Question: Why are man and woman very close to the concepts of Creator and creation?

Answer: The fact is, the desire to receive is the female part, i.e., the whole creation, and the desire to give is the male part, the Creator. This is how it is realized in every part of nature and in our world at all levels: still, vegetative, animate, and human.

Question: Is there an ideal relationship between a man and a woman?

Answer: Only if they achieve correction. There is no other way.

Comment: But they are completely different!

My Response: When they reach correction, they become the same. In our world, this is realized if a man and a woman strive for their correction together—for unity with the Creator.

When they set the task of the Creator to be between them, meaning, if the main thing in their relationship is bestowal and love, and mutual communication with each other to eventually become like the Creator and not just satisfy each other, then they spiritually rise very strongly, quickly, and effectively.

Question: Does their spiritual connection erase the boundary between the feminine and masculine?

Answer: No, it does not erase it, on the contrary, it makes the borders more convex. Their relations outwardly resemble spiritual ones when one from the male side and the other from the female side rush to each other in bestowal, love, and complement each other.
[312132]
From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. What Is a Man and a Woman?” 2/21/11

Related Material:
Point of Connection Between Husband and Wife
A Man and a Woman—Creator and Creation
Husband And Wife: Where Is The Creator Between Them?

Filed under: Man and Woman, Q&A, Spiritual Work - No Comments →

Question: How can young people keep their family together if by nature we can only take care of ourselves, and at the same time can live happily in a marriage only if we take care of our partner? How do I make these changes?

Answer: When you get married, you must understand that it is forever, as it is said: “Until death do us part.”

It can be in any case of life. Even if some of you do not like it or like it, you continue because children appear. You get married or get married forever, once for a lifetime.

If you initially know this, then it is not difficult. Mostly, you build your life in such a way that it interferes with you less.

I know many couples who work 20 hours a day and see each other a couple of months a year. That is, it does not matter. It is not that they dilute their lives with this, but they know that they still have an obligation forever.

Question: Man’s nature is to take care of himself, and a person should understand that by taking care of another, he will thereby make this marriage happy. How do these two points touch?

Answer: You need to think more about the other, and then you will see that it fills you. It is very simple really. When you think about someone else, you think about yourself less directly, but through another.

And at the same time, the world is arranged in such a way that everything fits well. It is amazing! I would just advise this formula to be well thought out.

Comment: That is, you have now proposed two simple but serious formulas. First, I am getting married and getting married forever. We are connected forever. And the second formula is I take care of the other, all the time.

Answer: In this way, I get rid of all the problems. Strange as it may seem.
[311509]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 2/14/22

Related Material:
Will The Family Institution Survive?
An Ideal Family In An Ideal Society
Within The Family There Is No Need For Heroics

Filed under: Man and Woman, News, Q&A - No Comments →

In the News (NY Post): “To thine own self, say ‘I do.’

“Indian woman Kshama Bindu, 24, plans to marry herself in what she believes could be the country’s first ever example of sologamy. …

“’I never wanted to get married. But I did want to become a bride. So I decided to marry myself,’ she told Times of India in June 2 report. Her solo affair is slated to be ordained on June 11.

“And while there won’t be a groom, the solo-bration will feature many Hindu nuptial customs including pheras (rounds) around a holy fire, wedding vows, and a vermillion bridal gown. …

“Kshama believes that she’ll be setting a marital milestone with her act of self-love. ‘Maybe I am the first to set an example of self-love in our country,’ the soon-to-be self wedded spouse told TOI.

“While her solo venture may seem sacrilegious, the trailblazing bride argues that ‘self-marriage is a commitment to be there for yourself and unconditional love for one-self’ — because no one can love her better than she can.

“’It is also an act of self-acceptance,’ the sologamist added. ‘People marry someone they love. I love myself and hence this wedding.’”

Question: What is it? What is it when all maternal and feminine instincts disappear somewhere?

Answer: It happens. It is one of the pathologies of the human psyche.

Question: Can it develop as a virus?

Answer: Everything can develop. See what pathological changes are taking place in the world. This is pathology.

Question: But can we look at this pathology in-depth, based on egoism? In principle, we carry out this self-marriage all the time. We are as though, with ourselves all the time, getting married or not.

Answer: There is no doubt that egoism exists and develops from generation to generation.

The fact that we do not want to get married can be understood despite the instinct, especially in women, because it is also associated with childbirth, upbringing, and so on. But, in principle, this is all changing. Today there are a lot of not only men but also women who do not want to burden themselves with any worries. We call it bonds.

This is the growth of egoism and nothing else.

Question: Why is this happening?

Answer: For people to understand that they really need to do something about this egoism. Because it robs us of even such small joys of our life as love, children, and family.

