In the News (from Psychologies.ru): “Our life flows and passes losing its shades and becoming black and white, friends and foes, heroes and villains. Psychologists call this perspective cognitive simplicity.

“This phenomenon appears at infancy. We all know that we acquire the complexity of this world with time through our relationships with people.

“It is better for our leaders if people perceive the world as a simple place since it is simply easier to manage them and to control them. Many agree and are willing to accept the rules of this game.

“Simplicity as a form of psychological protection helps them cope with the complexity of the world.  A simple perception of the world allows a person not only to see the goal more clearly but also to attain it.

“Cognitive simplicity is the basis for manipulation that comes down to people’s ability to attain the goals we were given, while convincing others to also want that. These manipulations are based on ideas that have to be subordinately in common with those who resemble them. The manipulations refer to actions against cooperation trust and autonomy.

“It becomes necessary to imagine our states and those of others not only logically but also emotionally. The individual’s awareness has to include the position of those around him. A person’s fate is an attempt to unite and to care about others no less than about himself.”

My Comment: I believe that only an addition to the egoism that manages us on its own, the second force of nature, the positive force of connection and love will make our world and man living in it balanced by the two forces. We will be able to manage ourselves and the world and to build a balanced system of the world. If not, we will fall into increasingly greater egoism that leads us to terrible sufferings, and eventually after world wars and annihilations we will still acknowledge the need to complement ourselves with the positive force of life and to build humanity as a balanced system. The positive force of connection can only be discovered in the process of workshops and discussion circles that are based on the wisdom of Kabbalah and the wisdom of connection.
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In the News (Russian-Bazaar): “In another few decades, a quarter of the children will be born with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). In addition, boys suffer from this disorder five times more than girls (4 out of 20). It is impossible to detect autism in the fetal stage of development or in the newborn. Phenomenal memory is nothing other than a result of autism.

“Many claim that autistics are much more talented and intelligent than regular children. But those that suffer from ASD are absolutely unprepared for independent living. They require constant care and supervision. The autistic can be used in scientific and technical fields, in mathematics and programming.

“They can prove themselves excellently in plants and factories, in hospitals and in laboratories. Military experts commend the skills of the autistic. These people can carry out any task if this task is defined precisely and correctly.

“Researchers compare autistics to representatives of extreme religious communities who feel happy only when they are in an environment that is familiar to them. They have their own laws, traditions and views, attributing much importance and value to these, but they don’t impose this on anyone.”

My Comment: All the “new” problems are cured only through mutual relationships in society because they are the result of a lag in the correction of society.
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Comment: In today’s society there is such a convention that people enter into an intimate connection very rapidly after the first meeting. And there is a huge omission. In the public mind the sexual revolution is perceived as permissive.

Answer: And that is why we don’t get pleasure from sex. There is some kind of social convention that permits entering into very rapid intimate connection after barely meeting and knowing nothing about each another. And then we are missing all that immense supplement that leads to an explosion of the senses.

After all, what happens after the pair attains sexual satisfaction? It’s all done and nothing remains. That is how nature forces us to add an emotional component to this act, and if it is missing, we leave it empty. A moment later, our thoughts are already somewhere else. Maybe, we already are thinking about some other connection.

Fulfillment is possible only if we build such a system of relationship where the sexual act only complements it and is not performed only to satisfy the lowest level of a beastly urge. We must learn to love! First, it is up to us to build a common system of connections, mutual concession, mutual understanding, and pleasant contacts.

These are the systems that make it possible for one to feel the person internally and to learn how to bring him pleasure, and he will feel what I enjoy, what gives me pleasure. This is not talking about sex here. Rather, this is about all kinds of connections between us.

It is nice for us to be together, nice to talk, to see each other, nice to taste something that someone else offers, which is to say that these are all kinds of human expressions through which we can enjoy one another.

To love others as I do myself, I must first understand what his needs are and try to fulfill them, and my partner learns my needs and fulfills them. He must feel pleasure from me, and I want to enjoy him. When a connection like this is created between us in which each one is found within the other and fulfills the others’ needs, we already can reach an intimate closeness. It also indicates that we are found one within the other and are fulfilling our partner.

We are people with many talents, involved with a variety of things, and don’t always require attention from each other. Nevertheless, there is a latent need in each one of us that can be awakened at any moment and satisfied through a few tender words or a touch.

Question: I understand this technique, but nice words don’t always touch someone’s heart. What must I do to touch that inner point within a partner that is waiting secretly for my attention?

Answer: We start from afar, with soft words, to stimulate the person. This is the same approach as in every other kind of human relationship, not only between couples. You try to provide fulfillment and love for the partner.

