I only want to add something important to what I said about building successful family relationships. It won’t work if you try to implement these methods in certain individual cases.

We may work with many couples, and it will seem to us that we managed to teach them the integral method. But they won’t achieve anything with its help. They won’t have enough patience for it, and the society doesn’t support this. We are not built in the way that helps us implement it. For this, one has to become a true expert on building such system of relationships and devote himself exclusively to this.

We will be able to teach people to create such inner family relationship only in the framework of correction of the entire society where we will build similar relationships as well. That is, this is inseparably linked with integral education.

In an ideal family relationship a couple is connected in such a way that we complete each other, giving to each other pleasure which one cannot achieve alone. And I can’t receive it from anybody else because I feel that it has to do with the inner world of a person next to or in front of me.

We are in union (Zivug) both in the heart and soul, which refers to the innermost mutual penetration, thanks to which we get incorporated into each other.

And this is taking place because inside our connection we feel general influence of the environment that is connected with the same ties as well. Two of us become one whole, and we feel that namely through the connection between us we will be able to connect with a greater society, reaching adhesion (Zivug) with them, and to receive from them a great addition: a feeling of harmony with society.

In this way, we receive a big addition, even if compared with a romantic idyll in the family. But by acting as a couple, as a single family unit in relation to society, we receive billion times more sensations.

Love between us grows many times if it corresponds to the general love that dwells in the society in which we live. Today, we can create a right family only for this purpose, otherwise not. And thus, I repeat: It’s impossible to receive this without integral education.

And this will benefit society at large, which will start feeling love within itself as well, love that raises us to a completely different level. Inside a small family one can attribute it to psychological effect, physical sensation. But if we receive such love in the entire society, we ascend to a completely new level of life.

Question: Can love between us two kindle love in the entire society?

Answer: No, we have to simultaneously develop both. One love supports the other, and they can’t exist without one another. Thus, if we try to implement this method only within the family, we won’t succeed.

Love demands mutual support between family and society. And apparently, this is so on purpose—a great lack of good family relationships that we feel today will force us to establish good relations in society.
[133241]
From a TV Program “A New Life” No. 196, 06/09/2013

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Question: Often, frustration and depression is caused by a deep distinct fear of being alone in this world deprived of connection with loved ones. In other words, there is strong basis, foundation, on which to build family relationships.

Irrespective of the fact that we may not need each other as before, the obvious decline of family traditions, the availability of sexual partners, doors that used to be locked in the past are now widely open, and in spite of the fact that family partners have significantly less in common these days, there still remains something intrinsic in us: a primordial, existential fear of loneliness that many experience today.

Answer: And yet, people are less likely to find an answer to this fear in marriage. Mutual reliance and mutual support are not associated with a contemporary family anymore. The fear is there, but the solutions are not yet visible.

By all means, it’s better to be together with someone rather than stay alone. People with a lot of “baggage” feel that their partners depend on them; they understand that they are responsible for them at least due to habits that were built in the past. We are just people.

However, at the same time, I don’t think that the fear of being alone keeps people within a good, faithful family. This “theory” doesn’t need to be proved by contradiction, nor can it be solved by hiding from the negative downsides. All we really need is to be positive.

Question: Psychology states that we don’t become attached to anyone merely because of fear; rather, we are seeking deeper internal bonding, unity. Yet there is no doubt that many people are driven by fear. This is where the process begins, although it’s quite obvious that the correct connection does not come from it. On the contrary, fear gives rise to other phenomena, often stopping us from breaking connections that were inherently flawed.

Let’s speak about a situation when people strive to establish relationships, but don’t know what to do. The question is: Where to start?

Typically various methods offer people means of self-exploration that let them get acquainted with their nature: “What portion of myself can I devote to connect with my partner?” After asking this question, one makes a “list”: “What do I expect from my partner and from our common life?” Then, when one understands what one wants and expects, it can be configured for a particular kind of relationship. This exercise is very common these days. Is it correct?

Answer: I assume, that it is popular not only today. It was always this way: People calculated their input and the contribution made by their partners into their common life. Matchmakers of all kinds always communicated this way and helped young people and their parents “make good deals.” In fact, it was all about business. Both spouses-to-be were egoists and had to soberly justify whether it’s worth living together. Their feelings towards each other were just one of many components in this formula. Their emotions had a “purchasing power” and were included into a general equation.

Is this approach correct? I don’t think so. Of course, it worked for some time, but we have changed dramatically. We are not exactly sure what we want today, and especially do not know what we will want tomorrow. Besides, our psychology is largely perverted by a huge external effect that pushes us from side to side with artificial restrictions and permissions, imaginary benefits and losses.

