Entries in the 'Man and Woman' Category

Rediscover The Property Of Love

294.4Question: Is the rejection that is being revealed in families now in order to make us understand that marriage and relationships are possible only on a spiritual component?

Answer: Only! In the same state as before our division, before the division into male and female parts.

At the beginning of creation, there was one construction of a common soul, consisting of a male and a female part in absolute unity with each other, in mutual concessions, mutual fusion, mutual love, and mutual giving to each other.

And then this property of reciprocity disappeared and completely equal constructions appeared, opposite to each other according to their desire, according to mutual animal cravings and other discrepancies. And now we are tuned in to each other only to be satisfied at the expense of others.

This happened because the quality of bestowal and love disappeared from us. Now no one perceives love as a great feeling. Today’s love means that I am pleased at the expense of some other object, I fill myself with pleasure at the expense of it, so I say that I love him as I love a fish.

Question: Then why did the breaking take place and the property of love disappear?

Answer: So that we realize that we need this property and it would appear in us again. Then we will rise to its level, we will begin to create it in ourselves, move on our own to catch up to it, and explore how we can become equal and worthy of it. That is, we will raise ourselves to the level of the Creator.

We will do this from our own desire, out of our own comprehension, we will become equal to Him in understanding, in knowledge, in management, in all parameters. We will acquire the status of the Creator. We must come to this.

It is the right combination between a man and a woman that can give us this opportunity. Both husband and wife should be with points in their hearts that strive to merge with each other in order to attain the Creator.

And Kabbalah will help them in this ascent because it tells about all the steps that must be realized on the spiritual path. Kabbalah is an instruction on how to act, an instruction for a happy spiritual family life.
From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Emancipation”

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“Dating And Relationships: What Are The Keys To A Successful Relationship?” (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: Dating and Relationships: What are the keys to a successful relationship?

The key to a successful relationship is in the willingness to concede. Upon mutual concessions, partners have the ability to grow their love for each other.

One who concedes in a relationship gains peace, connection, tranquility and love. It leads to positive connection and one that is not based on pride and domination. My teacher, Rabash, once used to say that “a family can exist only out of mutual concessions.” We need to love, to treat each other amiably, concede to each other, and by doing so we gain a sensation that we call “love.”

Concession depends solely on you. There is no need to pressure the other. If you exercise concession, then you will see what a powerful weapon it is, and through your examples to concede, you will simply win over your partner.

Based on a talk with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

Intrigues Of Egoism

595.04Question: Today, a great number of women do not feel very happy. Why?

Answer: This is because of the breakdown of the family. The fact is that the main thing for a woman is to feel her home, everyday lifestyle, children, family, husband, her kitchen, everything of her own. Without this, the rest of the world becomes very unsettled, uncomfortable, and ill-fitted for her. She looks at everything from her corner, from her territory.

Therefore, now when because of the growing egoism the family breaks down, when men and women too are unable to confide in their partner and lose each other, women suffer most of all. Although they try to hide this, to suppress loneliness with all sorts of activities or by having children and raising them alone, it is still a very sad picture.

Question: The fact that today a woman is so unhappy and cannot find herself in the family, is this a random process?

Answer: No, of course not! Over the millennia our egoism has developed and come to a state where it cannot tolerate anyone close to it.

Children cannot tolerate parents, parents cannot tolerate children, spouses cannot get along with each other. A person cannot get along with himself, he needs either drugs or sedatives to tolerate himself. This is a big problem.
From KabTV’s “Close-Up”

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Destruction Of A Social Unit

962.3Question: A woman is naturally oriented to the family and wants to preserve it. She needs a sense of belonging to a man and a family, and for this she is ready to sacrifice a lot. Why can’t a modern man today give a woman this sense of belonging?

Answer: Ego does not allow that: “I do not want to be associated with anyone!”

That is, I can be associated with someone, but only when it is convenient for me, when it is pleasant, when I want to be served and satisfied. But the moment I don’t need it, let there be no woman, no family, no one by my side. This is how egoism behaves.

In such states, when he cannot tolerate being forced to do something, so as not to be indebted to anyone, it is impossible to keep the family, because the family is a partnership and first of all, mutual concessions to each other.

And to yield to each other means to force oneself into doing that. I don’t want this! I cannot go for this, my ego does not allow it. And so it turns out that today’s family is falling apart. And even more terrible times lie ahead.

