Question: What advice would you give to couples who cannot decide to marry due to various reasons?

Answer: They should consider starting a family, having children, and reaching maximum closeness between them in this world, that will only benefit them. Marriage and parenthood are part of the spiritual development couples undergo as a husband or wife.

Many think they win by pushing the other person, but you should concede instead. That is your advantage. You should feel you are doing the right thing when you step toward another.

So good luck to everyone, and be strong. Concede to each other!
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: What feeling in a family is accepted as truth? There are very warm feelings and sometimes literally hatred. One does not understand what is real. It is so devastating! One suddenly starts to believe that this hatred is what defines the relationship.

Answer: What is need here is patience and understanding that the other person has the same feelings, impressions, and aspirations as you do. Everyone has both love and hate within them. Sometimes they coincide and sometimes they do not.

Question: How important is it for spouses to share their feelings and states?

Answer: No, there is no need to turn this into some kind of drama. The most important thing is to understand that you should smooth everything out.

On the other hand you should not accumulate negative emotions. It is essential to discharge them, meaning to discuss these situations almost as if in the third person and not keep them inside.

Question: Who is more difficult in family life: men or women?

Answer: It is hard to say. Women have more strength to resist men. They are not in equal positions. She knows how to twist him. But this is given to her so that she can defend herself because a woman is home, family, and the foundation.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: It says that if a husband and wife do not merit the revelation of the Shechina, fire consumes them. What state is this?

Answer: There should be love in the family. But if instead of the flame of love, they come to the opposite quality, then the same love turns into a consuming fire.

Question: But how does this reverse happen? After all, it is the same fire that can provide warmth.

Answer: This often happens in our lives, in action. Suddenly, you abandon all your evil thoughts and words, turn to each other face to face, and come closer.

The most important thing in family life is to avoid pride or self-assurance. Neither spouse should ever try to convince the partner that they are right. Often we act out of spite, trying to prove our point, although we understand that it is wrong.

Question: What kind of correctness should we seek?

Answer: We should only seek connection and strive to yield to each other.

There can be no talk here of who is right or guilty. None of us is right, wrong, or guilty. The main thing is understanding that we are created mean and should act against our nature.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: It is written in The Book of Zohar: “It is not good for the man to be alone.” I know that there are married couples who live together and still feel lonely. Does the statement “it’s not good to be alone” refer to purely physical or internal sensations?

Answer: It refers primarily to internal ones. The most important thing is for a person to feel that there is a friend next to him.

And the fact that people live together and feel lonely in marriage, nothing can be done. It depends on their upbringing and their outlook on the world and life.

Question: If I feel that my husband is internally lonely, can I somehow help him?

Answer: Try to show him that you are his friend, that you are ready to understand him in everything, and then help him. A woman has such opportunities. But is a man ready to accept that a woman would address him like that, come up, hug him, and he would not push her away?

Question: Yes, not all men can perceive a woman this way, even their wives. What should a wife be like for a man to perceive her as a friend, as support?

Answer: A wife must be smart; this is the most important thing. And she must also be similar to his mother. It is not easy.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: How is egoism displayed in the family?

Answer: Egoism is one’s own exaltation, one’s justification for oneself, and the desire to have power over the partner etc.

Comment: But it is impossible to escape it. Each and every time we reveal between us how much everyone is absorbed with oneself.

My Response: Indeed, the more we advance and try to suppress our ego, the more it grows. Nevertheless, we must gradually rise above it, and for this we need connection with the Creator.

Therefore, we are starting to beg Him to help us and not to leave us because on our own we are very weak and do not believe that somehow we can overcome our selves. We are working in this way day after day. This is a long job.

Question: But we do not always see this connection with the Creator. When the ego is growing, the opposite happens: we build and build and then fall even lower. What can you recommend for these moments?

Answer: You have to understand that when the ego rises, it gives us an opportunity to rise even more above it. This is what the help from the Creator means.

Question: It turns out that the Creator seemingly accepts our work?

Answer: Yes, from each one individually and from both together.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: What should we do if my husband and I try to somehow give in to each other and change ourselves, but it still does not work?

Answer: Ask the Creator and He will help. Speak directly to Him the way you speak to me now.

Question: Can two people do this?

Answer: Of course, turn to the Creator together. This brings you very close.

Question: How can we feel that the Creator is between us? Will we fight less, or will we get along better? What is this feeling?