Each “fad,” each “change of season” completely alters us from the outside in addition to all internal changes that we undergo. That’s why our calculation of benefits and disadvantages of our potential future family life might be wrong. Only if we set a higher value as a goal and agree to a certain challenge, to an objective that elevates us above the disruptions that happen both in the society and within us, only then will the society and its cells, the young couples not only survive, but will flourish.
[119263]
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 9/6/13

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In the News (from FBII.org): “U.S. researchers learn the rapid devaluation of family values in the United States. The traditional relationships between a man and a woman, when love leads to marriage, reach back. Today, four out of ten Americans believe the marriage institution is obsolete. Scientists find it difficult to justify the current situation, however, they confirm that the American Society tend to disunity.

“Young Americans often delay marriage. This is a typical trend of many racial and ethnic groups in the U.S., even Asians, who had before the highest marriage rates.

“The divorce is common thing in modern America. The ‘separate habitation’ is customary for the generations born in the second half of the twentieth century. Percentage of divorced and estranged, who broke off the relationship, is much higher than the percentage of widowed. It’s typical for all age groups, both men and women. Most divorced and estranged are among 50-54-year-old men (17%) and women (21%).

“The same survey showed that the remarriage isn’t preferred by most Americans. Only 29% of divorced would like to marry again. Among the widowed this rate is even lower – 8%.

“According to studies, the family disintegration has no links with the Great Recession of 2008-2009.

“As a result, the total fertility rate (average number of births per woman of childbearing age from 15 to 49 years) dropped to the reproduction level (replacement rate) – 2.1, and at the end of the 2000s, during the recession – to 1.9.”

“In addition, the share of children born out of wedlock has increased during the 50 years up to 8 times – from 5.3% in 1960 to 41% in 2010. The highest rate of illegitimate births is among the youngest mothers: 86% of infants in 2011 born by mothers aged 15-19, 62% of infants – by mothers aged 20-24 years.

“A record 8% of households with minor children in the United States are headed by a single father, up from just over 1% in 1960, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of Decennial Census and American Community Survey data. … Men make up a growing share of single parent householders.

“As we can see, the American family values face serious hardships, that change the society structure and social consciousness. Hardly surprising, almost half – 45% – of Americans, mostly young people, approve the Supreme Court’s voting rights decision over the gay and hetero equalization. The straights represent the minority – 40%.

“The American family future causes alarm, given that the traditional union between a man and a woman, who plan ahead and have many children, likely can be classified by future generations as a jest.”

My Comment: The values of all aspects of the traditional society are being re-examined, and it will lead to a completely unusual conclusion: readiness to accept a new type of family relationships, proposed by integral education. It’s when marriage is based not on a sexual desire, which has already proved to be ineffective, but on the ultimate life goal: unity with the Creator and the possibility of achieving it with a particular partner.
[116393] 

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Question: You said that with the help of the mind it is possible to awaken emotion and emotion awakens the power of love. After I heard this, I felt a happiness that remained with me all day. Towards the evening I was not tired even though I worked until it was late.

More than that, in the place where I teach, the spirit of love and happiness also passed to the students. Within an hour they were “stuck” to my feeling. And in general, everyone I was in contact with that day absorbed this spirit. And so I paid attention that a clear link exists between love and happiness. What is that link?

Answer: Happiness is collateral and proof that you are found in the good right spirit. Certainly it is possible to feel this even while carrying out crimes, but if it comes as a result of a good deed, it concludes and proves that the deed has been done in the right way.

Question: With the supposition that the mind makes it possible to awaken the power of love, is it prepared to awaken longing in us?

Answer: Everything depends specifically on the mind, on the brain. Everything is found in the head. We come into the world like “little wild animals” and begin to adopt values after that from the environment, from parents, kindergarten, school, television, the Internet and additional outside forces. All the values that are crystallized later establish all my happiness and disappointment.

Ultimately everything is artificial, everything is according to discernments that we acquire from outside. In the beginning the discernments were mental, but after that with the influence of the environment they become a measuring rod according to which I evaluate my condition; and as a result I am happy or sad. If I adapt to the environmental measuring rod, it is pleasant for me, and if not, I become sad.

So everything in me is constructed according to the mind, which combines with the first unprejudiced comprehension of the infant and an inner picture is molded from it that makes self-assessment possible, bad or good. I have nothing fundamental or basic of my own, rather everything depends upon the opinion of the environment. Therefore isolated people who live somewhere in a forest, who compared to us lack everything, can be happy about life, since according to their measuring rod they have everything they need. For us this would be a bitter fate; whereas they are happy with their lot.

Here is hidden the key to happiness.

Question: The force of attraction between couples that appears spontaneously begins to fade with time…

Answer: Right, the initial enthusiasm doesn’t last long. According to the data of biologists, the hormone secretion lasts up to three years. Incidentally, we can take hormones artificially and “light the fire” through this. This is possible. But the natural enthusiasm is for three years at the most. They say that this is the amount of time that would be enough for a man to support a woman before birth and during two years of breastfeeding. In other words, nature no longer links a father to a mother and to a child.

