Entries in the 'Man and Woman' Category

The Secret of a Strong Marriage

506.4Question: Divorce is a major world problem. Over the past 40 years, twice as many people have decided to end relationships, and in some places the divorce rate exceeds 70%.

The causes of divorce are considered to be hasty, thoughtless wedlock, marriage for money, adultery, sexual dissatisfaction, incompatibility of characters, emotional immaturity for family life, and alcohol abuse. There are many more reasons.

Why do you think this is happening?

Answer: A modern person cannot stand another person next to him all the time. He simply cannot! Just because he is a big egotist.

Egoism has increased because our egos are constantly growing. We are undergoing an egoistic evolution, and one person cannot tolerate another next to him. “How long can I take this?! Why?!” and so on. Meaning it is better to break up. People may live as if they are not even married because it is hard to break up or for some other reason.

Question: Still there are strong marriages. For example, I have been married for 38 years. You are already approaching your golden anniversary.

Answer: That is true. But I live between my wife, children, and my group. This is not an ordinary life either. I cannot be an example, not to mention my terrible character traits.

But divorce? I have never even considered it. I never thought I could get divorced and leave my wife and children. No, I bought an apartment and transferred it to my wife. I have nothing at all! Seriously.

I took care of my children so each of them would be provided for and have an education, a home, and everything else. I made sure they got married; it is a must! So I could do my work in peace. These are the most important things.

If you have children, you have to take care of them. The main thing is the children.

Question: Is this the worst about divorce? Do children feel like they do not have a dad or mom?

Answer: The child suffers from the absence of a parent, any parent! Either mom or dad. Of course, a mother more so, but a father too. It leaves a mark on them. This cannot be forgiven!

Children consider their father’s departure from them as a betrayal, as a divorce from them. And they do not forget that. They cannot. That is, the child feels that “Dad has left me.” And this is, of course, very difficult.

Question: And when love is gone?

Answer: What love?!

Comment: They say: “Love is gone,” this is how they justify it.

My Response: Where did it go? I do not understand that word. I only know one thing: if people live together, if they are more or less understanding and well-mannered, they can create comfortable conditions for life together. Not good or happy, but comfortable together.

Question: Do they form such an alliance of convenience?

Answer: Of course! What is marriage in the first place? A joint household where you believe that you can support each other and help each other, you are satisfied with that. That is the first thing. All else changes in a person every few years in other directions.

After all, today we live five times longer than 200 years ago, not to mention 1,000 years ago. The Pharaoh lived for 20 to 22 years. The Pharaoh! Even though he was served everything in silver, everything was washed, cleaned, normal, environmentally friendly products, he lived for only 22 years.

Can we even imagine this?! What is 22 years old today? One is not even an adult.

Question: Another aspect is keeping the family together, what should a woman be like, and what should a man be like in this union?

Answer: There must be education. Whatever happens, after all, thousands of different states and “adventures” can happen to anyone throughout their lives, but you know you have a family, and your duty is to support and accompany them. For as long as you live, you must care for them. This is the first thing. And feelings, you cannot build anything based on them.

Comment: You have often said that a man looks for his mother in a woman.

My Response: That is right. A man looks for something from his mother in a woman. And if he finds it, it ensures his devotion to her.

Question: If a married woman understands that her husband is looking for a mother, does this ensure a union?

Answer: Yes, the Torah says that in the time of the forefathers, the bride was brought to his mother’s tent, and after she lived with her mother-in-law for a while, the man married her.

She learned from his mother how to serve him, what to do with him, what he likes and dislikes, etc. She watched and learned everything, including how his mom cooks.

Comment: That is, she was learning to be a mother to her husband. This is, of course, a paradox.

My Response: How is this a paradox?

Comment: She did not come here to learn how to be a wife but to be a mother to him.

My Response: You cannot imagine how a man gets attached to a woman if she reminds him of his mother. He will look at her as a child! He will always catch his mother in her.

Question: Will he never want to get divorced?