Answer: You must be more responsible for each other and be ready to sacrifice a lot for this. That is all.

Question: I am trying to imagine this state; how do I nullify myself to zero?

Answer: There is no need for zero. It is necessary to make an effort to maintain a good, constant connection on both sides. That is enough.

The main thing is the feeling inside. It does not need to be manifested in actions in some special way.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: If one of the spouses in a family notices how the other is working on his egoism, should he praise him for this?

Answer: No, you do not need to praise or talk about it; otherwise, it will confuse everything. It is best to just try to understand each other without words. That is much stronger, much more impressive, and gives everyone deeper work on themselves.

If you feel that you are working on yourself and trying to change somehow, but you do not see this from your partner, then you need to somehow hint to him to do this or that, that here, for example, he has the opportunity to lower himself a little.

Everyone has their own egoism, and everyone works on it. To help your partner in this work, you need to lead by example.
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From KabTV’s “Male and Female” 3/5/24

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Question: How does it happen that the fire that warmed us and nurtured our love, suddenly turns into something consuming? Where is the main oversight? When does it suddenly turn around?

Answer: On one hand perhaps the spouses forget that they receive a connection between them through the Creator and they throw Him out of their relationship. On the other hand they forget that they have a common goal in front of them and that it is unchangeable and unshakable. If there are children, then there is nothing to talk about at all. After all, we live not only for ourselves, but also for the sake of our children.

Question: As I understand it, our goal is to reach love, the qualities of the Creator. How do children contribute to this?

Answer: Children contribute by forcing you to rise above your egoism and sacrifice it for their sake.

Question: Why exactly should the Creator be between a man and a woman?

Answer: Otherwise they would hardly unite with each other and continue their existence together.
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From KabTV’s “Male and Female” 3/5/24

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Comment: We have not had such a prolonged war in a while. All this time, the guys have been out there on the front lines. It seems like it is going to continue for a long time.

A father of four children, who has not been home once since the war started, writes to his wife: “My beloved, my dear, I am here fighting for our home, for our people. But I feel the immense war you are going through, taking on everything: caring for the home, for the children, for me. Where do you get such strength? How did I not feel this before? Thank you for the peace you give me, for the strength that emanates from you. I know it is easier for me; I am here, surrounded by friends. All the care is on you there, you are the hero! For you: our wives, sisters, and mothers, we are ready to fight. Thank you, my love! I miss you so much.”

What would you say about such wives?

My Response: There are no words for it!

Question: Can we say that this is a feat?

Answer: Yes, definitely.

Question: How do they hold up as they are thinking about their husbands, fearing that suddenly—God forbid—someone will knock on the door and bring some news about them? Constantly caring for the children and not showing how hard it is for her. After all, a woman wants to be weak, but she does not have the opportunity to be weak. How?

Answer: The Creator gives a person what he needs. We see examples of this. Women are strong. They bear their share with dignity.

Question: So, even without thinking about the Creator, does she have a constant prayer?

Answer: Yes, it is constantly in her heart.

Question: Does that mean that there is a constant response?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Does that mean that He supports them all the time?

Answer: The Creator supports such people and helps and encourages them. Precisely the Creator.

Question: Does a person feel that this is from the Creator, or is it not necessary at all? Like this woman, the wife.

Answer: I think they feel it.

Question: Can a husband’s letter to his wife be called a declaration of love?

Answer: It can. In such cases you can speak openly and speak from heart to heart. Does he have four children?

Comment: Yes, he has four children. Yet, he writes to his wife, he feels that she is the stronghold and the foundation of everything.

My Response: What can you do? Of course. A woman is a home, as it is said in the Torah.

Question: Can we say that wives fight no less than husbands in this war?

Answer: Of course! Even more. After all, in action they cannot do anything, only in desires.

Question: Who do you think has it harder?

Answer: The woman, because she worries about the family, the home, the husband, about everyone. She generally is considered the center of the family in such a state.

Question: So her thoughts never disappear, she has no rest?

Answer: No! It is completely out of the question. Within her, she is always with the children and her husband who is far away, and she is constantly in these thoughts.

Question: In principle, what do husbands mean to such wives? Who are they?

Answer: They are their support. They are like the center of the world, the center of the universe. And for him, the wife is the center of life.