It is clear that in our time, as a result of various external influences, conditions have changed. But there is a basis in human biology.

And so, in the beginning, there is a hormonal character to our passion and later we can renew it with the help of mutual mental work that makes it possible to give shape to a feeling about the partner.

But first of all we must clarify why the natural attraction is weakened. It could be that this is about physical problems, even though these are isolated cases.

I would suppose that there are psychological problems with 90% of couples. And here a game solves everything. For if this is already talking about psychology, then everything is in our hands, we can solve these problems. It is clear that we need to maintain sexual intercourse between the partners and it is necessary to excite them because this gives them a feeling of connection. This is because without such a system of relationships, the family would not exist for long in its true form nor as an official connection. Without physical contact there is no feeling of intimacy, sharing, or family unit. That is how we build it. And therefore we are obliged to strive for sexual intercourse on a regular basis, a commitment to the partner which the two partners accept upon themselves.

Question: What if the partners don’t want this?

Answer: Then we need to help them so they will want it. Sexual intercourse is imperative as long as this is possible. And adult couples can sit and embrace each other. In the life of the family as much physical contact as possible is imperative, since nobody can cancel the laws of nature.

Question: So what is there to do if someone has lost a partner?

Answer: I repeat, this is talking about a mental game and nothing else. With the right help it is possible for a person to acquire new preferences and he would begin to be attracted to blondes or brunettes, thin or heavy. All this is imposed from the outside. So why would it be impossible to force him to be attracted to his wife, to see her in a different light? For if physical contact with her brings renewal, then the connection between them will not end.

Our problem is that every area in life that we don’t renew becomes a routine. This happens in all areas. Only children satisfy us all the time with something new, and it is specifically for this reason that we continue to love them. If they did not grow we would leave everything that has to do with them. But they grow, stimulating us all the time; they awaken the child in every one of us all the time and don’t let us rest.

So in relationships between partners we also lack play; therefore, we lose interest in each other and look at each other like an object or furniture. So what is there to do?  Internally replace the “furniture.”

We must understand human psychology here. Essentially how can we become new for each other?  How is it possible to enchant the partner again?  In many Eastern cultures we see similar examples, the woman dances before the man and together they play music and after that sit and eat delicacies…

Similar methods were accepted in previous generations. But today the new technologies, the backbreaking labor and the increasing pace of life, empty them of content. We are so superficial that it is a wonder that the institution of the family still exists. It is amazing that some people can still maintain a family structure without renewal, without hormonal attractions, without hope for a new source of life, a new pleasure… due to the ego that grew for thousands of years, many already don’t feel any need for family; all that is left is external pressure.

Question: So how do we discover something new in the partner? After all, he is still the same person.

Answer: We already gave a prescription for this; it is necessary to renew relationships between us all the time, to put new life into the love and devotion, to go towards concession and closeness. Then the new portions of ego will push us with new steps towards one another all the time.

If we work above the ego, then there will be renewal all the time. For each one will bow his head and concede his territory, making it possible for the other to enter it. Each one wants his partner to enter, penetrate into him more and more with a connection between them. We want to be like two intertwined natures.

And then we will truly experience permanent renewal. Our ego will change all the time and grow, various disturbances will enter and we will need to work above these disturbances. This will be like a game; it is necessary to find a solution for helping each other all the time. The ego distances us from each other all the time, it returns to its corner, and we again want to come close with force and maintain the connection. We awaken conflicts and desire all the time, flirting between changes of state, rejected again and approaching again. And all these inner changes renew all of the relationships between us including sexual intercourse. Every time that we succeed in approaching each other, we also want carnal coupling as a result of the connection that we have attained.

Sometimes it happens that subconsciously we awaken some familial conflict and after that when we have completed this with each other we go to the bedroom. An additional example is with lions, it is difficult for them to mate in a natural way, so it is as if they fight and after this they complete each other. And so in order to arouse passion we must be “a helpmate against,” the opposing force. Otherwise we don’t succeed. These are the general rules of the game that run everything. It is always up to me to awaken a negative force in order to emphasize the positive cause. You see all of nature is the evil inclination and there is no positive force in it. Therefore so that in spite of all this we will maintain connection, we need to take advantage of specifically stimulating the evil, the “helpmate against.”

Question: Let’s take an average couple with standard problems and many familial disputes. In addition to this, one partner is no longer attracted to the other. And through the integral method they enter into a process where they are approaching each other. How will this flow?

