Question: After I finish a particular stage of work with the group, is there a stage in which I work with a particular partner?
Answer: Yes, we gradually reach this after we discover how much we require a reciprocal connection and want to love someone. To love, this is to fulfill someone on a personal level. My inner space begins to indicate that I want to bestow to him, to do good for someone. This is called the impulse of love.
This is exactly what every youth feels when he is in love for the first time. He first wants to reach a connection with someone, to bestow to her and receive from her. The connection can only be a mutual connection; I convey something to her and receive something from her. I didn’t understand this then, since I was not a good psychologist yet. And now, through the “peeling” of the self and the work in a group, I begin to clarify what my true desire was. Therefore, when we get the natural state of being in love for the first time, it is not realized. But the second time that we reach a deficiency like this, it will be realized already.
As a result of the inner clarification of my true desire, I will need to discover that deep desire within me; I yearned to find someone in order to give to him. This is because I am happy if I succeed in making someone in particular happy. And he knows this, and returns that same relationship to me. Each one of us fulfills the other.
Question: And so I begin to search for someone to whom I will be able to bestow?
Answer: This becomes clear because we begin to sing at the same frequency, and I feel this. We have disengaged from an external look at each other and don’t look for an external attraction, rather we look more at the reactions of each other, and these reactions become more and more internal.
Suddenly I begin to feel that a particular person meets my inner requirements in a diverse way. We check all of this, speak between us within the group, and begin to understand with whom we can connect more and more clearly. This is continuous and most precise work. In such a form we build new Kelim, vessels, within us for mutual bestowal, a means for connection between us.
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 6/20/13