Question: If we want to talk with the wider public about the subject of the family, from what is it preferable to begin the conversation in the introductory lecture?

Answer: It is absolutely preferable to begin the conversation with an explanation about the nature of men and the nature of women, for this provides a certain foundation. But it is worthwhile to open the explanation about their nature from a distance. This is a very serious topic.

First of all, one must explain that a family is not built on love, but on mutual respect, completion of each other, friendship, and mutual help, yearning to understand the other, and the main and most important thing upon which the family is built is mutual concession.

A true connection between a man and a woman is built on mutual concession. In no way or manner do we correct the partner; we don’t try to talk about his faults; rather, we accept him as he is and try to become someone who completes him.

A person is an egoistic entity who is directed towards self-benefit within himself. When someone else is next to him and he cannot exploit him at every moment for his own benefit, it is as if he accumulates electrical charges and then sparks begin to “fly” between them, for the other is also an egoist.

Can we exist together in peace in a situation like this? For a particular period, when love dazzles us, we are full of happiness and ready for anything. Yet when this passes and the veil of love falls from our eyes, I notice that I am living next to an egoist like me, even though I thought that everything would be for me and for my sake and things would be good and pleasant with my other half. Yet suddenly everything is the opposite. So it is necessary to arrange everything differently, not under the influence of the insanity of love that stupefies us, but with the sanity of knowledge.

How can we co-exist peacefully? So gradually we bring people to begin to discuss the complicated relationship between them neutrally, discussing them only as physiology.

They must not look at a particular family, but generally clarify what a family is, what a human being is, and this will take them away from themselves, will take them outside, since if there is a problem like this for everyone, they are talking about a general problem. They lower the internal tension between them and move to philosophy, where they talk generally and discover the nature of a man and woman.

They are similar in some ways and different in some ways. They are similar in that they are both egoists, and they are different in that the ego is expressed in a different way in each of them according to each of their hormonal and psychological systems.

After that we can go on to the next problem, the problem of marriage. Marriage is a covenant; it is a complementary covenant: I need her and she needs me.

When we understand this, it will be clear to us that the essence of our nature is reception: I always want to receive from the partner. That is how we begin to teach people the fundamentals of the wisdom of Kabbalah.

There is no provocation here! I want clean clothes, dinner to be ready, a tidy dwelling. And my partner wants to see a man in the house, a husband, and a father with everything that is involved with that. Is it possible to satisfy the demands of the partner? Do we want to do that?

Since in general both of us are working, we have children, particular obligations after work (the bank, shopping, and so forth), is it objectively possible to demand from our partner the fulfillment of all of our demands?

If we see the list of mutual demands, then we understand that, in fact, we never knew each other. I didn’t understand what she wanted from me; after all, this is not my nature. She never told me anything; rather, she expected that I would guess it by myself.

That is how we show people that the problem in a family is that we are egoists—each one of us sits and waits for the other to fulfill him, even when he doesn’t say anything to him about this. So he is constantly hurt in anticipation of when his partner will finally understand him.

This way is completely wrong. Let’s not begin from approaching each other from a distance according to the list of demands: I concede – she concedes, I do something for her – she does something for me. Even if we see each other’s lists, we cannot hold onto them.

Let’s do this more simply: We begin to concede and to please each other, we transform into friends who help each other. I think about what to do for her, she thinks about what to do for me; we begin to play a game called, “the method of mutual concessions.” This is a game, but we enter it. Each one thinks about how to give to the partner what he would now want to get from me.

If we communicate in a format like this, then we begin to educate and to internalize within us this habit of mutual connection, and as a result of this something called “mutual love” is created between us. This is not the same love where we kissed by starlight, but love that appears on a basis of mutual concessions. We build it in ourselves and then we create something shared, not “he” and “she,” but something called a “family” or a “couple.”

The main thing here is to show the partner that even though I am boiling with anger and disagreement with him, I make an effort to turn to him calmly, as if nothing happened.

The concessions are carried out through rising above my ego. And I don’t hide this in order to teach the other, to provide him with an example. And if one of the partners is not ready to rise above himself, the other must help him.

The person must transform into someone who includes within him at least two images. One image is that at the present time I am hating my other half. Yet on the other hand, in spite of that, I relate to her correctly, well, nicely, and then she sees that I am rising above myself.