Answer: The partners will overcome the fights and will even utilize them. The shared new work arouses new disputes between them, but now they control their lack of understanding, they understand what is happening to them and that is how everything should be. In this kind of form the process is under their control and they create a “common territory” above their arguments. In that territory they feel their mutual opposition because they belong to two different sexes, and simultaneously they are connected in one structure, in one system. This causes mutual attraction, including physical coupling.

More than this, within the renewed mutual connection, I will receive much greater pleasure.

Both human pleasure and spiritual pleasure will be added to the physical pleasure, and these are weighty additions. With the connection between bodies we suddenly feel something greater, a greater and greater higher pleasure that appears and erupts, a more acute pleasure that seemed to disappear but burns inside like a spark of upper Light that sparks within the coupling between us… for we have reached this with the help of mutual concessions for the sake of the unity on the level of the “Adam – man,” and we only want to add the physical component to it to complete the picture.

Question: So why in regular life don’t arguments create attraction like this?

Answer: Since the couple doesn’t carry out the second half of the work, this doesn’t compensate for the arguments between them, and so the arguments extinguish desire. To say the least, how can I enjoy my partner if I am not attracted to him?

Therefore if a couple doesn’t behave wisely and the arguments between them extinguish the sexual attraction, this arouses greater and greater separation; ultimately this is liable to lead to divorce. And the opposite, the “right reaction” makes it possible to use the “fuel” of the arguments to hold on to mutual passion, including sexual passion. The evil inclination was designed only so that it would be transformed to good. That is how we are built. So come, let’s be wise and use the opportunities that are given to us.

Question: If a quarrel develops between us, how can it be used correctly? How is it possible not to get sucked into it?

Answer: First, it is up to me to stop. More than this, it is up to me to stop demonstratively, to give an example to my partner. I “step on the brakes” demonstratively. Sometimes partners learn this after years of experience and succeed in remaining “silent” at the right moment.

And further it is also necessary to use these conflicts in order to transform them to the good. For they will be aroused all the time until the end of our days, if the vicissitudes of life don’t inure us in an automatic way in regard to mutual agreement, “to walk between the raindrops,” to gloss over the conflicts without hurting each other. In general, I see a wonderful life and world all the time, I live in a fantastic family, I have a wonderful wife and I say this openly. And she responds by commending me for being a most wise and noble man, a fantastic father, and so forth. Maybe everything is upside down, but I have already become “biased” and this is good. This is how we need to work with each other. It makes no difference who we are; everyone sees the pinnacle of beauty, wisdom, justice, and other virtues in his partner. After all, there are no fixed criteria, there is no absolute truth. Everything will happen the way we want. Since we have already decided to see one another as the pinnacle of perfection, this picture will paint itself for us.

It is clear that this is not possible without preparatory courses that will teach us how to play correctly without “cheap lies.” And even after this we must study together with other couples once or twice a week. We must understand that this is talking about a game that requires increase all the time. Therefore we require sensitive facilitators, together with the support of the broader environment as much as possible, and then success is assured.

Essentially, a very profound game is concealed here, we play against the ego of the other and thereby help him rise above it, thanks to love. Even though it seems that I am just flattering, admiring his ego, this is not so. I give him an example that encourages him to do the same for me.

And this is not really a game already; this becomes a system of true relationships between us. Instead of the Hollywood and television standards, we develop our own values; begin to appreciate each other more and then each becomes a source of pleasure for the other. Who else would tell me how fantastic I am? Who else would relate to me as if I am the “whole world”?

And in continuation I will discover that I don’t have such fascinating and innovative relationships as these with anyone else, and relative to these all the rest seem secondary, untrue. Therefore other women don’t interest me; I would surely discover in them a lack of true feeling, not what exists in a family. For here they respect me, appreciate me as a person, as a man, here they cherish me above all.

This is simple psychological influence; the words of the partner penetrate into me and work on internal systems including the nervous system, hormones, and so forth. As a result of this method, we are all assured that a partner will be connected to him and not to anyone else.

Everything depends upon approaching a person, we are concerned for him, praise and exalt him, and he “melts” from all the happiness like a little child who enjoys praise. So how can she leave me after this? Essentially, I become for her the only person in the world who is wholeheartedly devoted to her.

But reciprocity is important here, since one-sided love, on the contrary, breeds contempt. If someone loves me unconditionally, forever, then my relationship towards him is no longer important to me. My ego tells me that “the account is already closed with him” and he is mine forever. This happens in a general way to parents who love their children with absolute love.

Therefore everything depends only on reciprocity. It is clear to both of us that each one is overcoming himself and passes through changes of state all the time. And if we act correctly, then thanks to our mutual concessions, the process continues in a natural manner. We work with each other on mutually beneficial nullification, concede, submit ourselves in order to reach a stronger and stronger connection between us. We begin to appreciate this connection and it draws us more and more deeply. And in the meantime, the ego appropriately changes in us all the time, like a special engine that moves us through familial turbulence that is created intentionally.

