First Love Is Not Just A Splash Of Feelings

Dr. Michael LaitmanQuestion: What is the purpose of falling in love?

Answer: It is to bring a person to bestowal, to encourage one to get out of oneself, and, by experiencing “personal” love of the opposite sex, one would understand that love must be applied to all of humanity and all of reality.

We aren’t born with a feeling of natural love for all of humanity. We just don’t have this desire or need built within us. On the other hand, we have an urge for sexual love. It’s a very strong impulse, the most important one that comes right after the basic need for food.

Freud is right. In essence, this instinct outlines the basis of human society. We must explore it so that, by using it, we can take care of humanity and build correct interactions among people.

Question: However, the feeling that is generated by this instinct is accompanied by a lot of confusion.

Answer: It is true. We have no idea how to use it. We confuse sex with love. Moreover, we are lost between true and false values.

For example, if I look at a woman and sees that she is very fashionable. I “fall in love.” My criteria, my internal measurements, that are imposed on me by society force me to go against my nature, against nature, and against the correct behavior that would lead me to a right type of contact with this girl and in fact a correct connection with her.

We should enlighten people in the areas of personal and social psychology, to “clear” it a little bit from the sediment of society and show people who they really are, what they need and why they are unhappy. We should explain that they fill themselves with substitutes, whether it is gluttony, going on vacation, various adventures, and so on, because no matter what they do, people are unable to satisfy their basic instincts. All this should be taught.

Question: The first love is an extremely strong sensation. When I fell in love for the first time, I felt life at its utmost vibrations. It was as if someone pressed a button on a remote control and added maximum volume to my internal world. I went out of my boundaries. When one is in love, one feels alive as never before. At the same time, one’s life vibrates between two poles, happiness and disappointment. I was full of energy. It seemed to me that I could turn the world upside down and squeeze it in my palm. I was ready to do anything to win the heart of my beloved. What kind of power is it? Why is it that when we are in love, we acquire so much energy that can’t be found anywhere else? What source does it come from?

Answer: This shows you that you can gravitate to a total stranger and enjoy connecting with him or her to such an extent that you need nothing else at all. Even if you are not ready for sex, it’s something else. It’s close to sex, and yet it is not the same. Moreover, it is quite the opposite. If we combined this enchantment with sex, they would devour each other. It’s more of an abstract, platonic love.

This example demonstrates that there exists another type of internal connection that is quite different from, let’s say, the one that exists between a host and his guests. I am ready to do whatever is needed to get feedback, to achieve unity, and find mutual relationships.

I need nothing, but that reciprocity. All I want is to retain a precious thread that is not of physical nature, not bodily, but, rather, is deeper and more spiritual. I necessitate it and aspire to it. I cannot eat, drink, walk, study, or think of anything external. I am not myself anymore. It’s something that drags me out of myself. I dream to see the one who has stolen my heart. There is nothing more important in life than her or him. Nothing at all is even close to this feeling. It fills my horizons.

This is love that everyone goes through at some point in life. We are involved in a special situation, the program that demonstrates to us that there is a special type of Connection (spelled with a capital “C”) being installed in us.

As a rule, the first love doesn’t last long and, most often doesn’t end up with physical closeness. Everyone undergoes this wave so that each one of us can have a sample of spiritual connectedness, rather than just having reminiscences of a specific person.

It’s not by accident that classmates are so glad to find each other on the Internet. They are driven by a subconscious desire to return to the innermost, original feeling. What’s so important if, a dozen years later, I see the girl who, at some point, was the most wonderful person in the whole world for me? Will I be touched or revived by seeing her many years later, or shall I be upset? What can we say about our ex-love at this time in our lives? What can we learn from this spark that was not extinguished by any of life’s winds nor covered by the ashes of our life experiences?

Our first love remains fruitless in the material sense of the word. We haven’t married these people, nor did we have sexual contact with them. Instead, we are filled with a “program,” knowledge, sensations, that demonstrate that there exists this kind of Connection and a kinship of souls. Then, in the relationships that we acquire later in life, we consciously or subconsciously seek the same feelings and try to resurrect them, at least, to a minor extent.

It’s not about the appearances of our beloved ones, not about the innermost image of the girls that happened to captivate young men’s hearts, but rather, it’s a sensation that each of us wants to get back.

This desire can be awakened in all, and in old age, it beckons even stronger than ever. After all,  a person sees that, besides this feeling, there is nothing of value in life, nothing real. This warm source gives us energy to live. It lives in us and pursues a high goal. With its help, we can begin correcting not only our family relationships, but also social interactions. I assume that the key to success lies particularly in this field.
From the “Talk About New Life”  6/20/13

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