Marriage And Kabbalah

marriageTwo questions I received on marriage:

Question: I just came back from the Congress, which was wonderful, as I had expected! One of the things I noticed was that many people, myself included, started thinking of getting married to another Kabbalah student and starting a Kabbalistic family. However, I also hear some people say that it doesn’t really matter who you marry, because it’s for the spiritual goal. But doesn’t there have to be more of a connection between the partners than just Kabbalah?

My Answer: A person who studies Kabbalah in a serious way needs a partner who will support and understand him or her. Otherwise, their life together won’t work. If you are already married, then you should do everything you can to make your partner understand you and support your studies. In return, they should receive your continuous gratitude and compliance when it comes to other problems you have in common.

Question: My husband has been studying in a group for a long time, but my point in the heart hasn’t awakened yet. From the beginning I was obliged to comply, and I live according to the rules of Bnei Baruch because I don’t have any other choice. Divorce is not an option for either of us. Kabbalah says there is no coercion in spirituality. But isn’t this situation considered coercion in regard to me?

My Answer: Each spouse has to understand that if the other has a need to attain the purpose of life, this aspiration cannot be opposed since it is the only aspiration that’s higher than our life.

However, I understand you, because if you still haven’t revealed the aspiration to reach the purpose of life, you cannot understand another person who aspires to it. In this case, you simply should agree to your husband’s studies. Besides, I think him studying Kabbalah is a much better “hobby” than some of the other interests married men often have.

If your husband would give in to you, this would be an even greater coercion. I don’t think he forces you to engage in spiritual work, and I don’t understand the statement, “I live according to the rules of Bnei Baruch because I don’t have any other choice.” What does it mean to live by the rules of Bnei Baruch? Women don’t have to come to our center. There are no studies or other responsibilities for women. You and your children can be complete strangers to us!

Related Material:
Article: Today, It’s Spiritual Relationship or No Relationship
Article: Fairytale Love is Just That – a Fairytale
Article: Kabbalistic Texts Contain a Unique Quality that Ensures a Successful Partnership


  1. What would you say about family and how to live to someone who has children and is already divorced, but through the study is realising the importance of having ‘a partner who will support and understand him or her’ ?

  2. Question:

    I’ve been supporting and understanding my husband’s aim to study and acquire the wisdom of Kabbalah for more then 2 years now. I whole heartedly got involved in the organisations of gatherings, congresses etc. from home also as a mother, wife, sister, daughter and language teacher I distribute the knowledge and do translations, via e-mail correspond with international chaverims on behalf of my husband (since he doesn’t speak well any languages) Nevertheless, I still was not able to attend personally any of the congresses that were held in my country. Due to the desire of an other Kabbalah student who is strongly attached to my husband (a colleague and business partner – apparently a woman). To my mind she is has a desire to call my husband her own.
    Since I have never been to any of the meetings or gatherings yet,it seems that the group has an other understanding of who should be physically present on the right side of my husband. In my perception the group has a stronger support towards the other women then I have. My question is wher do go wrong, what is not functioning right? What am I to correct in order to obtain my place as a wife within the Kabbalah Group and not to have a loss of any other member? What I feel that my husband is afraid to make a choice or is there a choice that should be made? Isn’t this situtation misleading both spiritually and physically?


  3. I have found that the more I want to teach my children about living integral the more my wife wants to be as the rest of the world. If I try to be at peace in the home and correct my connection with her the more anger I feel coming back from her. I don’t want to fight with her and try to communicate rationally which makes her even more angry. I’ve done an experiment and It seems she’s happiest when I communicate with her in an incorrect way. I try and see her as an angel with the Creator standing behind her but the blows keep coming until now, finally, I see that the blows are continually increasing for her which effects us and the children as well since we are a family. My hands are tied when it comes to being a parent to my children as far as trying to teach them how to deal with society correctly. She is telling the children not to listen to me, to embrace the incorrect relations with others, the be disrespectful towards me, and that I don’t care about them because I don’t agree with her way of dealing with society.

    She resents Kabbalah, my study of Kabbalah, and the limited virtual friendships I’ve developed. Even if I only study for an hour a day she doesn’t like it. I don’t think that the Creator want’s me to stop studying and finally told myself “That it seems that if developing my point in the heart requires me to go through all of this than it’s what the Creator want’s to happen as well as the out come of me studying and how my wife deals with it. The important thing is correcting my part of the collective soul so that the other part of the collective soul can grow stronger from my corrections, putting my self second and the friends first, considering to myself these corporeal occurrences as secondary or not as important as the ultimate goal.” but, I’m unclear how to proceed from here. I find myself stuck when it comes to developing the correct relationship with my wife. To me it seems she doesn’t want to get along at all if it requires giving up fighting, yelling, and meanness. What to do?

    I feel that since my presence in the home causes so much anger from her and the children are used to lash out at me the home environment my be more peaceful for them if I were not here. I’m not sure what I should do and am looking for more advice from the Rav and the friends on how to or what I should do with this type of home environment.

    Every day I ask the Creator to help me heal the connection with my wife, review my interaction with here in my mind to see what I need to correct, and ask Him to show me what more corrections I need to make with in myself. I’m just not sure if there is anything else left for me to do, if I should stay and let the cycle of verbal abuse continue in front of the children, if I should go to a shelter that is near a group to concentrate my efforts on dissemination that would have more of a direct effect on world my children are growing up in rather than the bad example they see at home, and also create a place for them to came a stay when they are old enough to make that decision. I also have CRPS on top all of this and am totally dependent on someone else to go to my Doctor’s appointments which isn’t working out so well in the environment that I’m in. I’m just unclear how to proceed expect for to carry on with the way things are.

    I accept that the Creator is sending me these blows to correct myself and I will continue to find a way to properly deal with them which is why I have finally posted this comment to this article hoping that I will receive some additional guidance from the Rav or the Friends with the intention of doing what the Creator would have me to do.

  4. to this comment above i believe that the creator would want you to stay with your family. you need to be willing to work with your wife and to become one with her so that your kids can reap the benefit. Dont run from what you have created.everyone changes like the seasons have faith and work with your wife you have to have love and understandiing dont leave her alone.

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