And gradually we realize the inner essence, the inner drive, the life force that encompasses us together, that intentionally awakens the inner urge. We discover that everything is derived from that source that awakens us to this “game” with the help of mutual movements forward and back, inside and out, right and left.

And in the end of the matter we feel incessant renewal. Before me is not just a person, rather a new person all the time. I don’t see his corporeal image but the changing essence, his inner image. I suddenly discover that I have discovered the game of my life, and that incessant changes in it bring me to the source of a pleasure that is not found anywhere else.

But here theory is not required, rather practice: workshops, exercises, home lessons in the framework of the family according to the material that we learn, and so forth. And then all of us together will acquire a new feeling and understanding.

Question: How exactly does this happen? Let’s describe it as a change from the point of view of the partner.

Answer: She says to her husband all the time that he is a very unique person, wonderful, profound, talented, and understanding and how much she appreciates him. This is not just a compliment that we lavish on children, rather compliments meant for someone who is already a big boy; indirect, but logical, matter-of-fact. She “feeds” her husband with them so much that he truly begins to identify with the image that she describes.

As a result of this he feels perfect, and now, due to this perfection of his relationship to her he must meet these criteria. Therefore his wife is obliging him to be better, and he can no longer escape this responsibility.

Ultimately the husband receives security and also a push to prove himself. And here his wife adds her “feminine weapon”; she shows him that she wants him, expects him, and enjoys everything that comes from him. Generally, she “swells” his ego, but not grossly, rather gently, and together with this, shows a little bit of desire to come close to him, to contact his bright personality. Without a doubt, this influences the male nature and forces the partner to respond accordingly.

The renewal here is composed of two states:

• First, compliments from the wife in regard to the husband.
• Second, her desire to be joined with him.

Therefore, the essential work is specifically hers. And in my opinion it is good that nature made this so, for the woman is more ready for this.

Regarding a man, we must provide him with at least a minimal understanding of what is happening, so that he will not ignore his wife’s efforts and will understand that along with him she is now building a new family, a new connection and couple.

Question: And essentially why are sexual relations so important in a family?

Answer: The first reason is that without them there will be no next generation. This is the essential difference between humans and animals who are satisfied with one encounter that ensures the next generation. This happens with them instinctively, often in particular seasons determined by nature, and after that the couples separate, and the fathers don’t even recognize their offspring.

Humans are found above time, we require a permanent and stable family that forms the framework for unity between us. This is because human offspring, in contrast to animals, require care for a long time. Only after at least fifteen years, does a person “stand on his feet” after receiving many examples from his parents, relatives, friends, and acquaintances. It requires much time and effort to develop a person from an infant, and for this sake we are required to build an environment for him.

This is not like “a day old calf is called a bull.” He is essentially like an adult bull but on a smaller scale. He already stands on his legs and runs after his mother, and what is missing for him is only additional weight, but not internal maturation.

The infant is born helpless. He must acquire life wisdom and other characteristics that are not transferred from the parents. In order to be a man he requires a family, friends, and a multitude of examples, a multitude of impressions from the environment. And therefore the mother cannot grant him all that is required by herself.

Therefore even if we leave aside all the lofty aims, the continuation of the human species requires a large society, including: father and mother, grandfather and grandmother, other people and after that their own children and grandchildren. Each of them conveys his accumulated experiences to others, and this system expands and encompasses all of humanity. This is not the case in our day; a person requires the entire world for normal development.

Question: Must the partners continue to have sexual relations after the birth of the children?

Answer: If there are no sexual relations between them, then there is no family. The lack of the right connection between the parents will become expressed in all the rest, since this is speaking of the origin of life. On the corporeal level, this is the strongest connection that there can be between life forms. With animals it exists as an instinct and with humans it is found above instincts and makes it possible for them to continue with a shared life. Therefore we need mutual agreement in all that touches upon the corporeal connection. The partners need to enjoy each other on all levels, beginning from the beastly level to the level of the “speaking.” One thing can compensate for the other, but in the end of the matter they need to be a single whole so that they can move together.

Even the children feel when a connection is correct or incorrect between the father and the mother. This influences the entire continuity of their lives.

Until recently, the person could not get along without family in order to provide himself with the necessities. But in recent times we have reached a state where people don’t require more of the family, because they can supply themselves with everything until old age and also in case of an unforeseen disaster.

And in spite of it all, according to nature, the person was created as a life form that requires an environment all the time. Since in the present stage he is weaker than the animals, because he cannot get along without clothing, housing, a system of food supply, warmth and cooling, and many other things that specifically the environment provides for him. Therefore isolation and alienation are the flaws which are revealed today. What is required is an institutional marriage course and together with it the old mechanisms. Although the parents live in agreement, the children have their own lives behind closed doors, next to the computer, and their parents are not interested in them, they just leave them alone.

