Question: What is the purpose of falling in love?

Answer: It is to bring a person to bestowal, to encourage one to get out of oneself, and, by experiencing “personal” love of the opposite sex, one would understand that love must be applied to all of humanity and all of reality.

We aren’t born with a feeling of natural love for all of humanity. We just don’t have this desire or need built within us. On the other hand, we have an urge for sexual love. It’s a very strong impulse, the most important one that comes right after the basic need for food.

Freud is right. In essence, this instinct outlines the basis of human society. We must explore it so that, by using it, we can take care of humanity and build correct interactions among people.

Question: However, the feeling that is generated by this instinct is accompanied by a lot of confusion.

Answer: It is true. We have no idea how to use it. We confuse sex with love. Moreover, we are lost between true and false values.

For example, if I look at a woman and sees that she is very fashionable. I “fall in love.” My criteria, my internal measurements, that are imposed on me by society force me to go against my nature, against nature, and against the correct behavior that would lead me to a right type of contact with this girl and in fact a correct connection with her.

We should enlighten people in the areas of personal and social psychology, to “clear” it a little bit from the sediment of society and show people who they really are, what they need and why they are unhappy. We should explain that they fill themselves with substitutes, whether it is gluttony, going on vacation, various adventures, and so on, because no matter what they do, people are unable to satisfy their basic instincts. All this should be taught.

Question: The first love is an extremely strong sensation. When I fell in love for the first time, I felt life at its utmost vibrations. It was as if someone pressed a button on a remote control and added maximum volume to my internal world. I went out of my boundaries. When one is in love, one feels alive as never before. At the same time, one’s life vibrates between two poles, happiness and disappointment. I was full of energy. It seemed to me that I could turn the world upside down and squeeze it in my palm. I was ready to do anything to win the heart of my beloved. What kind of power is it? Why is it that when we are in love, we acquire so much energy that can’t be found anywhere else? What source does it come from?

Answer: This shows you that you can gravitate to a total stranger and enjoy connecting with him or her to such an extent that you need nothing else at all. Even if you are not ready for sex, it’s something else. It’s close to sex, and yet it is not the same. Moreover, it is quite the opposite. If we combined this enchantment with sex, they would devour each other. It’s more of an abstract, platonic love.

This example demonstrates that there exists another type of internal connection that is quite different from, let’s say, the one that exists between a host and his guests. I am ready to do whatever is needed to get feedback, to achieve unity, and find mutual relationships.

I need nothing, but that reciprocity. All I want is to retain a precious thread that is not of physical nature, not bodily, but, rather, is deeper and more spiritual. I necessitate it and aspire to it. I cannot eat, drink, walk, study, or think of anything external. I am not myself anymore. It’s something that drags me out of myself. I dream to see the one who has stolen my heart. There is nothing more important in life than her or him. Nothing at all is even close to this feeling. It fills my horizons.

This is love that everyone goes through at some point in life. We are involved in a special situation, the program that demonstrates to us that there is a special type of Connection (spelled with a capital “C”) being installed in us.

As a rule, the first love doesn’t last long and, most often doesn’t end up with physical closeness. Everyone undergoes this wave so that each one of us can have a sample of spiritual connectedness, rather than just having reminiscences of a specific person.

It’s not by accident that classmates are so glad to find each other on the Internet. They are driven by a subconscious desire to return to the innermost, original feeling. What’s so important if, a dozen years later, I see the girl who, at some point, was the most wonderful person in the whole world for me? Will I be touched or revived by seeing her many years later, or shall I be upset? What can we say about our ex-love at this time in our lives? What can we learn from this spark that was not extinguished by any of life’s winds nor covered by the ashes of our life experiences?

Our first love remains fruitless in the material sense of the word. We haven’t married these people, nor did we have sexual contact with them. Instead, we are filled with a “program,” knowledge, sensations, that demonstrate that there exists this kind of Connection and a kinship of souls. Then, in the relationships that we acquire later in life, we consciously or subconsciously seek the same feelings and try to resurrect them, at least, to a minor extent.

It’s not about the appearances of our beloved ones, not about the innermost image of the girls that happened to captivate young men’s hearts, but rather, it’s a sensation that each of us wants to get back.

