Question: If we speak about the Kli that needs correction in the feminine gender, does it mean women should primarily be the ones to engage with Kabbalah rather than men?

Answer: Why not seat the women in front of the books instead of us, while we go home to watch a football match?

A woman is the desire for spirituality (Hisaron). The feminine in Hebrew is Nekeva, from the word “Nekev” (a hole, an empty space). One who feels a Hisaron for the divine, specifically for the Creator, and wishes to become similar to Him in qualities, is called “Nekeva.”

Nekeva is a Kli that must be corrected and receive the filling of the light. These Kelim, as we previously discussed regarding our forefather Abraham, are passed on to his descendants. And this inheritance is transmitted specifically through the male line. It is the men, and not the women, who receive the Kelim.

Here too there are two degrees. A woman is more connected with reality, with nature. It is precisely this factor that determines a woman’s function in our world and her desires. It is difficult for her to rise above her nature.

Whereas it is much easier for a man to disconnect from reality. He is not as connected with nature, and therefore makes mistakes in this world far more frequently than women. Women behave much more rationally than men. They are realists by nature, more resilient and stable. We see this in everyday life.

But the desire for spirituality has no connection with one’s biological sex. It depends directly on a person’s ability to rise above their nature and aspire to the divine. Women, according to their nature, are not capable of this in the same way as men. In accordance with their qualities, men have far greater potential to rise above their nature.

Therefore the Hisaron (lack or yearning) for spirituality does not come according to one’s biological sex, but according to the extent to which a person is more worthy of rising above nature, and aspiring to divinity.

Thus, it is specifically the man who is obligated to study the inner part of the Torah, to engage in spiritual work. A woman, however, is not obligated. Only to the extent that a genuine need for spirituality appears in her does she also need to undergo the process of correcting the Kelim. But how many women have a true desire for spirituality?

Therefore she needs to examine how genuine her desire for spirituality is. If she has the basic things corresponding to her nature—a home, a husband, a family, children—and after that she continues to aspire to the divine, then her desire is genuine, and she has the “correct spark.” But if she seems to aspire to spirituality while lacking these basic things, then it can be said that she is simply seeking fulfillment as compensation for her unfulfilled material desires.

Why don’t we examine a man in the same way? Because a man does not have the same intense need for a family, a home, a wife, and children as a woman does. He is detached from these animal desires, and therefore such a test is unnecessary. Of course, we do examine men. He should be married, have a family, be connected with his home, and be obligated to work.

A woman is not obligated to work. The home is the place of her work according to the female nature. Do you understand how different her orientation is from that of a man? According to the laws of every state, a man is obligated to provide for the family and a woman to manage the household. Such is the attitude toward them even now in the twenty-first century. And this is not subject to change; it is a law of nature. Therefore women and men are evaluated differently in accordance with their inner structure.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/3/26, Rabash, “What Is, ‘There Is None as Holy as the Lord, for There Is None besides You,’ in the Work?”

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Question: Why must a Kabbalist necessarily be married? What is the basis for this?

Answer: A home, a wife, children, and responsibilities are essential so that one may make efforts in our world akin to the spiritual level of the inanimate (Domem).

When you correctly manage all this on the earthly level, understanding that this is necessary for achieve resemblance to the spiritual, this too becomes a condition four your spiritual advancement, and all your efforts are taken into account.

Question: How did this work in your case? You spent practically all your time with your teacher. You didn’t seem to place such a strong emphasis on family.

Answer: Regardless, my family was constantly beside me. So much so that my children also became connected with my movement toward spirituality. They take an active part in it. And no one forces them.

Question: But your wife surely must have thrown tantrums from time to time?

Answer: Never! I cannot even imagine what tantrums she could possible make. I provide the home and the family with everything necessary, and I ensure that the family lacks nothing. I make sure there is always food on the table, clothes to wear, all the basic necessities in the house; that is, I provide a normal standard of living. This is a Kabbalist’s primary concern, this simple earthly, fundamental concern. It is his duty to do this.

Only after that comes the concern for his spiritual development. That is all; nothing more! There are no problems.

The home is a woman’s primary domain. I cannot imagine what else she could possibly demand. To go out to the theater or visit friends? My wife did not demand this; she knew that I was not cut out for that.

Nevertheless, I always devoted a certain amount of time to her to go for a walk in the park, to sit at home, to talk or to listen to something together, especially as we grew older. And aside from that were were the children and then grandchildren.

She always had plenty to keep her occupied. She was fully aware of what I was doing. Had she ever hindered my spiritual advancement, I would have left. Knowing this perfectly well, we maintained a normal, honest understanding between us. Moreover, she helped me in my work with my teacher. She prepared food for him and looked after him; he was an elderly man after all.

