Comment: A letter was sent to you: “We have been living together for almost 30 years—quite a long time. We have two children, our daily life is settled, we have jobs, enough money, everything is fine. But love is gone, everything is very ordinary, without scandals, without love that used to burn.
“We have even been to a psychologist, we did all sorts of exercises that he advised, but we are still cold and quiet; we are dead. What should we do? Please tell us. We are writing to you together. Can we bring back the old relationship or at least get close to it?”—Alexander and Nadezhda
My Response: It is very difficult, but it is possible if we are serious about each other and make some kind of contract that we will constantly take care of one another, show how much we love each other, and treasure our mutual cooperation.
It is impossible, of course, to have the same feelings, the same states that we once had when we were young, when it was all new, and so on. However, they should not fade.
They should just grow precisely because of the fact that we constantly try to show each other our care. Love gives way to mutual concern.
Question: Is this what happens over the years?
Answer: Of course. Then you do not need to be on fire, you should somehow try to please the other.
Question: Is this a game? This is not even real.
Answer: It is a game. So what? All our life is a game.
Question: Will it lead to feelings?
Answer: It does not need to lead anywhere. The correct relationship is when we consciously, above our egoism, treat each other with care and consideration.
Question: Do I know that I am playing?
Answer: I specifically know, and this is why I can do it beautifully and well, and I love this state. It is because, first of all, I do it against my egoism. Second, I constantly show my partner that I am doing this for him, that I am even doing it against my egoistic desire, and that I am pleased that I am doing it against my egoism.
This point is very precise. Therefore, I do not have to lie. After all, it is clear that when I come home we no longer look at each other. He looks at the refrigerator, at the TV, at the bed, and that’s it! And here…
Comment: You are already preparing yourself in front of the door that you will now enter with a smile and say: “Hello, my love.”
My Response: Yes. This is how it should be. Also, during the day, you should sound and talk in this way. Fill your life with this game. But do not overplay it. It should simply be an even attitude by which you show the other that you care about him.
Question: What happens then? You say that love is like this!
Answer: This is not love. It is mutual care for each other when you want the other to feel good next to you.
Question: Will both of them feel good then?
Answer: Of course. You buy his good attitude with this.
Question: So, is your advice to turn it into mutual care?
Answer: There is no other way at all! Or you can artificially pretend that you are still in love and like in a ballet fly toward each other! By this, you create a warm cloud or a relationship field.
This is called “A man and a woman, if they are rewarded, the Shechina [Divinity] is between them.”
Question: What is the Shechina here?
Answer: The state that they give birth to and cultivate between them, and it then manifests itself as something independent, outside of them, and begins to bind them together and raise them both to another degree.
Question: Does it mean that by this they reveal the Creator?
Answer: Of course. After all, they work above their egoism. This is a very difficult, real work.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 6/28/21