Question: How is it possible to choose a partner for life without repeating the failed experiences of the past and learning to build a good, stable, and correct connection that will endure?

Answer: First of all, a true connection is not transient. I am specifically interested that it will continue all the time, for with it I can have a very strong connection, “open” myself in breadth and depth so much so that through this connection I will be able to see the world differently. Building my connection with a partner becomes a new “Kli” for comprehending reality, comprehending the world.

In a form like this I open and discover myself, becoming a person with new “Kelim,” vessels. Thanks to the new spaces that I discover in my relationship with my partner, I acquire additional new emotions. Therefore I would not agree to lose her, I need her all the time so that within the reciprocal connection that we are building and developing I will acquire a different, more internal point of view of the world.

We begin to internalize deeper relationships between all parts of Creation, within the connections between people and all of humanity. Our familial connection gets better. We learn how it is up to us to relate to children and the children to us. By way of the relationships between us, we begin to understand what nature is. We learn that there exist forces in nature that are called, “father and mother,” and “children.” All creatures pair off to continue the generation, plus are always connected to minus in the nature of the still, vegetative, animate and in human society.

Polarized relationships like these are created not only between a single man and woman but also between the strata of a particular population, between various groups. I see the entire universe as a system of reciprocal linkage. Within my understanding, within me, I am already beginning to see the entire world in the right way. You see, nature intentionally arouses these forces in me so that in a form like this I will be able to be aware of it.

In the beginning of my connection with a woman, I see a foundation for unlocking the secret of life, the secret of our existence. I will be able to understand and see everything in my life in a deeper, more correct form, and I will never err! Apparently my individual internal success transforms into my social and existential success.

Therefore I relate very seriously to familial relationships and search for a woman who understands me and feels as I do, so we can operate at the same frequency. It’s up to us to get an education in the new society where all the single men and women are gathered and where there will be a multitude of possibilities for being more aware of one another.

During the discussions, the workshops, and the various events, each one can check and find someone who is most appropriate for him and closest to him in outlook, opinions, attitude, and comprehension. We begin to play like a musical chord, as if we are playing together with a single instrument, completing each other all the time.

It’s difficult to convey this with words; this belongs more to an internal emotion. The work is done on two planes. On the one hand we peel from ourselves all of the artificial strata that we received throughout our lives from external influences, all the imaginary values. And on the other hand, the more that we are released from these values, we can begin to play this within that, as with a musical instrument.

We see how we complete each other and emphasize the area formed between us in which I fulfill her and she fulfills me. We blend together so much into one image that it’s impossible to differentiate where I am and where she is, rather everything transforms into a single partnership. The more that we succeed in building and expanding this unity, I can no longer determine who is appropriate for me and who is not.

It’s necessary to understand that we are found in a natural force field in which everything is linked except for humans. But if we continue to connect, then we also begin to be integrated with nature on the level of Adam, the “speaking” level, we reach equivalence of form with nature. Then I begin to examine to what accommodation, to what equivalence of form with nature I reach together with the woman to whom I propose marriage.

We transform into one unit composed of the plus and minus found in balance with nature. We begin to feel that within us some kind of melody begins to play. This is the feeling of our accommodation with the general force of nature, the power of connection, the reciprocal bestowal and love. This force is discovered within us and must be proof that we are appropriate for each other and can continue to be together.

As long as we have not reached a feeling like this, it’s impossible to say anything. Nobody can predict if we are appropriate or not, no sage or adviser. The couple themselves must discover this. We are like David’s harp that hung on the wall and played when the north wind came and strummed on its strings. Therefore it’s also up to us to try to reach that wind and play upon our shared harp.
[111799]
From KabTV’s A Talk About New Life 6/20/13

Related Material:
A Spiritual Family
Judgment And Mercy In The Family Kitchen
The Secret Of An Integral Family

Filed under: Children, Education, Man and Woman - No Comments →

In the News (from The Atlantic): “’Improbably enough, people who are better able to resist impulses report being more satisfied with their lives.

