Question: The integral education courses for couples give me hope that by going through this process and building a new man within me, I will correct not only the relationships within my family, but also all the connections in the system and achieve success in every way. After all, the system of family ties will become the school through which I will be developing. Are there any differences in how this process takes place in a man and a woman?
Answer: It turns out that we should keep the family together because through it we can achieve success in life. We not only correct the relations within the family, but also obtain an additional benefit, as if this whole process has a higher purpose.
It’s not the problem of a married couple, but the global problem of corrupted connection between all of us, and we’ll have to solve it in some way. The relationships in the family may become the laboratory within which we can learn how to improve our relations with the world to succeed in everything.
There are some differences between how this process takes place in a man or a woman, but they are so internal that we can’t understand them now, everyone from his or her side, looking at the other. If we begin to delve into the psychology of the other and try to figure out what is going on inside another person, it will only confuse us. We don’t know what is really happening there.
We just need to acquire the correct approach that will allow us to build relationships with each other according to the principle: “Love covers all transgressions.” And this doesn’t mean that we want to hide the wrongdoings committed in relation to each other: our hatred, pride, ambition, carelessness, and disregard. We don’t hide anything.
But if I want to change something and build, I shouldn’t sink into mutual fights and blame of how much each of us is an egoist, meaning how bad he is and doesn’t notice his evil, but sees it in his partner. In fact, he doesn’t see another’s vices, but rather his own egoism, transferring it to his partner and recognizing his reflection in it.
Instead of distinguishing faults in myself, I see them in my spouse as if in a mirror. I don’t notice this in myself. It turns out that we need to develop a good, positive attitude, love, flexibility, attention, and a mature elevated approach in relation to the other. We need to agree in advance that it will be above all that we see with our egoistic eyesight.
“Love will cover all transgressions,” that is, I cover all the evils that I see with it. As a result of mutual exercises and workshops, I start to develop new good qualities in myself that before were dormant within me: sensitivity, agreement, consent, and ability to compromise.
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12