A woman must know why she is getting married and whom she is marrying so that later you will not spring any unexpected surprises on her. That should not happen.

She must know that you work in order to provide for her and the children. But beyond the usual normal level of provision, you dedicate everything else to your spiritual development that she benefits from just as much as you do, acting as a full and equal partner in the process.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Spiritual Couple” 9/15/10

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Question: How should one choose a Kabbalistic partner?

Answer: A person’s partner is the Creator. With Him we must attain unity, complete adhesion. That is all. That is the partner. Everything else is only a means to that end.

All the fellow students, the friends, serve as what might be called “witnesses of your adhesion with the Creator”; they are the ones that provide your contact with Him.

Question: You are speaking now about friends. And a woman? Does she play some role in this?

Answer: A woman must understand your work, its importance, and must not hinder it.

Question: Isn’t she the spiritual woman with whom I can advance?

Answer: You should not think about a “spiritual woman.” Your spiritual partner is the group.

And a wife, it is desirable that she understands you, that she herself aspires to this, and does not hinder you, although disturbances can also be a help along the way.

Comment: Now you are speaking about a woman as a disruptive element. But recently you said that she is a very important element.

My Response: I said that one must choose a wife who will be close to you and similar to you in her understanding of family life rather than someone who pursues a lifestyle and earthly goals that are completely at odds with yours.

We know that the basis of spiritual development is your similarity, common aspirations, common mentality, and common language. Similarity in your parents’ families is already a guarantee that further on there will be mutual understanding rather than disagreements, because all of us are drawn to those values that we received in our upbringing.

In addition to this, similarity in the spiritual goal is necessary, the goal that fills our life and stems from the spiritual understanding of the state. A spiritual state consists of a vessel and a filling.

The vessel is everything that is familiar to me, what I understand as life, that is, the existing conditions, values, and earthly habits. The filling is what I want to fill my life with so that all this will more or less suit both her and me. Then everything will be fine.

Besides that, one must look at what environment I am in, so that it will be suitable for both of us. I cannot find a suitable partner and then go somewhere to Asia and join an Asian group. This too must be more or less suitable for us, so that a person will not feel too great a contradiction. Although in our groups this is not so sharply expressed. Today the world is very close in all its ways of life.

We must strive precisely for such similarity, and through it for similarity to the Creator. Attaining complete similarity is the most comfortable point.
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Spiritual Couple” 9/15/10

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Question: You try to give tasks to everyone, both men and women. Is it really possible to do without women’s desire?

Answer: No, it must be very clear. A woman is not a passive element in creation. Although compared to a man, she is more passive, this is only because she cannot independently implement her desire.

However, her desire itself is very necessary for men. And men will feel like men when women begin to feel a need for spiritual development and pressure them with this need. Then it will be like in a family when a wife compels her husband to take care of the family.

Question: How can we ensure that women do not go in the wrong direction?

Answer: In any case, one has to develop somewhere. I am not afraid of anything. And in general, what is there for us to fear? Life is infinite, nature is eternal, the Creator is one, and one force governs us. We are obligated to move only toward it, toward contact with it, and toward similarity with it.

Let us try to pass through all these stages quickly, easily, and pleasantly, as much as possible. The main thing is to constantly try to accelerate the pace of movement toward the goal. That is all.

When I am asked what I like about myself and what I do not, I say: “There is only one thing I like about myself: the striving toward the goal that the Creator gave me.” I must constantly feel pressure: I must, must, must, and feel that I am moving toward the goal, revealing it more and more correctly. I torment myself if I do not carry this through to the end.

Only this desire matters. Everything else is the evil that was also created by the Creator, but there is certainly nothing good in it.

Therefore, we should not pay attention to the various shortcomings that are revealed within us. They will naturally appear, and at the pace at which we move forward, we will feel them even more.

But a strong, good, kind, mature women’s organization, which I demand, will help us go through all the revelations of our internal shortcomings that we do not yet see. And by revealing and correcting them, we will come to the Creator.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Women’s Desire” 9/11/10

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Question: What is a woman’s Hisaron?

Answer: A woman’s Hisaron is the natural deficiency that forms within her that must be worked with more intensively. There is nothing artificial about it!

Let us say I want something, so let me want it today. Later I will want it more consciously, so just want it more consciously, and so on. It is not an artificial desire for something nonexistent. What we are engaged in is entering into the true nature, not the deceptive, egoistic nature that surrounds us, but the eternal and perfect nature that is 100% altruistic and entirely directed toward bestowal.

