Question: Without a doubt many couples think that they are conceding to each other, without understanding that they are not doing this for another person but for themselves so that they will be left alone in peace. So what concessions should be made?
Answer: True concession is when I rein myself in, even though at that time I am ready to explode because I think I am right, but I begin to react to my partner according to how he or she would want me to respond. This means I am “clothed” in the other person.
This system should be developed and necessarily requires the support of the environment. Married couples must talk about these situations all the time and practice them in order to reach a state where habit becomes second nature.
Suppose the house is a mess. Why should you scold each other and say something superfluous? Go immediately to common ground, which is reciprocal and good. Begin to hug and kiss in the middle of this mess.
The main thing is that you should feel well. For with a feeling of happiness and love, you won’t even want to change anything and you will live in serenity all your life in the middle of this mess.
Sometimes you go into some apartment and everything is clean and spotless, but there is no warmth. Whereas at home, with you, there is warmth from an atmosphere of love, reciprocity, and inner contact.
In a Japanese couplet it is written: “The child dies; how cold it will be at home; there is no longer someone who will pierce a hole in the window paper.” This means that as long as the child played pranks, warmth prevailed at home. Now the child is no more, and it will be cold.
That is how it is here also. Everything depends upon the feeling. This is the main thing to be done.
From the program “A New Life” 5/28/2014