Question: As a specialist in personal coaching, I can attest that over fifty percent of the people come to courses specifically because they have difficulties in building connections as couples.

This is a very painful and difficult topic. People don’t understand how to build and maintain the most important connection in their lives. Sometimes they are in despair and throw up their hands, but deep within their hearts in spite of it all they yearn for this closeness, even though they don’t know how to build it….

Answer: First of all we must understand that we constantly pass through a series of changes. It is impossible to compare modern couples and old-fashioned couples who lived a half-century of a century earlier, and even more so those who lived even before this. People communicated much more easily then; they married fellow villagers, they knew all the families, were familiar with their characteristics, culture, and education.

Therefore there were no surprises in marriage, even the future family menu was known from the start. People were more dependent upon each other; they required more mutual help. Due to a lack of time, people could not take care of themselves alone; they could not build their lives, run the household, cook, clean, do laundry, and so forth.

In short, a couple needed each other to survive. A person simply didn’t see a future without marriage and a healthy family. He could not even provide himself with necessities.

It was the same regarding children. In general, the entire society was built on clear patterns of family with three generations often living together. The young and the old depended upon each other, and in fact, they were an inseparable unit.

On the other hand, today, because of technological developments and global communication, everything has become mixed up and different. A person no longer needs a “second half”; he can easily be concerned only for himself and live alone. As a result of this, we don’t depend upon a partner anymore and already from the age of 11 to 12 children are waiting for the opportunity to escape from under the care of their parents. In addition, we don’t have time to devote enough attention to them, not to mention the fact that they are not involved in running the household as they were before.

Therefore, if in the past the couple supported a shared home together, today we don’t really have anything in common. The modern family is easily “broken” into two parts and each part can get by on its own. Modern laws contribute to this and public opinion doesn’t see anything wrong with the absence of a family. He has a job, a hobby, a life ambition that is primary in his eyes, and a host of temptations, against which the family seems like an unnecessary hindrance.

We see that people change spouses and build a number of families throughout their lives. Studies indicate that a modern person cannot remain within the framework of a family for more than ten or fifteen years. It is no wonder that today changing one’s family is just a matter of time.

And therefore the conditions for family life have changed drastically. But on the other hand, the concept of “family” still remains an inner demand (more pronounced in women and with men subconsciously). People want this, yet they don’t know how to manifest it. They have not been taught what a family is, how to build it, and what is possible to require from it. This is because it is talking about a complex partnership between a man and a woman in which children and parents from both sides also participate.

They don’t teach this in schools, and television shows and jokes are strewn everywhere, often creating a dismissive attitude. Everyone wants to look like a hero, and in our day a “hero” is someone who radiates indifference.

In the end, we don’t know what a family is. We have some kind of dream about this, but there are no true examples from life. When the young look at their parents, they don’t find anything particularly attractive in their shared life; they live in separate “niches,” barely intersect, and apparently they have difficulty finding the time to “create” it, and that is as far as their shared efforts go. Where is the family household? Where is there something in common, mutual support that obliges them to work in order to survive and to continue living together? There is no mutual commitment between them.

Industry and technology, life on the Internet, all these have expanded the borders for us. In the past people lived in the framework of family and work; they were strongly linked by the shared management of the household economy, but suddenly the wide world now comes directly into our homes and we have moved to “vague,” unclear relationships.

It turns out that if people think about family today, they have no education and no example in front of them. They need to clarify anew what a true family is for themselves. So a person will change so that he can gain enough from building family life, we must convey this through special practical courses based upon psychology and encompassing every variety of familial relationship. Nothing can be done here without real educational resources.
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From Kab TV’s “A New Life” 6/09/2013

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Question: When we get into the upbringing of young people we see that there are a multitude of fine details which require systematization. What is the most important thing in the integral education of teenagers?

Answer: The main thing is to give them a clear, inner assurance that all problems in life, in the world, in society, and in individuals can be solved collectively. The correct collective is that source that will always give a person the correct answer. He will always win if he acts in accordance with it.

This firm conviction and the habit to act this way do not cancel a person and do not make him a small screw among the masses. On the contrary, he is above all since he rises because of the collective and because he can work collectively. A person does not disappear in it, but becomes its integral part. As a result, the whole collective in turn becomes his part.

In the end a person rises to such a level when he begins to sense even the hidden forces of human nature, human interaction. It is something that Freud and other psychologists dreamt about. He begins to sense all inclinations and everything that influences our mind, as the upper force, the upper source.

Therefore, our task is to give to a person contact with the upper source so he will know what he should do in life in accordance with this source.
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From the “Talk About Integral Upbringing” 4/4/13

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Question: Our guys who are included in integral dissemination throughout the world encounter a contradiction between humility and activity. It follows that a person who is standing before a large number of people begins to block himself, “Why am I acting on such a large scale? I need to be more humble.” Do we need to shed this false modesty and realize ourselves in full swing?

