Question: (Song of Songs 1:1) In the “Song of Songs, King Solomon is perhaps the most striking  symbol of love. It is enough to look at the list of the works of art that were based upon quotations from the “Song of Songs” to understand the degree of influence of this book on the emotions and imagination of people from the moment it was written until our day. Immediately the question arises, for whom was this wonderful song written?

Answer: It was written for a person who already feels that all of life and all of nature is love, and the general rule, “And you shall love your neighbor as yourself,” is the general force that rules the world. This is speaking about a man who in his development has already attained an understanding and awareness that goodness surrounds him and that all of reality is arranged and built according to the final goal from the start, to attain wholeness.

Wholeness is not acting under the influence of hormones and calling this “love,” such as from my experience of feeling pleasure from something and saying that I love it. For example, I love fish. But we cannot love a fish other than by eating it. If a person understands that he loves with his essence, meaning with the evil inclination, then this is natural, earthly love.

Through this love he destroys the world because he approaches what is good for him and rejects what is bad for him. In this way he doesn’t rise above his egoistic desire. It follows that our love is worthless from the start.

A person must rise to a completely different love: to connection. He must connect with everyone, with the substance of the still, vegetative, animate, and humans above his natural attitudes. If I turn towards the world like this, which is entirely love, then this means that I participate in the general desires and suffering. I feel what is imperative and required for everyone, and want to fulfill and complete this: “And you shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

This is what is called “love,” and not the yearning to enjoy the surrounding world and accordingly determine what does and doesn’t please me. I detach myself from this natural love, rise above it, and begin to love everyone because according to the general law of nature I must be connected with everyone. This is attained with the help of a unique education, in the course of which I begin to understand and become aware that everything is connected, interdependent, that there is one fate for everyone, and we guide it.

If I attain a relationship to nature like this, then I see that in fact the force of love is acting in everything. And the “Song of Songs” begins from this: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth” (Song of Songs 1:2), meaning that I am already connected with all of nature and begin to investigate how to continue developing my connection of love.

In other words, a “song” from the start raises me to a very high level. I understand that I must fulfill and complete the creation in which we humans exist in opposition: “the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth” (Genesis 8:21). This means that instead of exploiting the world that exists outside of me, I must connect with it and complement it in such a form that will be good for it.

This is to say that love is expressed in my wanting things to be good for everyone. That is how we relate to children, we think constantly about what we can add further to our concern about them, fulfilling and creating a good mood. This is the expression of love. I don’t enjoy the object, as generally happens in our life; rather, I enjoy it being good for him. From the moment that I am directed towards this, the story begins.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 5/28/14

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In the News (from Psychologies): “Observing for 40 years how a couple communicates with each other, psychologist John Gottman can with a 100% probability predict whether they will be happy together years later or their relationship has no future.

“Happy couples see the positive in each other, something for which they can say ‘thank you,’ hug and just be happy that life has brought him or her with such a wonderful person.

“They purposefully build a relationship of respect and gratitude. Unhappy couples, on the contrary, are looking all the time to find faults with a partner, catching his or her every mistake.

“Future unhappy couples look calm when talking about their relationship, but their heart rates were quick, their sweat glands were active, and their blood flow was fast.

“Couples who maintained a happy marriage years later, from the beginning demonstrated low physiological stress. They felt comfortable and confident, which was expressed in a caring, loving attitude to their partner. Even during an argument they can create an atmosphere of trust, warmth and love for each other.

“The main reason for divorce is disregard for the partner. Those of us who are looking for the slightest excuse to criticize and not become used to responding to partner’s requests with respect, miss 50% of the positive things that are created for them, but see the negative where there is none. They kill love. Anger and indifference mean the death of relationship.

“Compassion is the most important indicator of the stability of marriage, and the more we are practicing it, the stronger it is.

“It’s not about gifts, but how we communicate with each other every day: to actively look for a reason to be grateful for anything during the day, not to focus on the negative, not to think badly about the partner if he or she made a mistake.

“The problem of unhappy couples is often that they cannot be happy for each other. To be together and share the joy, the success of a loved one, is as important as to be close during the time of difficulties.”

My Comment: It is puzzling: Is it only in the 21^st century that we have begun to understand family relationships? And in the past, was this wisdom not known to our ancestors?
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In general, our developmental process is about expansion and consolidation (“breathing”) that combines both forces. They oppose each other and at the same time preserve mutual harmony.