“Among humankind’s most valuable assets’ is self-control, according to Wilhelm Hofmann and his team of researchers at the University of Chicago. They define it as ‘the ability to override or change one’s inner responses’ and to refrain from acting on impulses. …

“The more self-control people reported having, the more satisfied they reported being with their lives. And contrary to what the researchers were expecting, people with more self-control were also more likely to be happy in the short-term. In fact, when they further analyzed the data, they found that such people’s increased happiness to a large extent accounted for the increased life satisfaction.

“As they go about their daily lives, people with a lot of self-control appear to generally be in higher spirits; in the long run, they’re happier with their lives. To explain why this would be so, the researchers conducted another online survey. What they figured out is that instead of constantly denying themselves, people high in self-control are simply less likely to find themselves in situations where that’s even an issue. They don’t waste time fighting inner battles over whether or not to eat a second piece of cake. They’re above such petty temptations.”

My Comment: Precisely, restriction (Tzimzum Aleph) and receiving after certain calculation with a specific intention (the screen and the Returning Light) makes reception acute (the Light of NRNHY), up to the point that a person can feel its source, the Creator, in any pleasure! That is the way the wisdom of Kabbalah teaches us to reveal the Creator, through receiving pleasure from Him.
[112051]

Related Material:
The Poles Of My Choice
Integral Upbringing, Talk 5
The Benefits Of Being In The Group

Filed under: Education, News, Society - No Comments →

What will the future society be?

There is not much written about this. We will discover it gradually, on our own, in the process of building and shaping it. The principles described by Baal HaSulam make it clear that it will be a society of equal people, according to the same principle, which operates in the group, all are equal, all are friends.

Friend (chaver – חבר) derives from the word “connection” (chibur – חיבור). It literally means “entering” into each other, complementing one another by contributing our desires and thoughts. In this condition, we are united. That’s why the only concern of ours should be the way of “replenishing” others.

When we gather together in “tens” for workshops, we try to implement this principle. We should only supplement each other, never argue, and by no means “act smart.” The only thing that we need to do is fulfill our friends and provide mutual support. There is no room for anything else.

This clarifies the principles of a community life that Rabash talks about. This is a principle that has to be put into the core of the group we are building. It is not acceptable when a friend hurts or harms others. In order to build the future society, we should first build it among us so that it becomes an illustration for others. It should be based solely on mutual assistance; there cannot be any “dirty tricks” played on each other whatsoever. The group charter should reflect this.

However, Baal HaSulam writes that the future society—not a group, but society as a whole—can be built only after people rise to this developmental level, become ready to give up their egoism, and create a new type of social relationships. We need to bring them to this condition. So first of all, it is very important for us to act extensively and broadly open courses on integral education wherever possible.

By doing so, we’ll create a society of equals, a society in which everyone will get as much as one needs and will work for the good of all. Each will receive as much as he or she needs for normal existence and the rest will be redirected to create the same conditions for everyone in the world.

Nothing beyond basic necessities will be produced. However, it is not about contracting or reducing manufacturing of consumer goods to a minimum! No, we are talking about normal, human living conditions that we should not exceed. It’s no secret: If we get out of balance with nature, we begin to destroy it and eventually, in practice, we destroy the house we all live in.

The principles of building the future society are very simple. We physically feel and sense them when we are with our groups. Gradually, to the extent of the advancement of the groups and their “satellites” (non-Kabbalistic groups of people engaged in integral education), new extended communities will emerge. Gradually, they will expand their “territories,” establish rules of their own, start schools and other establishments. Gradually, they will become more connected.

On the other hand, this process can also be directed from above. We make attempts from the top, since any crisis begins from the top and goes to the bottom; everything is rotting from the head. We see that many countries are in totally desperate situations and we believe that sooner or later their governments will understand that there is a system of knowledge that can correct people, thus, allowing us to correct our civilization.

Let’s hope that it will be clear before too much blood is shed.

