Question: How do we create our point of connection within the family, from what is this built?

Answer: The point of connection is built from my good desire and the good desire of my wife. This is the point of connection in which we feel each other internally. I suddenly begin to feel what is in my wife’s mind and heart and she feels what is in my mind and heart. We begin to be linked by more internal points that connect into one point.

And of course, when we attain this point of connection, it immediately disappears! At that moment evasion and hiding happens. It is as if I am trying to catch a target in the crosshairs and this point is turning all the time so that I don’t succeed in hitting it. But precisely because we are tracking it all the time and inserting more precision, adding variety, desires, thoughts, and mutual efforts, in this way we make progress.

Constant effort and steady work within the mind and heart are required of us, but simultaneously we feel excited. Here something new is discovered that we share, which is called the “man,” the inclusion of Adam and Eve together, a man and a woman. We discover the inner spiritual foundation of this structure called a “man” (Adam).

Question: How can I be sure that I am watching this process from our shared point and not from my private, self-serving point?

Answer: This feeling cannot be measured. You simply know that you feel each other now as you never felt each other before. Suddenly a unique sensation like this is awakened in you that you don’t want to escape. It gives you a feeling of vitality and fulfillment a billion times greater than you ever felt before. Then you can succeed in connecting to the image found opposite to you, and in this way you go out of yourself and begin to feel the whole world.

Question: So what can we do so this point of connection will never disappear?

Answer: You must work on it all the time together. If you grasp this point, you need to try to hold on to it through constant coupling, with a sensation of inner connection that doesn’t disappear.

Inner coupling cannot be explained in words. When you feel it in yourself, only then will you understand. This is not a beastly, corporeal coupling, rather a connection in which you feel that your own inner world and the inner world of your partner have become one.

Question: How does this actually happen, will I feel my wife’s thoughts, her emotions?

Answer: These will no longer be her thoughts, rather those of both of you, a common thought. A new reality is created from the connection of both of you into one. And within this connection, you will feel a higher level. We call this the Creator since we once came into this world from this level, were born, grew, and as if by chance we met and married. And now, thanks to this work, we again return to that source.

Question: And what do we do if we reach a drop of feeling like this for a second and then it disappears?

Answer: You must begin the work anew: I again describe to myself what my wife wants from me, compare this to my egoistic desire, and between these two extremes, construct a middle line. In that middle line we connect and reach a new unity.

When we get experience doing this work, then we can develop our personal relationships in an informed manner. But for starters, this picture can be described more simply, not in its true form, where each works with his two egoistic lines and builds between them a middle line, but as two opposing lines, mine and my partner’s, while attaining a middle line between us. And then each to the degree of his concession, will advance towards the middle where we meet.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life #46” 8/1/12

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I recommend the workshops, joint discussions, and practical exercises for married couples. Start with the question: “What does, ‘one is included in the other’ mean from the aspect of judgment and from the aspect of mercy?”

Judgment means to act for the good of my ego and mercy means to act for the good of my wife’s ego. My task now is to clarify what the “middle line” means, where I constantly try to maintain a balance between judgment and mercy. That is, I try to bestow to my wife as much as possible but I do this in order to get a good example from her, to receive a good reaction, meaning a good relationship from her side.

If I am concerned only about myself this is called the “left line.” And if I take into account my wife’s ego and am ready to fulfill all she asks of me, this is called the “right line.” In other words, the left line is judgment and the right line is mercy.

The left line or judgment is all of the demands that I present to my partner and want her to fulfill. The right line or mercy is all of my wife’s demands regarding me. Therefore, it is clear that judgment and mercy, the right line and the left line, contradict each other.

And when will they stop fighting each other and be able to receive complete fulfillment? This is possible if one becomes the servant of the other. That is, with a unilateral decision where I get my wife to be my servant and beat her so she will obey me or she does so to me.