Answer: First of all, it is not one person who goes out to give the training. Rather, it’s a small group of people. One person conducts half of the lecture and another person conducts the second half. The third asks questions, the fourth clarifies answers, the fifth gathers some materials from the participants, and so forth. In general, it is possible to find work for everyone.

It is very important to show that you are working together with some friends and that you are absolutely equal. You begin the talk, and after ten minutes pass, someone else continues it. After that, again, it is you and so on, and people see how you work in partnership without disturbing each other, that among you there is a complete whole. You transmit to them a general positive charge, and this is received very strongly.

Second, what obliges us to go to the people is the crisis that threatens our future, the needless suffering of the people, the lack of the ability to receive any decisions and solutions because they don’t exist, except for our integral solution, for with us there is truth, correctness, strength, and conviction, and the main thing is the necessity and urgency.

What is meant by, “I feel uncomfortable?” People are suffering and I feel uncomfortable that I have a remedy and that I am not bringing it to them? How can something like this be?

Therefore, a person must be in conflict with himself, yet not on the level that it is uncomfortable for me—on the contrary! How can I stop myself if I have a possibility of improving the lives of people, of making them smile? It is not a smile from some standup comedian. Rather, it’s a true smile, yes, from their beginning to see life in a new, pleasant light, and not because they escaped for a few minutes at some show. I need to feel my responsibility here.

Why must I feel some kind of embarrassment and shame? I don’t need to say that this is mine, that this is me. Rather, this message is found within me now and I want to pass it on to everyone. Therefore, from our side, there is always a place for a degree of solid appearance, to present ourselves as those who possess a unique knowledge and approach.

The community needs to respect you, to hear your voices, to look at you from below to above, like a small child at an adult. Otherwise, they will learn nothing.

As a start, according to the audience, you can say a little about yourselves: who you are, where you are from. Present yourselves as reputable experts, representatives of a solid organization and a solid method.
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From Kab TV’s “Through Time” 9/17/13

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Question: The main incentive for working in a mainstream company is for financial gain. What is the correct motivation for working in an organization that disseminates the integral methodology?

Answer: There cannot be any financial motivation in any enterprise that disseminates the Integral methodology. One should receive compensation that will enough to not feel any special needs. If one’s life is dedicated to integral unity, then it is enough to provide his or her family with a normal level of subsistence. Working with a good team and the fulfillment that one gets from one’s work will be completely sufficient and will even bring them a sense of happiness (of course on condition that their families do not put forward unusually high demands on them.)

I don’t think that material incentives will play a major role here. If a business accumulates additional funds, it can equally raise salaries to its workers so that people feel more at ease. Everybody should receive the same salary: teachers, their assistants who transport equipment to various events, those who help teachers conduct seminars, and technical workers.

In the integral society one major principle should be rigidly observed: the principle of equal work and equal pay. After all, one is able to teach because nature inbuilt certain qualities in him or her; another one has an ability to carry heavy things around. I cannot lift heavy things, and someone else does not know how to teach. We complement each other by each investing his or her abilities. So, our compensation has to be equal.

Compensation can be adjusted to certain family situations. Let’s say, one has five children, the other one has to support a second family and pay child support. Accordingly, we have to adjust their salaries and create conditions that allow our friends to stop thinking about these issues and being stressed about them.

Baal HaSulam writes that people should receive relatively equal salaries. If I have two children, a wife, and old parents, naturally, I should be getting twice as much as a young, healthy single person, and it will fine; I wouldn’t be receiving in excess of the norm.

Currently, married and single people who work in our organization receive the same salary. I think it is wrong. But in order to differentiate earnings, we need to have at least have some financial “cushion, which we don’t have as of yet.

As soon as we obtain a new level of financial flexibility, we’ll transition to a conditional differentiation in compensating our workers. Everyone should be roughly equal. One’s salary should not depend on who one is, but rather on circumstances that develop around it.

Comment: Let’s say, I live in New York, disseminate our methodology, and teach. However, I am used to somewhat higher living standards than the general public in our organization…

Answer: It means that you are not there yet; we’ll wait for you until you reach a normal level. If you are engaged in integral dissemination, you will eventually lose interest in the excesses of this material plane and you will inevitably be satisfied with general standard conditions. You won’t be enjoying expensive restaurants or fashionable clothes any more (other than if you have to look good to represent our organization somewhere.) You will need only things that are necessary for your work: comfortable, clean clothes and a normal diet. Internal fulfillment will extinguish external needs.

The main motivation in the Integral society is the result we obtain, the importance of the goal we pursue, the unity, pleasure that we receive from the work we do, from the result of the process.
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From Kab TV’s “Through Time” 9/17/2013

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Question: How can I expect unity if I don’t feel it and have no idea what it is?

