Question: We know that motherhood leads to a great change in a woman’s life. What exactly changes in her? What does she have to give up? What new process takes place in a woman when she becomes a mother and what does she have to prepare for?

Answer: A woman who becomes a mother gradually moves from the level of an individual person to a level of a system, which she enters. If previously she felt that she was an individual and not connected to anyone except her home, her parents, and her husband, she feels that she becomes dependent the moment she has a baby; she becomes connected and even captivated by her baby, who is now by her side, obliging her, tying her down, absorbing all her attention, and enslaving her to such an extent that there is nothing more important in the world for her than caring for him.

When I stroll in the park, I see young women sitting on benches with baby carriages speaking to one another. Each one is constantly looking at her baby while speaking to the others: “Perhaps he needs something or perhaps I can do something for him.” This goes on continuously. The baby doesn’t need that much attention, but her motherly nature obliges her to constantly care for him.

Imagine what would happen if we had to post a policeman next to every mother to make sure that she didn’t leave her baby alone. It would be impossible.

But the natural force that awakens in a woman after she gives birth is a great force. It is a force that spurs and gives birth to life. There is no more powerful force that creates dependence, love, connection, and care other than the force that is born in a woman who becomes a mother. It gradually grows weaker later on and takes on other forms because a mother can have more children and has to pay attention to all of them.

Still of all human desires, the dependence of the baby on her and her care for him is above everything else by far. It is because of all the other desires for food, sex, family, wealth, and respect, the desire to care for her baby, to be connected to him, precedes all the other desires and is more important than them all.

I emphasize this because in order to bring humanity to a state of harmony with nature and on which the positive advancement of humanity depends to reach a bright future, we have to use this force. It is because it is natural and we don’t have to look for anything artificial.

We only need one thing: to bring mothers together and explain to them in a simple and convincing manner that the integral method we recommend to the world is the best thing and is the only way that can promise their children a good, safe, and healthy future.

We should explain to every mother, for the good of her child, what the system of connections we have to establish in society, what we all have to prepare so that her baby will have a wonderful world to grow and develop in as every mother dreams of.

We don’t need to convince them any other way other than to simply explain to every mother what will create the best world for her baby and what we have to do so that her baby will have the right environment. We will not need to do anything else.
[147050]
From the program “A New Life” 5/15/14

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In general, nature obligates us to have extended connections in order to form stable environments for a person that will accompany him throughout his whole life, regardless of the processes and situations that he experiences.

However, even though we understand the original specifications of nature, we also see our defects that make it impossible to withstand the demands of nature and don’t permit the building of a normal life, even in merely physiological terms.

As far as it seems, this requires work from our side, hard work that is not easy that is inherent only in human freedom of choice. And the freedom of thought, word, and deed, which makes it possible to construct an independent life, is particularly expressed in the right approach regarding family. Accordingly, we must fulfill what is not activated within us instinctively through our nature.

I must be loyal to family, loyal to the nurturing and education of children until they are able to stand on their own and begin to establish their own families. And according to Jewish tradition, even though a person reaches adulthood at the age of thirteen and truly becomes an adult and independent at the age of twenty, even this is relative. Until then, nature obligates us to take care of him.

Nowadays it is difficult for people to sustain a family for such a long period of time. This again testifies to the crisis we are found in.

Fifty or sixty years ago, divorces seemed like a big disaster. People discussed such cases as something surprising and not understandable, as something exceptional. So as long as there was no social agreement about this issue, divorces were not easy and acceptable. People became divorced in very rare cases. Today it is difficult even to imagine what would have to happen for people to be ready for this type of situation.

However, in the last half century, the situation has changed dramatically. Now most couples get divorced, people get married a few times and raise children from different marriages. This no longer surprises anyone. Women sometimes prefer to have children without a husband and generally don’t want to marry.

When I appear before an audience, I sometimes ask an audience of 2,000 to 3,000, “How many single people are there present in this hall?” In this way they become aware that up to 80% of the participants are not in a familial relationship. And this is about people between the ages of 30-40 on average.

After that I ask: “Who among you is ready to get married?” Then most of those who respond positively are men, not women, which confirms that this is true. Somewhere inside, women don’t feel a need for family and children. Maybe something lacking is somehow burdensome to them, but to decide to marry and begin to create familial relationships, to feel involved and committed, is so difficult for our growing ego that they prefer to remain single.

They can take care of themselves relatively easily. They can provide themselves with all the necessities. Especially in our day, women often work better than men. In addition, they know how to manage home economics. Even though they are busy, they remain sufficiently free of all kinds of obligations and are open to the opportunities that the modern world offers.

