We told each other even before getting married that we did not want to bring children into this world. We are two lonely souls who found each other and who understand that the world is terrible. We decided that we would live for each other. But now I am writing to you being five months pregnant. It is too late for abortion. We agonized over the decision, whether to go through with it or not, and now I will be giving birth. Yet, we both do not understand how we got here. (From a letter to Dr Laitman)

Answer: You were brought to this.

My first question is: how could this happen to us? We clearly did not want this.

Answer: Many people would not want children, but life itself pushes them to conceive a child.

Question: When you say “life itself,” are you hinting at someone or something?

Answer: I am hinting at the fact that nature made us this way, and that is why we end up here.

Question: So resistance is futile?

Answer: There are people who consciously, even excessively, build such boundaries around themselves saying “We do not want this and that is final.” There are societies like that too.

Question: Who forces a person to cross this boundary? Is this, in principle, also something that happens from above?

Answer: Yes.

Question: So you do not understand how it happened, but that means you were closed off in that moment?

Answer: Yes.

How can we protect our future child from this world? What can we do, how can we raise him so that he is not touched by this dirt?

Answer: I don’t know. Raise him well and give him a good education, a reliable profession. That is all.

Question: When you say “raise him well,” what do you mean by that?

Answer: Raise him well means knowing how to relate to people in a way that elicits positive reactions from them. That is it.

Question: Is that what you mean, not education, but upbringing specifically?

Answer: Yes, upbringing.

Question: What advice can you give to a couple who finds themselves in a situation where their decisions and plans have changed and they are expecting a child?

Answer: Solve all these problems together.

Question: And go for it?

Answer: Go for it. How else? Work through it together and support each other. And they will see that this shared child actually connects them and gives them a new chapter in life, in existence.

Question: So this becomes their new life, right?

Answer: Yes.

Question: What is the best way to deal with anxiety about a future child? This is more of a general advice for others. There is anxiety about a future child, not wanting to give birth. How do you deal with this anxiety?

Answer: This is natural. You need to give birth, you need to raise the child and do everything you can. And gradually, you will see yourself one day as a mature person, a grandparent.

Question: What practical steps can be taken right now during pregnancy to create a safe environment for the child? Because this is something that worries them constantly.

Answer: The most important thing is for the child to understand life. This means understanding why a person exists, how they should behave, which people to avoid, which to get closer to, and so on. In other words, teach them how to interact correctly with this world.

Question: You are giving some very simple, vital, wise advice. Stay away from certain people, get closer to others, try to love others so that they love you. Is that the main thing in upbringing?

Answer: Of course! What else could there be?

Question: How is it that nowadays there are so many people being raised completely differently? That is, people who are filled with hatred…

Answer: You should not raise your children that way because it will only make their lives harder. Hatred eats away at a person.

Question: You do not watch much television, I know. But today, all these channels, YouTube and others are full of fights where people hit each other hard, on the back of the head, wherever. Then, all these movies are packed with strong people who twist others and so on. That is, there is a completely different process of upbringing, more and more, not to love and be loved.

Is this a demand today? Do people want this, do they watch this?

Answer: I think it is not so much a demand as they are being pumped full of it. And of course, this will only make things worse for people.

Question: If we’re talking about raising a child, is it advisable to keep them away from this?

Answer: Yes.

Question: To the point of shielding them from seeing it?

Answer: Of course. What is the point?

Question: There is no point?

Answer: None.
[333226]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 7/29/24

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Thus, the craving of the lower one, the female, is included in the craving of the upper one, the male, and the two souls become one, without separation (Rashbi, Zohar for All, Vol. 2, Lech Lecha, “Like an Apple Tree among the Trees of the Forest” #205)

Question: What determines that the lower part is the female part?

Answer: This is determined by the presence of the attribute of bestowal in the male part, which, in principle, is much stronger than in the female part.

Question: Does the female aspect have the attribute of bestowal at all?

Answer: Of course it does. This is very important. Otherwise, if one is only receiving and the other is only giving, there would be no connection between them at all.

If both are receiving and both are giving, then it turns out that the male part is primarily the giver, and the female part is primarily the receiver.
[333896]
From KabTV’s “Men and Women” 8/20/24

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Question: Why are women so different and individualistic in our world?

Answer: Because in our world a woman is more varied in her corporeal properties, and a man is more diverse in his spiritual properties.

He has a greater craving for spirituality than a woman. Women have it in greater quantity but lesser quality. A woman begins to engage in something spiritual and quickly weakens and gets filled, but a man does not.

Question: At the same time, we see that most of your students are women. How can you explain this?

Answer: Because they rush toward spirituality, but they close-off very quickly.

Comment: I hope one day I will be able to understand myself, this soaring that jolts up and cools down. Even in everyday life, some leaps of desire are characteristic for me: choosing clothes, doing this and that. Of course, I am exaggerating now. But these are like impulses that I do not know how to curb.

My Response: In general, all these impulses, of course, are more inherent in women. This is due to their cycles and other characteristics. Even women’s suffering is more outwardly visible, while men’s is deep inside.

Question: When you see women suffering, you do not always know how to help. There are even dead-end situations when you want to help, but it is impossible. Is there any advice?

