is given to you by the Creator so that you can turn to Him.
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From KabTV’s “Answers to the questions from the Facebook,” 3/10/19

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Woman Directs, Man Implements

627.2Question: A woman can internally pass her desire to a man. Many women wish their men were closer to the Creator. What does it mean to pass this desire?

Answer: If a woman wants something from a man, she will always get it. The world is arranged this way.

A woman’s desire is not announced aloud. You know yourself how to influence a man quietly, without opening your mouth but in such a way that he feels as if he is beaten on the head. This is the correct action on behalf of a woman. It is intentionally arranged this way in nature. We, men, must accept this and even be happy that women have the opportunity to guide us on the right track.

If a woman wants her husband to move toward understanding the meaning of life, then, of course, this is a special woman and a great wife. Therefore, we must appreciate such women, set them as an example for others. And of course, we should help in some way so that husbands would appreciate and obey them. I wish to the ones who are not married to find such husbands.

Question: Can there be overkill from the women’s side?

Answer: No. Women have a very clear maternal attitude. She knows how to behave in relation to her husband. If she aspires to the purpose of creation, she really will be able to direct him. So it turns out that a man implements and a woman directs.

I can say from my forty years of experience that if a woman in the family recognizes the greatness of the goal and what the group does, then the husband will definitely study and will not go anywhere. Yet, if the wife is against it, in the end, he stops studying and leaves.

Here, everything depends on the wife. The female’s desire in the world is much stronger and more decisive than the male’s.
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From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian, 4/14/19

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New Life #1128 – Women And The Essence Of Life

New Life #1128 – Women and the Essence of Life
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

The need for internal convergence is particularly evident in women. The nature of women is to relax, absorb, test, and connect to the eternal flow of nature. As women, we must find out what nature wants from us and understand the goal toward which we are advancing. As the world attempts to confuse and seduce us, we must continually ask ourselves “how am I realizing life on a higher level and discovering the essence of life?”
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From KabTV’s “New Life #1128 – Women and the Essence of Life,” 6/25/19

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