But there is an opportunity for both of us to fulfill each other in a perfected form, very many times greater than through the servitude of the partner. For this it is necessary that each one include the ego of the other. It makes sense that we need to work only on the connection between us. And then the more that I can fulfill the ego of my wife and she can fill my ego, the more we fill ourselves.

How not to lose the balance? In order to do this we need to hold ourselves in a shared feeling of connection between us, at a particular point of balance, as if we situate ourselves on the tip of a needle. We require a point of connection like this, a drop of unity, that requires reciprocity so as not to go overboard and out of balance.

Here we require a shared feeling called “coupling” in which both are joined with a single desire for mutual bestowal for the sake of a reciprocal connection. We grasp the ego of each as a means where through its fulfillment we build the connection between us. And then the shared point that connects us is called a “screen.”

Both of us are connected together with a mutual desire to fulfill each other and we try not to lose the balance by feeling ourselves as a single whole all the time. And this feeling is renewed and strengthened in us all the time: New thoughts and feelings are always appearing in us, moving us forward. We never just walk in place.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life #46” 8/1/12

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Opinion (Nikita S. Mikhalkov, Soviet and Russian filmmaker, actor, and head of the Russian Cinematographers’ Union): “The president of the International Moscow Film Festival Nikita Mikhalkov explained why most of the festival are characterized by gloom and despair and summed up the results of the 35^th film festival.

“Gloomy movies are a reflection of the global trend; a movie from any major festival triggers ‘the desire to put a bullet in the forehead of oneself or one’s neighbor.’ We are in a state of severe human crisis. Just a conflict between two persons, which are in abundance in literature and were many in movie, is not enough. We need to be scared through 3D. People have developed a habit of an internal disaster; the death of the screen has stopped worrying. ‘We have lost respect for life, for people, and this very crisis if born out of this,’ Mikhalkov suggests.”

My Comment: But the question arises, why doesn’t art make people interested in a new world? It is because the artists do not see a way out of the crisis. However, they do not want to hear about the need to correct people. I hope that the fall of art will bring them to the need to accept Integral Education as a necessity and that they will base their artwork on it for the mass audience. After all, art is a means of educating people.
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The third principle in familial relationships is that when a person feels that they love him and are concerned for his welfare, this awakens great happiness in him and this obliges him to reciprocate with a similar relationship. In this way we give an example to each other.

We agree to work on a system of relationships between us and so we are acting consciously and understand what is happening. Nobody allows himself to “shoot from the hip” with what comes to him regarding a partner. We want to build a good family so we play at perfected relationships which don’t really exist at the moment but from a hope that we will reach this. We show each other that this is merely a game at the moment, but it is a game that advances, and all the time it becomes easier and easier and closer to the truth.

We are obliged to play since we agreed upon this!

Question: What if I try to build a good relationship with my wife but nothing helps because she is such a great egoist that she refuses to take any step towards me?

Answer: This says that I haven’t acted wisely, otherwise I would play with her ego and would surround her from all sides. She depends on me and if she is a great egoist this is a sign that she has great desires that I can fulfill. Therefore I control the situation.

The whole problem is that in general we don’t know how to play with this ego. The more the ego of the person grows, the more he becomes like a child, the more he becomes like a baby. It is very easy to get the right reaction from him if we act correctly with him since he is not his own master but depends completely on his ego.

Man (Gever) is one who is able to overcome himself and it is impossible to influence him directly. You cannot hurt him, you “fall” upon him and he stands his ground. He won’t react immediately but overcomes himself. If your partner is egoistic like this, unprepared to control herself, you can play with her as you would with a baby.

We must intentionally show each other a good relationship, even exaggeratedly, and check to see if we get a similar relationship in return. If there is no similar relationship, we must work on this. I try to give her a good relationship all the time, but if I don’t see a similar relationship in return, I refrain from doing this. I try to do something good again and if I get a good reaction, I give her an even warmer relationship. If not, I also distance myself. I present myself intentionally, showing her that I am ready to treat her well but only on condition that she will reciprocate.