To sum up: If we want to advance personally, it’s possible only if we expand. If a group stops expanding, if it doesn’t “widen,” it stops advancing. And this is not because there won’t be new people joining it; we just have to work with the rest of the population to the best of our capacity. For that, before anything else, we have to organize and prepare ourselves. That’s why it is so important to engage in the methodology of integral education.

Some of you regard it as a burden, useful or useless, or even harmful. But this is not a burden; it is the same Kabbalah, the same kind of organization of society, or rather fragments of the soul, into a single soul according to the principle “love thy neighbor.” There is nothing new here; it’s just an explanation of all the laws of connection that exist betewen us. These laws are clarified in a plain, normal, human language and are obvious to everybody, not just to Kabbalists. That’s it, nothing more.

Even our groups are seriously engaged in studying and concentrating on the parts of the wisdom of Kabbalah that are the easiest to implement. Similarly, we teach others the rules that are the easiest for them to apply to reality.
[110302]
From the Convention in Krasnoyarsk 6/14/13, Lesson 4

Related Material:
Distinctive Characteristics Of The Future Society
The Goal Of The Future Society
A Knowledge Kit For The Society Of The Future

Filed under: Conventions, Education, Integral Upbringing, Society - No Comments →

Question: Love means friendship and friendship, love. Why is there love between parents and children, but there is no friendship?

Answer: Basically, today, neither exists. We are in such a state of heightened egoism when children and parents no longer feel love for each other. We are not to blame; it is just what it is.

Today, many things are changing in humanity. People do not want to have children, do not want to create a family. There are those who agree to have a family but do not want children, and to the contrary, they want to have children but do not want to have a family. In general, everything is not right.

In my youth, everything was a bit different, and now I look at young people and do not understand them. They have a completely different nature. It is a sharp change of generation, hastening of time, and even greater changes are ahead of us.

The fact is that there is a rise of desires that are not yet expressed in us clearly, but are detached from the previous degree; that is, we are moving more and more away from the animate world. In other words, human nature, human egoism, is increasingly manifested in us. Therefore, we become detached from the previous animate level, and we lose the natural instincts aimed at creating a family and raising children. They acquire a nominal character.

All this leads us to correction. Meanwhile, people are moving under the influence of the new desires that are awakened in them, and then they will begin to recognize them, moreover, recognize them as harmful. How can we correct this? It is only by correcting our intention, working on mistakes.
[112152]
From the Convention in St. Petersburg, “Preparatory Lesson”

Related Material:
The Broken Connection Between Generations
Why Aren’t We A Good Match For Each Other?
It’s A Long Way Back Home

Filed under: Children, Conventions, Education, Man and Woman, Spiritual Work - 1 Comment →

Question: After I finish a particular stage of work with the group, is there a stage in which I work with a particular partner?

Answer: Yes, we gradually reach this after we discover how much we require a reciprocal connection and want to love someone. To love, this is to fulfill someone on a personal level. My inner space begins to indicate that I want to bestow to him, to do good for someone. This is called the impulse of love.

This is exactly what every youth feels when he is in love for the first time. He first wants to reach a connection with someone, to bestow to her and receive from her. The connection can only be a mutual connection; I convey something to her and receive something from her. I didn’t understand this then, since I was not a good psychologist yet. And now, through the “peeling” of the self and the work in a group, I begin to clarify what my true desire was. Therefore, when we get the natural state of being in love for the first time, it is not realized. But the second time that we reach a deficiency like this, it will be realized already.

As a result of the inner clarification of my true desire, I will need to discover that deep desire within me; I yearned to find someone in order to give to him. This is because I am happy if I succeed in making someone in particular happy. And he knows this, and returns that same relationship to me. Each one of us fulfills the other.

Question: And so I begin to search for someone to whom I will be able to bestow?

Answer: This becomes clear because we begin to sing at the same frequency, and I feel this. We have disengaged from an external look at each other and don’t look for an external attraction, rather we look more at the reactions of each other, and these reactions become more and more internal.

