The first stage when searching for a life partner is to peel from myself all extraneous things, like artificial values and perceptions of life, that I receive from external influences during my life. The second stage is returning to youth, to the ages of 12-15 when we suddenly fell in love for the first time in life and we discovered some kind of space within ourselves that could be filled only by a complementary reaction from someone, through reciprocity.
Question: Where do we begin our “peeling”?
Answer: It’s necessary to start from discussions in groups of single men and women. There we try to clarify what is artificial and didn’t belong to us from the start and that we acquired during our lives from different societies, artificial connections, from the Internet, from models that established all of our behavior of how to look and behave. A girl thinks that she needs to be seen as sure of herself and haughty like a princess. And a boy needs to be seen as macho, a hero, tall, strong, successful, and full of self confidence.
But it’s up to us to peel away from ourselves all of the images associated with a society that forces us to be seen this way and not another, and to clarify my true need in connection to which I can open myself wide without fear of anything. For if I truly cleanse myself of all the excess, then I will discover that I am that child who is not afraid that someone will harm him.
It’s up to me to understand that I am placed before the society as before nature with its laws. If I am included in it in a more open, clean, and simple form, I can feel myself protected. Specifically, thanks to the discovery of my examined heart, I can clarify who is ready to be with me in a reciprocal connection.
That is how I search for male friends for myself and also women, judging how appropriate they are for me, how they understand me and flow in the same wavelength as me. We pay attention less and less to exteriors and later pay less and less attention to gender; rather, we consider more and more the Adam (man) in them.
When we attain a feeling like this through directed discussions and workshops that raise us from the animate level to the “speaking” level, then I see who is close to me in soul and I am not attracted physically, nor do I answer to the distorted artificial standards that I received from society. It’s up to me to discern which friends are closer to me with the help of my soul, my inner voice.
Which is to say, first of all, I peel away all of the superfluous things that don’t belong to me. In the name of this we speak, make conversation within our group, and want to reach connection, to help one another. And after I have peeled all of this away, my true self remains, the pure, natural potential that existed before they clothed me with all the external Klipot. This is no longer that little child, but is my true deficiency, the inner void.
The first deficiency to link with another human I received from the outside as a natural yearning. But the second time the deficiency comes from me, from within me, “from below to above”; I awaken it with my own force, therefore it belongs to me. Therefore I can control it, understand it. This is no longer just a natural instinct that falls upon me from above to below, rather it is derived from me, which is to say, “from below to above.”
The first desire is from that child who fell in love for the first time in his life. And after that they added a “hardening of the heart,” life covered him with various egoistic coverings. Now it’s up to me to try to peel away all of these coverings, all of the superfluous layers, that conceal the true self and return to the natural deficiency. But this will not be that same child any more.
The first love symbolized for us the need, the thirst for an inner spiritual link with some perfected form, which we described as a young woman that we loved, a link from soul to soul. And now it’s as if I return to that state, but this is after I have peeled all of the artificial layers from myself and therefore I am found between two lines. On the one hand, I hold onto the pure natural deficiency, and on the other hand, I have all the Klipot, all of my ego, the evil force.
I have peeled away all of the concepts from myself that are considered to be good and evil in the eyes of society and that are not derived from me, all of the values that I received at school: how to look and how to behave. For all of them play their role.
I once saw a scene from an American film in which they laughed at the artificial behavior of children in a classroom. The children played roles all the time, imitating famous actors from the movies. And it was clear from what film and from what role each one was acting at the moment. And in the next moment, he already had begun to play another role, and that’s how it was for each one.
It’s up to us to peel from ourselves all of the images that they stuck on us, that they compelled us to play all the time. You will suddenly catch yourself thinking about how to sit, how to hold your head nicely. I see how my grandson mimics precisely all the movements of the kindergarten teacher.
An adult is tied hand and foot by models of behavior, images, preferences, and values. This begins with those that he adopted in childhood until the ages of 6-8, through a natural mimicking of adults. And after that he already began to store them himself through his ego, a desire to look good because society shows him that this is proper behavior in its opinion.
From the Talk about Integral Upbringing 4/4/13