People will try to find some kind of replacement for this, some kind of ersatz, getting together and breaking up. Children will leave their parents early and become independent sooner. The state and society will take on some additional functions.

That is, we will see the gradual destruction of the very foundation, the cell of humanity, the cell of our society, something that even animals do not have. After all, in animals the family is preserved as much as it is necessary for the procreation of the species.

And today when the state provides assistance to single mothers or single fathers, they see no reason to keep the family together.
From KabTV’s “Close-Up: Emancipation”

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Man And Woman: A Spiritual Complement Of Each Other

565.01Question: Can we say that today a woman subconsciously denies the man’s role because a man does not fulfill his purpose?

Answer: He does not fulfill the most natural thing—to give a woman what she demands. She demands from him that a spiritual partnership would develop between them in addition to a physical partnership.

If they open a Kabbalistic book together and begin to attain the upper state, the upper world, they will reach an amazing unity that cannot be reached in any other combination.

If a man and a woman are spiritually connected with each other, they can achieve a lot. The fact is that they are opposite parts of the same soul, of the same vessel. Therefore, when such a connection arises between them, they are given a wonderful opportunity to attain the spiritual world.

Although this has not often occurred during our history, in those rare cases that it has it has always led to very meaningful results.

I hope that because of the difficulties that the modern family and humanity are going through now, they will understand that the correct union between the male and female parts should lead to their true realization, which is, not to live like animals, just to mate and to have children, or to live life alone. After all, in neither case do we see the real result of our existence.

The real result is a spiritual adhesion instead of a physical one. If we understand that through the spiritual connection between the male and female parts complementing each other, it is possible to reveal a common desire, a real Kli (Vessel), then the Creator will be revealed between them, as it is said: “A man and a woman and the revelation of the Creator between them.”

The common desire is built on the internal combination of these two parts of creation.

I hope that in the coming years such a need will be revealed in society equally from women and from men. It will be built on mutual concessions when one annuls oneself in regard to the other.

It is then that they will discover how completely they converge internally in contact with each other, and in the contact itself a glue appears, which is the Creator, a quality that is revealed between them.
From KabTV’s “Close-Up”

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How To Survive The Loss Of A Loved One

961.2Question: There is a letter from a person close to you and me. He writes: “My wife and I lived for many long and happy years, then she got cancer and fought for life for two years. At some point we thought we had won, but cancer is such an insidious disease, it lurked and then struck with renewed force. My wife was no longer moving after chemotherapy, she kept asking, ‘Do I deserve this?’ And I want to ask you, dear Michael Laitman: why did He create us to be such sentient creations? Why didn’t He give us power over our feelings?”

Answer: He has given us power over feelings, but only if we gain this power for a purpose higher than just feeling. This is when you will rise above your feelings and control them, not turning them off with painkillers or drugs, but when you can use your feelings in the right way. Fear and pain and all other unpleasant sensations are given to us for this purpose.

Question: And we need to go through these states that he went through when he saw how his wife was suffering?

Answer: And this also needs to be passed. And we will still, unfortunately, observe all this on everyone around us, and we will be among them ourselves.

We will not be able to turn off our feelings in any way, we just have to learn how to manage them properly.

Now humanity is slowly approaching the state when it will see global cataclysms that are coming closer and ready to crash on us and are already falling on a part of humanity. And those who have not yet fallen under this wave see what is happening and have to change themselves quickly, to become in complete harmony with nature, that is, to rise above their egoism, to get closer to others, and just “love your neighbor as yourself.”

Question: You are practically saying what humanity is going to face. And I want to ask: at that moment when a loved one is suffering in front of me?

Answer: It is too late. We still have to do something, try to still fight this wave of grief, illness, pain, and so on and so forth. But in principle, we need to act prior to all of this happening.

At least, bow your head down and do everything based on the fact that it comes from above, and you, in general, agree with this upper judgment.

Comment: That the loved one has been taken away from you? It is not easy.

My Response: This is a tragedy! This is a disaster! Especially people who have lived together and lived for many years. It is incredible! It is easier to die yourself!

Comment: Yes, that is the feeling he had: “I would prefer so that it would have come to me! Why did she have to suffer?!”