The same natural mechanism can be applied to human relationships. We too feel detachment and closeness, cooling down and burning.

Thus, we go through the same developmental forms as the universe. The difference is that we are at a higher level of consciousness. It is obvious that we cannot “devote ourselves” only to one of these major forces since we won’t survive by only inhaling or only exhaling.

Life is a contrast of opposites. If everything is good and wonderful, if sweetness is not punctuated by at least a drop of spice or bitterness, we lose the sense of taste and fail to find the essence in life. It is an unbearable condition.

Only a combination of both forces (positive and negative) gives us a correct sensation and then a spark of life surfaces between them. Otherwise, everything vanishes, dissolves in monotony.

Question: How do both forces, the processes of expansion and consolidation, manifest in the history of humanity?

Answer: On one hand, we settled throughout the world, we are separate and detached from each other, we hate others, and fight with them. We go beyond the former boundaries of the previous limitations, no longer wishing to observe them, we break our agreements, contracts, unions, thus “liberating” ourselves of our responsibilities.

The force that pushes us towards this kind of behavior is egoism. The higher it is, the less we are willing to be connected with anybody or anything. Nor do we want to owe anything to anyone.

On the other hand, the force of consolidation and togetherness also impacts us, making us connect and group together, promoting a feeling that we need each other, forcing us to look for the reasons to unite, find parallels, and experience closeness.

There is a reverse opportunity: the force of expansion opens our hearts to the entire world, whereas the force of consolidation comes out of the egoism and makes us seek personal benefit in connecting with others.

Everything depends on which one of these two forces form our world outlook: bad or good.

One way or the other, it is the interaction between both forces that originates a sensation of life in us. That’s why it is very important to balance these energies out so that both of them are oriented toward the right direction.

For example, we are prone to idealizing our fantasies about a “correct” couple that resembles two “doves.” However, in the real world, families are usually based on conflicts. They need “spice” without which their marriage becomes bland; it is about “logs” that should be added to the fire of love.

So, both forces have to be fully implemented; although, both of them should lead to achieving one, unified goal. Their combination has to be based on equilibrium and provide maximal effectiveness that comes from a joint power.

Question:  How can we create and maintain the balance between the two forces?

Answer: We should settle on one goal for both of them.

In essence, they are the forces of bestowal and receiving, attraction and repulsion. It is not important, at which level or in what sphere they are implemented—whether it is mechanics, electricity, or other fields of human activities.

At this time, we are talking about the influence of both forces inside us and among us, at a sensual level. Accordingly, we should balance out the intensity of our egoism with the altruistic force of bestowal.

Initially the force of reception dominates us: We want to attract and have in our possession everything that might be beneficial for us. Moreover, we don’t want others to have anything that is good for us. This is our original, genuine state. We should find ways to balance this bad force.

Our efforts to equalize the bad force within us will lead us to a system in which we maintain an internal harmony as a healthy cell of an organism. Together, vigorous cells replenish each other and take good care of their neighbors. If this happens, we are allowed to receive so that we can further benefit others.

Thus, we are forming a general organism, all parts of which are integrally connected. We generate a new “body,” a new life at the speaking level, above the inanimate, vegetative, and animate.

In other words, the human level is not about us the way we are today. At this time, we only occupy the top of the animate level. When we build a correct system, it will be called “a Man” (Adam). To the extent it contains both forces that are balanced with each other, we’ll start sensing nature in more depth and breadth.

Question: What do we lack today to be able to create a system that is adequate for the human level?

Answer: There is a deficiency of the bestowing force. At this time only the will to receive is acting in us.

Currently, we are transitioning from the animate level to a human level. However, it is only a force of receiving that we cultivate. Any of our bestowing actions are meant only to receive more and more. If not for that, we would not be able to give away anything at all.

So, no matter what we do, everything about us is just receiving, whether it is obvious or hidden. The will to receive rules everything, whereas we don’t have the force of bestowal at all.

However, if we find the way to generate a force of bestowal among us, to balance out the energy of receiving with the power of bestowal and then maintain the balance between both forces, they will turn us into a new creature called a “Man.” A new type of consciousness will grow in us. It will be built on both forces that allow us to form a system of bestowal above the receiving structure. When we manage to build both systems, we’ll sense the upper level of nature, the speaking level.