This desire can be awakened in all, and in old age, it beckons even stronger than ever. After all,  a person sees that, besides this feeling, there is nothing of value in life, nothing real. This warm source gives us energy to live. It lives in us and pursues a high goal. With its help, we can begin correcting not only our family relationships, but also social interactions. I assume that the key to success lies particularly in this field.
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From the “Talk About New Life”  6/20/13

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Question: There is a problem in attracting an audience for integral education. As far as I know, people want to learn something, to receive some knowledge, and don’t want to be educated at all.

Is it correct to camouflage our courses as  psychology or some other kind  of course to attract people and then present them as an instrument for unity? That is, presenting integral training in such a package.

Answer: I don’t understand you, do we lie to people? How is our training different from any other psychological training?

We gather them in tens, in roundtables, and give them psychological training. We show them that by connecting and uniting between us and by working according to the system of our connection, when they are not rejecting each other, but are supporting each other, when they are trying to find a common solution—suddenly they discover some special inner strength. This is psychological training.

There are hundreds, even thousands of training labs like these that deal with this around the world. Why are you differentiating us as some kind of mystic group that is not clear about what it is dealing with and that doesn’t know what it is disseminating?

And you can call and integral education, because we want to change a person, it is better to adapt to a world in which he lives. In principle, no matter what to call our course – even the “Method of integral development,” because it is no different from any psychology.

Our psychological training is called Integral Education. You can also call it integral upbringing since with it we want to change the person to better to adapt to the world he lives in. In principle, it doesn’t matter what you call our course, even “the Method of Integral Development,” since it is no different from any other psychology.
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From the 2^nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/21/13, Shamati #59 “About the Rod and the Serpent”

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Baal HaSulam, “Peace in the World”: The contradiction from reception for oneself to bestowal upon others is nothing but a psychological matter.

Question: So what is a psychological barrier?

Answer: It is multi-faceted and stems from the principle that we don’t understand that we have to give up everything in order to receive everything. It is this comprehensive concession that will allow me to open all the doors widely. However, it is impossible to reveal a little in order to receive the power to concede, since it would already be an egoistic concession (in order to receive).

There is an inner shattering here that requires unconditional concession. I have nothing and will have nothing, do whatever you want with me, I don’t belong to myself anymore; I leave and escape myself.

It is very difficult. It takes a long time and a person has to go through many states. It is hard to exit our nature and penetrate the nature of the other, of the Creator.

This is the psychological barrier. It is psychological since afterwards there is pleasure. I actually give up something that is worthless: this world and its temporary existence, the daily troubles that only occasional rays of consolation break through. In fact there is no way we can enjoy, but we can suffer less.

This isn’t life and it isn’t pleasure. I have to constantly calculate where I will suffer less, and nothing more than that. What is more, my calculations become more and more confusing each day.

This is a miserable life full of pain that pressures us that were given to us on purpose as help from above so that we will prefer another way of developing instead. Still we cannot…

But today we disseminate the integral education method, which means the chance to receive pleasure by connection. We hope that people will discover this opportunity. There is no psychological crisis here, since they don’t have to leave this world. Let’s just try to connect, let’s try the workshops; we don’t have to leave anything or to give up anything but our preconceptions about connection.

After all, we have suffered enough to agree to try this, but this is also difficult. Even under the threat of terrible afflictions we will not be able to agree to make a small innocent attempt, to sit in a group of people in a nice atmosphere and have a talk over a cup of coffee. The crisis is so serious that a person is not even willing to hear about this.

However, I suppose that the general inclination is positive. Our groups around the world manage to come up with great results in disseminating the integral method and the process is gradually advancing.

On the whole, we have to look for any chance to speak to people about connection. It should be on any level, even the simplest level as long as we don’t create any obstacles. According to this approach, we choose the way to present it to different people. The workshops are good for some and the roundtables for others; others still prefer the games in the park or a TV series, or computer games, etc.

On the whole it is the same subject—connection, but the connection is on a different basis. It can be medicine, education, relations in the family, at work, etc. We design the right attitude that suits a certain sector based on any problem area.

