Entries in the 'Man and Woman' Category

Understand Each Other’s Nature

961.2Comment: Today, people do not want any obligations to each other and therefore do not marry.

My Response: A person is an egoist. If he understood that marriage would really fill him and was created so that he could give and receive in marriage, he would see that there is nothing better.

But for this, a form of communication needs to be created so that a man is fulfilled from his wife, children, and family so that he has exactly such needs, qualities, desires that are not artificially changed s o that he is forced to run away in the evenings somewhere to clubs, bars.

It’s the same with a woman. She must be determined to create for her family, her husband, and her children the conditions from which she herself would enjoy. Therefore, appropriate education is needed here. It doesn’t matter that we’ve become more egoistic. Bigger egoism, in fact, should take us to the next level.

We must educate boys and girls properly, teach them how to interact with each other, and not give them only lessons about sex in schools. It turns out that we are just teaching animals the correct sexual relationships, but we do not teach people how to be properly connected with each other, to understand and complement each other.

If we don’t give them that education, the next generation will be miserable. They will come to some mechanical interaction, to something incomprehensible.

Kabbalah says that everything in nature is built on replenishment, on harmony. This replenishment depends on understanding each other’s nature.

I remember when I was in the first year of the institute, we had a professor Svyadoshch Avraam Moiseevich. He took us to different hospitals for surgeries to show us the extreme conditions that people are in immediately after an accident, during a difficult birth, or after a heart transplant.

And we, eighteen or nineteen-year-old boys, were very shaken up by it. When we first came out of the maternity hospital, it was a shock: How difficult it is to give birth, how much blood, how much pain. We almost cried, looking at the women in labor. Our attitude to many things changed. We began to treat even the girls in our group differently.

Based on what I have experienced, I would take all school children to hospitals, maternity hospitals, and morgues to explain and show children what life means, when you go through all the states from birth through various problems, injuries, death, up to the cemetery,  all this is necessary. And I would do this with a very serious preliminary preparation, so that the children would not have psychological trauma. This is how an understanding and adult attitude to life is built.
From KabTV’s “Close-up” 8/11/09

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Not Equalization, But Complementing Each Other

962.1Question: Several hundred years ago, women did not have any rights. These rights exist today. Do you think this is correct?

Answer: It is the responsibility of the state to give everyone the opportunity to realize themselves for the benefit of society. This is what Kabbalah thinks.

Nature has made us different. Everyone has one’s own functions, one’s own abilities. You can’t do anything about it. Equality is not an equalization, but a complement to each other. The harmony of society is achieved exactly by complementing.

Question: So equality does not mean getting the same salary, wearing the same clothes, etc.?

Answer: No. We must maximally extract from each person the realization of their potential that they can give to society. It doesn’t matter if it’s a cook or the head of a state. If each of them does what he can and gives it for the good of society, then they are equal. From the point of view of Kabbalah, they are entitled to the same thing.
From KabTV’s “Spiritual States” 4/29/19

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How Do You Learn To Be Needed?

959Question: Someone wrote to you: “Since my husband died, I feel useless. The children do not need me, my daughter recently said to me, ‘You are only interfering.’ I thought that I would be needed by my grandchildren, but they are busy with their own gadgets and just get annoyed with me. I learned to knit and thought I would knit for them, but they buy everything online. I tried to come up with all sorts of things for myself, like playing cards, solving crossword puzzles, but I am not interested. It turns out that nobody needs me. ”

What is this woman to do? How can a person learn to be needed?

Answer: I think that for this we need not look for someone who needs you in some personal sense, but what I can do so that it would be useful and good for a large number of people, for all of humanity. Today everything has been done to ensure that we are as independent as possible from each other. And when someone wants to bother us with offering their help, we do not want it.

Question: So a simple grandmother can reveal herself to the world? Can she suddenly be useful to the world, useful to people?

Answer: Undoubtedly! Only if she understands what is of benefit for the world, for people, she can find herself in this.

Question: And what can her benefit to the world be?

Answer: In teaching herself and other people to be properly interconnected with each other. This will bring a tremendous positive force into the world that will make the world a better place.

Question: Is the meaning of life that a person wants to be needed? Is this the meaning of my life?

Answer: It does not make sense. It is only a remedy. The meaning of life should already be above this.