On the other hand, it is not so easy for men. They lack the feminine care, they feel a bit more “suspended in air” than women, and often they are not prepared to take care of themselves. However, they also see family as a burden, a heavy yoke. If it were possible, modern man would prefer his mother over his wife. Family and children with all of their implications are not for him.
[143828]
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/22/14

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There is nothing stronger than the connection between a man and a woman who have become close to one another. From childhood, each of us dreams of finding love, of being loved, and of being embraced by warmth on all sides. We look for this motherly tenderness all our life.

It makes no difference who you are and what you are and whether you are young or old, naive or experienced, married or single, the need for a relationship is common to all of us. The role of love and its influence is greater than anything else. Problems in the family are expressed at work, in our health, and in other aspects of our lives. There is nothing stronger than this connection, or the desire for it when it collapses. All our life revolves around love.

Let’s first draw away from the details and try to look at it from a distance, from a bird’s eye view.

By nature a person has to be part of an environment. Our global environment is the earth where we live and the physical conditions of the environment. All this enables us to grow and develop.

Our life begins from a tiny seed in the mother’s womb. Here in the safest place nature has prepared for man, he has total support. He doesn’t have to do anything and all the necessary systems operate on him.

After he is born, the baby reaches the loving arms of his parents and relatives who take care of him. Being helpless, he totally depends on them. Thus love continues its role from nature’s protection to the protection of his family.

Gradually he grows and learns to walk, as if wrapped in a coat of general concern that is based on the laws of the world and of human society. As he grows, he receives special warmhearted treatment.

As he grows, he needs an even stronger and more reliable environment. After all, he encounters new problems. It seems that he has become free and independent, as if he doesn’t need anyone, and doesn’t depend on anyone, but in fact it is not so. It isn’t by chance that our ancestors said that after a man leaves the home of his parents, he has to stick to his wife, which means to have a family so that the relations in it will be strong and enduring in order to take care of his offspring.

Nature has imprinted different patterns of behavior in different animals: Some connect randomly and the female takes care of the offspring, while others raise their offspring together. At the same time, we humans are obliged to keep the connection between a couple for many years in order to raise independent children, at least for the first twenty years of their life until they have their own families.

Thus our connection and our relationships have to be long term by nature and we have to work on building the continuation of the motherly womb in the form of a crib, a kindergarten, school, a home, and a family.

We have to create all this for our children ourselves so we need a good, reliable, and versatile connection that will allow a couple and their relatives to complement one another. Then by uniting, they create the right environment for the new family and the babies that are born into it.
[143822]
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/22/14

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It is impossible to ignore the hidden underpinnings for modern trends, the ideological component of the great human evil that refuses to return to the right course of nature. The world leaders do not need families or procreation. They are not interested in population growth and don’t need billions of “extra” people.

Thus, the policy of restricting the world population in the next generation is being implemented. The elites around the world don’t see the decline in world population as a problem, even if it is cut by 50 percent or even by 80 to 90 percent. The ten percent that are left will be enough to provide everything they need to live.The human ego is ready to disintegrate the institution of marriage, and they are leading us to that by the media, education, culture, and so on. These methods are successful in widely disseminating a new world order.

Therefore, it is not surprising that we will encounter strong opposition if we begin to talk about the correction of man, starting with the reconstruction of the family, including its role in procreation. Many will try to stop us.

Still, I hope that the hostile approach that has led to a disrespectful attitude toward the family and everything it involves is a passing phenomenon. After all, the growing crisis also hurts the elites that actually manage this trend behind the scenes. Then, they will feel that they must change their approach.

Today, they find it beneficial to support this trend so that there will be as few families as possible and as few children as possible, so that the world population will be decreased as soon as possible. However, with time, when the crisis reaches them, it will make them see things differently.If we speak about the state of Israel, however, nothing stands in our way here. There are no obstacles and no open negative attitude. Of course, we must act where we are given the chance.

It is with regard to this issue that we will face no resistance. Part of the nation believes in family values that stem from habits or a traditional approach. We remember and appreciate our parent’s home where all the relatives would gather under the same roof. We remember the neighborhood, our childhood friends, and all this is a good basis for this matter.

We must rehabilitate that tradition, which has not as yet been forgotten, and make it again a part of our culture. Use it in art and bring the concept of the family back to life. I suppose that it must be a kind of a national mission that leads to a variety of ways to support it, whether in art, movies, books or stories that emphasize the value of togetherness, love, and good parenting. We must show people the beauty in family relations that provide everyone with strong support. We must present this question assertively to the government that doesn’t offer enough support to young couples with regard to housing, maternity leave, day care, financial benefits, and so on. This issue must become a matter of national concern and should be regarded as a general national problem. We must encourage every man and woman to take on this mission.