And in a healthy environment. Look at Japan, at other countries. It is amazing, remarkable, and even incomprehensible in some ways. They stop giving birth, buy some dolls or something instead, and that is it.

Question: So does this lead to us returning to a normal natural existence?

Answer: No. It leads us to develop and understand our essence, that we need some kind of communication and some kind of love, some kind of devotion, attachment to something, to someone, but we do not have that.

Question: Which means, when egoism in us finally kills the natural healthy states, we will only then open our eyes?

Answer: I do not think we will open our eyes. I do not think it will correct us. I do not see that people, after doing any insanely negative things, turn in the other direction and come to their denial and correction.

Question: On the contrary, do they justify this act, and in fact, the opposite is happening?

Answer: It is more possible. But usually, humanity rolls on. It will get worse and worse, more egoistic, until it reaches such an accumulation of negative energy of relationships, thoughts, properties, feelings, and so on that people will already explode from within themselves like an atomic bomb and will have to just like crazy, shovel the rubble of their egoism, just to get rid of it.

It will really be like an atomic bomb, but it will start to explode from within humanity. It takes internal negative energy to tear egoism.

Question: Is this the way?

Answer: A beautiful way.

Comment: The beautiful path is not of reason, but of suffering.

My Response: Yes. I see that after this, a bright time will finally come when people will understand and realize based on the manifestation of this huge egoistic force, that the period of love has come.

Question: And will they understand what love is?

Answer: Yes, it will manifest.

Question: What will they understand then? What is love?

Answer: This is not understood, it will just be felt that they should show only such an attitude to each other.

Not that they even should. What does it mean I have to, and I show? It just manifests itself. With our suffering, we will cause this inversion, the manifestation of love instead of hate.
[309775]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 6/16/22

Related Material:
Why Marry?!
What Distinguishes The Family Of The Future?
The Family Revolution

Filed under: Egoism, Man and Woman, News - No Comments →

Comment: Earlier you emphasized that only men can be engaged in connection. And now it is becoming the same for both men and women.

My Response: Yes, women are coming forward and starting to take an increasingly active part in all spheres of life.

Previously, a woman gave birth, cooked, cleaned, and served everyone and everything. And although she was treated with great respect, there was no question of any spiritual work. Even in prayer houses there was no place for them. This was introduced only 100 to 200 years ago.

And today everything is on equal footing. The world is moving toward the fact that women in all societies are becoming equal. And it is not just because we are so good but because this is the movement toward a global correction. There is no doubt that the female part is becoming more and more effective and necessary in our common work.

Therefore, I pay a lot of attention to them. These are serious desires, serious forces, and pressure on all men and the whole world.

Was it possible 200 years ago that a woman would become involved in politics? And today there are a lot of women in top positions in countries.

So, this is a global trend, because the world is growing. Egoism comes forward. A woman represents egoism, the desire to receive. Therefore, she is becoming more demanding and more independent.

There is a lot to respect women for. They are very consistent, very serious, and very meticulous. There is a certain limitation in their corrections, but this is not their limitation but the distribution of nature into two parts.

Therefore I regard women’s connection as a very big and serious matter.
[311556]
From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Women’s Congress” 1/9/13

Related Material:
A Woman of the 21st Century, Part 3
Success Depends On The Woman
Woman – A Mystery Of Nature

Filed under: Man and Woman, Spiritual Work, Women's Spirituality - No Comments →

Comment: You said that a strong sex drive remains in people during the entire long spiritual path.

My Response: Yes, but they treat it in a completely consumer-like way, just like food and everything else. Therefore, it is necessary to distinguish between sex and love, sex and affection, and sex and caring for a friend, lover, or partner. These are completely different feelings.

The sexual need arises naturally without any object of attention. At the age of 11 to 13 hormones begin to come to play in young people, and suddenly a person begins to love someone.

What does it mean to love someone? If there were no hormones, would he look at anyone? No. There is nothing else here except hormonal dependence on the opposite sex. Why add love here as well?

For a Kabbalist, love is something completely different: affection, family, duty, and just human love.

These are completely different things. That is, ordinary people have this confusion. Even in our system, we can see how much all this is being reassessed now.

Look at what is happening in modern society: divorces, people cannot live with each other. Do they require love? They cannot sort out the relationship between themselves, between sex and love, mutual dependence, friendship, and so on. Humanity always revolves around this and does not know what to do. The Kabbalist, however, has it all in its place.

Question: But a certain period passes and sexual attraction no longer interferes. The pleasure from it is kind of slowly annulled. Or not?