Our neighborhood may have a lot of litter and there may be a shortage of parking spaces, so this is exactly what we talk about in the workshop. The main thing is to evoke as little resistance as possible so that people will see that there is a real chance here to improve their lives.

On our part, we use this in order to show them that connection eventually brings them to something much greater. Besides, when they find a solution, we spur the Light that Reforms and it raises them to another level where they see something that is greater and more sublime.
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From the 4^th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/31/13, Writings of Baal HaSulam

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In the News (from The University of North Carolina): “’We can make ourselves happy through simple pleasures, but those ‘empty calories’ don’t help us broaden our awareness or build our capacity in ways that benefit us physically. At the cellular level, our bodies appear to respond better to a different kind of well-being, one based on a sense of connectedness and purpose,” according to new research led by Barbara L. Fredrickson, Kenan Distinguished Professor of psychology in the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

“The sense of well-being derived from ‘a noble purpose’ may provide cellular health benefits, whereas ‘simple self-gratification’ may have negative effects, despite an overall perceived sense of happiness, researchers found. …

“’Philosophers have long distinguished two basic forms of well-being: a ‘hedonic’ [hee-DON-ic] [egoistic] form representing an individual’s pleasurable experiences, and a deeper ‘eudaimonic,’ [u-DY-moh-nick] [altruistic] form that results from striving toward meaning and a noble purpose beyond simple self-gratification,’ wrote Fredrickson and her colleagues.

“Collaborating with a team from the University of California at Los Angeles  led by Steven W. Cole, professor of medicine, psychiatry and behavioral sciences, Fredrickson and her colleagues looked at the biological influence of hedonic and eudaimonic well-being through the human genome. They were interested in the pattern of gene expression within people’s immune cells.

“Past work by Cole and colleagues had discovered a systematic shift in gene expression associated with chronic stress, a shift ‘characterized by increased expression of genes involved in inflammation’ that are implicated in a wide variety of human ills, including arthritis and heart disease, and “decreased expression of genes involved in … antiviral responses,” the study noted.

“It’s the difference, for example, between enjoying a good meal and feeling connected to a larger community through a service project, she said. Both give us a sense of happiness, but each is experienced very differently in the body’s cells. …

“But if all happiness is created equal, and equally opposite to ill-being, then patterns of gene expression should be the same regardless of hedonic or eudaimonic well-being. Not so, found the researchers.

“Eudaimonic well-being was, indeed, associated with a significant decrease in the stress-related CTRA gene expression profile. In contrast, hedonic well-being was associated with a significant increase in the CTRA profile. Their genomics-based analyses, the authors reported, reveal the hidden costs of purely hedonic well-being.

“Fredrickson found the results initially surprising, because study participants themselves reported overall feelings of well-being. One possibility, she suggested, is that people who experience more hedonic than eudaimonic well-being consume the emotional equivalent of empty calories. ‘Their daily activities provide short-term happiness yet result in negative physical consequences long-term,’ she said.”

My Comment: Nature is unified, and seeking to reach its wholeness is beneficial for all the systems, physical and spiritual, for an individual and the world. The higher (spiritual) degree a person applies effort to bring nature to unity, the stronger is its affect on the lower (physical) degrees.
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Once, autocrats reigned over the world. They had absolute power and ruled people for a long time.

Then came the industrial era, the bourgeoisie became strengthened and some monarchs remained as special symbols, a beautiful appendage to the life of the country. Instead of monarchs, a rather “vague” state system has emerged not a one-man rule, but the power of money, meaning the people who have it.

They dominate the world, in the end, it is only a few families who began to manage cash flow three, four, or even five centuries ago. By the way, even then they “managed” the crowned heads a little, toppling some and enthroning others.

So, the world is driven by big money and their owners are above countries and borders. They have their own map of the world and democratic governments serve them as a “façade.” At its core, democracy is the world’s “kindergarten” with nannies that calm “pupils” and get everything they need from them. Quiet and comfortable “kids,” that is what democracy is.