Question: Is the meaning of life is what you said—establishing connections with others, making them kind? Will this meaning fill a person?

Answer: It will definitely fill. One will begin to feel that he or she has this meaning. Inside this filling, this connection between us, we go to the next level, we can fill ourselves for another 100 years ahead.

We are entering a system in which we are all connected. This is a completely new meaning of life. We live, as it were, in a common body.

Question: Maybe a second youth after 70 to 80 years?

Answer: Undoubtedly! A person breaks away from himself into this society in which he is, which he is building. We must do this.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 2/8/21

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“Understanding Negative Social Phenomena” (Linkedin)

My new article on Linkedin “Understanding Negative Social Phenomena

In recent years, it seems as though one of the “hottest” topics in public discourse has been racism. But not only racism has been a hot topic; any kind of discrimination has become a topic of great public interest. Racism—whether against Blacks or against Jews, misogyny, homophobia, xenophobia, and even discrimination based on political views, have all gained notoriety.

All men and women are not born equal. We are born different, and our diversity drives our development as a human race. Just as no two animals, plants, or even rocks are the same, and the diversity of nature drives evolution, so it is with human diversity. The difference between human society and the rest of nature is that people, unlike any other element in creation, strive for absolute dominance. Deep down, each of us, consciously or not, strives for superiority. This is why we do not accept differences among people; we want everyone to be the same, equal.

Whenever such a topic receives attention, politicians, journalists, and celebrities jump on the bandwagon and blare their views emphatically. These statements may help their careers, but I have yet to see one problem solved by sanctimonious assertions and contempt for other people’s views. If we want to solve social problems, we must understand where they come from and uproot them at the core.

All men and women are not born equal. We are born different, and our diversity drives our development as a human race. Just as no two animals, plants, or even rocks are the same, and the diversity of nature drives evolution, so it is with human diversity.

The difference between human society and the rest of nature is that people, unlike any other element in creation, strive for absolute dominance. Deep down, each of us, consciously or not, strives for superiority. This is why we do not accept differences among people; we want everyone to be the same, equal.

However, we will only think that people should be the same if they are the same as me! Anyone who does not think like me is wrong, should be “reeducated,” or eliminated. Of course, this is an extreme presentation of human ambitions and most people do not maintain such extremist views, but it is nonetheless the driving force behind social mindsets.

As just stated, diversity is essential; it drives our development. The problem is our attitude toward it. To change our attitude toward diversity and make it constructive, we need to understand that were it not for diversity, we wouldn’t be here; we’d be extinct. Diversity means mutual complementation, where each element provides what no other element can. Just as we wouldn’t want salmon to be sharks, and just as we wouldn’t want our hearts to become kidneys, so we shouldn’t want anyone to be anything other than what they are. We may not see the contribution of each person to society, but ignorance does not excuse mistakes. As Martin Luther King, Jr. already pointed out, “Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

Therefore, to solve negative social phenomena, we should relate to them constructively. Every time a problem manifests, we should treat it as an invitation for correction. It is not the problem itself that we should fix, but the hatred that has caused it. As said above, people’s differences make them hate one another, which manifests in different ways each time. Nevertheless, it is always the hatred that we must correct, and not the differences.

Think of the most extreme examples, such as hatred between Whites and Blacks in America. We shouldn’t expect Blacks to become, or even want to become White, or the other way around. We should, however, work on recognizing the contribution of each part to society, on the unique values and beauty that each race and color possesses, and then we will come to love one another precisely because of who we are, and we will not want each other to change. The idea is therefore not to change one another, but build love atop the differences, and in fact, precisely because of them.

If we were able to see the beauty and unique contribution of each element in society, we would grasp how dependent we are on the success and prosperity of each person in society. We wouldn’t need to deal with social problems since they would dissolve in the love that would surround everyone. If a certain problem did appear, we would treat it as a sign that we have not completed our work and there is more love to build, this time around a new rift that we did not see before. If we treat our differences in this constructive manner, we will be thankful every day that we have so many people of so many colors, creeds, and races.

Act According To Nature’s Formula

599.02Comment: In Kabbalistic sources, it is written that without the revelation of the Creator, we cannot be equal.

My Response: We will not be ale to do this because we need a common denominator we doing this for. The good of society cannot interest us. Our egoism is beyond that.