My Response: Yes. But it won’t help. This is the easiest solution.

Question: What is the main solution at this moment?

Answer: Bow your head down and do whatever you need to do. Fully agree with the upper force that does this to us, and try to annul yourself in this state so much that you agree to accept everything.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/12/21

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Man And Woman: Attitude To Life

560Comment: At present, the representation of women in areas that belonged exclusively to men 15 to 20 years ago has significantly increased.

My Response: This is not a result of a good life. Talk to business women heart-to-heart and you will see that they do not need it. It does not make women happy. Well, a little more money, a little more something.

A woman treats life more realistically than a man does. She is attached to the world, to the earth, to nature. And those things that are not material enough, that is, ghostly money in the bank or something like that, are not very important for her. She is interested in safety and security, but only as much as they are necessary in the current conditions for her life and no more.

A man chases various toys: ships, airplanes, and yachts. He remains a child. It does not matter to him whether it benefits him or not; he gets carried away with his games and spends his time in this way.

A woman does not need this. She looks at the world more realistically: she needs a home, a family, solid security.

Question: What is the nature of this phenomenon that a man feels self-sufficient? If a woman did not demand anything from him, he would continue playing his games.

Answer: A man should be aimed at the attainment of the Creator, should bring this attainment into our world, pass it to a woman, and with her help reach the Creator because it is impossible without this. A man and a woman together in their joint aspiration, i.e., the male and female parts of humanity, reach the Creator.

Man descended into our world as one being, and then divided into two opposite parts, a man and a woman. Only by joining together (this is only about spiritual, not physical qualities) can we climb up and attain the upper world.
From KabTV’s “Close-Up”

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“He Had No Sons, But Daughters”

559Prophets, Joshua, 17:3-17:4: But Zelophehad, the son of Hepher, the son of Gilead, the son of Machir, the son of Manasseh, had no sons, but daughters; and these are the names of his daughter: Mahlah, and Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah.

And they came near before Eleazar the priest, and before Joshua the son of Nun, and before the princes, saying, “The Lord commanded Moses to give us an inheritance among our brothers.” According to the commandment of the Lord, he gave them an inheritance among the brothers of their father.

A daughter is the will to receive without an intention to bestow, which so far has no personal correction.

There are such desires in a person for which he cannot acquire the correct intention. Yet, since these desires exist, he wants to reach their correction. But how? He does not have such capabilities.

Man symbolizes the intention for the sake of the Creator, and woman is the desire without intention. Therefore, desire plus the correct intention can give birth to a correct action called a child, children. Therefore, a woman cannot do anything by herself.

However, since they have accurately checked and made sure that they do not have any suitable desires, this leads to the fact that they seemingly complain to the Creator, “Why are desires created in us without the opportunity to correct them?”

Question: Still, inheritance was given to daughters. Why?

Answer: Because the most important thing is the earth, the female part. The male part gives only intention to the female desire. Therefore, female desire cannot be destroyed. You must find a suitable intention for it. Thus, we see that this problem is not resolved yet. The Creator did not provide people with capabilities to correct, and yet, correction must happen.

Question: Why does the Torah always speak about sons being born and not daughters?

Answer: Because the most important thing is the intention. The desire is there, but the intention is given by the Creator from above.

Question: When the intention to bestow appears, it means that a son is born. Is a daughter born in parallel or together with this desire?

Answer: In the original narrations of the Torah (Bible), it is said that male and female are almost always born together. Then we see that each time there are more and more confusing states because we are constantly advancing.

As the correction progresses, problems and inconsistencies arise between the male and female parts. Thus, we must search for the male and then the female part.
From KabTV’s “Secrets of the Eternal Book” 8/9/21

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“The Vicious Circle Of Domestic Violence” (Linkedin)

My new article on Linkedin “The Vicious Circle of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is widespread and seemingly unstoppable. In America, one in four women will experience violence by their partners within their lifetime, according to a new report published by The New England Journal of Medicine. The U.S. nationwide media attention on the killing of a young woman, Gabby Petito, in Wyoming, in which her partner was named a person of interest, put the issue of abusive relationships in the spotlight again. Crimes could be prevented through the right education from an early age.

Unfortunately, this is just one of many cases reported worldwide every day amidst too many that go unregistered. Globally, around one in three—a staggering 736 million women—have been victims of violence in their life perpetrated by their boyfriends or husbands, based on UN statistics.