Answer: Never! What does it mean to get divorced? Leave Mom?

Question: So Mom cannot be abandoned?

Answer: Right.

Comment: The phrase from the wife: “Go to your mommy! I am not your mother! Let her bake your cake for you!”

My Response: Oh, see what arguments they bring: “I am not your mother!” That is the problem.

Comment: This is probably where a large percentage of divorces occur, when a woman does not take on the function of the mother.

My Response: She must understand this is the only way to keep a man, to make him her own! Just like that; there is nothing you can do about it. It is in the Torah, written in black and white in the Bible.

Question: So maybe you are revealing the secret of all divorces, and we do not need any psychologists?

Answer: This is the secret of an explicit relationship. For the rest of his life, a man will see his mother in his wife and will not run away from her anywhere.

Question: So what is the man in the family?

Answer: If he clings to her, what else does she need?

Question: Is this her safety? Is this what she is looking for in him?

Answer: Nothing else. He will do everything to make her feel good and will give her compliments every day.

Question: Will he make money and work?

Answer: Sure, I know this for sure; it is human nature.

Question: What does a woman need in a man? The feeling of safety?

Answer: First of all, attention. Attention to her, to the children, to the home. That is, are you getting married? This is it! The bride goes to her mother-in-law and learns from her all the weaknesses of her son. She knows how to work with him like a woman: to give him something, make something, and do something that reminds him of his mother. A man gets bought immediately, instantly, and forever.

Comment: And he will do everything she wants.

Answer: He needs it necessarily. A man does not give birth; he remains a child; therefore, this buys him.

Question: So he is still a child? All the time? Even in his 70s and 80s?

Answer: It does not matter! His whole life.

Comment: People may not be outraged, but they will ask: “Still, what about a man? Everything revolves around a woman.”

My Response: A man should bring everything a woman requires; there is no need for anything else. This is true in the material world. But in the spiritual world, everything is different; it is the opposite.

The family does not overlap with a man’s spiritual development. This is his privilege and prerogative; it is purely his personal choice. In this regard, he is the man and the head of the family. This concerns spiritual development. As for the material world, it is up to a woman.

In spiritual development, a man is in command; in material development a woman is.

Question: If a man is in charge of spiritual development, is the role of a woman to let him take care of his soul?

Answer: Yes, of course.

Comment: And then he will also provide her with everything she needs.

My Response: Twice as much!
[258989]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/21/24

Related Material:
The Foundation Of The Family
There Is No Place More Comfortable Than Home
The Family As The Center Of The Universe

Is Loneliness Beneficial?

564Question: “I’m a singleton” is a new trend in society that is gaining momentum. More than 50% of Americans are single these days. In Sweden, Denmark, Norway, and Finland—about 40%.

In Russia, about 40% of people have the status of singles, i.e., they are not registered as married. At the same time, 79% of them do not feel lonely at all, and 54% are not afraid of the absence of a partner.

They say: “I do not feel lonely, and I do not understand people who are trying their best to change this.”

What is the benefit of loneliness?

Answer: I think a person realizes himself very well during this state. He does not pay attention to any side responsibilities, he does not owe anyone anything. He creates himself and his lifestyle in such a way that he is as comfortable as possible so that his free time is used as correctly and effectively as possible.

But this is character. Not everyone should be like that. There are people who want a family, who want to be in a family with small children sitting on “their heads.”

How a person grows up is very important. If I grew up in a family with well–off, culturally developed parents, doctors, and the house was full of books, everything was good and right, and I consider myself an only child (I have a brother, but he is much younger), so I do not feel that I have to be in the circle of a huge family. And there are people who are the opposite.

Comment: Living in a marriage, people often feel like strangers. And over time, this alienation grows.

My Response: This happens because our egoism is constantly growing. Each year it becomes harder to get along with others. Naturally! In recent years, egoism has been growing exponentially. This is evident even in young children and how they are today.

