Two questions I received on marriage:
Question: I just came back from the Congress, which was wonderful, as I had expected! One of the things I noticed was that many people, myself included, started thinking of getting married to another Kabbalah student and starting a Kabbalistic family. However, I also hear some people say that it doesn’t really matter who you marry, because it’s for the spiritual goal. But doesn’t there have to be more of a connection between the partners than just Kabbalah?
My Answer: A person who studies Kabbalah in a serious way needs a partner who will support and understand him or her. Otherwise, their life together won’t work. If you are already married, then you should do everything you can to make your partner understand you and support your studies. In return, they should receive your continuous gratitude and compliance when it comes to other problems you have in common.
Question: My husband has been studying in a group for a long time, but my point in the heart hasn’t awakened yet. From the beginning I was obliged to comply, and I live according to the rules of Bnei Baruch because I don’t have any other choice. Divorce is not an option for either of us. Kabbalah says there is no coercion in spirituality. But isn’t this situation considered coercion in regard to me?
My Answer: Each spouse has to understand that if the other has a need to attain the purpose of life, this aspiration cannot be opposed since it is the only aspiration that’s higher than our life.
However, I understand you, because if you still haven’t revealed the aspiration to reach the purpose of life, you cannot understand another person who aspires to it. In this case, you simply should agree to your husband’s studies. Besides, I think him studying Kabbalah is a much better “hobby” than some of the other interests married men often have.
If your husband would give in to you, this would be an even greater coercion. I don’t think he forces you to engage in spiritual work, and I don’t understand the statement, “I live according to the rules of Bnei Baruch because I don’t have any other choice.” What does it mean to live by the rules of Bnei Baruch? Women don’t have to come to our center. There are no studies or other responsibilities for women. You and your children can be complete strangers to us!
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