We must play with this. We have no other choice for saving the family. The ego has grown. If not now, then in a few more years people will not be able to live with each other. They must enter into this image and experience it so that an impression from it will remain in them.

After that we give them homework: until tomorrow don’t say a bad word to the other, rather smile and get pleasure from the inner ascent and the struggle with oneself.

After all they get pleasure, first of all from subduing themselves; and second, through this they connect with others, which gives them additional pleasure that they didn’t experience before. In other words, they get a spiritual component here.

A family is a mass that is created following mutual concessions, and as a result of them they produce a connection that is called “love.” Love is created only when we understand how it is up to us to complete each other and try to do that.

What does “And you shall love your friend as yourself” mean? I take her desires and try to fulfill them. She takes my desires and tries to fulfill me.

But we don’t talk to them about this; rather, we simply bring them to mutual concessions, to actions according to the wisdom of Kabbalah in the framework of the family.

Gradually our former nature disappears somewhere inside and on it is built a layer of a new mutual relationship with each other, which becomes our common achievement, a possession, a family treasure. After that, from it love is born. This is called true love: “And you shall love your friend as yourself.”
[136305]
From A Talk on “Family” 5/28/14

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In the News (from InoSMI): “For decades, the IQ (intelligence quotient index) among Westerners was constantly rising due to better nutrition, growth, education and health care. But after a long-term growth of IQ, it began to decline.

“This is called the Flynn effect. For example in Finland, the IQ has not grown since 1997. The decline of IQ is slow and steady. If you look at the situation 30 years ago and compare the lifestyle and health of young people, the situation is getting worse.

“Postmodernism is the era when society begins to realize that it is inconvenient to be a hero; it is easier to live as an ordinary person; everyone has the right to be  in this way; everyone is right in his own way; a person has the right to choose a gender, homeland. Today’s life, not the future life, is becoming more important; there is a rejection of the bright future.

“The idea of justice is losing importance as a driving force. Brotherhood, justice, tribal relations are not central. There is I. National ideas, guidance, banners that will be followed by everyone are absent. There are different groups with their own interests and views. But the idea of a united nation is over.

“The need for cultural expression through communication on the Internet has risen. In the modern era, work brought people together, but now – the media, the Internet. There is no dominant ideology, dominant religion.”

My Comment: We have used all our egoism and reached its saturation. The new generation has nothing to aspire to; there is food, sex; everything is available, and plenty of spare time. In this environment, there is no need for an elevated IQ.

On the contrary, beginning with our time, the human being will be constantly degrading, especially with the introduction of new technologies and freeing of up to 90% of the world population from required work if we do not involve them with studying the method of integral education and upbringing—the mandatory intellectual development in similarity with nature!
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At a particular stage of development, humanity finally gets the opportunity to understand his evil egoistic, lowly nature. If we look at it closely, it seems that there is nothing good in us. We perform even the loftiest and most generous deeds with a single goal of exploiting others.

This also happens regarding our beloved children; we do everything only for our own benefit and pleasure. A person is such a great egoist that he acts solely and only in one direction, for himself. He is not capable of performing any other action. The question is, why did nature create us like this?

First of all, it is up to us to be aware of our place in the enormous mechanism of creation. We are found in it like little children who don’t understand what they are doing on this Earth, which is very small in relation to the dimensions of the infinite universe. This Earth is like our children’s room where we break everything like naughty children whose parents left them unattended.

And we suddenly remember that outside of this room there is still a big house and as it seems, the parents are the ones who created us. Nature is not a blind and wild environment because it cannot be that this world appeared by itself and by chance. It seems that there are laws in it that we must study and feel, changing somehow.

The time has come for us to stop running wild like little children, fighting among ourselves all the time. Come, let’s at least stop for a moment and cease quarreling like tenants living in the same apartment. Instead we should see things with a broader view, looking around and seeing what is happening. Maybe we will succeed in finding more meaning in our lives than we do now?

After all, we are suffering from the conflicts between us and don’t see anything good in this life. This question occupies humanity more and more and requires thought. Maybe the time has come to abandon the arrogance and hatred that are not beneficial to anyone?