Humiliation, teasing, bullying, threats and cursing, are common forms of verbal abuse within the family. Emotional violence takes quiet forms as well: disconnection, thunderous silences, and disregard for extended periods. There are many shades and expressions of violent communication between couples, and when these become a recurrent situation at home, it usually has dire consequences. How can this phenomenon be dealt with?

Let’s start with the schools. Most institutions are geared towards imparting knowledge and education to children, but this falls far short of preparing a young person for life. The most important lesson to learn is how to behave in relationships, in the workplace, anywhere. This is especially true at a time when so many social frameworks have broken down and young people grow up without good examples to relate to and against which they can measure themselves.

As a result of the lack of intention and focus on how to build good relationships, many families experience a hostile and violent atmosphere. Children who grow up in such homes suffer from high levels of insecurity. As they grow up and build families of their own, sometimes they want to build a fundamentally different environment. However, often they end up recreating the same violent patterns so familiar to them from their past. They realize that they are repeating the same mistakes, but find they lack the strength to change.

The patterns of behavior we observed in our childhood accompany us throughout life, so it is only natural that we replicate them. Therefore, it is critical that society provides every person with courses and educational systems that will empower people to create the right relationship patterns. Such patterns need to be fixed deeply within a person to stop outbursts and eruptions of anger before harm is done.

The most important principle to teach in building relationships is the principle of equality. This principle is set against the internal willfulness that underlies all violent communication, the will of a person to control others.

In order to illustrate what is meant by this principle of equality, let’s say I want to build a good relationship between me and my partner, with mutual communication, deep connection and great love. From this point on, we both must strive with all our might to be equal. As a practical exercise, we agree that whatever I do to my partner, he or she will do the same to me, for better and for worse. We agree to mirror each other.

From the way we talk, look, react to each other in every matter and interaction, we will try to learn from this exercise how our partner is trying to treat us well. And even though it goes against our egoism and costs us a great deal of effort, it is worth showing that we are striving to transcend our egoistic instinct in order to form a good mutual bond, because it will also oblige our partner to do the same.

As part of the couple training on applying the principle of equality, we will function towards each other like a mirror. If we each immediately try to copy the behaviors of our partners and reflect them like a mirror, by doing so we help each other feel how our treatment impacted the other, spot what else we need to correct ourselves, and improve. This is a feedback mechanism, a response that exists in both technological systems and the surrounding natural systems for the purpose of maintaining balance and completion.

If we learn to build such a mechanism in our relationship and we both agree to mirror each other, then even if one treats the other badly, a reflective response will immediately come from the partner that will cause him or her to rectify direction. Gradually we will begin to perceive that the good treatment we want to receive from our partners, we first need to demonstrate towards them.

That’s the way we build one another and create an egalitarian relationship. As we advance in this work, instead of the egoistic impulses that rise within us driving our relationship in a violent, coercive and destructive direction, we will be able to shape our surrounding environment and build a home where only good patterns will be instilled in our offspring and throughout society.

The Collapse Of The Institution Of Marriage

962.2Question: Increasing numbers of  people do not want to enter into formal marriages today, and in many places, common law marriage is considered a de facto legal, marital relationship. Interestingly, according to statistics reported in a study I read about, 70% of men living in a common law marriage consider themselves single, and 90% of women in the same situation consider themselves married. How can you explain such an opposite attitude to this situation?

Answer: They want to think that way because we educate both men and women incorrectly. Man does not feel responsible. It is more convenient for him. It is easier to live in a common law marriage because it does not obligate him to anything.

But we also know other statistics: people live together for a long time, get married, and after a while get divorced. Moreover, this happens in the overwhelming majority of cases. If they had not entered into marriage, they would have continued to live together.

The fact is that man was not created as a machine—I live with someone. Does this oblige him or not, does he enclose himself in a framework that puts external pressure on him and commands him? If it overwhelms him, he will try to escape from it.

Man was created to strive for freedom. If against the framework that oppresses and obligates him, he does not have internal compensation, which should be laid in him by education, then he will run away, get divorced, and will not think that it is necessary to be included in this framework. Therefore, the institution of marriage has practically exhausted itself today.
From KabTV’s “Close-Up” 8/11/09

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