We must bring examples of successful couples and produce TV programs that raise the subject and provide information on this issue. We should open clubs where parents and children can spend time together and encourage them to spend the weekend out in nature. It is especially important to help mothers on whom most of the burden of taking care of young children falls during the first years.

Society, the state, and the government must see the issue of general support as a national project, taking into account all the implications it may have. Thus, we will set a fine example for the entire world where the opposite trend is now evident.

I don’t only see the correction of the family in that, but the correction of the entire world. After all, we can implement good family relations through which we will teach young people in every aspect in life. The embryo is surrounded by his mother. The baby lies in a crib. The toddler is surrounded by relatives. The young child also has the supportive environment of kindergarten and school. Thus, a young couple should be surrounded by a supportive atmosphere that empowers them and assists them with dedicated care, even more than during childhood. After all, this is a difficult situation, and every family has its own particular problems.

First, we must establish a special environment by educating and taking care of young people and young couples. If we don’t follow this direction, the situation will continue to deteriorate until there will be so few people left that we will not be able to sustain the nation and keep the connection between them.

In other words, the issue of the family is a matter of great concern with regard to the state’s security, so we shouldn’t adopt the new global trends regarding this issue. We must understand that we are in a special situation, so indifference, disrespect, and intentional acts of destruction on the government’s part are simply unacceptable and a very dangerous situation.
[144281]
From the program “A New Life” 7/22/14

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In the News (from The Telegraph): “Open University study finds that when people were asked to rate the quality of their relationship those without children emerged as happier overall.

“For centuries, having children has been held up by many as the ultimate source of fulfillment and meaning in life.

“However, according to one of the biggest studies ever conducted into Britain’s relationships, childless couples have happier marriages.

“The project has found that people without children are more satisfied with their relationships and more likely to feel valued by their partner than couples with children.

“The study, by the Open University, involved interviews and surveys with more than 5,000 people of all ages, statuses and sexual orientations.

“When people were asked to rate the quality of their relationship those without children emerged as happier overall.

“For both men and women, those who did not have children ranked the quality of their relationship more highly than those who did. They also did significantly more to ‘maintain’ their relationship, such as taking time to go out together or talk, than those with children.

“Yet, when asked to rate how happy they were with their lives in general there was a gender divide. Mothers were happier overall than any other group, while childless women were the least happy. By contrast men with children emerged slightly less happy than those without.”

My Comment: Never before have people contemplated the necessity of marriage and offspring. This has always been taken for granted. Increased egoism triggered a critical attitude to the institution of family, marriage, and procreation. Now we are in a transition period and it is not possible to solve anything

But soon we will sober up and make the necessary decisions as the blows of life force us to rise above our egoism, to begin to look above it, and into the meaning of our existence.

Of course, for our kind of existence today, it is really not worth living. But it is worthwhile to live for the sake of the revelation of the Creator and eternal life that is perfect, even in this lifetime.
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Opinion (Leonid Maltsev, family psychologist): “Psychological unpreparedness for parenthood is a result of a distorted picture of marriage. People who grew up in dysfunctional families might have it because a decisive role in shaping the image of the family belongs to the mother and father. A person subconsciously perceives a model of parental family as an example.

“That’s why family pathologies (infidelity, divorce, abortion, single parenthood) often do not allow grown children to create a harmonious family. They are afraid to repeat parents’ mistakes; they did not see relevant examples in their environment and have been victims of social stereotypes.

“Many modern men are not in a hurry to acquire offspring because they are sure that children: are a burden, a hindrance to careers, and an obstacle on the road to success. The fear to look like a loser in the eyes of society is the result of an aggressive anti-family and anti-child propaganda, waged in recent decades.”

My Comment: Integral education in conjunction with the all its programs and infrastructure will deliver us from all these phobias and calculations. Population demographics will then be established by natural growth.
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Question: Why is the power of connection very successful sometimes and sometimes not? For example, in the United States, the unity of many states led to the creation of a very strong nation, whereas unity in Europe didn’t bring success.

Answer: In Europe the destructive power of Babylon, the confusion and mixture of various languages, is active.

Question: How can we be sure that the power of connection that we are creating will not make the situation worse?

Answer: This depends upon whether we are in a period in which it is possible to freely disseminate the wisdom of Kabbalah and the knowledge about the correction of the world . Have we reached this time or not? For us this question does not exist because  this was written by a great Kabbalist.

Question: Has the whole world, in all of its strata, in all of its forms, already become ripe for accepting this method and realizing it effectively?

Answer: The world is ready to the extent it feels the crisis: either in children’s education, in the family, in unemployment and in work, in social relationships, or the general economic crisis.