“Courting” means that, first of all, I learn to understand who the person is with the help of all kinds of small and short checks, careful attempts. That is how I find the sensitive points in him so that, when I touch them, I can give him enjoyment. I must develop my relationship with these sensitive points and expand them more and more.

Through exercises like these, I awaken within the person a need for my attention. I continue to fulfill him: I say nice words to him, give some gift, discover concern and attention, and, in this way, I gradually get the person used to these fulfillments, just as I would tame an animal. Each one of us is built like that. Thanks to this, I form a need for fulfillment in him, for my good relationship with him.

Here, I stop my actions a bit, and then begin to fulfill my partner again—stop a bit, fulfill again. In this way I ignite him and awaken in him an even greater desire. This is the game that we play with one another. This is the game between two loving people who know how to keep their love on a low flame so that at any moment it will be possible to ignite it into a large flame.

This requires skill. I cannot repeat the same stock phrases, but I must adjust myself precisely to the desires of my partner. However, even that is not enough. After I adjust myself, I must begin to develop the desire, expanding it all the time through fulfillment. This is until habit becomes second nature. Then, my wife will feel such a strong need for my relationship towards her, and I feel the same thing about her.

So, it follows that we are building a common area between us. My need is built within her, and her need is built within me. This common area where we depend upon each other is the territory of our love.
[132948]
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 6/9/13

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Question: Who hasn’t fallen in love in his life? Powerful forces are hidden in this feeling. These are forces that move all of us and activate an entire chain of inner drives. Within these states of ebb and flow are included various components we do not know how to work correctly with.

On the one hand, falling in love is a strong sexual urge, and on the other hand, it is a deeper feeling, love, something that requires a more intimate and internal feeling.

What is love composed of? Which colors are found in its spectrum? What causes this diamond to sparkle, and how do we refine it so that it will sparkle more and not fade? It seems that if people don’t learn this, they will continue to sink into the obstacle course that a shared life presents to them.

Today, as in all areas of life, even love has been hurled into a crisis, and we begin to understand that basically love is an art that we must acquire. We lack the skills for love.

Answer: First of all, it is necessary to define what love is. After all, what we consider to be “love” is, in fact, a sexual drive that awakens from within and demands satisfaction, as in all animals.

The feeling of falling in love is not connected to true love. It is no accident that it is written in the Torah, “… shall not wander after your hearts and after your eyes…” (Numbers 15:39). This is not love.

This type of general crisis was caused by our beginning to call the sexual drive, “love.” As is understood, it is necessary to satisfy it, but, in any case, the sexual drive is like the rest of the drives for food, family, money, respect, control, and knowledge.

The typical sexual drive is unique in the human species. With animals, it is dictated by seasons for reproduction or other limitations and is designed only for the continuation of the species, whereas, with us, it is not connected to the seasons of the year, for after all, a person transcends the natural life cycles and, in general, is disconnected from nature.

One way or another, this passion develops together with us and takes on different forms according to historical periods. For example, in ancient times, homosexuality was fashionable, but later religion wrote its own laws in this area.

In principle, what motivates our development is the ego that has grown from generation to generation. Accordingly, sexual desire began to burn in us more and more, together with additional impulses in all kinds of directions. Over time, we really have changed our egoistic desires for personal pleasure to various degrees.

Yet, today, the situation already has worsened. We no longer are prepared to live with one another for a long period of time. Statistically, after a number of years pass, something like an explosive is created between us, leading to an inevitable explosion and severing of the connection.

So, in our day, public opinion is inclined toward the possibility of living without a family or replacing it after a particular period of time, and with this the wasted familial potential is renewed from time to time. Also, what must be taken into account is that we live twice as long as they lived in previous centuries, and this brings additional problems.

Yet, in fact, there is no connection between sex and a true family, between sex and true love. Sex, itself, is only a physical drive. If I understand myself correctly, then, when I am guided by this drive on the background of the values of society, I notice some “object” appropriate for me to “unload.”

Whatever we might call this dominance by hormones, of course, we are not speaking about love, which we want to associate with sex. Sex is basically a drive that has its place in normal life.

However, if we want to talk about love, it is irrelevant to what we are used to imagining to ourselves about sex, but it is indeed relevant to family.

Question: Is love completely separate from our previous concepts or is it built as a new layer above them?

Answer: Sex will be connected to love, but love is created without any connection to hormones. Specifically in this way, we can create something positive, powerful, deep, and eternal.

