Love: A Brief Flash Or A Fire That Never Goes Out?

Dr. Michael LaitmanQuestion: In the life of couples, there are moments when the partners experience a feeling of unprecedented, ultimate happiness, a feeling that brightens the routine with a flare of light. When we first experience this, we are excited that something like this is possible at all. After all, previously, we didn’t think that something like this could exist.

Answer: I think that for every couple, if they build their relationship on emotion and not on cold calculation, there will be moments of complicity when it’s as if the partners live within each other, penetrate each other, are intertwined with each other, when they discover an integration, mutual inclusion into each other that cannot be escaped. Kinship, closeness to the point of unity, intoxicates them, and when this love flares up, they lose their heads.

However, this will go on for only a few minutes, in the best of circumstances, for a number of days, and in rare instances, a number of weeks. Here, much depends upon us, upon the period in our lives through which we are passing. After that, the “delusion” vanishes.

So, where does this come from? It comes from nature so that we will approach each other and can develop a particular connection between us called a family. Without these moments, like animals, we would continue to get closer to each other according to the “calendar” and then move away again according to the orders of our inner essence. Yet, since we are humans, we have to preserve our relationships for years, and hence Nature provides us with an example of how we can do this.

It shows us how to prolong this fire of unification and integration so that it will become fascinating, will intoxicate me, and will not let me leave, so that it will compel me to think about my partner all the time. On one hand, it streams life into me, and on the other, it doesn’t let me turn toward anything else. It fills my emotion and takes away my mind. The example for this we see inside and out, but one way or another, it comes from Above, glows outside, and then goes out.

We need to teach people how to capture moments like these, how to prolong the magic, to strengthen it, and to develop it through the mind. I will attain a feeling that I experienced before specifically with the help of mind, but now this feeling will be balanced: I won’t lose my head and will be able to live with it for years as I develop it and manage it. By becoming included into one another, my partner and I won’t lose our ability to speak about the multitude of emotions, but rather, we will be able to share our impressions and experiences, measure and discuss them.

We truly will share with each other the feeling that fills us more clearly as we amplify and raise it more and more above all the events of life and above habit that leaves a bland taste everywhere.

This is the reason we need to attach the mind, meaning the method and the studies, to emotions. We need to teach people how to love.

Question: Is it possible to learn how to experience love?

Answer: Let’s remember what happened when the partners saw each other for the first time. This could have happened in a first, chance meeting, or the opposite; they might have been meeting each other from time to time over an entire year, and yet one day, they suddenly felt a particular impulse, really noticed each other as if a light went on in each of them.

Why does this happen? We don’t know. Nature itself sends us moments like these. However, without the necessary attention from our side, they disappear to wherever they came, without our noticing.

Only in very rare circumstances does this feeling remain over time, such as if people have a tendency for this or if they already were used to sustaining it when they lived at home with their parents. In general, the rudiment that our previous life has left in us is very important: Did we see similar examples at home? Did we get inspiration from them? After all, as a rule, we mimic everything that we absorbed from the family in which we were raised.

In the modern world, divorce has become the norm and even the general rule. It is difficult to find a partner who doesn’t cheat, isn’t suspicious of his “other half,” or doesn’t think of separating, often enduring this shared life from a lack of choice.

Therefore, it is necessary to teach people “love courses.” It is not worthwhile to rely on spontaneous, accidental, and uncontrollable surges. On the contrary, we agree that we will engender love between us ourselves, that we will cherish and develop it. We don’t wait for any chance flashes from unknown sources. Rather, we “run the business” ourselves. Then, regardless of whatever happens throughout our long lives, we can maintain this fire of love so that it constantly provides us with support, granting us a wonderful and secure feeling at all stages of the way.

I would put this course in school already, without waiting until confused couples seek help and advice when they don’t know how to return to the feeling that once was, how not to drift apart from each other eventually, until there is a complete dissolution of the family.

As with the rest of our problems, it’s all about a lack of adequate education, a lack of understanding, knowledge, and skill, without which it is simply impossible to manage.
From a Talk about New Life 7/30/12

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One Comment

  1. It is vital that we learn how to love and how to choose the correct partner to spend our lives with. We need all the masters willing to transmit this Divine energy to us all.
    It is the understanding that once this corner stone of society is grounded and healthy again the world will become a much kinder and happier place. The purest intention would be to prepare to receive and give the love from Above first instead of trying to love with the incorrect mixture we concot ignorantly. Thank you Rabbi Laitman for your teachings. Much appreciated.

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