So in this way we build our married couple: unity, communication, what is called a “family.” This is exactly the way I must relate to children with the help of the “carrot and the stick.” The entire method is built upon concession; I rise above my ego in a calculated and controlled manner according to a program that was specified from the start.

But this is not just absolutely unconditional love which will awaken contempt in the other person. I must show that I love, that I concede everything, that I nullify myself, but not so my partner will do whatever he wants. Even parents who have infinite love for their children must not show this. I must add “judgment to mercy” or “mercy to judgment,” controlling the situation with the help of these two reins depending upon the reaction.

I set for myself the goal of bringing us to connection and I inform my wife of this. But she must know that in this unification I have two reins in my possession: judgment and mercy, love and hate, and one doesn’t work without the other. As it is said, “Love covers over all iniquities.” Do we agree to reveal the iniquities and cover them with love or not? If so, let’s try.

This is like I’m driving in a car, I turn the steering wheel to the right and to the left to maintain the right direction. The problem is that we are not sensitive to the partner, the other. Therefore I turn to my wife with a request to be sensitive to her. What wife would refuse this? This is an eternal complaint of a woman regarding her husband, he doesn’t understand her, doesn’t look at her, and doesn’t want to share his experiences.

And on the contrary, I ask her to reveal herself before me so I can connect with her. It is up to me to understand how she understands, feels, and reacts regarding me. If I know all this, then I can manage our relationship in the family with the help of my steering wheel. And she will feel this and begin to control her steering wheel regarding me so that finally these two steering wheels will join into one steering wheel that we turn together.

This is an emotional process as if the two of us are found on opposite scales trying to maintain balance all the time. The ego of each is growing all the time and balances itself regarding the partner. So we are always balancing, renewing our relationship all the time. This assures us of having a deep and infinite development within which we discover a whole symphony of love.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life #46” 8/1/12

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Rabash, Letter 40: Each gift….that he gives to his friend is like a bullet that makes a hollow in the stone. And although the first bullet only scratches the stone, when the second bullet hits the same place, it already makes a notch, and the third one makes a dent.

And through the bullets that he shoots repeatedly, the dent becomes a hollow in his friend’s heart of stone, where all the presents gather. And each gift becomes a spark of love until all the sparks of love accumulate in the hollow of the stony heart and become a flame.

The difference between a spark and a flame is that where there is love, there is open disclosure, meaning a disclosure to all the peoples that the fire of love is burning in him. And the fire of love burns all the transgressions one meets along the way.

Question: They say that love is acquired through good deeds. When a person gives a gift to his friend, every gift is like an arrow that strikes the heart of the other and makes a hole in it. Ultimately, arrow after arrow, the wall in the heart of the other is breached and emotional unity is created between them. What is meant by “gifts” in relationships between partners? Is this a ring that is bought at a store or something else?

Answer: First of all, before buying the ring it’s necessary to check if this will really make the woman happy. Or maybe she needs new shoes or maybe instead of a ring or new shoes she would prefer to go out with you on vacation for a few days?

The meaning of a “gift” is that first you check to see if she needs it. I would close all the gift stores because they are full of absolutely superfluous things that nobody needs. On the contrary, it’s necessary to check what the woman wants and to bring her something which is exactly according to her desire and then this is called a gift.

The gift doesn’t have to be material; the main thing is to fulfill the desire of the partner. Even a nice relationship is acceptable as a gift if it comes from love that doesn’t require compensation. Through a relationship like this I don’t demand anything from the partner in exchange since I enjoy the activity and I don’t expect compensation in exchange. On the contrary, I am thankful to him for the opportunity to give him a gift, which is pleasure for me.

I see how much my wife enjoys buying a gift for a grandchild for his birthday. She should thank him for having a birthday for it was a pleasure for her to look for a gift for him and to think of what exactly to buy that he would like. This is an example of a gift coming from love.