I believe we should not judge anything. We should acknowledge the fact that humanity is developing in this way.

If you want to correct this, the focus should not be on correcting specific things that you dislike, but on improving the overall atmosphere of humanity, elevating it to a higher degree, and distancing it somewhat from egoism. This would lead to better relationships between people.

It does not necessarily mean that people will suddenly form families or have children. No, but their interactions with each other will improve. People will feel more comfortable. Perhaps this will encourage them to step out of their “shells” and communicate more.

However, we can see today that everything is already geared for minimal interaction: food delivery, laundry services, and everything can be ordered online. There is no need to do any of it yourself.

Question: What is the meaning of connection between people?

Answer: To rise above our egoism and in that ascent discover the upper world. If that purpose is not there, I see no reason to regret that many people live alone.
[248272]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 6/21/19

Related Material:
Alone In A Crowd Of A Billion, Part 1
“The Swedish Loneliness”
There Should Be No Lonely People

Surrogacy

721.03Comment: There is growing demand for surrogacy volunteers around the world. In recent years, Canada has become increasingly attractive to future parents who are looking for altruistic surrogate mothers.

In Canada growth in these services has reached 400% over the past ten years.

The mothers themselves, who provide services on a pro bono basis, have their own families, many children, and they say that surrogacy is a life-changing experience. This may partly explain why women sacrifice their time and potentially their bodies for this.

They say: “I cannot imagine life without children, even as a surrogate mother. It is like bringing light back to the world. I give birth to a child for these people, but I also leave my mark on the world.”

My Response: This is a huge service for people who love each other but cannot have children otherwise. Of course, this is a huge favor.

Question: What is the connection between a child, a surrogate mother, and a biological mother? Who is the mother in the end?

Answer: A mother is the one who raises the child. A mother is the one the child follows; she is the one who takes care of him, the one to whom he feels affection and need, etc.

Question: What is an ideal mother?

Answer: One who knows how to raise him correctly is an ideal mother.

Question: What should a mother invest in a child? What should she pass on so that he grows up as a harmonious person?

Answer: First of all, it is love, responsibility, and of course, self-sacrifice. In addition, this is work on oneself; this is the knowledge of what to prepare the child for, how to teach him, how to get him on his feet, and how to accompany him in the first years of life, how to properly increase his independence every year, to each time step back a little so that he grows, and not to suppress him.

A wise woman is needed who can position herself in such a way that the child will feel good and warm next to her. And at the same time he will understand that his mother is taking care of him correctly, that is, adjusting her love with her demands.

Comment: Nowadays many people hire nannies who come to look after children and spend more time with them than their own parents. A very close connection arises between the child and the nanny; he grows up under her care within the framework of her upbringing, and thus fences himself off from his parents a little.

My Response: It all depends on how the environment the child grows in is organized. But it does not necessarily have to be that his mother sits over him all the time, or constantly revolves around him. On the contrary, this can spoil the child.

Comment: We are now moving toward some new model of the world where we have all the services for rent. Everyone buys in the “supermarket:” mom for rent, dad for rent, grandpa for rent. The child grows up in a certain society of those “products” that the parent has bought in the “supermarket.”

My Response: Personally, I do not see any problems in this, since in any case it is all for rent; it only depends on how we pay for it, and how obvious it is to us or not. It is clear that if I pay attention to my son, it is because I am his father.

And here too there is a problem: how much I love him and how much I should make an effort, versus being strict and demanding. There is a father, and there is an educator. These are different functions. Therefore it is difficult to replace a father, although it is also possible. But this is a completely different profession than a teacher, lecturer, or educator.

And the same with a mother. A mother can be nurturing, warm, and caring or demanding and instructing.

These are different functions.

We study this from spiritual objects. We have a spiritual father and mother, which are divided into two parts: father, the upper and lower system, and mother, the upper and lower system. All four systems influence the child, and this is where their functions are divided. This is a very interesting, complex system.