Equality is possible only if we unite in our upper root, from which we come. Then, as we reach it, we will understand why we are different. Precisely this difference in the integral sum gives us the feeling of equality.

Comment: Throughout the history of mankind, we have existed in a society where there has been no equality. Even today, the struggle for equal opportunities continues. Women try to become like men and vice versa.

You, as a Kabbalist, say that there can be no equality and humanity itself will never come to it.

My Response: We do not need to strive for mechanical equality. We must act according to the formula of nature, and then we will become equal. Even though we are different, we will be equal.
From KabTV’s “Spiritual States” 4/29/19

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Creation And Its Female Part

614The Book of Zohar,Chayei Sarah” [The Life of Sarah], Chapter 80: Why are all types of witchcraft and magic in women? It is because when the serpent came over Eve, he cast filth in her. He cast only in her and not in her husband, and the spells extend from the filth of the serpent. This is why witchcraft is in women.

In Kabbalah, women are a very important part of creation, even more important than the masculine part since everything comes from her. And the male part is just a link between the female part and the Creator.

The whole of creation is the female part. Therefore birth, stages of ascent, and all of the actions of creation are realized in a woman. And men are needed in the world only to provide for her, but life itself is in women.

And this is true. If men understood this and agreed, the world would be much better, straighter. Unfortunately, we are not that corrected yet.

From the spiritual point of view, the female part in creation is called desire and the male part is called intention. The Creator created the desire, and then the correct intention was created for it: for the sake of the Creator. But when this intention was corrupted by the so-called “sin,” it turned into its opposite. That is, the intention to give has been replaced by receiving for the sake of oneself without any love or compassion for others.

Why do we say that a woman is corrupted, that she has all the evil in her, that she has the venom of the serpent, and man does not? Because evil manifests itself in the female part. At the same time, I do not mean women at all. When I say “woman,” I associate it only with spiritual qualities. Therefore, you do not need to perceive my words at the level of our world.

So, Eve was not corrupted before the shifting of the egoistic property of “receiving” to Adam. Adam himself was corrupted, and because of this, the whole world, including Eve, was corrupted. She was the transferring link from the serpent to Adam. When Adam sinned, they both descended to the lowest level, to the state of permanent sin, and from this egoistic state they must come out.

The exit is mainly carried out through the efforts of Adam, the male part of creation, because it is engaged in correcting the intention and must change it from receiving to giving. And the female part is more passive. She accepts this intention and works with it. And we see this in practice in the male and female characters, in their approach to the world.
From KabTV’s “The Power of The Book of Zohar” #4

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“How Can The High Divorce Rates Of USA Be Reduced?” (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: How can the high divorce rates of USA be reduced?

In order to reduce the divorce rate and ensure that married couples rise above any argument, conflict, and crisis, we need to revise the way we are educated and influenced.

As we grow up, we need to learn what it means to live as members of a happy family, how to run our family life optimally, and how to overcome any kinds of conflicts that arise.

The key principle to successfully running a family can be found in the Bible story about our creation—that one man was originally created and then divided into two. How, then, can two separate beings connect as one? The answer is in mutual concession.

Each partner should know that they can each achieve much more in life if they are positively connected, and that a solitary life would be a lot tougher.

Concession involves conceding our egos to our spouses. Our egos are our desires to personally benefit at the expense of others. Therefore, by conceding our egos, we undergo corrections of this ego, and acquire a positive form of love, bestowal and connection in its place. Our egos then become impulses that help us positively connect. That is, when we recognize our egos rejecting the tendency to connect, precisely at such points we can exercise our concessions and develop loftier qualities of love and bestowal upon our egoistic drives.

By doing so, we advance faster and more consciously to our life’s purpose: to become a human being in the fullest sense of the term, i.e., where “human” (“Adam”) comes from the phrase “similar to the most high” (“Adameh le Elyon”) in Kabbalah, or in other words, resemblance to the Creator—the quality of love, bestowal and connection that fills the entirety of reality outside of us. By acquiring such a quality, we enter into the state of eternity and perfection.

Therefore, in order for marriage to work, we should apply a higher goal to the marriage: that it serves as a kind of laboratory in order to exercise our relations of love, bestowal and positive connection above all the arguments, conflicts, and crises that surface.

Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

When Men Cry

284.05Question: Doctors advise us to cry once a week. They say tears relieve psychological stress. When we cry, endorphins, which we lack, are released. Also, they say physical pain is dulled. The body produces enkephalins, which are natural pain relievers.  Sweat and tears help remove harmful toxins from the body, and tears help lower blood pressure. ”

It seems we should cry more often. Can you explain this?

Answer: Definitely. There is a lot in tears, in the very process of crying, in this little inner stress that tears carry.

This is purification. A man cries out.

Question: Does one have to cry to the end, and after that, he is at peace?

Answer: It is not easy. Even more so for men. It happens only sometimes when special exciting actions take place, when you feel that you are revealing something. But these are not women’s tears.

Question: Are men’s tears different from women’s?

Answer: Absolutely. This is where a borderline between men and women becomes clear—a woman cannot cry for male reasons or a man for female reasons. There is nothing to be done here. Therefore, we are two and not a single one. Our tears are different. We have different systems! In a male, it goes through the brain, and in a female through the heart and womb.

In a male, it goes a little through the heart, but mostly through the brain. In a female—through the heart and mainly through the womb. Tears go through these systems, which are called masculine and feminine.

A man cries when he realizes something special and his awareness of this special thing merges with his feelings for it. A woman cries when all this goes through her system. After all, they are completely different people. They are from different worlds!

Question: Then what does the connection of these worlds mean?

Answer: They do not connect. They unite only in the Creator when they rise above themselves in order to reveal their common single root. Only there can they unite, reveal the Creator, and each one truly reveal themselves in the other.

Therefore, there is such a special pull between us, the oppositeness of these genders and so on. This is a very complex system of relationships.

Question: Does the real union appear there—in the Creator?

Answer: In heaven, as they say.

Question: You are not a sentimental person, but when we are talking about your teacher Rabash very often I see how your eyes suddenly moisten and how different you become. Why?

Answer: I cannot do anything about it. Because the root of my soul is in him, that is why I am different.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 12/28/20

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Create Your Love

961.1True love begins when nothing is looked for in return. 
(Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

True. Beautiful! Clear, brief.

Question: Can you comment on this?

Answer: No. I cannot. It is expressed so clearly and correctly.

Where will you find this? There is an opinion among people that it is possible.

Question: But man has no power to do it?

Answer: No, it is not in human nature.

Question: By nature, man is unable not to ask for anything in return?

Answer: Of course. We must create this feeling of love for the other from the opposite feelings: from rejection, hatred, from all the negative properties, feelings, and thoughts. I must do it

Then it is possible to say that I love him—because I create my love for him. In general, what I basically feel for this person is that I hate him.

Question: That is, if I could simply, just like that, hate someone and then rise to love him?

Answer: Yes. Turn yourself inside-out. Then you can say that you love him. I love him. And the fact that this feeling arose in me from nowhere.

Comment: It is not easy.

My Response: Yes, but it is called love.

To love is to create an attitude toward another in yourself, an attitude of love toward the one you initially hated. Love can only be above hate! Otherwise it is not love.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 12/10/20

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You Must Know How To Love

294.3To love is not to look at each other, but to look together in the same direction.
 (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)

That is right. The same direction means that I must find in myself and in the other person a state resulting from our mutual relations. It is something beyond both of us.

Question: So now are you talking about the purpose of life we, that we advance toward one goal, love the same goal, and move toward it?

Answer: It means that we love each other precisely because we are aimed at the same goal.

Comment: What if we do not share the same goal?

Answer: Then it is not love.

Question: This is interesting. So, I cannot just love you and simply live this way?

Answer: No! There must be a third component; it is not superfluous.

There must be something outside of both people that connects them, unites them. It is the yearning to unite in this third part that results in the quality of love.

Question: What kind of a goal makes this love strong?

Answer: When they realize that they owe each other achieving this eternal goal.

Question: Can a goal be to build a house, grow a tree, or create a family?

Answer: No. Never! We are talking about an idea, an ideal.

Question: But what is it? What could it be? Can we talk specifically about this?

Answer: Only the attainment of the purpose of nature. Nature has created us, and we must understand the goal that it wants to bring us to.

Question: What goal does it want to bring us to?

Answer: To unity. So that together with us it can achieve the absolute meaning in this union! That is, it would become one common whole—us, all of humanity, and nature. Us, as a receptor element of nature, and nature itself as the filling element.

That is how it should be.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 12/10/20

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