Suddenly I begin to feel that a particular person meets my inner requirements in a diverse way. We check all of this, speak between us within the group, and begin to understand with whom we can connect more and more clearly. This is continuous and most precise work. In such a form we build new Kelim, vessels, within us for mutual bestowal, a means for connection between us.
[111977]
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 6/20/13

Related Material:
Stop Playing The Roles Of Other People And Return To Being Myself
A Spiritual Family
Come, Let’s Start From The Family!

Filed under: Children, Education, Man and Woman - No Comments →

Question: Today virtually everything is deteriorating back towards rigid totalitarian management. Such companies actually demonstrate maximum efficiency and minimal conflicts within the collective. Can the integral method change the management structure of companies?

Answer: It is impossible to take only one kind of structure, because the integral system is circular, analog. It is possible only in a collective in which all of the people are found on the same level and work cooperatively.

In a company or in a factory there must be a hierarchy that has the right to command all the links, but at each level the people need to be organized in integral circles.

Therefore one doesn’t contradict the other. Rather large collectives like these must be built with both a line and with circles.

Together with this, in every circumstance control systems will give instructions because people who have passed through this unique learning and are working there know, understand, and think about everything, and they are in charge because they have wisdom, willpower, desire, and an ability to take responsibility on themselves.

For the rest of the people, no; they are experts in some particular area of their own. In order to feel themselves as belonging to the level of higher knowledge of nature, they pass through integral training, and this makes them able to join together for cooperative work and not to put spokes in each other’s wheels.

In collectives like these, productivity rises, they begin to be able to understand each other from half a word, and the probability of error on a particular project diminishes to a minimum because they all live for the sake of one goal.
[109075]
From KabTV’s “Through Time” 3/20/13

Related Material:
Why Does A Businessman Need Money?
A Company, Aimed At The Future
Business In The Integral World

Filed under: Education, Group Work, Integral Upbringing - 1 Comment →

Judgment and mercy accompany each other in familial relationships and always need to be in balance. On the one hand, as an egoist I want to use my partner, assuming that my wife needs to do what I demand of her, and this is called “judgment” by me. And “mercy” means that I absolutely detach myself, taking into account what my wife wants from me, and try to build the ideal model. How would I relate to her if I didn’t have my egoistic interest and I was entirely intending only to serve her?

Now I need to find the balance between these two extremes: judgment and mercy, which is called the “middle line.” This requires experience, mutual work, a process in which each teaches the other. But we already begin working with the new creature—with the person in us who is ready to consider the partner, to understand him, to be sensitive to him, and to love him as he loves himself.

In a form like this you can approach not only your wife, but also you begin to be sensitive to other people. After an exercise like this with your partner, you feel that you are prepared to connect with people and to manage them: on the street, at work, in every place where you are found. They will begin to submit to your influence because you are relating to them with the “middle line,” with the right proportion, to the degree that the person approaches you, so do you as well.

In an automatic manner you reach a balance with the world and begin to feel that you can manage it. You see the “middle line” is the fundamental law of nature according to which the entire universe operates, except for human society because the human being was created as an egoist. And now you correct this and balance your ego. By learning to consider your wife this way, you begin to consider everyone else in the same way when you construct the shared “middle line” in relationships with them.

The first line is called “judgment”; this is what I demand for myself from the other. The second line is called “mercy,” meaning that I give my wife everything that she wants from me when I absolutely detach from my desires. It is as if I bring her into myself.

We are two egoists who stand facing each other. If I satisfy my ego, this is called judgment in relation to my wife, and if I satisfy her ego, this is called mercy. I need to place these two lines in a form like this so that a third line is formed, the “middle line.” This means reaching adherence, a covenant. Our goal is to bring these two egoists together and to bring them to connection. The first compulsory condition, without which it is impossible to begin to work, is the readiness of each to feel the desire of the other.

Balance is based upon the degree that each one is prepared to nullify oneself. We cannot fulfill these two egoistic desires that stand facing each other to the end. Only on condition that one side will reduce his claims a little, can we fulfill the other side a little.

Question: But how do you know the limit to which you need to concede? You see, you said that this doesn’t have to be absolute love without any boundaries. Must I show that I react to the relationship of the partner and take this into account?

