Answer: We establish concessions on the basis of our understanding that we cannot change our character and that I don’t intend to correct or to break my partner. I don’t ask her to change in any way. We only base our relationship on mutual agreement and on mutual concessions.
I check to what extent I can concede and accept my partner’s opinion, although basically, according to my ego, I would not agree to that. But I understand that without concessions I will never be able to make any connections in the family or anywhere else. So I concede to some extent in order to create the “shared space” between us.
But I don’t annul myself or my partner, I concede but it doesn’t mean that I surrender. I have ascended above myself, but I did not erase myself. I understand that I don’t agree with my partner and at the same time I know that I have to accept her wishes, habits, and opinions above my desires, habits, and opinions.
It turns out that I keep my opinion and she keeps hers. But I consciously allow her to control me. On her part she does the same. It isn’t easy, but at the same time each of us doubles himself and we connect into one whole. I include everything that is in my wife, both the positive and the negative sides, and she also includes everything there is in me, both the positive and the negative sides.
Each one is ready to give up his own claims in order to accept his partner as superior, as the dearest friend. Thus each of us includes the other and this leads to a connection between us and even adhesion, which means a total incorporation of desires.
It is about gradual learning when a couple understands that they have reached a new era in their family relations, a new dimension of the perception of a relationship, of the other, of society, and of the world. A person begins to look at the world differently. He sees life and the secret of their existence.
Without this mutual incorporation, not a single living cell, a plant, an animal, or man will be able to evolve; life can go on only if each one allows the other to enter his space.
Here a person discovers the secret of life! He begins to feel how everything loves and breathes, how everything develops. He begins to develop only thanks to his concessions to others.
By himself he was a dead cell, but now he begins to absorb the whole world and becomes everything, at the same time everyone keeps his own boundaries without breaking or annulling them. It is a very important moment since people often regard concessions in the opposite sense, as giving up their desire and taking the risk of being immediately swallowed by someone else like a snake that swallows its prey.
From a Talk About a New Life 7/25/13