How do the father and mother influence with their upper properties and lower properties? Or how do they replace themselves with other people who must fulfill these upper and lower properties from both father and mother and in no case confuse them with each other. This is what is called Aba ve-Ima and Israel Saba ve-Tvuna. These are very serious, large spiritual objects, and all four are aimed at the development and education of the soul.

Question: How can a person attach to these components called father and mother?

Answer: In the spiritual, we cancel ourselves, and to this extent all four spiritual objects educate us. And in our world, they simply must be created in this way and function in relation to the child. Humanity has yet to discover and build this, to create such a system of servicing children.

But for now, I am very glad that there are such surrogate mothers, women who can provide this service to those couples who for some reason cannot have children.
[240482]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 1/28/19

Related Material:
The Power Of Motherhood
Weak Men And Strong Women
A Baby’s Smile Is A Natural High

Public Displays of Affection

294.2Question: Local authorities in Guadalajara  approved a law allowing sexual contact in public places as long as no one complains about it. What is this stage in society when you want to reveal everything?

Answer: I think this is just a step toward defusing the antagonistic situation.

Question: What is sex from the point of view of Kabbalah? Why are people so attracted to it?

Answer: Sexual need is the highest in a person. “Of the pleasures of life, music is inferior to love alone.” This comes from our spiritual need to be in touch with each other and with a higher power; i.e., it has a very deep root.

We don’t yet understand the whole problem; we have not realized the need to develop a sexual culture in order to create such a correct framework for society when humanity could not feel squeezed in some way.

After all, if there is no outlet for sexual energy, then a huge number of problems arise that are purely physiological, social, etc.

This all needs very clear research.

Question: Can we say that by solving this problem, we can turn the movement of all mankind along a harmonious path?

Answer: Undoubtedly! In any case we will be able to better equip the entire human society in a radically different way.

Comment: You often say that the realization of many desires that a person shows (the desire for art, for music, in this case for sexual pleasures) is all a person’s desire for connection.

My Response: To connect with each other, with others, and with the Creator.

Question: How can this distance be expanded and shortened?

Answer: Education is necessary here. We really need to understand that sex is not just sex. It is a coincidence, a fusion, a union, a coupling, the transfer of certain feelings and energies to each other; it is a belief in another person, a feeling of him as a part, a partner.

But it requires education, proper awareness of what sex is. It is not just about satisfying sexual desire, no matter with whom, where, or how. It will not be enough for a person to simply satisfy himself.

He will be interested to know with whom he can do this so that he has the right impression and inner fulfillment so that he feels that at the same time he is in a special, inner, high contact with another person.

After all, according to Kabbalah, bodily intercourse is a consequence of spiritual intercourse between people when there is unification and the creation of a platform, a place, for the revelation of the Creator. As it is said: “Man, woman, and the revelation of the Creator between them.” That is what is called a proper contact.

This contact is already on a spiritual level, but it comes from an animal that needs to be raised to such a level. It is possible. However, this requires learning and being truly spiritual partners.
[234567]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 10/3/18

Related Material:
Sex Is Important
Sex: Outdated Laws
The Most Exalted Pleasure In This World

How Can Broken Relationships Be Fixed?

284.01Comment: Broken relationships ruin people’s entire lives, and they can be confusing due to micro-misunderstandings. What is the right thing to do to prevent resentment and broken relationships, and conversely, to improve them?

Psychologists recommend trying to understand your counterpart’s point of view because the result of an action is not always intentional and that there is difficulty with some micro-manifestations because we all apply different standards to their assessment.

My Response: Where are the standards here? It is my standard: how I see others and try to measure myself in correspondence with them or how I see myself and try to measure others in correspondence with myself. This is completely wrong. It is like putting on a dress. If I put it on, my belly will stick out, my arms and legs will look thin, and the dress will seem ugly to me.

There are no general standards here. There can only be one standard: for the good of one’s neighbor. That is all. I do not perceive anyone in any way, neither myself nor anyone else. I am interested in only one thing: whether the phenomena that occur are for the good of man.