In my eyes, this is the most secretive and deceitful regime. The king is another thing, he openly, without hiding, declares his sovereignty over everyone. Everything is clear with him: He is the lord; he decides, and he is surrounded by powerful and rich people. On the other hand, no one has real power and real responsibility in democracy. Today, a politician says one thing, tomorrow, another. We are so proud of this form of government, but in essence, it’s more contemptible than all the others because of its falsity and every day we see this more clearly.

Democratically elected leaders have no effective power in the framework of the system and are unable to solve problems. Realizing this today, the masses treat them accordingly. As the masses have no real power, so the government has no power as well. Its members have just “found a good place,” with a high salary, bonuses, vacation, etc. In addition, they know how to argue with each other and spend a lot of time in such productive activity. Over time, everyone will see this. At one stage of the realization of evil, it will help us change the situation.

On the other hand, with a real monarchy, a clever and adequate king cared about his people more than the current members of parliament and ministers with all their nice words. The king felt: “It is my country, my treasure, my property.” In contrast, today’s leaders do not see their people. They perceive people as nothingness, as ephemeral as if they are not there at all…

Of course, this does not mean that modern authoritarian trends are positive. Here the point is that different countries hold different formulas of power. We need to consider the character of the people and their upbringing, as well as other factors. For example, Russia tends to have a one-man rule: People want to be given an opportunity to organize their lives, and prefer to see one person at the top, for clarity. On the other hand, the age old opposition of Republicans and Democrats is such a tangle that the Americans themselves may not understand what processes are in power.

Russia does not fundamentally differ from that of America. After all, the Americans, albeit in veiled form, are much more stringent than in Russia. Externally, the USA is a free country but in fact, there is not much freedom in it.

This is neither good nor bad, the elite just have no choice. The State is power and it needs tools to implement it. People should be constantly kept within some boundaries. If you open one door before it, you need to close the other, and it requires the appropriate means.

The problem today is the education system which is beneath criticism both in Russia and in the US. And that is why nothing can help the rulers remain in power. All the threads will slip out of their fingers because today they are unable to approach the new generation. They do not know how to approach the young and the great of this world, the rulers and the rich, and they are powerless here. It’s not within human power, this is already an internal program of human development, moving into a new phase and bringing us to a new state. That is why today there is no point in comparing Russia and America, and in general, anyone else. Everything is falling apart.

The only question is how it ends. And it depends on our choice. Anyway, by the recognition of evil, we will understand that we need to change our nature because there is no possibility to solve problems, not in society, not in industry, not in commerce, and not in power. Everything is caused by human nature. This is the only factor that we can change, and then everything will be changed.

That is what humanity needs to understand. When this understanding comes, people will lose faith in everything else and will admit to themselves: “Nothing else is necessary other than to work on human nature.”

This solution will be realized not in the usual way but by the means of automation in various areas. We will create a new industry where robots will take over almost all functions. We will switch to this even in other spheres, including medicine and trade. Let automated machines work everywhere and people will just manage processes, provide maintenance, and develop new technologies. In everything else besides the basic needs, a person will be engaged in one thing: studies, education, and upbringing that will guarantee everyone unity in this world.
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From the 4^th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/29/13, Writings of Baal HaSulam

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Question: I am studying your whole series of talks, “A New Life.” Thank you. In what do you see the cause of the difficulty in the upbringing of modern children?

Answer: For the first time in history we are stepping into a completely new world, not knowing it or feeling it, because our senses are egoistic, and we cannot feel the future world as long as we have not corrected them. In the past we were always able to anticipate, to imagine some kind of future world, some kind of “tomorrow” that awaits us.

This arouses special challenges for the transition to a new life. It is not known to anyone, except the Kabbalists. This is what I teach my students. Learning about the new world and entering it, that is, correcting human nature, which is a protracted and difficult process.

The problem is in the education of the new generation, both that of the young and the adults. In the past parents prepared children for entry into a world with which they were well familiar, which is to say they were ready to convey to the children habits required for life, but the parents of today cannot prepare their children for the life of the future because they themselves don’t understand anything about it. Conclusion: Both need to go through the system of integral education and upbringing.
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Question: For a person to be included in an integral network, at least two conditions must exist. On the one hand, it is necessary to annul ourselves in relationship to societal opinion in order to absorb everything from it. On the other hand, we need to place ourselves in such a state where my opinion is also useful to society. Are there additional conditions?