Therefore in our day there are no examples of correct family life and its role in human development. We should not expect anything good if we don’t work with people and explain to them what the right connection is. Only for a family like this will there be the right form and the children will receive examples that will bring them back from virtual Internet relationships to human relationships.
[110752]
From a Talk About Integral Upbringing 8/1/13

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Question: Modern civilization is based on every problem being solved only through groups of people. But according to the experts, attempts to connect people into these kind of groups brings the opposite result most of the time. Within three or four months groups break up and only a “handful” of people remain faithful to an idea and the rest scatter. Why is this?

Answer: This is because people lack an incentive and drive for something and so they disperse.

If 20 to 30 years ago or even ten years ago it was possible to unite one collective into a group, today this is very difficult, as people have no incentive to work. What for? Why? For what purpose? They cannot be ignited, not through building a movement, a party, and not with anything in particular.

Humanity has folded all the programs. Where has the yearning to conquer space disappeared to? Nothing is left. Everything is concentrated only on grabbing something, stealing, being isolated far from civilization, and basking under the sun. People have no motivation especially when speaking about serious matters like these.

There was a time when people were ignited by great ideas, tried to materialize them for themselves, for their children, for the country, for the homeland. Today all borders have been opened; the relationship that a person has with his residence has become essentially one of consumption. This is how it is in regard to his nation and his people as well. We have spread throughout the earth, the previous boundaries are gone.

The concept of the family has also disappeared, it has broken apart. Parents have no responsibility for their children and the children have none for their parents. At best, the children put their parents into nursing homes. And parents react calmly to their children leaving them and living a life of seclusion. The traditional framework of a family, of a collective, of a region, a nation, and so forth has collapsed. Nothing remains sacred to a person, meaning that the ideals for which it was worthwhile to live, to work, to compete with someone, and to achieve something have disappeared.

This kind of lack of motivation began to be discovered in the 20^th century, but it was still weak. In spite of it all, they somehow managed to finish things by building a party, or through fear as in the time of Stalin, or through brainwashing as with Hitler. But this could only happen in isolated instances, for a short time and with particular people.

But today, as I travel extensively throughout the world, visiting various nations, societies, and civilizations, I see that everything has stopped working.

The only thing that can spur a person on and give him an incentive is the fulfillment that he gets by working directly in a collective when he specifically feels through unity with others, that he finds some kind of serenity and rest.

But for this, it is necessary to construct, connect, and raise a collective in this kind of form, to show people how they can begin to get the magic that is in life through cooperation and mutual support. By creating a small, artificial society, they will get a feeling of life, mastery, interconnection, partnership, concern, and love.

If we create all of this in a collective then people will not go anywhere. They will come again and again and will specifically try to work for this. Not to attain the goals required by managers and landlords, but rather because when they work like this they feel alive, they feel that they exist, that they are found in some lofty state above our regular daily life.
[108994]
From KabTV’s “Through Time” 3/20/13

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How to Awaken the Life Force?

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Everyone knows that family life is not easy, and it should not be allowed to drift. If we, as a couple, advance along the path of mutual development, then we can define three “territories” in our relationship:

• The indivisible territory where love reigns between us.

• The common territory where we are in agreement and carry out analysis. This is a place of free choice that we can fill with love as well.

• Everyone’s individual territory where the other partner never enters. Here, a person looks at things from his own point of view, prefers something, doesn’t accept something, even if in contrast to the other, and thinks about something private. After all, we are all people, complex systems.

These territories, in turn, are subdivided into smaller parts, but we are limited to the general division.

The point is that we cannot manage without a primary, basic love. It is like royal marriages where they did not even know each other before and do not have a common point of contact, a point of love. However, young people of today as a rule get married on the basis of some attraction toward each other, driven by at least one spark that happens between them.

Question: How can partners build their relationship correctly in order to fan this spark, to extend the common territory?

Answer: First of all, we turn to the mind, not feelings. A warm feeling that once passed has already disappeared, and the memory of it is deformed by layers of subsequent phases. People even don’t realize that this is a natural thing, hormonal, material, and moreover, is subject to habits and various standards, just as artificial as it is changeable. For instance, if I have grown accustomed to family closeness, then my feeling is more stable, and if my partner matches my physical nature, he or she has a greater impact on the subconscious level.

In short, a flash of the familiar feeling was spontaneous, without thought, and now we want to engage the mind to analyze this outburst. Only the mind will help us to retrieve it from the past, that beautiful past when we used to walk hand in hand and live in harmony, unable to part, and were so passionate that we looked like a couple of idiots with perpetual smiles on our lips. We want to recreate this feeling so that it would sweeten our life and give it taste, meaning, and in this way, we will also be able to radiate warmth and involvement to our children and loved ones. I don’t even mention that according to numerous studies that harmony in the family strengthens health and promotes longevity.