Answer: We have to imagine the state of unity and play it, just like kids who make believe that they are grownups and grow by playing that game. You understand very little when it comes to spiritual states and so you have to play and to develop just like a baby.

We see a very interesting phenomenon in our generation: People are becoming more and more like little children. Everyone is playing games and is in no hurry to start real life. Everyone spends their life playing games, staying in their parents’ home until the age of 30 to 40, not wanting to get married and to grow up, not wanting to make a career, or to take any responsibility, but rather, they wish to pass their life comfortably free of any worries, as if playing a game.

This childish attitude towards life is typical of today’s generation. It is a very special attitude that actually indicates that they are ready to play! The serious attitude towards work is gone, and people pass the time playing games. The main thing is friends, entertainment in the evenings, football, and television.

People are becoming more childish; this is confirmed by sociological studies. And this is an accepted norm both by society and by parents, meaning by the older generation. Parents accept the fact that their 30-year-old son remains a child. Young people themselves also seem to want to remain as children.

This is because we are becoming more worthy of playing and it is by playing that we can succeed and advance in our spiritual development. In previous generations, we were busy fulfilling the ego, our big desire to receive. So we were so serious in order to be totally incorporated in it, to be assimilated in it, and to perform the most serious and difficult actions.

Now, however, it is over. This is an indication that it is in our times that we are ready and worthy of correction! It isn’t the disgrace of this generation that seems to lag behind the previous generations. On the contrary, it is an indication of despair and disappointment from the previous development and the readiness for correction, which we have to perform now. The correction is fulfilled by playing: workshops, connections, different games, activities, songs, and a little bit of work so that we can provide for ourselves. That’s it; this is what life will be like.
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From the 2^nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/15/13, The Zohar

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Question: People don’t understand what holds them in integral groups. They ask, “What is the catch?”

Answer: There is no trick, since, after all, we pull them into connection with the universe, with the world, with nature. Nature is united, harmonious, and we show them how to reach this harmony. When they reach harmonious connection between themselves and with the environment, they are included within its sphere, they begin to feel its breath. The whole “trick” is in this, that we suit them to the integrality with nature. And what next?

Next, we continue to develop until reaching the state when we begin to feel how everything around us breathes, how everything is saturated with one thought that is called the “plan of Creation.” This is what we will reach.

Nature is clever! Look at what a harmonious computer we exist in! There is no trap here, only the discovery of the meaning of humanity which is absolutely realistic, built solely so that we become correctly connected with others, which fills them in a mutual manner and supports the only law, “To become one single nature.” It is not an ecological game, of the “greens,” but a rise to the level of Adam (man – human).

In this way we will begin to grow more and more in that we are filled with the feeling of boundless happiness. We will no longer feel that we are bound by the framework of our body.

By our beginning to improve the body and even the soul, and by rising even higher, we begin to feel that we acquire completely different possibilities. It is specifically in the mutual connection between us that we discover within us spaces that are filled with the sensation of happiness.
[118553]
From Kab TV’s “Through Time” 10/20/13

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Question: What should the relationship be between the partners in an integral family?

Answer: Relationships in a family are determined by the goal we set in front of us. In the past when people were getting married their goal was a common household and physical love. Whereas, in the integral society they primarily will be looking for a similarity of properties between themselves: Do we really fit for uniting with each other in order to form the most successful unity—a family?

I am sure that people will be looking at one another based on these properties rather than physiological ones. Physical properties will certainly be taken into account as well because our world does not disappear. However, the basis for creating a family will become precisely an opportunity of the inner unity.

There will be a need for thinking about tests, problems, and the possibilities of researching each of the partners. This is very serious work because a family is the smallest and the most desired natural unit of society which focuses on everything: The connection of the material and spiritual worlds.
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From Kab TV’s “Through time,” 9/21/13

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Question: Often a state is created in a family where one of the spouses, for example, the wife says: “I cannot stand my husband anymore, I am literally sick of him.” In a case like this, do we need to recommend the couple enter integral education, as this would be better than if they got divorced?

Answer: A stage of disappointment is a natural stage through which all of humanity passes. Therefore it is not necessary to pay attention to it. If we now direct the disappointed couple to a new goal, then they will quietly continue their existence with more correct and close cooperation.

They don’t need to separate at all. The moment one of the spouses sees in the other what he saw before that is beneficial, but spiritually beneficial, then certainly this union will be renewed with new intensity.

Question: How can we explain to people that they should not separate?

Answer: In general, I would not tell them that we insist upon the continued existence of their union at all; rather, I would suggest that they clarify once and for all if they are compatible with each other, whether it is worthwhile for them to divorce or do something else you can check so that both of them realize what is happening and will stop tormenting each other and that the decision is always in their hands. We only conduct a workshop where all of this becomes clear.