This is a typical feature of our time. If previously someone thought that he could attain everything through force and dominate the entire world like Genghis Khan, Julius Caesar, Alexander of Macedon, Pharaoh, or Nebuchadnezzar, in our time there are no more great dictators, neither Hitler nor Stalin.

The person of today sees that there is nothing eternal in the world and that everything is over very rapidly. So there is no reason to waste the life that is given to us only once. The person subconsciously reaches conclusions like these and enters into despair.

And yet deep at the bottom of this despair there is a wonderful pearl that can be taken; it is called the month of Elul. This is when we finally begin to understand that everything that is happening is for teaching us something. After such a discovery we already begin with a new development and don’t remain within the mutual conflicts that draw in entire nations. Instead we rise to another level of existence, a sublime level.

The month of Elul is designed for renewed, decisive thinking about our lives. We must feel our present state as intolerable and understand that there cannot be anything else with our egoistic nature. It is up to us to see ourselves in the framework of this enormous and comprehensive nature that is pure and exalted, completely perfect and infinite, and then we will be shocked by our state.

How can it be that a human being with such developed emotion and intelligence that places him above all of creation is found in the lowest, most vile and despicable state of all, harmful to himself and the rest of nature? No other creature is ever so harmful!

All the rest act not according to their intelligence, but obey instincts that are always directed towards the best possible situations. Therefore an animal doesn’t err. The smallest kitten will not fall from a height because it protects itself instinctively, whereas a small child can fall because he doesn’t feel danger.

What results from this is that along with our developed emotion and intelligence we also get freedom of choice and the possibility of using our highest potential to develop correctly or incorrectly. This is the entire problem.

Inanimate nature, plants, and animals do not have the freedom of choice that makes it possible to use emotions and intelligence differently. With them everything is simply directed towards the most self-benefit, here and now. With humans there is nothing like this.

And therefore the human, unlike a cat or dog, can harm himself. Essentially this is what happens. We possess greater intelligence than the rest of the creatures, and yet we use it to our detriment and cannot even understand this. It seems that we want to utilize this intelligence for our own good and the detriment of others. Yet ultimately it follows that we are digging a pit for ourselves.
[144439]
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 9/14/14

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Question: You say that members of the family should always make concessions. How can that be implemented?

Answer: You should understand one thing: I cannot give anyone any advice. There is only the correct expression of the condition according to which a family can prosper and that is if the couple constantly makes mutual concessions.

Everyone understands that if this were possible, then everything would be fine. But how can you hold yourself in this current? It is only if we are surrounded by the right environment with the right social attitude constantly supporting one another like the warmth of the family hearth.

If we are constantly supported by positive examples on TV, on the Internet, and in talks with people, then we will also begin to see similar relations between couples on the street and in other public places, and then we will feel the inner need to be equivalent and similar to society.

But if instead we see pictures of rudeness and disrespect, it will lead to nothing good. Sometimes in search for materials that interest me I switch to the Russian channels on TV and watch comedies. I can’t stand them since they are intended to humiliate, insult, and suppress someone and to emphasize the inequality between people and the negative attributes of men and women. This is bad humor that is intended to degrade the family.

I see how thousands of people sit and laugh without understanding the ideas about the family that they absorb through it. A person thinks that he simply is having a good time laughing, but he doesn’t know that subconsciously he receives a very bad lesson about family life. He sees that this is acceptable and that it is possible to behave that way and that everyone acts that way, and he does the same.

After all, we are born empty and like a computer we are constantly filled by all sorts of programs according to which we operate. Therefore, we should think about how we can create the right environment so that people will understand what the correct family life is. Otherwise, the rate of divorce will increase and we see where this is all headed.

Question: Does that mean that we have to create an oasis that will provide us with stability in the flowing current of information that destroys us?

Answer: Of course. After all, there are diet courses and psychology courses and other support courses in which you enter a group and the group guides you to behave in a certain way. You see how others do it and you follow their example.

It is the same here. But I am doubtful if a group will help here since the relations in the family change from one minute to the next, every second, and we are constantly submerged in that. Therefore, we need a wider environment that operates continuously.
[136813]
From the Talk on the Subject of “Family” 5/28/14

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In the News (Tolkovatel’): “In Western society is an isolated social group, the precariat – a disadvantaged group not bound to any state or society. Tens of millions of young people are characterized by apathy and ignorance.