It’s the same thing regarding relationships between partners. I need to be integrated into the desires of my partner and to imagine what would make her most happy. And after this I go and carry this out with the goal of fulfilling her desire. And in no way or manner do I need to expect any compensation in exchange for the gift, for here an inner estimation is made without any personal benefit.

For if I require a payoff in exchange for my gift, this is no longer a gift; rather it’s just a business transaction. A gift is made completely from non-egoistic motives rather, only from love. My partner doesn’t owe me anything in return on the contrary, this was a pleasure for me.

When we talked about mutual concessions, then there it was the opposite; I made a concession and required an action in response to this from the partner. But a gift is above all this.

With the help of the right use of gifts, we receive the opportunities to build good relations between us, to begin a “new life.” For by means of the gift, we convey our love towards the partner and through this we acquire him.

In real life sometimes the opposite happens, the gifts that we bring to the partner or to children destroy the relationships between us. But this is only because these gifts were not from absolute love but from an intention to bribe the woman as compensation for my behavior. In a circumstance like this it’s not a gift but compensation. When I promise my son a gift if he will finish the school year successfully, this is not called a gift either but simply a payoff.

I need to show my wife that I am bringing her a gift without any egoistic intent but only from love. It is said, “Someone who gives a gift to his friend must let him know.” That this gift is for no reason! For everything else there are reasons, and in this case there isn’t, therefore I must let him know. A gift like this without a reason awakens mutual love from the other side. This is not compensation, not a payoff, but needs some kind of response, reciprocity.

First of all it’s up to me to find out what my wife wants. And after I have checked this, I bring her a gift and tell her how long it took me to think about what would be best to buy and that I even saved the money for this purpose, how long I looked for exactly what she needs. That is, I double this gift because I thought about it a lot; I searched and wanted to fulfill her desires.

By satisfying her desire, I gave her fulfillment, because I love her absolutely without any calculation. I enjoyed bringing her a gift so much and am sorry that my effort has ended; I was so happy to search for a gift for her that would make her happy. This is what is called a gift.

As it is said, every gift is like an arrow that strikes the heart of the other and makes a hole in it. This is talking about strangers, about egoists who are found in a conflict. But if we are talking about partners, there it’s easier to melt the heart of the partner. Therefore it’s easier to begin to build relationships like these within the family and only after this in other places. In relationships between partners, they are not separated by strong impenetrable walls as there are between strangers. Therefore come, let’s start from the family!
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 8/1/12

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Opinion (Bettina Röhl): “Will a way be found to control the uncontrollable global economic financial market? – There is no means to manage the global currency. Politicians and the people who drive the world economy lack the power and are only ready to declare false optimism about soon overcoming the crisis.

They watch the stormy developments helplessly, and are forced to take distracting political measures.  The world needs a balanced and equitable global government that will work in an even harsher way than the present rulers. This is the only way to pull ourselves out by the “hair” from the quagmire.

My Comment: There is no doubt that the world will come to realize the need for this. This is because an absolutely reciprocal connection will be discovered. The question is, will this happen before or after great suffering, wars, and the death of most of humanity? Integral Education suggests to humanity that instead of suffering, it should open its eyes to its terrible future in case that it fails to act.

The education offered gives humanity the opportunity to see the only possible solution: connection similar to nature and learning how to realize it, simply, quickly and reliably. And then humanity will reach the next level of its development, not due to terrible pressure from nature, but from an informed personal aspiration for this level.
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Opinion (Anatoly Wasserman, journalist, political consultant, scholar): “Post-industrialism did not prevent the crisis because the world was building just its model – a society where the industry operates without human intervention, and the person is engaged in development.

“It was assumed that people, freed from the sphere of production, would be engaged in creative activities, culture, art and creation. But no one bothered to establish this process of engaging people. It was also found that people do not need so many services that could be provided by those who were freed from production.