Answer: It is necessary to find the point of balance, as if you are driving a car focusing on the goal that you want to reach. That is how we need to check if we are approaching the goal: Are we approaching each other, do we see that the partner reacts to our efforts to come closer in the right way?

I turn our family steering wheel to the right and try to insert as much compassion as possible into my relationship, and I see to what point this works well, and when deviation becomes too great, I need to adjust the steering wheel. And my wife also turns the steering wheel, which is to say, we begin to manage, to “direct” ourselves. We are already working above our natures! We become humans who rise above their natural instincts.
[110313]
From KabTV’s “A New Life #46” 8/01/12

Related Material:
A Game That Is Closer And Closer To The Truth
Learn To Make Each Other Happy
The Shared Space In Which A Family Is Born

Filed under: Education, Marriage - No Comments →

The first stage when searching for a life partner is to peel from myself all extraneous things, like artificial values and perceptions of life, that I receive from external influences during my life. The second stage is returning to youth, to the ages of 12-15 when we suddenly fell in love for the first time in life and we discovered some kind of space within ourselves that could be filled only by a complementary reaction from someone, through reciprocity.

Question: Where do we begin our “peeling”?

Answer: It’s necessary to start from discussions in groups of single men and women. There we try to clarify what is artificial and didn’t belong to us from the start and that we acquired during our lives from different societies, artificial connections, from the Internet, from models that established all of our behavior of how to look and behave. A girl thinks that she needs to be seen as sure of herself and haughty like a princess. And a boy needs to be seen as macho, a hero, tall, strong, successful, and full of self confidence.

But it’s up to us to peel away from ourselves all of the images associated with a society that forces us to be seen this way and not another, and to clarify my true need in connection to which I can open myself wide without fear of anything. For if I truly cleanse myself of all the excess, then I will discover that I am that child who is not afraid that someone will harm him.

It’s up to me to understand that I am placed before the society as before nature with its laws. If I am included in it in a more open, clean, and simple form, I can feel myself protected. Specifically, thanks to the discovery of my examined heart, I can clarify who is ready to be with me in a reciprocal connection.

That is how I search for male friends for myself and also women, judging how appropriate they are for me, how they understand me and flow in the same wavelength as me. We pay attention less and less to exteriors and later pay less and less attention to gender; rather, we consider more and more the Adam (man) in them.

When we attain a feeling like this through directed discussions and workshops that raise us from the animate level to the “speaking” level, then I see who is close to me in soul and I am not attracted physically, nor do I answer to the distorted artificial standards that I received from society. It’s up to me to discern which friends are closer to me with the help of my soul, my inner voice.

Which is to say, first of all, I peel away all of the superfluous things that don’t belong to me. In the name of this we speak, make conversation within our group, and want to reach connection, to help one another. And after I have peeled all of this away, my true self remains, the pure, natural potential that existed before they clothed me with all the external Klipot. This is no longer that little child, but is my true deficiency, the inner void.

The first deficiency to link with another human I received from the outside as a natural yearning. But the second time the deficiency comes from me, from within me, “from below to above”; I awaken it with my own force, therefore it belongs to me. Therefore I can control it, understand it. This is no longer just a natural instinct that falls upon me from above to below, rather it is derived from me, which is to say, “from below to above.”

The first desire is from that child who fell in love for the first time in his life. And after that they added a “hardening of the heart,” life covered him with various egoistic coverings. Now it’s up to me to try to peel away all of these coverings, all of the superfluous layers, that conceal the true self and return to the natural deficiency. But this will not be that same child any more.

The first love symbolized for us the need, the thirst for an inner spiritual link with some perfected form, which we described as a young woman that we loved, a link from soul to soul. And now it’s as if I return to that state, but this is after I have peeled all of the artificial layers from myself and therefore I am found between two lines. On the one hand, I hold onto the pure natural deficiency, and on the other hand, I have all the Klipot, all of my ego, the evil force.