“They travel throughout countries in search of new experiences and odd jobs. In developed countries, they make up half the population.

“There is no middle in modern society: there are only the upper and lower layers. In Western society, five groups can be distinguished according to their occupation.

1. Elite – a miniscule group of the rich, influencing governments.
2. Salariat – the upper middle layer, have stable employment, employees of governmental institutions.
3. Professionals – employed on a contract basis due to their skills.
4. The core – the “old” working class.
5. Precariat – socially not established, have no job security.

“In Russia, the precariat is 40 million individuals who are able to work and who are employed in the informal labor market.

“The country removed itself from solving social problems; the population is becoming more wild; there is a lack of knowledge and desire to fit into the post-industrial world; infantilism hinders fitting into society; young people are reluctant to become engaged in scientific research; scientific professions are not popular and there is a lack of interest in science (in the USA, professions in science are one of the most popular).

“The whole world is faced with an increase in the number of “unwanted people” – the precariat. This problem in particular, will arise with the replacement of people with machines in industry and in the office world. This will lead to the destruction of the consumer economy, which is the basis of today’s world, as most people will not be able to continue to consume in present volumes.

“The answer to this is to change the formation – either the onset of the New Middle Ages or socialism with a high degree of egalitarianism.”

My Comment: The repetition of the past is impossible and has never happened. These “unwanted people,” which is up to 90% of the population, will go through integral education and will form the basis of a new society.
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First of all, we must get a general idea about the state of our world today to understand where it is sliding to, to what precipice it is heading. Secondly, we must realize that we, humanity, have no way of overcoming any problem.

The only solution is to become like nature. Nature is entirely global and integral. We are all mutually linked around the world. So, we need to have the same form as nature. Only then will we reach wholeness.

All of nature is drawn and attracted toward wholeness, reciprocity, and equivalence of form. Similar to the atmosphere where masses of cold and warm air are balanced, the wind arises between pressure and lack of pressure, bringing everything into balance. So, we also must connect amongst us so that society will become homogeneous, absolutely united.

We must reach this state. Otherwise, we will enter into a collision with nature, something that will lead to an inevitable explosion.
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From the 2^nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 2/4/15, Talmud Eser Sefirot

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Question: If a man became famous in the world thanks to his exceptional achievements, does it release him from the fear of death?

Answer: I don’t think that there is a man who is not afraid of death if he understands that death is the end. Only beasts don’t have a fear of death. They have only an instinctive fear of what can harm them, and they live according to the instinct of self-preservation.

However, people are afraid of death because they have an imagination, feelings, and they can learn from their experiences and events that occur.

After all, the man who was my friend is dead now and there was nothing left except a lifeless body; the breath of life left him. There is nothing more to do but to bury him, and I understand that this will also happen to me.

The feeling of losing life is a unique experience. On the one hand, we must, if necessary,  go to battle, and one might be killed. However, in this case, we have the opportunity to overcome the fear of death.

We fly into space and risk our lives in all kinds of dangerous situations, and it is not because we are forced to, but simply because of the internal pull. There is a special attraction to feeling yourself on the brink of life and death. This is a known psychological phenomenon.

Man is built in such a way that the opinion of society obliges him to heroism and guides him in all kinds of situations. However, in old age, death scares a man and invites a feeling of despair, uselessness, and brings out the concealed fear within him. Man tries to suppress this fear and does not let it break through; what helps is being among people in their midst of their lives.

The worst thing that we can do to an old person is to put him in a nursing home, in the company of old people like himself. We think it is good and more comfortable for him. But it is not good for anyone. An old person needs to be in a normal society among young and old that are full of life.

By gathering all the old people in one place we harm them, no matter what medical treatment they are provided.

Question: What do you think is the ideal life for an old person?

Answer: I think that as long as he has the strength, a person should work and bring benefit to society until his last days. Perhaps he cannot walk and can only sit, but if he is able to do work that matches his ability. And everyone will thank him for that; he will know that he is valued, and will continue like that almost until his last day.

Question: How can a person overcome the psychological fear of impending death?