“The result was that many people exist on unemployment benefits, disguised as activity that no one needs. And payment for these salaries, or rather hidden unemployment benefits, requires financial maneuvers as payment for something in demand.”

My Comment: Wasserman is right, but he does not have a solution: It is the introduction of integral education and upbringing everywhere, and then in the gradual, gentle transformation of society into a society of reasonable consumption, the reduction of excess production to bring humanity to a uniform level of living, and unity, up to the point of revealing in this unity the Creator—eternal and perfect existence.
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Question: People used to think that the leaders, the heads of the people, change the social order and economy.

Answer: In general the leaders do this and today the Creator is doing this.

Furthermore, there will be no leaders in our world; their time has passed. A leader is someone who manages the world by force and only a little by common sense. This no longer works! A modern leader needs to understand the new structure of the world that is approaching and there are no leaders like this!

Therefore, the elite are searching. They need you. You will see how you will be able to come to the leaders and explain to them what needs to be done, and they will listen to you. They will implement what you advise them to do through their forceful methods and actively will realize all the integral exercises.

They will begin to manage integral education within the population and in schools and will organize roundtables, give a green light to programs on these subjects through television, in all the communications media, and so forth. They will be forced to do this because the entire economy will begin to collapse. In every corner there will be bloody incidents of violence. People will not settle for this while the leaders have nothing to give them.

Also, only you will be allowed to come and say something intelligible and no one else; everyone will see that the old principles, agreed upon and known to all, no longer work. Therefore, the new world depends upon you.
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From the Convention In Krasnoyarsk 6/14/13, Lesson 4

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One hundred percent of our systems of relationships are connected to the economy. The economy is a reflection of our egoistic connections because it’s not just about finances. Even if we politely say to each other, “Hello, thanks, goodbye” or just give someone a fork, when we sit at a shared table, this is also economics because these are acts of exchange. We are not necessarily obligated to count dollars because the exchange is happening both in the energetic level and at the verbal level.

Therefore, the wisdom of Kabbalah says that the world will pass to another economy, and the present economy will simply destroy itself. And the sooner we understand where it’s heading the easier it will transition to a new economy.

A new economy is an economy of sensible consumption where we don’t consider our options but our needs and work only for them. The economy will be built upon satisfying a rational human lifestyle and nothing more. Whereas, the principle by which it works today will soon be successfully “removed” everywhere, everything will collapse.

If we don’t lead the integral education, it will be realized through crisis and bankruptcy, which already have their place now. We take upon ourselves only the educational work. We need new economists, people different from those who are found in power today.
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From the Convention In Krasnoyarsk 6/14/13, Lesson 4   

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Question: Suppose I invest all possible efforts in getting close to my wife, yet I don’t find reciprocity from her. Is there some kind of limit to this when I can say that according to how my partner reacts it is worthwhile for me to stop and wait?

Answer: I must help my partner, not just stopping my attempts deciding that I have already tried enough and now I can relax. I simply understand that in a better relationship I would pamper her too much and weaken her, she couldn’t tolerate a good relationship like this from me and remain balanced.

Even while I stop myself from showing excessive kindness and love, I do this out of love. As with children, it is impossible to be too good to them without spoiling them through over-indulgence.

It is necessary to basically consider that we are all “beasts”; we all must work on ourselves to become human. This is possible only through reciprocal work in the family, and then in the whole society.

Question: What is considered a good result here?

Answer: It is possible to be satisfied with the result if we start to feel each other. I no longer approach my wife as if I am travelling in a car to a distant destination; rather, we are found next to each other and turn the steering wheel together. We need to feel that we have common desires, hers and mine, and we both manage them. Our two egos, mine and hers, remain below, while our shared desire to bestow to each other, is found above. We are like two scientists, like two humans, working together on our “beast”.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life #46” 8/01/12

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