Answer: No, it is not annulled. It just becomes a real, ordinary pleasure. You do not give it some kind of idealized state, but treat it like a physiologist or a doctor.
[311385]
From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Sex”

Related Material:
Sex Is Important
The Art Of Love
The Most Exalted Pleasure In This World

Filed under: Man and Woman - No Comments →

Question: There are many couples in our Kabbalistic group who really want to build their relationships on a new level of connection. They work in their own groups and watch the program “New Life” about family life together.

They want to build the family of the future that you talk about all the time. How can they check that they are moving in the right direction? What is the family of the future?

Answer: It is when a husband and wife are very close companions to each other. They don’t impose themselves on each other. They understand that they have a long life.

Comment: Together.

My Response: Together is relatively together. Together is impossible. We must accept our mutual states so that they are not double-edged, so that they complement each other.

Where we feel that we are doing something pleasant, we get closer. Where we feel that there may be some problems, we move away. We behave selectively. And then we will be fine.

Question: But we do not run away? Is this what it means to build a family?

Answer: We don’t think about building all the time. We just feel where we can help the partner, and where it is not necessary to interfere.

Comment: And this, you say, is called “partners.”

My Response: Yes. This is the most important thing in marriage.

Question: And everything else: love…?

Answer: There is love between a mother and a child. And there is love between man and the Creator. There is no love between people. There is a possibility of creating a very kind, close, mutual connection, but it is still not love.

Love appears, manifests, is created, and is born where there is a connection from nature, from nature itself, like a mother with a child, and as a person arises with the Creator.

It is a natural connection. This can be called love. But just between a man and a woman, even if they understand the importance of each other and try to somehow complement each other, it is not love, it is still mates. And this is the family of the future.
[311336]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 2/14/22

Related Material:
The Shared Space In Which A Family Is Born
The Family Of The Future Is A Fusion Of Minds And Hearts
Love Is Paradise

Filed under: Man and Woman, News - No Comments →

Comment: The first social system was matriarchal. Women used to rule everything.

My Response: We started with the matriarchy, and we will finish with it.

Comment: But according to the law of nature, men in the chain of evolution, in receiving light, are closer to transmitting it to women.

My Response: So, what?! Who is the carrier of the matter of our world? It is the one that needs to be corrected and connected with the Creator? Women. The female part will really be the main one, and the male part will be the correcting one.

What is important to us: the tools with which they fix or what they fix? The desire is corrected. A woman in our world embodies universal desire. And with what is it corrected? With the help of men. It is corrected and that’s it. It can be put away.

Question: Let’s say we corrected this desire. What will the role of men be in the future?

Answer: None! All together are fully connected with the Creator. But it is thanks to the fact that the female part has been corrected.

Question: Why was the whole ancient culture based on the fact that a woman was at the head of society?

Answer: Because it is the basis of nature. Until egoism began to develop and man began to hunt for prey, everything concentrated around the woman.

It is the same with animals. The most important thing is the female part, it reproduces offspring and takes care of them. And the male took part in the creation of offspring and left.

Of course, there are isolated individuals who are connected to the family for life, or at least until the cubs grow up. And, in principle, everything is around the mother. She is the main force; she takes care of everything.
[311389]
From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Matriarchy Is Waiting for Us!” 9/1/13

Related Material:
Will a Woman Rule Over a Man?
A House Needs A Wise Woman
Men And Women: The Structure Of Humanity

Filed under: Man and Woman - No Comments →

Question: What should a couple write in a marriage contract so that it strengthens their bond, does not break it, and does not separate them?

Answer: It should be written in the marriage contract that in fact, no matter what happens between us we will always think about making the other feel good, that it cannot be that one wishes something bad for the other or would do something bad. This is the oath.

Question: What if I suddenly do wish bad for the other? What if this suddenly pops up in me?

Answer: This all needs immediate correction. That is, there are things that should be above our desires, above our egoistic calculations, and above everything else. Like say with children, no matter what happens, you still think about making them feel good.

That is all. And it is the same here.

Question: Should we just write this in the contract, this simple phrase?

Answer: Yes.
[311397]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 2/14/22

Related Material:
Marriage Contract Or Evolution Of Egoism
What Is A Prenuptial Agreement For?
The Foundation Of The Family

Filed under: Man and Woman, News - No Comments →

Question: In one of your clips there was a story about a lonely whale that exists in its own frequency and makes its own sounds. The others don’t see or hear him. He wanders all by himself.

Martha writes to you: “Tell me, what should I do? I am such a lonely whale. I am surrounded by a lot of people, but I am all alone. I really want to communicate with people, but I cannot find sincere contact, I am afraid of people. What should I do?”

Answer: Tune in to the fact that there are no sincere contacts. Exist the way you exist. It is not called being a lonely whale. The whale also does not exist alone, but among many, many others, similar to and including him. So are we.

Comment: But it was said that the whale wanders around alone, that none hear it or see it. Martha thinks she is the same.