Question: In other words, it is a continuous and powerful connection of loving hearts that do not start from “hormonal passion”?

Answer: Right, we are talking about an absolutely different way to connect that need to be taught about developing new relationships formed above our ego, above our desires. This is a passion for an inner connection with a person who becomes a friend to you, a true friend, someone who gives you his shoulder, reassurance, and understanding, completing and accompanying you forever.

However, this is on condition that this connection is eternal and not “replaced” by other alternatives that simultaneously exist—as happens in sexual relationships—that today are subject to momentary impulses and free from obligations. Love cannot dwell above them. On the contrary, only when there is true love, an inner connection between people, is it possible to connect sexual closeness to it.

Question: Does this mean that sexual values are derived from a general course of development like every other human passion?

Answer: Of course. For example, our nourishment today is absolutely different from the nourishment that people consumed 100 or 200 years ago. In the past, people ate simple things, whereas, in our day, the average family sets a table that kings would have envied and enjoys an unprecedented range of products.

Question: The data of today truly makes it possible to define passion as hormonal stimulation as a result of which the person is “ignited” by someone.

Answer: Some are used to connecting with a particular partner. Others, on the contrary, are not prepared to reach sexual satisfaction with the same partner. According to his nature, someone requires several partners or a new partner all the time; that is how he is constructed. It is not possible to uproot this inclination.

We are witness to these deviations, to various differences that already are considered normal and legitimate today.

By and large, this speaks about a corporeal characteristic that must be satisfied like hunger. Therefore, society must be constructed so that it is possible for a person to satisfy these kinds of corporeal needs just like his needs for nourishment.

Question: If so, how must congenital or acquired characteristics of a person be integrated with environmental influence?

Answer: The environment influences only the form of expression of natural desires. For example, someone prefers a vegetarian diet from birth, someone else prefers grains, a third prefers fish, and so on. The influence of the environment cannot really change innate tastes that are conditioned by physiology and even connected to typical characteristics of the person.

Similarly, the sexual drive is mostly genetically determined, and external influences essentially cannot change its form of expression. A person’s nature determines his sexual habits exactly like his dietary habits.

However, regarding the degree of the growth of the desires, the environment can influence them more, and acquired habits become second nature in diet, sex, familial relationships, and so on.

However, ultimately, I put all of this to the side. I attribute this to the corporeal characteristics of a person and don’t grant them further significance. They are inevitably conditioned by our physiology. Desires can be increased or reduced through the injection of hormones. There was a time when it was very difficult for me to accept this, yet, ultimately, I absorbed the physical aspect of the emotions and sensations that all of us experience.

I suppose that these insights are lacking in the youth of today and not only for them. This is talking about things that are absolutely clear, scientific facts. However, we don’t want to know about them. Perhaps, it is because we prefer a mysterious vagueness instead of unequivocal truth. After all, then the value of a multitude of books and Hollywood movies would be negated. It is pleasant for people to connect the concept of love with the sexual drive.

Question: Let’s go back to the right relationship with a partner who can become, as you said, a faithful partner.

Answer: This is a partner of the opposite sex, both physically and mentally. I feel that we complete each other. Yet, this is not a sexual desire, and I am cannot complete it with a partner of the same sex.

A man can become a dear friend. “Haver – חבר“ (friend) is derived from the word “Chibur – חיבור” (connection), and in these relationships love is different, the love of friends. However, here, this is talking about love that is supported by nature itself. After all, together with my partner for life, I complete everything that is connected to food, sex and the family. Moreover, along with this person, I acquire money, respect, and knowledge. Therefore, I materialize all of my inner desires in a mutual connection that is absorbed with true and deep love.

Love is a space in which I acquire the correct form for my desires, and that is the place for my wife (or husband), and in a wider sense, love is a mutual inner connection between people. When I have friends and am connected, linked to them internally, then a sensation is developed between us and takes us over, which is called love. If I want to give pleasure to another, satisfy his desires and needs, if I am ready for this, it is a sign that I love him, and in general, the feeling is mutual.

Question: Going back to the connection between a man and woman, you are describing a very intimate connection between the partners.

Answer: It is a connection that is so full and stable that a third person cannot enter into this area. No one sees the embrace of souls. No one can feel how much they are woven together, are absorbed in each other. This is a particular type of physical closeness that is copied onto the level of the soul.

Essentially, the physical coupling must awaken in us the need for this “game,” to search for each other’s desires, to awaken an appetite for internal connection. This romance between souls obliges me to understand what my partner would like to receive from me. How can I provide that, to help him? How we can search together, one within the other, for the living tools without which we feel empty?