Today, we haven’t yet reached this level. We lack the second part of it, the force of bestowal. As a result, we cannot actually be connected and now we resemble a bunch of nuts in a sack that are held together only with the help of the external pressure; otherwise, they would just scatter.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 3/2/14

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Question: How does the wisdom of Kabbalah relate to the concept of love?

Answer: According to the wisdom of Kabbalah there are two types of love: love of friends and love of the Creator. All the other types of love belong to the physiological level and so from a Kabbalistic perspective it is considered affection, mutual satisfaction, and a person’s obligation to his family and children, but not love.

Love refers to what is above our egoistic level and is revealed to a person when he attains spirituality. By restricting the use of his ego and ascending above it, a person exits himself, enters into the group and those around him, where he discovers love.

The fulfillment of love is expressed by caring about those around you. What is more, these are people who are strangers to me, not part of my family, not my relatives, and I am not interested in them at all.

But the moment I begin to discover them as an essential component necessary for my spiritual ascent, I realize that I must care for them and love them, since by the correct connection with them, I attain the Creator. Then from the love of those around me, I reach the love of the Creator.

Today love is nothing more than natural physiological actions that are also instinctively found in animals. In humans, however, love isn’t an instinct and it has turned into almost anything you can imagine.

In other words, we can regard it as a sport, exercise, or pleasure, but it isn’t the love the wisdom of Kabbalah refers to. It has nothing to do with the self-sacrifice for a sublime idea, like in the spiritual feeling called love.

According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, love is incorporating the desires of those who are strangers to me inside me and caring about filling those desires more than my own desires. This becomes the goal of my life. I am ready to dedicate my whole life in order to fill the desires of others since this is what the Creator expects of me.

Question: Can such relations in a family also be called love?

Answer: Only if I transcend above the corporeal unity with my family and regard them as total strangers. If not, my relationship with them is on an ordinary physiological level.

Thus, there should be a strict understanding and division between the spiritual concept of love and the corporeal one. On the corporeal level the question: “Do you love me?” means “Are you ready to satisfy my personal desires?” It is an ordinary display of the ego. Therefore today we are witnessing an increase in the incidence of divorce and breakups of the family. But this trend is a sign of a reassessment of this generation’s values.
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From KabTV’s “Short Stories” 10/23/14

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The problem with education is the biggest problem in the world. It is thought that a human being is differentiated from animals specifically because of education. But If we compare how humans and animals raise their offspring, to our great sorrow, we don’t have anything to boast about or be proud of.

Animals educate their offspring until they learn how to live correctly, protect themselves, develop, and reproduce. While we educate our children in the same manner, when they mature, they withdraw and kill themselves.

This problem is exacerbated by the fact that the educational results of the present generation can only be seen twenty years later. And if, after twenty years, something begins to change, the future changes will be revealed and appear in another twenty years and even later.

According to the example of my generation, one could say that we didn’t devote any attention to sex education and mutual relationships between young people. They didn’t teach us how to educate children and how to build the right relationships in a family between parents and children, in society, or with our neighbors.

We didn’t learn the psychology of the person, or the society in which we live, or the psychology of the world. This negligence in education cannot replace intelligence.

Education is the most important thing in life, but we don’t get it in kindergarten, in school, or in universities. Even those who finish their studies in psychology remain undeveloped psychologically because their education is not appropriate to their age. This is in contrast to what usually happens with animals that develop and naturally connect with nature. Humans don’t have this.

Most adults don’t differ from children in any way. They don’t know how exactly what is necessary to behave, how to interact correctly with their surrounding environment or in the family. Men are not familiar with the psychology of women and women are not familiar with the psychology of men, so they don’t know how to communicate correctly between them.

The wisdom of Kabbalah says very simply that if we want to live normally, even simply, we must organize our material home life, and that first and foremost we must pay attention to education. And it is not important on what level of technological development we exist as the main thing for us is the good organization of human life and a normal, healthy family. This is what we are missing so much.

It is specifically on this that the wisdom of Kabbalah places an emphasis, in that it is explained that from a person must be made a social component included in a communications circle, to create the possibility of the right mutual cooperation with other people, and show in what manner he can come in contact with them so that human society will become one family.