Answer: I think that man needs to be engaged in work and be occupied in it in such a way that, until the last minute of his life, he will bring benefit to society. I’m not talking about very weak people that can’t see, hear, or perceive anything, but as long as a person has even limited power, he can bring great benefit in the dissemination of integral education. If he integrates in a group of young people, he will bring them great benefit, and they will also bring him benefit.

When we teach the method of connection, we mix people from all ages in groups and try to give each age group the opportunity to express themselves in relation to other age groups. By that, we bring benefit to the old and young. Old people can teach the young, support them, and thus provide and strengthen the spirit of life.
[137249]
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 4/22/14

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Education means feeding the students from one day to the next with a certain portion of material in quantity and quality. The quantity and quality change every day according to the changes that you want to bring about in them from day to day. This means that the changes that take place in people and the changes in the material must be mutually synchronized, as one affects the other.

We must establish an open university that will provide a simple daily portion on TV and the Internet. Education cannot be completed in five sessions but should be a continuous process. We must take that into account because this is our job.

It involves updating the material, songs, and clips daily, in order to keep shooting at one point until an opening is made in the heart of stone, and a deficiency is created.

Question: Does a person need to be aware of the fact that he is undergoing an educational process?

Answer: Yes, he should know that. After all he is taught in order to adapt to the upper force that manages his life or his death and arranges his existence in all the worlds. Thus, he learns how to succeed at every moment in both small and great matters.

We should not conceal anything from people, as it is written, “For they shall all know Me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them.” Otherwise, we will be like those about whom Baal HaSulam writes who conceal the wisdom of Kabbalah from the Israeli nation, thus keeping them behind an iron wall.

We must open people’s eyes. We will be surprised by the depth at which people’s perceptions will suddenly open up, although today they may seem totally blocked and interested only in food and football. This will be despite the absolutely corporeal passions that occupy them today.

All of this isn’t their fault but is a result of the concealment that everyone is in these days. There is a curtain placed before them that creates a shadow, and they say that there is no sunlight. If the curtain is removed, they will say, “Wow, it turns out that there is sunlight!”

What they say now is a result of the concealment;  a person is a consequence of the upper providence.
[137290]
From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/12/14, Writings of Baal HaSulam

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In the News (from Business Insider): “Genetically engineered human beings could have IQs of 1000 or higher. At least that’s the theory from scientist Stephen Hsu.

“He thinks that by tweaking our genomes we could make humans drastically smarter. Hsu makes his case in Nautilus — and the implications are as tantalizing as they are terrifying. He’s also published the theory in more detail at ArXiv, though it wasn’t peer-reviewed. …

“The prospect of such superhumans roaming the same planet as us normals is, frankly, terrifying. As Hsu writes, ‘[t]he corresponding ethical issues are complex and deserve serious attention in what may be a relatively short interval before these capabilities become a reality.’

“He speculates that some countries will make genetic engineering legal before others, and, perhaps obviously, that elites will be the first ones who can avail themselves of the benefits of superintelligence for themselves and their children. But he believes — and we should hope — that access to this kind of technology will become democratized so that everyone can benefit.”

My Comment: The human being needs a little bit of happiness, or as it is written in the Torah, “he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.” In addition, getting ahead of nature, we call suffering on ourselves. After all, if you do not balance knowledge with education, care for people and nature, then IQ, abilities, and knowledge will be turned into evil!

We are an integral part of the world and must ensure that our knowledge is not higher than our moral level, otherwise we will fall into existence full of suffering. Knowledge must be balanced with upbringing! Otherwise, we will produce brainy freaks!
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Question: How does one explain simply the need for connection between people?

Answer: We see that there are always two opposing forces in nature, like plus and minus, north and south; one cannot exist without the other. In every phenomenon we see an integration of two opposing forces; moreover, the negative force is no less vital than the positive.

Once there was a case where it was attempted to exterminate all the wolves that were attacking the flocks, and this brought catastrophic results. This created an imbalance in nature and all kinds of problems began: epidemics among the sheep and other wild animals the wolves normally ate.

In nature there are no positive or negative forces. The two forces are beneficial: Both the positive force and the negative force must exist in harmony with each other.

Only on the human level does the singular power of our ego operate, a negative force against which there is no positive force with which it should be in harmony. So we need to attain connection between us to use this negative force and transform it into a positive one.
[136806]
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/8/14, Writings of Baal HaSulam

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