This is why we need to turn to the mind.

First of all, we agree with each other as to how much my partner can demand from me and I from her. Everyone rejects some part of his comfort, in other words, his egoism, and supports and encourages the partner in the daily routine, in business and discussions. We demonstrate this approach to each other as a good example.

Second, each of us turns and relates to the other as to the best, most important, most clever, unique person in the world. We do not shy away from exaggeration, do not avoid high words and compliments. On the contrary, we look for them. I make a list, for example, of twenty lines, although it is not that easy and use it as often as possible. Habit becomes second nature. I really will begin seeing in my “half” what I ascribe to her.

No one demands sincere feelings from me initially. I imagine a beauty queen in my style: A beautiful, highly sensible, a wonderful hostess, a perfect mother, attractive, sexy, and so on. I relate to my wife as if she meets all these parameters until I really recognize all these qualities in her.

In essence, we use the same principle in the group for work with the friends, raising them in our eyes.

So, I mentally paint an image of the best wife in the world, the image that encompasses all aspects of life, all situations. However, it is not limited to fantasies. I work on myself to really treat my wife as if she is that image. I literally “program” myself and our relationship.

Question: So, do I have to ignore reality?

Answer: There is no objective reality. I always see the things that I paint on the “canvas” of my consciousness. In fact, I do not notice my partner, although we live together. I am so used to her that, only occasionally, do I focus on more prominent edges behind the external appearance. In addition, by nature, men are more superficial, while the woman looks deeper, and in this sense it is easier for her to overcome external obstacles.

Either way, having painted an ideal for myself, I “clothe” it on my partner. From now on, she is exactly like this for me and the point is not in appearance. I internally infuse all her qualities with perfection. Let it be selfish. “This is my wife, and, thus, it is the best it can be.”

Of course, this takes effort. I generate this attitude as if I see a painted ideal before myself. All the virtues of the world concentrate in it. I mentally put her on a pedestal, on the queen’s throne, and do not lower her from this height no matter what. Everything in her is perfection, and if I do not like something, it is because egoism covers my eyes.

I repeat, the main thing in this picture is not the external details, but the respect, the reverence, with which I am imbued, the value that the ideal gains in my eyes. Precisely this value, this attitude, I transfer on to my partner. Nothing prevents my imagination from being turned in the right direction and becoming programmed with a certain vision.

We are engaged with a partner in this inner work mutually, deliberately, and consciously. We discuss it. We show each other examples in every situation, accept each other as perfect. Indeed, our eyes see a different picture although later even this will change. However, we shift toward a new relationship, planned for the time being, but serious.

For example, the house is a mess that I cannot stand, and at the same time, I behave with my wife as if she has put everything in its place. I accept the order the way she sees it. I am not looking even for excuses. I initially want and make myself see everything in her and everything that depends on her as perfect.

This is our conscious, mutual concessions, the rejection of egoistic attitude. Working in this way, in a week, I suddenly will find out that everything has changed. It turns out that I really see her as flawless in everything, as she sees me. Love blossoms in our common territory.

In one word, “no pain, no gain.” Love comes when I show my partner an example that I accept him or her, that he or she is very welcome, despite all the negative that I see in him or her. I show love, the same love as for my own baby who is always irresistible in my eyes, however it may be.

In the end, a fairy tale will come true, and love that sprouted and got stronger between us will require no tricks. Any problem will provide us with new opportunities for compromises, concessions, and even more love.

That is why it is said that love will cover all transgressions. It can grow only with their help. If it were not for them, I would not even look at my wife. In this way, any glance reveals something bad for me. This is human nature.

This is where the work begins where we must learn to look at life objectively without dependence on our own desires, fantasies, and passions. We are building the world ourselves, not wishful thinking but by our attitude together we recover the desire from oblivion until it replaces the previous reality.
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From a “Talk about New Life” 7/30/13

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Question: In my opinion, it is very important that we clarify that the true “self” is specifically within the group, for there are many times that we may try to clarify our true desires alone by ourselves, and we deceive ourselves. We discover tomorrow that we already want something different than what we wanted yesterday.

Answer: It is impossible to clarify this alone. Only a shared discussion can supply us with the correct, advanced values.

Question: Then, what? Will there be a single standard for everyone?

Answer: Each one will find one’s own standard, for there are no two people who feel the same world. It is as if we see one world; but each one comprehends it differently.

Question: How can I preserve my individuality if I work within the group and hear the desires of all the rest?

Answer: Other people show me the stages through which I must advance in order to discover my nature, discover my true space. Specifically, thanks to all that, I hear from others. I ultimately clarify what my space is.

