Comment: An older man visited a nurse to have his stitches removed after surgery. Everyone was busy. He asked, demanded, and begged to be taken care of quickly. He said: “I need to get to the hospital in time to feed my sick wife. She has Alzheimer’s disease.”

An elderly nurse immediately freed herself and said: “She will probably be worried if you are late. I will do everything quickly for you.”

He replied: “No, she has not recognized me for the last five years.” 

The nurse asked, “So what is your hurry if she does not know who you are?”

He replied: “It does not matter that she does not know who I am, I know who she is.”

My Response: Indeed.

Question: What supports a person who receives nothing in return: no gratitude, no smile, nothing? Opposite him is his beloved and that is it. Is that what supports a person? She does not even recognize him.

Answer: The man knows it is his duty.

Question: Can you continue like this, knowing it is a duty and you are getting nothing in return?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Can this be called love?

Answer: This is more than love.

Question: What is love to you, and what is duty to you in this case?

Answer: Duty is higher than love. Love dictates your actions because that is how you treat a person, with love. Duty is what you are obligated to do above love. In this case, it is already measured by responsibility.

Love obligates you to behave this way. When it is not love, but duty, you must aim yourself correctly.

Comment: He is alive, but she seems to barely exist. He has some kind of life, but directs his whole life to her, running to her all the time.

My Response: What keeps him going is that he cares about her.

Comment: Even when people would not give him a little support by saying: “What a great guy!”

My Response: No, that doesn’t matter to him.

Question: Can we say that he is approaching pure bestowal?

Answer: I don’t think so. When he feeds her, it fills him up.

Question: That is, the fact that he fulfills his duty is his life, right? Is this fulfillment?

Answer: Yes, by lying in her hospital bed without recognizing anyone, she holds all her relatives together.

Question: When a person is given such strength and duty in his life, can this only come from above? Is it humanly possible to do this?

Answer: No, it is from above.

Question: Can we say that the Creator is there with them? While the man cares for her like this, is the Creator there?

Answer: The Creator is generally everywhere, but especially in such actions.

Comment: Our time is such…. It was time when I visited nursing homes, and they told me: “Children have not come here for a long time.” Older people have been there a long time.

My Response: This is the selfishness of sons, daughters, and relatives.

A hospital, by the way, is a recent invention.

Question: Yes, before everyone was home. It was probably right to be at home?

Answer: I think people would recover faster.

Question: Can we live like this for a long time, with love and giving? Can we come to this and be fulfilled with it?

Answer: Yes. So it will be.
[326812]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 2/19/24

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“A man and a woman, if they are rewarded, the Shechina [Divinity] is between them.” We should ask, If they are opposite, how can there be peace between them?

It is specifically when one becomes worthy, when he inverts reception into bestowal, called “receiving in order to bestow,” there is peace between them. Otherwise, they are in dispute or that one yields before the other. Yielding is not regarded as love in wholeness, for the one who yields always waits for when he will regain the power of control (Rabash, Article 240, “Discernments in States”).

The state of peace between a husband and wife, striving together to build something common does not consist of one plus one, but is a single whole. This state is named divinity since the Creator resides in it.

One common whole is reached when each spouse completely tunes in to the other and understands that they make up a unified entity that never exists separately.

Question: So I should not even consider myself a separate category?

Answer: Never! It is an inner feeling for both of you. There is no one without the other or each of you separately. And when you come together in this way, then in this unity, you feel the presence of the Creator.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/19/24

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Question: In our world it is commonly believed that love and a home connect a man and a woman, and people rarely consider that it is the Creator who connects them. Much is talked about this union in the sources. Is there something special about it?

Answer: The sources emphasize that a man and a woman should not oppose each other in any matter. They should be together and should understand and support each other. In this, they find the meaning of their existence.

Question: Does this have to be a married couple?

Answer: Yes, because unmarried individuals do not have these obligations. Therefore, they should perform some ritual to establish a connection between themselves.

Question: In our time, many people live in common-law marriages without any rituals. Does this mean they must legalize their relationship?

Answer: No, that does not matter. However, when getting together with a woman, a man should understand that he is responsible for caring for her and the family. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman to form a family together.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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When a person marries, He cleaves to Divinity because before he got married, Divinity does not abide over him, for Divinity cannot abide over a defective place. Therefore, he who does not have a wife has no good, as it is said: “It is not good for a man to be alone” (New Zohar, Hukat, Article “Song of the Well“).

From a spiritual point of view, an unmarried man is considered flawed. But when he takes a maiden as his wife, he gradually becomes complete and perfect and leads them in common unity to the goal of creation.

Question: Why is a man given such responsibility?

Answer: He is the head of the family. It is believed that he is being asked and must answer.

Question: It says that a man without a wife has no blessing. What is a blessing?

Answer: It is overcoming the obstacles between spouses and extinguishing the “fires” that break out between them. A man should do all this, and the woman must help him so there are no explosions.

Question: Does she have to be very smart?

Answer: Why not? Women feel in advance such situations before an explosion more than men do.

Question: In what way is a woman flawed?