By “man,” I mean all of humanity, the general image of man. I do not in any way try to measure myself in correspondence with one person or another, then I will definitely get lost.

Question: How can we correctly understand the point of view of another person and determine whether it is correct or not?

Answer: I cannot understand another person. How can I understand him? How can I get out of myself in order to understand another person?

We simply must act in a way that is good for another person—for everyone! That is, in addition to what is necessary for my existence, in everything else that depends on me, I must act for the good of others.

This is natural. Very often due to our habits, we make some movements, gestures, or say some words or expressions that others may even find offensive.

We may not even feel or understand this. We must tune our hearts. The heart must be tuned to kindness to another person! Nothing else will work.

If a person is warmly tuned to another, it will still be perceived correctly. Even if he says something wrong and fails to express himself somehow, the other person will feel him.

Direct your heart to another person, to all people, to good! You need to get used to this. You need to educate yourself to do this. It is necessary to maintain the same attitude toward the environment, toward the surrounding society, and then everything will be fine!
[254793]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 10/28/19

Related Material:
The Three Vectors Of Evolution
A Day Of Spontaneous Kindness
Leading The Desire To The Light

Double Work

600.02Question: If my husband and I want to “kill” each other, is this a sign that we are progressing, or on the contrary, descending?

Answer: In any case, you need to rise above it, both on the animate and spiritual levels. What good is there in wanting to “kill” each other?

Show your husband out of spite that you can rise above yourself; let him be envious. When two people study Kabbalah, they can make significant progress, but it requires double work, both in the group and with the wife. The wife is like another group.
[336926]
From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/28/19, “Questions and Answers”

Related Material:
Family In The Last Generation
Connecting All The Worlds
Husband And Wife: Where Is The Creator Between Them?

Learn to Live with a Wife Full of Thorns

294.4Comment: The nightingale sang to a rose every night. One day, the rose asked: “Why are you singing to me?” The nightingale replied: “Because you are beautiful.” The rose thought about it and said: “But I am poking you with my thorns, with my spikes.” “Such is your beauty,” said the nightingale, “Without thorns you would not be so lovely.”

My Response: Clearly, the nightingale…

Question: Is in love?

Answer: Yes, he can sing and whistle.

Question: Please tell me, why do thorns add beauty? Why do they enhance beauty for the nightingale?

Answer: Because he loves.

Question: Does he love being pricked?

Answer: He loves and therefore loves even the thorns.

Question: So love is blind?

Answer: It is not blind, it evens everything out.

Question: Do you think marriage without thorns, in constant love and friendship, is possible?

Answer: If two idiots come together and somehow decide between themselves how to live, then, of course, they can fantasize.

Question: But will life proceed with thorns?

Answer: Yes, absolutely.

Comment: So you think it is impossible to live like…

My Response: No, of course not. What do we live for? We live to learn how to live with thorns. If everyone is an egoist, then what can there be? They should have a special wisdom to understand that it is better to force themselves to live peacefully and wisely.

Question: Above the thorns?

Answer: Above the thorns.

Question: But must there be thorns?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Please tell me how to love a wife with thorns? She has spikes, she humiliates you. That is how it is for you. She brings you down, and makes fun of you. How can this work? But you say it is still possible.

Answer: You must understand her. She had a certain childhood, a certain upbringing and qualities of character. I think you should not concentrate on being pricked like that.

Question: What will this understanding of the reasons give me? I am in pain.

Answer: No, you will begin to understand these are all her natural reactions that she has no control over.

Question: Can I cover it all with love? Is this what they call “covering with love?”

Answer: Yes, love covers all flaws.

Question: Tell us please, can we artificially create “spikes?” Take a couple, that is, as you say, “thornless.” Can I act out “spikes”?

Answer: Yes.

Question: In order to increase love?

Answer: For this you have to be wise.

Question: Do you call this wisdom?

