Question: Divorce is a major world problem. Over the past 40 years, twice as many people have decided to end relationships, and in some places the divorce rate exceeds 70%.

The causes of divorce are considered to be hasty, thoughtless wedlock, marriage for money, adultery, sexual dissatisfaction, incompatibility of characters, emotional immaturity for family life, and alcohol abuse. There are many more reasons.

Why do you think this is happening?

Answer: A modern person cannot stand another person next to him all the time. He simply cannot! Just because he is a big egotist.

Egoism has increased because our egos are constantly growing. We are undergoing an egoistic evolution, and one person cannot tolerate another next to him. “How long can I take this?! Why?!” and so on. Meaning it is better to break up. People may live as if they are not even married because it is hard to break up or for some other reason.

Question: Still there are strong marriages. For example, I have been married for 38 years. You are already approaching your golden anniversary.

Answer: That is true. But I live between my wife, children, and my group. This is not an ordinary life either. I cannot be an example, not to mention my terrible character traits.

But divorce? I have never even considered it. I never thought I could get divorced and leave my wife and children. No, I bought an apartment and transferred it to my wife. I have nothing at all! Seriously.

I took care of my children so each of them would be provided for and have an education, a home, and everything else. I made sure they got married; it is a must! So I could do my work in peace. These are the most important things.

If you have children, you have to take care of them. The main thing is the children.

Question: Is this the worst about divorce? Do children feel like they do not have a dad or mom?

Answer: The child suffers from the absence of a parent, any parent! Either mom or dad. Of course, a mother more so, but a father too. It leaves a mark on them. This cannot be forgiven!

Children consider their father’s departure from them as a betrayal, as a divorce from them. And they do not forget that. They cannot. That is, the child feels that “Dad has left me.” And this is, of course, very difficult.

Question: And when love is gone?

Answer: What love?!

Comment: They say: “Love is gone,” this is how they justify it.

My Response: Where did it go? I do not understand that word. I only know one thing: if people live together, if they are more or less understanding and well-mannered, they can create comfortable conditions for life together. Not good or happy, but comfortable together.

Question: Do they form such an alliance of convenience?

Answer: Of course! What is marriage in the first place? A joint household where you believe that you can support each other and help each other, you are satisfied with that. That is the first thing. All else changes in a person every few years in other directions.

After all, today we live five times longer than 200 years ago, not to mention 1,000 years ago. The Pharaoh lived for 20 to 22 years. The Pharaoh! Even though he was served everything in silver, everything was washed, cleaned, normal, environmentally friendly products, he lived for only 22 years.

Can we even imagine this?! What is 22 years old today? One is not even an adult.

Question: Another aspect is keeping the family together, what should a woman be like, and what should a man be like in this union?

Answer: There must be education. Whatever happens, after all, thousands of different states and “adventures” can happen to anyone throughout their lives, but you know you have a family, and your duty is to support and accompany them. For as long as you live, you must care for them. This is the first thing. And feelings, you cannot build anything based on them.

Comment: You have often said that a man looks for his mother in a woman.

My Response: That is right. A man looks for something from his mother in a woman. And if he finds it, it ensures his devotion to her.

Question: If a married woman understands that her husband is looking for a mother, does this ensure a union?

Answer: Yes, the Torah says that in the time of the forefathers, the bride was brought to his mother’s tent, and after she lived with her mother-in-law for a while, the man married her.

She learned from his mother how to serve him, what to do with him, what he likes and dislikes, etc. She watched and learned everything, including how his mom cooks.

Comment: That is, she was learning to be a mother to her husband. This is, of course, a paradox.

My Response: How is this a paradox?

Comment: She did not come here to learn how to be a wife but to be a mother to him.

My Response: You cannot imagine how a man gets attached to a woman if she reminds him of his mother. He will look at her as a child! He will always catch his mother in her.

Question: Will he never want to get divorced?

Answer: Never! What does it mean to get divorced? Leave Mom?

Question: So Mom cannot be abandoned?

Answer: Right.

Comment: The phrase from the wife: “Go to your mommy! I am not your mother! Let her bake your cake for you!”

My Response: Oh, see what arguments they bring: “I am not your mother!” That is the problem.

Comment: This is probably where a large percentage of divorces occur, when a woman does not take on the function of the mother.

My Response: She must understand this is the only way to keep a man, to make him her own! Just like that; there is nothing you can do about it. It is in the Torah, written in black and white in the Bible.

Question: So maybe you are revealing the secret of all divorces, and we do not need any psychologists?

Answer: This is the secret of an explicit relationship. For the rest of his life, a man will see his mother in his wife and will not run away from her anywhere.

Question: So what is the man in the family?

Answer: If he clings to her, what else does she need?

Question: Is this her safety? Is this what she is looking for in him?

Answer: Nothing else. He will do everything to make her feel good and will give her compliments every day.

Question: Will he make money and work?

Answer: Sure, I know this for sure; it is human nature.

Question: What does a woman need in a man? The feeling of safety?

Answer: First of all, attention. Attention to her, to the children, to the home. That is, are you getting married? This is it! The bride goes to her mother-in-law and learns from her all the weaknesses of her son. She knows how to work with him like a woman: to give him something, make something, and do something that reminds him of his mother. A man gets bought immediately, instantly, and forever.

Comment: And he will do everything she wants.

Answer: He needs it necessarily. A man does not give birth; he remains a child; therefore, this buys him.

Question: So he is still a child? All the time? Even in his 70s and 80s?

Answer: It does not matter! His whole life.

Comment: People may not be outraged, but they will ask: “Still, what about a man? Everything revolves around a woman.”

My Response: A man should bring everything a woman requires; there is no need for anything else. This is true in the material world. But in the spiritual world, everything is different; it is the opposite.

The family does not overlap with a man’s spiritual development. This is his privilege and prerogative; it is purely his personal choice. In this regard, he is the man and the head of the family. This concerns spiritual development. As for the material world, it is up to a woman.

In spiritual development, a man is in command; in material development a woman is.

Question: If a man is in charge of spiritual development, is the role of a woman to let him take care of his soul?

Answer: Yes, of course.

Comment: And then he will also provide her with everything she needs.

My Response: Twice as much!
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/21/24

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