Only in a case like this will we feel ourselves in safety, comfort, and pleasure and be able to comfortably pass on to our children the safe and comfortable world that we have prepared for them.
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From KabTV’s “Short Stories” 10/23/14

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Life is showing us that the way of life based upon a strong family life has disappeared and has been swallowed by the past. Families no longer remain where the husband is the head of the family and the provider, where the woman is involved with home economics, the home is full of children, and the yard if full of pets, dogs and cats, running around. This no longer exists and it is not necessary to be sorry about it.

Now, an absolutely different feeling of family has come. It must see and perceive itself as a part of a boundless macrocosm, feel like an element that has been correctly integrated into an immense system, like a gear that must find the place prepared just for it, and enter into it with its attachment.

Every family thereby makes itself into a family unit and works on itself within it, beginning to feel, in spite of itself, the kind of environment that is appropriate for it. The creation of an environment like this will be carried out gradually, until from very many small integral cells an immense integral field, an integral system will be created.

So we must constantly be involved in education, both of children and of adults, in all directions. For our role and mission is to bring them to feel their family unit as a single whole that has merged into a single whole with the entire immense society, all of humanity.

We must organize family workshops for parents, for children, and for grandfathers and grandmothers by directing them towards mutual integration between them. Precisely within this correct integration they will begin to feel that force of nature that we call the Creator, the power of bestowal, the power of love. And only the right education can bring a person to this level, not his knowledge and not various academic degrees.
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From KabTV’s “Short Stories” 10/23/14

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Question: How do you see motherhood in an interconnected world?

Answer: Motherhood in an interconnected world suggests that we teach mothers to be interconnected and thus create the correct network of connections for the world, which men will join afterward. We use the power of a mother who cares for a child so that he is well. This encourages and obliges her to build an interconnected world with us.

Question: What is the role of the mother in an interconnected world?

Answer: In an interconnected world, the mother is inside the general system, inside the network that connects us, and connects everything. She is the foundation. She pulls a man and builds the entire interconnected system for her offspring.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 5/15/14

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We are passing through a unique period. If in the past our nature was close to the animate level and life obliged a person to establish a family since it was very difficult for him to supply himself with the necessities without it, these days, with the help of various means and technological achievements, we are completely able to remain single. If we cohabitate, it is not under the terms of marriage, not as a complete family.

And in this era, I still recommend getting married, establishing a family, and organizing life according to what nature demands of us. Sometimes they look at me with suspicion, as if I were calling for something oppressive and undesirable.

Today it seems illogical to push a person into marriage. After all, through this you load a heavy and debilitating burden on him, something that he cannot endure.

And on the contrary, it is so easy to live alone surrounded by electronic home appliances that do the work that in the past required great power. A person turns on a vacuum cleaner that moves itself, puts his clothes in the washing machine, goes to the supermarket, buys prepared food, puts it in the refrigerator or directly into a microwave, moves the laundry to the dryer, and doesn’t even take out the iron; he doesn’t need it.

Daily life is now much easier than in the past, but this doesn’t help the institution of the family. It would seem it would be a great relief when all sorts of devices do most of the work at home for you, where you don’t need to wash the baby’s diapers or cook porridge for him… everything is so easy and simple, but in spite of all this, so complicated.

We are facing a serious problem here, and if we want to see a good future for humanity and to advance in a good way, it seems that we must first of all take care of the people themselves. They must go through a general, basic training and understand what it is to be a human, to be connected to others.

After all, in the past our connection with the family, with parents and children, with the workplace environment and the community was easier. People drove and flew less, didn’t change their employers and professions so often. Life was spent in separate “corners,” in a small place. It was more static, relaxed, and stable. In contrast to this, today, with the increased pace and the many changes in life, we feel that a family is very burdensome for us.

So first it is necessary to give a person the right education, to change him internally so that he will see what is really happening. And even though life has changed, we have become detached from nature that encouraged us to live as tribes, families, villages, cities, countries, the whole world is like a place for all to live, and in spite of all this, it is up to us to make up for what we have lost. We once had a system of natural relationships with family and friends, with the city, with the nation, and now we must supplement the deficiency ourselves.

Without this a person remains neglected, abandoned; he seems to be lost in the crowd. He can get away from his parents and hardly ever communicate with them; and he can be in connection with friends mostly through the Internet. Our environment has generally become a virtual one. On the Internet I find a temporary friend for myself and am often satisfied with this.

In general, this is a temporary stage, a passing stage that will continue until a person discovers the gap between himself and his environment that he must make up by himself….