Answer: If one uses the weakness of another in order for these weaknesses to lead to even greater contact between them, then this is wisdom.

Question: So if I want to introduce some kind of “thorns” in order for us to have more contact, so love would somehow increase between us—is all this necessary?

Answer: Sure.

Question: I will ask a general question. We usually reveal everything up to the global level. I wonder if a person lives in some country. This country is pricking people all the time with taxes, wars, poverty, all kinds of humiliation. But one continues to live there and says it is beautiful, and he loves it, and this is his homeland. What is it?

Answer: So he loves it. That is, even if it is all seemingly so, he feels this way.

Question: Does he feel it?

Answer: Yes, he feels it is all bad, disgusting, cruel, and so on; all the same, deep down he is attached to it and loves it.

Question: Then can you reveal the concept of love again? Now you said “he loves.” What does it mean?

Answer: Love is when, despite everything, in all the relationships between one and the other—it does not matter if it is a man, a country, a woman, a family, no matter what—love is when you value another person’s modulus. It is like in mathematics when you do not take into account whether it is a plus or a minus.

Question: Is it possible to live like this?

Answer: I see it is possible sometimes. And this is called love.
[334206]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/12/24

Related Material:
Create Your Love
A Person Who Is Loved Is Always Beautiful!
“As The Lily Among Thorns”

Frank Answers to Difficult Questions

961.2Question: You are often asked personal questions like have you ever experienced real fear? If so, how did you feel about it then, and how do you feel about it now?

Answer: I have probably not experienced real fear. I have had fear of death, and I have had fear of failure.

Question: And any primal fear?

Answer: It is the fear of suffering. I have had that too, but I would not say those are the highest forms of fear.

Question: How did you get out of these states?

Answer: I would retreat into my activities, into Kabbalah, and try to find their root. And when I would find it, I would realize I was creating these sufferings myself. And the fears would disappear.

Question: Perhaps this is exactly what people want to hear in response, that they need to go inward, search for the root?

Answer: That is a problem. If a person feels that they have enough strength to fight such visions of suffering…

Question: What brings on fears?

Answer: Yes, that is a problem. A person first needs to understand that they are heading toward suffering. They will have to endure it, accept it, rise above it, and so on. It is not an easy task.

Question: So, you are talking about suffering and, by extension, talking about fears?

Answer: Yes, it is the fear of suffering

Question: So I should go toward it like in the movie “Into the Storm”? I should face it head-on, and then I can reach the root?

Answer: Yes.

Question: But what if I am just afraid? What if fear just overwhelms me? What should I do? People are full of fears nowadays.

Answer: Then all the more so, you must immediately break out of that state.

Question: How?

Answer: Under no circumstances should you remain in it. I believe the best thing for a person in this case is serious exercise like cycling. Go forward, forward, and pedal for an hour a day.

Question: But if you recommend your science, Kabbalah, is not for everyone?

Answer: No, it is not for everyone. It is only for those who can place their mind above their emotions. Otherwise, it will not work.

Question: Another question: “You write that you were constantly with your teacher. Does that mean your wife raised the children? As a woman, it is very important for me to know her feelings, please forgive me.”

Answer: Yes, that is how it was.

Question: What were your wife’s feelings? A woman is asking.

Answer: At least she had the children, participated in their education, and so on. Meanwhile, I was only focused on my teacher.

Comment: That is a heroic life on the part of the woman.

My Response: For her, yes.

Question: And you fully acknowledge that?

Answer: Absolutely! She has earned everything the Creator can give.

Question: And you could not have done it differently?

Answer: No.

Question: And today you understand that you could not have done it differently?

Answer: I understand that, of course.

Question: And does she understand that?

Answer: Yes!

Question: One more question: What do you think about when you are teaching your regular students? And what do you think about when you are giving a public lecture to people who know nothing at all?

Answer: When I am giving a public lecture and no one knows anything, I have to teach them the most basic, most understandable fundamentals of Kabbalah so they feel they understand, accept, and adapt it within themselves.