Answer: She does not have the same rights as a man.

After all, a man is called the head of the family, the master. Therefore, he is entrusted with the responsibility of ensuring that the family is whole, complete, and friendly where they can create conditions for children to grow up.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Rabbi Akiva taught: When husband and wife are worthy, the Shechinah abides with them; when they are not worthy, fire consumes them (Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Sotah, Folio 17a).

The Shechina is a manifestation of the Creator; it is the upper light that a husband and wife can feel between themselves. If they are worthy of this, the light manifests between them and connects them. If not, the same light manifests in a way like it consumes them.

To be worthy of the positive influence of the light means to deserve it with your correct relations and mutual help. Then the Creator manifests between the spouses. Otherwise, the same manifestation of the Creator has a negative effect on them.

Question: What are the correct relations between a husband and wife? How do you know they are right?

Answer: Actions are correct when each concedes to the other and lowers him or herself before the other. They understand they are both egoists and must work with their egos. Then, mutual understanding arises between them, and they are predestined for a peaceful family life.
[326312]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: What advice would you give to couples who cannot decide to marry due to various reasons?

Answer: They should consider starting a family, having children, and reaching maximum closeness between them in this world, that will only benefit them. Marriage and parenthood are part of the spiritual development couples undergo as a husband or wife.

Many think they win by pushing the other person, but you should concede instead. That is your advantage. You should feel you are doing the right thing when you step toward another.

So good luck to everyone, and be strong. Concede to each other!
[326654]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: What feeling in a family is accepted as truth? There are very warm feelings and sometimes literally hatred. One does not understand what is real. It is so devastating! One suddenly starts to believe that this hatred is what defines the relationship.

Answer: What is need here is patience and understanding that the other person has the same feelings, impressions, and aspirations as you do. Everyone has both love and hate within them. Sometimes they coincide and sometimes they do not.

Question: How important is it for spouses to share their feelings and states?

Answer: No, there is no need to turn this into some kind of drama. The most important thing is to understand that you should smooth everything out.

On the other hand you should not accumulate negative emotions. It is essential to discharge them, meaning to discuss these situations almost as if in the third person and not keep them inside.

Question: Who is more difficult in family life: men or women?

Answer: It is hard to say. Women have more strength to resist men. They are not in equal positions. She knows how to twist him. But this is given to her so that she can defend herself because a woman is home, family, and the foundation.
[326514]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: It says that if a husband and wife do not merit the revelation of the Shechina, fire consumes them. What state is this?

Answer: There should be love in the family. But if instead of the flame of love, they come to the opposite quality, then the same love turns into a consuming fire.

Question: But how does this reverse happen? After all, it is the same fire that can provide warmth.

Answer: This often happens in our lives, in action. Suddenly, you abandon all your evil thoughts and words, turn to each other face to face, and come closer.

The most important thing in family life is to avoid pride or self-assurance. Neither spouse should ever try to convince the partner that they are right. Often we act out of spite, trying to prove our point, although we understand that it is wrong.

Question: What kind of correctness should we seek?

Answer: We should only seek connection and strive to yield to each other.

There can be no talk here of who is right or guilty. None of us is right, wrong, or guilty. The main thing is understanding that we are created mean and should act against our nature.
[326347]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: It is written in The Book of Zohar: “It is not good for the man to be alone.” I know that there are married couples who live together and still feel lonely. Does the statement “it’s not good to be alone” refer to purely physical or internal sensations?

Answer: It refers primarily to internal ones. The most important thing is for a person to feel that there is a friend next to him.

And the fact that people live together and feel lonely in marriage, nothing can be done. It depends on their upbringing and their outlook on the world and life.

Question: If I feel that my husband is internally lonely, can I somehow help him?

Answer: Try to show him that you are his friend, that you are ready to understand him in everything, and then help him. A woman has such opportunities. But is a man ready to accept that a woman would address him like that, come up, hug him, and he would not push her away?

Question: Yes, not all men can perceive a woman this way, even their wives. What should a wife be like for a man to perceive her as a friend, as support?

Answer: A wife must be smart; this is the most important thing. And she must also be similar to his mother. It is not easy.
[326604]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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Question: How is egoism displayed in the family?

Answer: Egoism is one’s own exaltation, one’s justification for oneself, and the desire to have power over the partner etc.

Comment: But it is impossible to escape it. Each and every time we reveal between us how much everyone is absorbed with oneself.

My Response: Indeed, the more we advance and try to suppress our ego, the more it grows. Nevertheless, we must gradually rise above it, and for this we need connection with the Creator.

Therefore, we are starting to beg Him to help us and not to leave us because on our own we are very weak and do not believe that somehow we can overcome our selves. We are working in this way day after day. This is a long job.

Question: But we do not always see this connection with the Creator. When the ego is growing, the opposite happens: we build and build and then fall even lower. What can you recommend for these moments?

Answer: You have to understand that when the ego rises, it gives us an opportunity to rise even more above it. This is what the help from the Creator means.

Question: It turns out that the Creator seemingly accepts our work?

Answer: Yes, from each one individually and from both together.
[326344]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

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