Test-Driving The Family Car

Dr. Michael LaitmanJudgment and mercy accompany each other in familial relationships and always need to be in balance. On the one hand, as an egoist I want to use my partner, assuming that my wife needs to do what I demand of her, and this is called “judgment” by me. And “mercy” means that I absolutely detach myself, taking into account what my wife wants from me, and try to build the ideal model. How would I relate to her if I didn’t have my egoistic interest and I was entirely intending only to serve her?

Now I need to find the balance between these two extremes: judgment and mercy, which is called the “middle line.” This requires experience, mutual work, a process in which each teaches the other. But we already begin working with the new creature—with the person in us who is ready to consider the partner, to understand him, to be sensitive to him, and to love him as he loves himself.

In a form like this you can approach not only your wife, but also you begin to be sensitive to other people. After an exercise like this with your partner, you feel that you are prepared to connect with people and to manage them: on the street, at work, in every place where you are found. They will begin to submit to your influence because you are relating to them with the “middle line,” with the right proportion, to the degree that the person approaches you, so do you as well.

In an automatic manner you reach a balance with the world and begin to feel that you can manage it. You see the “middle line” is the fundamental law of nature according to which the entire universe operates, except for human society because the human being was created as an egoist. And now you correct this and balance your ego. By learning to consider your wife this way, you begin to consider everyone else in the same way when you construct the shared “middle line” in relationships with them.

The first line is called “judgment”; this is what I demand for myself from the other. The second line is called “mercy,” meaning that I give my wife everything that she wants from me when I absolutely detach from my desires. It is as if I bring her into myself.

We are two egoists who stand facing each other. If I satisfy my ego, this is called judgment in relation to my wife, and if I satisfy her ego, this is called mercy. I need to place these two lines in a form like this so that a third line is formed, the “middle line.” This means reaching adherence, a covenant. Our goal is to bring these two egoists together and to bring them to connection. The first compulsory condition, without which it is impossible to begin to work, is the readiness of each to feel the desire of the other.

Balance is based upon the degree that each one is prepared to nullify oneself. We cannot fulfill these two egoistic desires that stand facing each other to the end. Only on condition that one side will reduce his claims a little, can we fulfill the other side a little.

Question: But how do you know the limit to which you need to concede? You see, you said that this doesn’t have to be absolute love without any boundaries. Must I show that I react to the relationship of the partner and take this into account?

Answer: It is necessary to find the point of balance, as if you are driving a car focusing on the goal that you want to reach. That is how we need to check if we are approaching the goal: Are we approaching each other, do we see that the partner reacts to our efforts to come closer in the right way?

I turn our family steering wheel to the right and try to insert as much compassion as possible into my relationship, and I see to what point this works well, and when deviation becomes too great, I need to adjust the steering wheel. And my wife also turns the steering wheel, which is to say, we begin to manage, to “direct” ourselves. We are already working above our natures! We become humans who rise above their natural instincts.
From KabTV’s “A New Life #46” 8/01/12

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