Question: Why does this happen only in such situations? He even writes here: “I did not even know you were so strong. I did not even know you were like this.” Why is this revealed only in such situations? Why can we not see this during peace?

Answer: Because they need each other. In ordinary life everything gets somewhat obscured. These states have a very positive impact on a couple, on husband and wife.

Question: Can you say that this war brings them together?

Answer: Of course.

Question: Does it bring together such families?

Answer: There are those who might drift apart from each other, but generally, it leads to coming together, to something serious and real, and makes them understand who they are to each other.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 1/22/24

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Question: Researchers from the Weizmann Institute in Israel have found that human tears contain a substance that suppresses aggression. For the study, they collected emotional tears from women. Then, men were given the opportunity to smell these tears or a physiological saline solution. It turned out that female tears induce changes in the brain that reduce male aggression by more than forty percent. What is the spiritual root of tears?

Answer: Tears are excesses of the desire to bestow. In Kabbalah, this is called Ohr Hozer, the reflected light that comes out from the source of the light and envelops it. In other words, tears are a great force.

Question: Even in a spiritual sense?

Answer: Especially in a spiritual sense.

Question: So, it overwhelms me, I want to bestow, bestow, and bestow?

Answer: When a person feels that he cannot solve the problem of bestowing, then tears manifest. I really want to bestow, but I cannot; my nature is different.

Question: It is one thing when a child cries. Another thing when an adult cries. Are tears still a form of helplessness?

Answer: Yes, it is helplessness every time.

Question: So, I have to reach a dead-end and then tears come?

Answer: And then tears appear. These tears are the reflected light in which the direct light from the Creator is dressed.

Question: Can you explain the terms reflected light and direct light more simply?

Answer: It means that a person appeals to the Creator and receives help from Him. This is called light.

Question: Is this the direct light?

Answer: Yes, and reflected light is the light that comes to a person and reflects from him in the desire to merge with the Creator.

Question: In our world we have tears of happiness, tears of sorrow, pain, hatred, and all of these are still tears. Why are they all tears?

Answer: Tears are a lack of the ability to embrace the immensity.

Question: Do I want to embrace the unattainable?

Answer: Yes, those who want to encompass the unattainable and find that they cannot do it, they cry. This can happen to a little child or an old person as well.

Question: In Kabbalah, there is a concept called “gates of tears.” They say that the gates of tears are always open. Can you explain?

Answer: When a person has a complete realization that he has done everything possible to come close to the Creator and sees that he still cannot achieve it, he then explodes from within in sobbing, thus opening the gates of tears. In other words, all gates are closed, but the gates of tears are open to a person who comes to them in this way.

Question: When you said that he has been through everything, already done everything, does that mean that all gates are closed? So, he checked all the gates?

Answer: Yes.

Question: So, one must still check all the gates?

Answer: Otherwise how will one explode in suffering and prayer?

Question: Can we say that, in principle, our life is to check all the gates? Is this our life? And all the sufferings we get along the way, are they because the gates are closed?

Answer: Yes.

Question: We come to it with age, with wisdom? What do we come to the gates of tears with?

Answer: With a plea out of helplessness. With a request that we have done everything, and besides the Creator no one can help us, and only to Him do we turn. But we are capable of it! Not just crying and screaming like a child. But when you have been through everything and your despair is greater than all the problems that came to you.

Question: Have you ever cried?

Answer: I have cried. The last time I cried was when my friend was drafted to the army. And with this I felt that childhood and youth were ending.

Question: Was it your childhood friend leaving?

Answer: Yes.

Remark: So, you had that period of happiness called childhood, and it ended.

Answer: Yes, something like that.

Question: This is an overflow of what?

Answer: It is an overflow of emotions. We were very close friends, and it was the end of it.

Question: Another question: Your teacher Rabash, did he ever cry?

Answer: No, I imagine that it could have happened, but I never saw a single tear.

Question: Even, as you said, when his wife died, when he was distraught by that blow?

Answer: No, he did not cry and did not show any emotion.

Question: Why?

Answer: He did not have it in him. He did not have anything like it. I was with him for 12 to 13 years; he passed away in my arms, and never did he cry.

Question: But when you think about him, very often tears come to your eyes?

Answer: I am not him.

Question: What do you feel at that moment?

Answer: I feel bitterness that I could not bestow to him more than I did. And sometimes, it caused him a sense of offense toward me. So… I still have to figure this out.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 12/25/23

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