Right now we are merely in a small, illusory volume, like a dream, where everything operates in opposition to bestowal. But in truth, all of nature is founded on altruism, bestowal, and love, which is the Creator’s quality. It is only us who experience this clouded perception when we are in the opposite state.

Comment: So we should just leave the women alone.

My Response: Yes, let everything move as it should! Just more desire, more inner tension, more yearning, and everything will come to fruition. The intensity depends on the overall effort, on the collective influence we have on one another.
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. A Woman’s Hisaron” 9/23/10

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Question: Yesterday there was a worldwide women’s gathering as preparation for the convention. At the end of the gathering we felt like one woman. How can we maintain this feeling and bring it into the convention?

Answer: You need to maintain the connection among all the friends so that there is such unity in which you promise not to separate from each other, and then everything will be fine. You will immediately begin to add more and more to the connections between you.
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From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 2/19/25, Preparation for Opening the Heart at the Congress

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Question: It is hard for me to overcome egoism, maybe because I am a woman. I feel when the Creator is near, I have the greatness of the goal, I am drawn forward, and do not need to overcome anything. But when the Creator distances, something needs to be done, maybe some physical actions.

At the same time, it is said that when the Creator moves away, He waits for prayers and requests to get closer to us. Does it mean we must always think about the ten and pray for it?

Answer: Usually, women, as in our world, do a lot of work aiding in the advancement of men. This in no way detracts from their participation in spiritual work. On the contrary, women’s work is Malchut, Bina, and reaching Keter. Keter, Bina, Malchut, all these three components are feminine. The men are Hochma and Zeir Anpin, i.e., the influence of the upper light.

So don’t diminish women’s work in any way although it manifests itself precisely in dissemination, the processing of materials, and all types of help.

A woman, as in our world, is created by nature to maintain, shape, and strengthen our Kli. This is a binding material. It is impossible to do without it. Therefore, the female part is Malchut, this is its primary function.

You need to look at yourself as a woman, and then you will find your application in the correct decision of the women’s group because a women’s group cannot be the same as a men’s group.

Men can be directly connected among them. They run around, bounce, play something. Women cannot be that united. Everyone is on her own; therefore, they unveil themselves when helping the men’s group.

Therefore, we must consider the women’s group as a group that exists alongside the men’s. Although this is gradually being leveled nowadays, as in our lives, we still need to understand this is how the women’s group actualizes itself more. After all, men cannot do without their support.

It is the same in our world. How can a man live without a family and without being served? He is still a child. Therefore, this correct combination is critical in the spiritual movement.

In our world, a woman is a home, a support, an environment from which a person grows, and so it is in the spiritual world. Therefore, the women’s group should be stronger and more numerous than the men’s.

We see this everywhere: a small men’s group and, next to them, a pretty large women’s group. And that is right, that is how it should be. Of course it is not in such a proportion as in our world where there are 5% more women than men, but much more.

In Kabbalah, there are two to three times more women than men because a tree needs a lot of land to grow. This is how their combination should be to help each other in their spiritual realization.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/3/19, Writings of Baal HaSulam “There Is None Else Besides Him”

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I must always pray for the ten because it is my soul. From the spiritual point of view, I am nothing on my own; the upper light can only bounce off me.

When it shines on me, I feel either attraction to it or positive or negative suffering, but I cannot do anything about it. My conscious action can only come from movement together with those like me. I am obligated to create a structure similar to the light. A structure resembling the light is ten egoists united by a single goal. That is how we act.

It should be noted that women have a way to move forward as follows: if the women’s group unites as much as possible among themselves and, at the same time, helps the men’s group move forward, this constitutes their spiritual work and progress.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/3/19, Writings of Baal HaSulam “There Is None Else Besides Him”

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Question: How can one receive the Creator’s blessing and reach perfection in the relationships between a man and a woman who are engaged in Kabbalah?

Answer: I think that it does not necessarily have to be between a man and a woman. Between women, between men, it does not matter who and with whom. This is how we need to understand relationships in Kabbalah.

In principle, this is the same work; you just divide it into several parts. Try to combine all your requests into one, and then everything will work out perfectly.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 11/19/24, Writings of Rabash “The Discernment of ‘In Everything’”

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Question: If my husband and I want to “kill” each other, is this a sign that we are progressing, or on the contrary, descending?

Answer: In any case, you need to rise above it, both on the animate and spiritual levels. What good is there in wanting to “kill” each other?

Show your husband out of spite that you can rise above yourself; let him be envious. When two people study Kabbalah, they can make significant progress, but it requires double work, both in the group and with the wife. The wife is like another group.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/28/19, “Questions and Answers”

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