Answer: In order to create correct, equal relationships with society, we really should use many various conditions. But for now we are in pretty complicated interactions within society that are constantly changing.

First of all, when we talk to people about the creation of an integral society, it is preferable to take some narrow group. This could be a group organized within some company or in the framework of group activities, clubs, and so forth. That is, it is better to take a limited number of people, a few groups of ten, and manage the work of integral education among them.

To do this, we must put together an entire list of forms of behavior for the person in regard to society and the society in regard to the person.

We already know that if a person diminishes himself in regard to society, this helps him listen to the society’s views. On the other hand, he must add something from himself. This is to say, he needs to present himself as a very important component of the society and be prepared to give something to it.

Every member of a group must understand that in order for people to have some kind of motivation and incentive, we need to talk to them about the importance of the goal that they will attain.

Besides this, they must support each other with a good spirit and exalted attitude. Special means, like songs and shared meals, are imperative for this, something that will connect them so that they don’t just sit and talk.

They must always organize events like talks around a roundtable and workshops where they exchange opinions and learn how to converse. It very well could be that they need to invite actors who will speak with them and guide them as to how to speak to each other.

We are speaking here about our inner nature that wants to exploit everyone only for its own sake. That is, I know that I am an egoist and I am ready to shoot everyone. We understand that this is our essence. Yet, beyond this, outside it, is up to us to play at being good people, to play with myself and with others without pretense but seriously, precisely in order to see and build such a society. Like little children who play at being adults, we gather in small groups of three to four people.

In order for the action of the game to be effective, we require actors and even directors and producers who will explain to us, “Now, we are playing at being in a future society that we want to attain. Therefore, first of all, we need to discuss in a workshop what we want to attain, fantasize a little, and then implement it.

In a form like this, we awaken the integral forces that are concealed in nature and that connect all of us. The truth is that we already are found in this network, yet we still want to cause the developmental forces to influence us, which will direct us forward.

If a child plays at something, with this he arouses a developmental force on himself and grows in this direction. One child collects stamps, a second wants to design and build, and a third wants to be an athlete. He wants to! The main thing is that he yearns! The idea is that it is not through training, rather through desire. This desire attracts the integral force to the person that attaches him to this model. It is in this way that the person approaches it.

The same thing happens here. We need to play as much as possible at being in the new integral society. We must describe it to ourselves, imagine it, speak together about its future form, and together with our teachers, even with directors and actors who organize our system of change, training, and the correction. It is not important what we call this; we need to play at this.

Together with this, the game will remain a game. We will not be ready to get carried away and play so much so that, suddenly, we pretend that we already are living life in a wonderful form, for example in some kind of utopian “Sun City.” Our ego will not allow this. It grows all the time and will carry each one into his own particular egoistic niche.

This game is very effective. It shows us how we describe our future to ourselves, how we imagine ourselves as different and corrected, our interactions, connections, and society as a whole.

We can discuss and decide how we will organize the social development network, the system of public education for our children, the life of the family in the integral society, everything that is possible. How, for example, can we work in the healthcare system and the financial, economic, and business systems, and so forth. What will we say what will be in this society and what will not. Which problems are liable to be created and how will we solve them. All these need to be topics of workshops. All of us must discuss this.

In this form, we rise and come closer to integral conditions. We can see what we lack, how it will be possible to materialize this, and we try to realize this partially in the connection between us and a little in imagination, and meanwhile, this fantasy will remain in the realm of a dream. Yet, it will develop more and more, and approach some kind of real picture.
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From KabTV’s “Wisdom of Crowds”-2, 5/14/13

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Question: As a child I loved to read romance novels, and as a result, I certain image of an ideal romantic relationship developed. When I grew up, it seems that I tried to embody this ideal image and constantly got it wrong. It turns out that this image has nothing to do with what I really need.

Answer: Certainly, because these romances are completely imaginary and don’t describe a true inner connection. All of your work must be to be freed from these false forms and images. Nature intentionally obliges us to be occupied with them so that we will become disappointed and freed from this lie and relative to it we will discover how to find true love. Otherwise, we would not have this possibility.