Answer: I cannot give you any advice. You can show some sympathy and limit yourself to this; otherwise, you will drown in this and be pulled into it yourself. A woman likes to perform. She wants sympathy and involvement; that is why she behaves like this.
[333943]
From KabTV’s “Men and Women” 8/20/24

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Question: What does the ability to justify the actions of the Creator in relation to any creation depend on?

Answer: It depends on the attainment of the whole universe. That is, we need to feel how the Creator is truly good who does good. He desires nothing for Himself and does everything only for us.

Question: What can teach us to immediately justify the actions of the Creator and incline
us and the entire world to the side of merit?

Answer: This cannot be learned. The only thing we need to learn in spirituality is to ask the Creator to influence us with His light.

And then we will naturally begin to feel the governance of the Creator as good, and we will reveal all that exists.
[333841]
From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/19/24, Writings of Rabash “You Stand Here Today – 1”

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Their desire [husband and wife] must be as one, without coercion (Rashbi, Zohar for All, Beresheet – 2, “Reconciliation and Receiving Permission”).

Question: What is one whole desire? After all, we are so different, and our desires are different.

Answer: The Book of Zohar means husband’s request to stay the night with his wife. Therefore he ensures that this desire is for them as one whole.

Question: Still men and women are very different. I always try to understand how to come to the same desire in our everyday life. It this not about fighting less, but to achieve a single movement in our relationship?

Answer: Now we are talking about daily practice. Life itself directs you so you would treat each other more correctly.

Question: What is it based on: respect, compromises, love?

Answer: On respect. I do not know how appropriate it is here to say “respect,” although it has to be such an attitude. But in general, one has to consider the desires of the other.
[332990]
From KabTV’s “Man and Women” 7/30/24

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Thus, one who connects with his wife should make peace with her and sweeten her with words. If he does not appease her, he will not stay the night with her because their desire must be as one, without coercion (Rashbi, Zohar for All, Beresheet – 2, “Reconciliation and Receiving Permission”).

The Book of Zohar talks about the kind of relationship a husband should have with his wife and how to earn her favor.

Question: Why does The Zohar specifically write that a man can earn his wife’s favor through his words?

Answer: How else? There is even a popular saying that a woman loves with her ears.

Comment: But on the other hand, a man proves his masculinity through actions and not words. They say that if you just talk, you are not a man.

My Response: You should act in a way that is comfortable and acceptable to her.

Question: What does The Zohar mean by “make peace with the wife”?

Answer: It means that a husband should seek to win her over, endear himself to her, lift her spirits, and then she will be favorable disposed toward him. The Book of Zohar and the Torah in general have much to say about how one should love their wife.
[332793]
From KabTV’s “Man and Women” 7/30/24

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Question: What role do children play in the relationship between spouses?

Answer: Children should see that everything is fine in your family, that you understand each other, and live in harmony.

Question: We often have different views on how to raise children. But you say that our life together serves as an example for the children.

Answer: Of course. For example, if you are at home and your wife is at work, the children should see that you clean the house, wash the dishes, or do something else before she comes home.

In other words, each person should understand that they can do something nice for their spouse without being prompted or reminded.
[333034]
From KabTV’s “Man and Women” 7/30/24

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Question: According to The Zohar, I must constantly strive to earn my wife’s favor. On the other hand, it says that the husband (baal) is the master (another meaning of “baal“). So in what sense is he the master? This is a very interesting system.

Answer: This system dates back to ancient times, has gone through all stages of human development, and still, our nature somehow breaks through.

Question: Help me understand from the perspective of Kabbalah: in what way is a man truly the master, and in what way is he not?

Answer: If a man properly fulfills his functions, the wife, no matter how you look at it, depends on him. If he thinks about how to do something pleasant for her, something she needs, and cares for her, she will feel that she cannot do without him. In this way, she becomes dependent on her husband.

Question: What other pleasant things can a man do for his wife besides lifting her spirits, giving gifts, or flowers?

Answer: Women do not need much. The man needs to do just the minimum, but in a way that shows he is putting his feelings into it.

Question: Can you describe the specific functions of a man? What do they entail?

Answer: I do not think this requires much definition or explanation. If you focus on making your wife feel good, especially by uplifting her mood, you will notice how your life changes.
[332945]
From KabTV’s “Man and Women” 7/30/24

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Question: Why should a man be the one to pursue a woman?

Answer: This is how the Creator arranged it.

Question: Why is this a unilateral action?

Answer: Because she is a woman and you are a man. Each should take into account their own side.

Comment: Let us say I won her over, got married, but it turns out that this process still does not end.

My Response: The process never ends. You must win her favor every moment. You are given no rest so that you have to fight with yourself.

To persuade a woman, to please her, you must fight against your male nature, pride, contempt, and so on. It is a kind of self-discipline. It turns out that you are constantly renewing your relationship.
[332840]
From KabTV’s “Man and Women” 7/30/24

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Question: What advice would you give to a husband and wife about family life?

Answer: At least once a day both should think about how to bring joy to their spouse. When they come together, there is a union: he to her, and she to him.

Question: If I try to do something nice for my husband, thinking it will please him, but in reality, he doesn’t like it, how should he react?

Answer: He should understand your intentions. The most important thing, as we learn in Kabbalah, is intention.

Therefore, I wish you both to have the right intentions toward each other and to work together to set everything right.
[333067]
From KabTV’s “Man and Women” 7/30/24

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