That is, instead of their contending for many months, within an hour everything will become clear to them and after the workshop they will go out together in peace, already with completely different thoughts, with another intention; they will no longer intend to divorce.
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From Kab TV’s “Through Time” 9/21/13

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Question: In what way does a family workshop in which five married couples participate differ from a regular workshop composed of ten different individuals ?

Answer: If married couples are in a workshop and not just ten people, then, in general, there is an internal understanding between them, a common theme, for the problem is one that existed in them from the start.

Therefore, when we sit them in circle and begin to clarify the problem that each one of them already has felt since birth or is experiencing, then a completely different workshop is created. On the one hand, we need to be more subtle, but on the other hand, there are opportunities for refinement, to deepen this clarification.

This is completely different work than in a workshop composed of ten people. It is intimate because it is not transmitted to the public as in the regular workshops. I don’t think it’s possible to gather one hundred fifty married couples, for this is against the atmosphere that needs to dwell among them. It is enough to take five couples, to sit them down on couches around a coffee table, as if it were in a living room, and serve coffee, create a relaxed, warm atmosphere, something that takes them to another, more intimate level. This is an excellent place for them to work on cooperation.

It is desirable that the organizers of the workshop also be a married couple.

Question: What questions do you recommend be explored among married couples? What would interest them?

Answer: First, we clarify which requirements they consider essential for a good existence in a family, and after that we move to clarify if they are truly compulsory. Are our demands regarding a partner correct or is this just a whim, some kind of secondary demand? What is truly the most important thing without which a family cannot exist? What should be the foundation of the family unit? What would this be for?

Together with this, we ask them the kind of questions that are intended to bring them to the conclusion that a family is a means for attaining the next higher level, the higher goal of existence. This is why God divided us into two precisely for this, so that, through serious work between us, we would find that singular image in which we will be like Him. As it is written, “And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him” (Genesis 1:27). Therefore, we need to find the similarity between us, in other words, that characteristic of bestowal, love, and mutuality in order to become similar to the Creator in this aspect.
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From Kab TV’s “Through Time” 9/21/13

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Question: What changes will occur in the life of the Integral society and what will make them possible? What is the process people will be involved in?

Answer: By elevating above our individual principles and attitudes and by lowering their own opinions a little in front of the others in our small community (10 to 20 people), we begin sensing inside our unity some average collective feeling, thought, intellect, and desire. We seem to form something in common; between us is a general silhouette” that we relate to as our child.

The “child” that emerges among us warms us up and makes us share collective emotions that we usually do not experience in regular life. People start to really cherish this feeling. They gather in integral clubs and communities to renew these interesting and pleasant sensations.

If they combine all of the above with common family meals or just meeting over a cup of coffee, new associations or clubs will be created where people come there not for the sake of boasting or showcasing vanity, but to feel special. It will elevate, lift, and cleanse them, make them feel kinder, friendlier and warmer. Suddenly, they will feel that it becomes much easier for them to combat problems such as rudeness, taunts, blows, rigidity and constraints. They feel that it heals them, gives them a softer outlook on the world, and dampens all sorts of problems. This type of psychological training leads to a very bright positivism. The most important thing is that from that moment on it becomes possible for them to develop more,depending on what kind of community they are in.

There are certain communities that already exist where people have started thinking about ways to unite and simplify their existence by collective shopping, sharing warehouses, and providing mutual free help to each other because some of their members are locksmiths, some are plumbers or electricians, etc. After they began sharing communal services, all of a sudden they discovered that there are accountants, lawyers, and people with other professions among them.

In general, creating communities that are based on the principles of minimal mutual support (we are not talking about global, huge problems here) can facilitate many people’s lives. Moreover, they can invite professionals in education, and upbringing, and can organize clubs for their children, etc. This opens a vast field of activity. The main thing is that people who belong to these communities should feel that their environment nurtures each of them and becomes a source of a positive energy.

So by resolving life’s problems, they develop internally and then gradually move to the next step: obtaining a new vision and receiving new energy.

I don’t impose my point of view on anyone. I just want people to discover the opportunity to develop as one big whole, to create one unified organism out of ourselves, and on that basis to begin regarding nature differently. People begin to understand that nature is integral and interconnected as one organism. If they agree with this fact and resonate in unison with nature, if they vibrate in one frequency, they suddenly begin sensing that they exist in a unified and friendly field and that the world is really laced with benevolence with only one exception: the egoistic human nature. Many religions and faiths, as well as many physicists, psychologists, etc., state this fact.

The important thing is that this understanding elevates a person. One’s life becomes easier since one acquires a correct vision of the world, develops the right attitude to ecology, nature, and society. I hope that in the end it will become a major tool for the betterment of society overall. Everybody needs it.
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From KabTV’s “Through Time” 9/15/13

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