Now, we want to build a relationship with a partner, but afterward, our couple will need to work on wider relationships with couples, with all of humanity. The group is a model of all of humanity and helps me to discover my inner space. This space requires not only connection with a partner, but, ultimately, it also requires development and connection with all of humanity as one family, transforming us into a single person.

Without the group, it is impossible to get along since the external Kli, vessel, the external force, must help me to open the internal Kli, my inner system of connection with someone. There must be an additional, higher level with whose help I can clarify my level, as a father and mother do for a child.

The entire group speaks of and clarifies the inner need of the person to be in contact with others. Contact with the others begins with those people who are naturally closest to us, like a partner, but we cannot build true connection between spouses if we are not found within a society. The society helps us to discover this deficiency in the right way—if I want to look at my partner correctly, to see her from the inside, and she wants to see me so that we both really will connect with each other.

If we want to peel all of the Klipot from ourselves and truly be connected this way where I fulfill her and she fulfills me, we need an environment that supports us and will help us to find all the spaces and clarify how to fill them. All this is possible only with the help of the environment.

The friends in a group help me to see what I want. They reveal this in me so that I begin to see this, but they don’t see this. I feel myself; no one can feel another person.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 6/20/13

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Question: Generally, people who work in a small business and in particular in a medium-sized business are interested not only in monetary profit but in employment as well. This is the most talented and progressive part of humanity. They cannot find themselves within the framework of the larger companies and will naturally fill more unemployment lines. How can they find realization?

Answer: They have nowhere to flee. The world doesn’t require this number of workers. If we suppose that the meaning of the life of a person is only to be born, to grow, to profit for ourselves, to allow others to profit over us, and to die, so today in the world with its developed infrastructure and technology, there is no need for billions of people.

For young people over the age of twenty there is already just about no need for parents and especially for grandparents. They become disconnected from them very rapidly and feel themselves as completely free and independent.

If in the past people lived in communities with several generations together where a child respected his parents and was educated on the foundations of the family, people saw prospects in life, forward progress; however, today this doesn’t exist. From the start a person doesn’t receive this kind of education, and this stamps its seal on one’s feeling about the world and one’s relationship with it. It follows that in the world there is no continuity; everything is locked onto my “self.”

In a circumstance like this, people like these are never needed; rather, a half a billion people will be enough to work to supply the normal needs and existence. And so what will happen to all the rest? Will they be hung around the necks of these half billion? Which is to say, will it be necessary to eliminate six and a half billion people? Is this what we will consider doing?! Will nature allow us to act in a form like this? In principle, such a possibility exists.

On the other hand, if we understand that we are changing comprehension itself, the relationship of the person to life itself, to himself, to the world, and to creation, we will then relate completely differently to our physical existence. It’s imperative for us to rise to the next level, to perceive the meaning of life, the origin of life outside of the body, what exists virtually, spiritually, and meaningfully in all of creation, which created and developed us, and at the end of the matter will lead us through all evolutionary developments. We feel this, we are yearning for something.

In a circumstance like this, every person has his place in the world; each one is vitally important and understands the meaning of his existence. We are beginning to relate with respect toward everyone in that we understand that everyone has his niche in this system. In nature nothing is just created, especially humans. And therefore we need to think in a completely different way and make a new way of development possible for everyone.

The privilege of choice truly exists for humanity. It depends only on this: How much will those who understand the possibility of development in a good way be sufficient to disseminate their knowledge correctly and present it to all of humanity so that it will understand, recognize, and begin to realize this new key for a new relationship to the world.
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From KabTV’s “Through Time” 3/17/13

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In the News (from OxygenLiveOutLoud): ”Oxygen Media released initial findings of a study conducted by uSamp, providing insights into motherhood and adoption, revealing that a whopping 87 percent of Americans believe the definition of a traditional family has evolved and 55 percent say there is no longer traditional family. …

“The study reveals American’s are becoming increasingly more acceptable of societal changes in how traditional family is defined and judged, along with the changing roles men and women take on in this new family dynamic. When looking at the idea of motherhood, more people define a ‘mother’ as the woman who raised you (82 percent) compared to the woman who gave birth to you (53 percent). …

“More people believe same-sex couples can be great parents (79 percent), women are taking on traditionally male roles today (88 percent), men take on traditionally female roles (76 percent), and even a single father can act as a mom (78 percent). …

“Most Americans admit that the definition of a traditional family has changed over the past few years.”

My Comment: All this is a product of the last stage of the development of egoism in the human being and society as a whole. The destruction of the family ends the entire first stage, the egoistic stage of human development. The next is its transition to the following stage, to the altruistic one, in which society will be similar to the entire united integral nature, will be one whole with nature, and not a cancerous tumor as it is today.

It depends on us by what force we will advance: Consciously, voluntarily, learning how to become united, or “forced into happiness” through suffering. The method of integral education is offered to humanity to learn the good path.
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