My Response: So, what? What Is wrong with that? I do not feel like a lonely whale. I do my own thing, communicate with a certain number of people, and so on. That is, it is not loneliness.

Question: Not loneliness. And if she has this loneliness?

Answer: This is how she feels.

Question: If she writes: “I’m afraid of people”? How can she overcome such a problem if it is not at the medical level? Fear of people, fear of contacts, there are the people who do not want this connection; they are afraid of it. What should be the result of their efforts?

Answer: The result is that they eventually find company in which they feel free.

Question: But we need to look from easy to difficult, with whom can I? Do not force yourself.

Answer: No! But you can join some clubs and chat with one or two women or men there.

Question: Please explain why you insist on contact. Why not tell a person: “Well, just exist the way you are”?

Answer: But she is complaining!

Comment: She complains, that is right. “I really want to communicate with people, but I cannot find a sincere contact.”

My Response: Sincere! She herself is not ready for sincere contact.

Question: Is that what you feel?

Answer: Of course.

Question: What kind of contact is sincere for you? For her, it is clear to me that she is looking for something like this for herself.

Answer: For me, a sincere contact is to find a book that would capture me. That is all.

Question: In general, what would you call a sincere contact?

Answer: When they understand you. But that is hardly good either. At the same time, a person has very little of himself left. It is true, we do not really want to open up.

Question: Yes, we are closed, of course. So, after all, what is sincere contact?

Answer: I do not know. This is when you feel comfortable with a person. But with whom can you be constantly calm?

Comment: This is also a problem.

My Response: Of course.

Question: A real contact, what is it?

Answer: Real contact is obviously when you love a person and want to make him feel good all the time.

Comment: You took it and suddenly turned everything around just like that. Instead of being good for me, you say: “So that it would be good for the other. And this is called contact.”

My Response: Yes when I feel that I want it to be good for him, create a pleasant atmosphere for him, a feeling.

Question: And if we are talking about the upper, about the Creator, what is a real contact?

Answer: This is already an equivalence of form. This is so that I can affect the Creator in the same way that He affects me. To do this, I need to change my nature, which, by the way, He made for me. So, I must ask Him to change it. This request is the contact.

Question: Can such a request be sincere?

Answer: Partly, until I really ask sincerely.
[311084]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 3/23/23

Related Material:
Loneliness Is Unhealthy
Life Without Friends Is Dangerous
“Alone Is Not Always Lonely” (Medium)

Filed under: Laitman Unplugged, Man and Woman, News - No Comments →

Question: An elderly couple that lived together for more than fifty years was asked how they managed to live together for so long? They answered that it must be because they were born and raised in the times when you fixed what was broken and did not throw them away.

Basically we are throwing away broken things today. Replacements come—no problem. If the relationship is completely broken, how can you fix it? People write to you all the time, and you insist on holding on to the end. But how do you hold on when everything has been broken and there is nothing left?

Answer: Have you lived together? Do you have children? Have your children given birth to grandchildren?

So you have to stay glued together somehow. For the sake of the children and grandchildren because they are your descendants, your consequence. Therefore, you must stay together for their sake. If only officially; it doesn’t matter how.

It means that you can live officially together. For them, you are together. You create this theater for grandchildren and children.

Question: And what does it give? Why are you so insistent on this?

Answer: This is called “family.”

Question: So family is grandchildren, children, and their parents? Is this a family?

Answer: Yes. All those alive and united with each other after all.

Question: Is there a root to this?

Answer: We have to keep this structure. It doesn’t matter whether you like it or not.

Comment: So this remains, even if it breaks me; if everything is already broken and I cannot tolerate the other…

Answer: Don’t pay attention. What’s the difference? What does “breaks” mean? You go on with your life, your wife goes on with her life, the children have their lives, the grandchildren have their lives, and so on. But you’re not breaking anything.

Question: So in a bad relationship, your advice is to act?

Answer: In any condition. You don’t even have to act; just don’t separate officially, don’t get divorced.

Comment: You are now obliging a person: “This is how you must live.”

Answer: If you are aimed at the family existing and at your descendants living within this framework, then you can uphold it. I think we must maintain this connection.

Question: What do you base this on? That this is a bad example for children and grandchildren? Now we are talking about elderly couples. Suddenly they decide to divorce, or suddenly they are in a bad relationship. Should they stick to it because it’s a bad example for children and grandchildren, and it may continue on?

Answer: That too. People should know that if they get married and have children, they should live, in a way, for the sake of the children.
[311045]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 3/23/23

Related Material:
How Can We Keep The Family United?
In Favor Of Keeping The Family Together
How Can We Strengthen The Nuclear Family?

Filed under: Children, Education, Man and Woman, News - No Comments →