Question: So you practically have to come down to their level?

Answer: Yes, of course. But with my regular students, I try to structure the lesson so that it consists of two, maybe even three levels. So that they rise through them and start looking a little higher than the perspective they had before the lesson began.

Question: What should a student leave a lesson with?

Answer: With the feeling that they have risen above what they came with, and that this satisfies them, lifts them up, and makes them feel worthy.

Question: So they should leave with a mental checkmark that they have achieved something?

Answer: Yes, absolutely.

Question: Does this fade away during the day, and then the next lesson again, right?

Answer: Relatively, yes.

Question: And what should a beginner leave with after your introductory lecture?

Answer: That they came, got filled, and left generally satisfied.

Question: And do you need them to feel drawn to your wisdom, for you to awaken that in them?

Answer: Of course, I worry about that and think about it, but it depends on the person.

Question: Another question: What does Israel mean to you? Do you consider yourself a patriot of Israel?

Answer: Israel means a special place to me, a truly holy place in the world where all Jews can and will live.

Do I consider myself a patriot? I do not think about it. I just have a practical, and I believe, correct assessment of this country.

Question: Then the question is: What is that assessment?

Answer: That this is the place for us. And we must cling to it by all means.
[335622]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 9/23/24

Related Material:
The Roots Of Fear
Does Fear Exist In Spirituality?
A Kabbalist’s Attributes

How Can I Balance Spiritual and Corporeal Life?

627.2Question: I am growing and developing as a person on the animal level, and my animal desires are constantly growing. But if I engage in spirituality, my spiritual desires also constantly grow. In the end, I can’t focus on anything, and I keep getting pulled from one thing to another. How can I balance spiritual and material life?

Answer: This is not balanced by us. A person should take care of their animal life reasonably, and dedicate all the rest of the time and effort to spiritual attainment, which means striving for connection with others in the ten to become more like the Creator.

I can’t tell a woman that she must get married and have children, that is her personal decision. As for men, they are, in principle, more obligated to be married than women. We strongly encourage men to marry because they become more stable, diligent, and consistent. But a woman is stable on her own, so there aren’t such strict requirements for her.

Ultimately, whether or not a woman marries is her choice. But the goal is to devote as much time as possible to spirituality, and to material things, let me quote the original source, only the necessary amount.

And add a bit more joy to your life; this is very necessary. If you don’t feel joy in life, it means you are blaming the Creator for your discomfort.
[335193]
From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/28/19, “Questions and Answers”

Related Material:
The Difference Between Spiritual and Corporeal Desire
There Is A Difference Between Corporeality And Spirituality
Corporeal Activities and Spiritual Advancement

Taking Care of the Family Is a Condition for a Spiritual Society

963.3Question: How do you know where the limit of your efforts is? It seems there is always room to add more.

Answer: It is always good to add, but it is important to clearly define how immersed I should be in the material, how much I implement it in connection with my friends, how much I give to my family, and how I handle my work. Everything should be organized. This stems from the fact that we are living in this world. You must establish these things for yourself.

A person must feel a sense of responsibility toward his or her family and never reject the idea of building one. This is a fundamental condition for men. In fact many Kabbalists did not accept bachelors as students. To those who strongly desired to study Kabbalah, they would say, “Go get married, and then come back.”

It was this way with Baal HaSulam. A person could not become his student until the day after his wedding. And there was no talk about women at that time. Today we accept both men and women. Keep in mind that having a family is a requirement for men and is desirable for women.

Rabash was also strict with bachelors; he demanded they resolve this matter within a month or two.

We must fulfill all the conditions of a spiritual society, and it is represented in the form of a family. The Creator views the family unit—husband, wife, and children—as His creations. Based on this, He elevates them to a spiritual degree.
[334794]
From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/15/24, “Continuing the Congress With an Ascent”

Related Material:
The Family Obligates
Why Does A Kabbalist Need A Family?
Kabbalah Is For The Family