Question: The crisis in Europe has already been felt and they are trying to stop it. These attempts have already continued for a number of years but without any success.

Answer: They will never be ready to do it themselves. Somehow it seems to us that if we wait, then people will be able to get the correct knowledge from their lives and suddenly become wiser, receive the desire, and understand it themselves. But this will never happen. They won’t understand anything by themselves.

From their receiving a few more blows, they will not become better and wiser; on the contrary, they will be more stubborn and worse off. Only through our joint activities with them and through our method will it be possible to correct the situation.
[136880]
From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/08/14, Writings of Baal HaSulam

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Question: Without a doubt many couples think that they are conceding to each other, without understanding that they are not doing this for another person but for themselves so that they will be left alone in peace. So what concessions should be made?

Answer: True concession is when I rein myself in, even though at that time I am ready to explode because I think I am right, but I begin to react to my partner according to how he or she would want me to respond. This means I am “clothed” in the other person.

This system should be developed and necessarily requires the support of the environment. Married couples must talk about these situations all the time and practice them in order to reach a state where habit becomes second nature.

Suppose the house is a mess. Why should you scold each other and say something superfluous? Go immediately to common ground, which is reciprocal and good. Begin to hug and kiss in the middle of this mess.

The main thing is that you should feel well. For with a feeling of happiness and love, you won’t even want to change anything and you will live in serenity all your life in the middle of this mess.

Sometimes you go into some apartment and everything is clean and spotless, but there is no warmth. Whereas at home, with you, there is warmth from an atmosphere of love, reciprocity, and  inner contact.

In a Japanese couplet it is written: “The child dies; how cold it will be at home; there is no longer someone who will pierce a hole in the window paper.” This means that as long as the child played pranks, warmth prevailed at home. Now the child is no more, and it will be cold.

That is how it is here also. Everything depends upon the feeling. This is the main thing to be done.
[136851]
From the program “A New Life” 5/28/2014

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Question: The family influences every aspect of a person’s life. If a person has a problem in the family, he cannot actively participate in the group or in any kind of work. The more we advance, the more we understand that without the group’s support it is practically impossible to hold on in the framework of the family. How can we establish an environment that will support a person in that respect?

Answer: A family is just like the group. Otherwise it could not exist in this world.

But today there is a crisis in the family and everyone is getting divorced and no one wants to live a normal life. Everyone understands that the traditional family doesn’t exist anymore, which means that a new type of family should emerge.

In the future, people will live with one another partly for the sake of the children, for the common property, but mainly for the idea. If I feel that I advance and my wife advances too, since our goal is above all the daily corporeal differences between us, our family will stand the test of time.

I believe that a person should raise himself to this level when he chooses a partner for life according to this idea.

My teacher, Rabash, used to say that from a physical perspective, it is enough that two young people like each other and the appearance of one doesn’t repel the other and that’s all. Everything else is meaningless since they are spiritual partners.

In order to achieve this, we have to develop the group this way, so that women take part in it, disseminate, and are incorporated into meals and into all group matters.

We should pay attention to them and treat them like partners, so they will feel how important they are and will feel that they benefit from this kind of life and from their participation in it.

By the way, a woman can incorporate into everything very easily, especially if she participates in it with her husband and they share views rather than just physical aspects.

We should pay attention and engage in this. Otherwise, there will be a divorces and the formation of new families. We have no other choice. Even if we had a choice, we would still have to include women in dissemination and in our collective life. Respect them, pay attention to them, and give them a place.
[134116]
From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/24/14, Questions and Answers with Dr. Laitman

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Opinion (Olga Makhovskaya, PhD, Institute of Psychology of the Russian Academy of Sciences, fellow of the international scientific programs in Russia, USA and France, bestselling author for parents): “Despite the fact that formally the standard of living grows, its quality is not increased. Such ‘orphan’ regulation, which provides that that the child is nourished and has clothes, remains the main reference. From the point of view of psychology, it is the minimum task. A child becomes primarily an expense.

“Therefore, many children grow up with an orphan complex, emotionally hungry. Childhood itself became longer. Giving birth to children, we think that the main thing is to bring them to 18 years. But now adolescence is delayed until 25-27 years. The emancipation of children now is provoked mainly by parents – we start to ‘push them out’ of the nest …

My Comment: Previously, the family was a “natural” environment, with grandparents, games in the yard, hiking, and closeness to nature. In the 20^th century, we broke away from nature and family. In the 21^st century, we are confused and have lost our landmarks.

After all, the family is something very natural, as if formed by itself. It is necessary to build a new format of the family and society on a new level where everything is built from the union with and similarity to nature.
[134041]

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