I have peeled away all of the concepts from myself that are considered to be good and evil in the eyes of society and that are not derived from me, all of the values that I received at school: how to look and how to behave. For all of them play their role.

I once saw a scene from an American film in which they laughed at the artificial behavior of children in a classroom. The children played roles all the time, imitating famous actors from the movies. And it was clear from what film and from what role each one was acting at the moment. And in the next moment, he already had begun to play another role, and that’s how it was for each one.

It’s up to us to peel from ourselves all of the images that they stuck on us, that they compelled us to play all the time. You will suddenly catch yourself thinking about how to sit, how to hold your head nicely. I see how my grandson mimics precisely all the movements of the kindergarten teacher.

An adult is tied hand and foot by models of behavior, images, preferences, and values. This begins with those that he adopted in childhood until the ages of 6-8, through a natural mimicking of adults. And after that he already began to store them himself through his ego, a desire to look good because society shows him that this is proper behavior in its opinion.
[111864]
From the Talk about Integral Upbringing 4/4/13

Related Material:
Marriage According To Spiritual Calculations
A Spiritual Family
The Creator Unites Spouses

Filed under: Children, Education, Man and Woman - No Comments →

Opinion (Francis Fukuyama, American political scientist, political economist): “The theme that connects recent events in Turkey and Brazil to each other, as well as to the 2011 Arab Spring and continuing protests in China, is the rise of a new global middle class. …

“In Turkey and Brazil, as in Tunisia and Egypt before them, political protest has been led not by the poor but by young people with higher-than-average levels of education and income. They are technology-savvy and use social media like Facebook FB +0.45% and Twitter to broadcast information and organize demonstrations. Even when they live in countries that hold regular democratic elections, they feel alienated from the ruling political elite. …

“A 2012 report by the European Union Institute for Security Studies, using a broader definition of middle class, predicted that the number of people in that category would grow from 1.8 billion in 2009 to 3.2 billion in 2020 and 4.9 billion in 2030 (out of a projected global population of 8.3 billion). …

“None of this is a new phenomenon. The French, Bolshevik and Chinese Revolutions were all led by discontented middle-class individuals, even if their ultimate course was later affected by peasants, workers and the poor.

“While protests, uprisings and occasionally revolutions are typically led by newly arrived members of the middle class, the latter rarely succeed on their own in bringing about long-term political change. This is because the middle class seldom represents more than a minority of the society in developing countries and is itself internally divided. Unless they can form a coalition with other parts of society, their movements seldom produce enduring political change. …

“No politician in the U.S. or Europe should look down complacently on the events unfolding in the streets of Istanbul and São Paulo. It would be a grave mistake to think, ‘It can’t happen here.’”

My Comment: The question is with what they will go to people. The problem is not to cheer up the masses, but to lead them to real changes. Real changes can happen only if they occur in accord with the development of nature and society, that is, towards the integration of humanity.

Therefore, the only real solution to all urgent problems of society is in the implementation of the method of integral education and upbringing among the general population. Reconstruction and resetting of the social structure is possible after that on the basis of the acquired knowledge and new skills of integral interaction.
[111481]

Related Material:
“Inequality Is Holding Back The Recovery”
The European Crisis: Homelessness Spreads To Middle Class
The Crisis Will Last For Many Years

Filed under: Crisis, Economy, Education, Integral Upbringing - No Comments →

Question: After the first integral discussions in circles, people who participated in them said that the more they use this method, the more egoistic they become.

Answer: They begin to see their nature as egoistic, begin to see themselves. This is good. That is, there is truly a reason to connect. Don’t be afraid of this. They will not have any negative phenomena, deviations, or depressions. Their ego is just being revealed in its integral form. And this is good. This says that a greater need to connect is appearing among them.
[111277]
From the Convention in Krasnoyarsk 6/13/13, Lesson 3

Related Material:
Conveying An Integral Message
Thinking To Assist Integral Education
Not For Pride, Control And Respect

Filed under: Children, Conventions, Dissemination, Education, Integral Upbringing - No Comments →