In the meantime we are still enthralled by this lie, captured by our imaginary and artificial images. After we cleanse ourselves of this external Klipa and gradually discover our “net” pure self, our desires and our characteristics, we attain a true inner connection. There will no longer be any falling in love; rather, there will be true love because we will desire to connect soul to soul according to the spiritual characteristics of each of us.

We will understand how it is possible to bestow and to give to each other reciprocally. All of my happiness and emotions are supported by this; I will feel how to fulfill my wife and she will fulfill me, each of us will live within the other.
[112163]
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 6/20/13

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Question: What is the compass that will make it possible for me to establish where the “self” is found and where it isn’t? Where is this strange thing found that covers me like a thick Klipot (skin) that needs to be peeled?

Answer: This compass is the group. When you discuss this together, you reach the true form that exists in everyone, male or female. A youth who is in love symbolizes a personal lack for connection with another. However, in the meantime, this other is comprehended by him on the animate level as an interest in the opposite sex.

However, when you peel away all of the artificial Klipot and move it all to the left side, only the desire that you discover remains for you on the right side, then, with the help of the two Kelim, you become an expert examiner who begins to examine and clarify. You already can look at everything seriously, understanding what you want to attain. You now search for a true, reciprocal connection in order to fill that space that is discovered in you.

Additionally, this is not that same space that existed then on the small, animate level. Rather, now, this is a space on the level of the Adam (man). You understand and feel this. Through the peeling, you expose the inner space, and then you truly understand what you are truly seeking. This begins to be clarified. You don’t go back to being that little boy or little girl. Rather, you transform into a man or a woman, understanding what you want.

You are searching for a true inner connection, a reciprocal relationship, a desire to fulfill each other where each one thinks about the other and is found within his own space. He wants to be aware of the space and to fill it. He knows what to do in order to penetrate into it and fill it, and the other opens his heart before me and both act reciprocally.

You understand what to do and together you play with the two lines. All the evil that you peeled away from yourselves transforms into shared evil, and even the good transforms into being shared, and then you transform into a single person with both good and bad characteristics. Together, you become a man and a woman connected into a single system.
[111933]
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 6/20/13

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Question: In my opinion, it is very important that we clarify that the true “self” is specifically within the group, for there are many times that we may try to clarify our true desires alone by ourselves, and we deceive ourselves. We discover tomorrow that we already want something different than what we wanted yesterday.

Answer: It is impossible to clarify this alone. Only a shared discussion can supply us with the correct, advanced values.

Question: Then, what? Will there be a single standard for everyone?

Answer: Each one will find one’s own standard, for there are no two people who feel the same world. It is as if we see one world; but each one comprehends it differently.

Question: How can I preserve my individuality if I work within the group and hear the desires of all the rest?

Answer: Other people show me the stages through which I must advance in order to discover my nature, discover my true space. Specifically, thanks to all that, I hear from others. I ultimately clarify what my space is.

Now, we want to build a relationship with a partner, but afterward, our couple will need to work on wider relationships with couples, with all of humanity. The group is a model of all of humanity and helps me to discover my inner space. This space requires not only connection with a partner, but, ultimately, it also requires development and connection with all of humanity as one family, transforming us into a single person.

Without the group, it is impossible to get along since the external Kli, vessel, the external force, must help me to open the internal Kli, my inner system of connection with someone. There must be an additional, higher level with whose help I can clarify my level, as a father and mother do for a child.

The entire group speaks of and clarifies the inner need of the person to be in contact with others. Contact with the others begins with those people who are naturally closest to us, like a partner, but we cannot build true connection between spouses if we are not found within a society. The society helps us to discover this deficiency in the right way—if I want to look at my partner correctly, to see her from the inside, and she wants to see me so that we both really will connect with each other.

If we want to peel all of the Klipot from ourselves and truly be connected this way where I fulfill her and she fulfills me, we need an environment that supports us and will help us to find all the spaces and clarify how to fill them. All this is possible only with the help of the environment.

The friends in a group help me to see what I want. They reveal this in me so that I begin to see this, but they don’t see this. I feel myself; no one can feel another person.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 6/20/13

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