I begin life in my mother’s womb, I continue it in her arms, after that I go to kindergarten, to school, and all of these stages add an environmental “envelope” to me in which I must develop to such a degree that I will feel that I am an inseparable part of it, connected to everyone as I was once connected to my mother through the umbilical cord.

Ideally, any expansion of this environment doesn’t need to cause detachment. When I go to kindergarten, I am not detached from anything; on the contrary, they teach me about an even tighter connection with the new environment, and in kindergarten I feel as if I am at home, and at home, as if I were within my mother.

Time passes and I build a connection with the school environment based upon such good and friendly relationships of giving and receiving that even here I feel as if I am in the bosom of the family, a caring environment, because we are soldered together so tightly with love and mutual fulfillment. When I finally enter into the wider world, I continue to work with the environment on a basis of the principle of mutual compensation of necessary connections, and all of us feel as one family.

In fact, the only thing missing for me is such compensatory efforts: on my part toward an expanding environment and from its side toward me. my

side a continuously expanding relationship with the environment – from the side of the environment to me.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/22/14

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In general, nature obligates us to have extended connections in order to form stable environments for a person that will accompany him throughout his whole life, regardless of the processes and situations that he experiences.

However, even though we understand the original specifications of nature, we also see our defects that make it impossible to withstand the demands of nature and don’t permit the building of a normal life, even in merely physiological terms.

As far as it seems, this requires work from our side, hard work that is not easy that is inherent only in human freedom of choice. And the freedom of thought, word, and deed, which makes it possible to construct an independent life, is particularly expressed in the right approach regarding family. Accordingly, we must fulfill what is not activated within us instinctively through our nature.

I must be loyal to family, loyal to the nurturing and education of children until they are able to stand on their own and begin to establish their own families. And according to Jewish tradition, even though a person reaches adulthood at the age of thirteen and truly becomes an adult and independent at the age of twenty, even this is relative. Until then, nature obligates us to take care of him.

Nowadays it is difficult for people to sustain a family for such a long period of time. This again testifies to the crisis we are found in.

Fifty or sixty years ago, divorces seemed like a big disaster. People discussed such cases as something surprising and not understandable, as something exceptional. So as long as there was no social agreement about this issue, divorces were not easy and acceptable. People became divorced in very rare cases. Today it is difficult even to imagine what would have to happen for people to be ready for this type of situation.

However, in the last half century, the situation has changed dramatically. Now most couples get divorced, people get married a few times and raise children from different marriages. This no longer surprises anyone. Women sometimes prefer to have children without a husband and generally don’t want to marry.

When I appear before an audience, I sometimes ask an audience of 2,000 to 3,000, “How many single people are there present in this hall?” In this way they become aware that up to 80% of the participants are not in a familial relationship. And this is about people between the ages of 30-40 on average.

After that I ask: “Who among you is ready to get married?” Then most of those who respond positively are men, not women, which confirms that this is true. Somewhere inside, women don’t feel a need for family and children. Maybe something lacking is somehow burdensome to them, but to decide to marry and begin to create familial relationships, to feel involved and committed, is so difficult for our growing ego that they prefer to remain single.

They can take care of themselves relatively easily. They can provide themselves with all the necessities. Especially in our day, women often work better than men. In addition, they know how to manage home economics. Even though they are busy, they remain sufficiently free of all kinds of obligations and are open to the opportunities that the modern world offers.

On the other hand, it is not so easy for men. They lack the feminine care, they feel a bit more “suspended in air” than women, and often they are not prepared to take care of themselves. However, they also see family as a burden, a heavy yoke. If it were possible, modern man would prefer his mother over his wife. Family and children with all of their implications are not for him.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/22/14

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The Torah, “Leviticus”, 18; 22: Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind; it is abomination.

Such relations in our world are the expression of homosexuality. In the spiritual world it is the inability of the male and the female parts of the general vessel to properly connect.

The male part is the one who bestows and the female part is the one who receives. They have to connect according to certain laws. Certain actions have to be performed in their connection such as purification, exposure, etc. Only then can a general vessel can be created in the right combination between the attributes of receiving and of bestowal. What is more, this all takes place within a person.

A new level cannot be born out of two male parts since the Light of Hasadim, the Light of bestowal, is lacking in this combination,. The Torah, however, speaks only about actions that can be used in order to bestow outside oneself, since by that you correct your soul.
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From KabTV’s “Secrets of the Eternal Book” 3/19/14

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