Question: In my opinion, it is very important that we clarify that the true “self” is specifically within the group, for there are many times that we may try to clarify our true desires alone by ourselves, and we deceive ourselves. We discover tomorrow that we already want something different than what we wanted yesterday.
Answer: It is impossible to clarify this alone. Only a shared discussion can supply us with the correct, advanced values.
Question: Then, what? Will there be a single standard for everyone?
Answer: Each one will find one’s own standard, for there are no two people who feel the same world. It is as if we see one world; but each one comprehends it differently.
Question: How can I preserve my individuality if I work within the group and hear the desires of all the rest?
Answer: Other people show me the stages through which I must advance in order to discover my nature, discover my true space. Specifically, thanks to all that, I hear from others. I ultimately clarify what my space is.
Now, we want to build a relationship with a partner, but afterward, our couple will need to work on wider relationships with couples, with all of humanity. The group is a model of all of humanity and helps me to discover my inner space. This space requires not only connection with a partner, but, ultimately, it also requires development and connection with all of humanity as one family, transforming us into a single person.
Without the group, it is impossible to get along since the external Kli, vessel, the external force, must help me to open the internal Kli, my inner system of connection with someone. There must be an additional, higher level with whose help I can clarify my level, as a father and mother do for a child.
The entire group speaks of and clarifies the inner need of the person to be in contact with others. Contact with the others begins with those people who are naturally closest to us, like a partner, but we cannot build true connection between spouses if we are not found within a society. The society helps us to discover this deficiency in the right way—if I want to look at my partner correctly, to see her from the inside, and she wants to see me so that we both really will connect with each other.
If we want to peel all of the Klipot from ourselves and truly be connected this way where I fulfill her and she fulfills me, we need an environment that supports us and will help us to find all the spaces and clarify how to fill them. All this is possible only with the help of the environment.
The friends in a group help me to see what I want. They reveal this in me so that I begin to see this, but they don’t see this. I feel myself; no one can feel another person.
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 6/20/13