All of this is happening precisely in the emotions on the level of the soul and not between bodies.

Question: Psychologists call this connection “romantic love.”

Answer: Their romantic love is based on hormones, whereas we are the opposite. First, we cultivate true emotion and, after that, add the hormonal aspect to it.

On the other hand, we actually turn to people in whom a physical connection already exists. So, it is up to us to deepen and expand the existing connection as is customary in the world, to convey “threads” from one heart to another heart.

Question: So, let’s move from the first outburst of emotion, from the arousal of falling in love, to relationships that have stabilized later. In these relationships, there are two components: sexual passion and a desire to strengthen a more intimate connection.

Answer: I suppose that this is a very fragile desire that comes with the spirit of romantic movies. People don’t understand that, in order to truly realize it, one must invest enormous strength, mutual understanding and kill the ego within them to make it possible for the partner to enter me and as well as gently penetrate him.

Question: How is a deep and intimate connection created between two people? Where does one begin?

Answer: Here, there is a need for educational talks about human nature and psychology as well as about our soul, about the constant yearning for deeper love, where it comes from and why. After all, passion is characteristic only of the human species.

These explanations are integrated with workshops that reinforce the understanding of the material and arouse people to an inner search so that they would try to build the tools, the yearning for love, in themselves.

I want him truly to love me, with the soul, so that my partner would enter inside, would be filled, understand me, envelop me with concern, support me, and strengthen me like a mother who constantly is concerned about her small child. I expect that he would discover more and more possibilities of giving me pleasure, bringing me a sensation of security, a warm embrace—in brief, inner fulfillment.

Yet, on the other hand, as it is written, “…you shall love your neighbor as yourself…” (Leviticus 19:18), which is to say that I also need to develop the same attitude toward my partner, understand that the same passion, the same need, burns within him, only it is discovered every time in a different form. After all, in spite of it all, we are different people as well as of a different sex. Yet, in principle, the approach is identical. Both of us want the same thing, yet each one wants it in his way.

So, in workshops when I turn to the partner according to the principle, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” we examine how to realize this, how to discover this passion in the other, how one can penetrate into the other. This is not a crude invasion. Rather, I slide inward to fill the empty void. More correctly, I open it. I express desire like an appetite before a meal.

That is how each one examines this sensation within himself and tries to understand it in the other, and, suddenly, thanks to our mutual work, we discover spaces inside, vast spaces, which are the soul.

This is the greatest passion of the human species, to reduce the beastly level that requires corporeal, earthly traditional pleasures. This is what we need, and, if a person is ready to satisfy this desire in another while getting the satisfaction of his desire from him in return, then no needs, desires, or other inner voids remain for him. After all, in this way, he acquires full satisfaction. That is how we are built.

So, all of the problems of humanity—terror, wars, power struggles, arrogance, conflicts, all of this—result from our not being prepared to discover the inner spaces of love, abandoning them like empty, dark caves deep within the depths of the soul. If we begin to solve this problem, then we will provide a complete solution for everything. The key for success is specifically hidden here, and, as a result of using it, all other problems are resolved: wars, conflicts, perversions, and so forth.

We don’t need to wander anymore around the endless shelves of products for the ego, endlessly becoming confused by its whims. Instead, we begin to be involved with the main thing. We acquire a higher art, we build a higher culture that will give us everything. We begin to understand each other. We begin to look at people differently. After all, if love of friends or the partner burns within a person, he looks completely different, and this completely changes the relationships between us.

It is written, “…love covers all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12). In our society, there are many defects and problems from which many people flee to drugs, sinking into depression and even commit suicide. For all of these transgressions, love is ready to cover them. Yet, this is only true love and not sex. Sex is only a short and negative stimulus that brings with it many related problems.

As is understood, I am not against sex. Rather, I am only drawing a picture of the situation that has been created today.

Question: Therefore, the art of love is ready to make humanity bloom anew and raise it to a new level of mutual connection between people. What about the relationship with a life partner? How can I and he/she learn this art?

Answer: I imagine myself as an infant in the hands of his mother. Specifically, love and concern are the key foundation for our growth, and, on the contrary, children who lack this have problems in their development and even their health. The relationship determines everything. We grow from the sensation of love, and here I lie in the hands of my mother, not understanding anything and not knowing anything, like a small animal, yet already feeling love.

When I imagine this situation in a workshop, I begin to describe the same thing. How is this? Which spaces are filled in me? I go deeper into myself and say what love is, without sparing words and feelings. I don’t just define love. Rather, I also pull on this thread and discover it more and more.

And then, this inner observation and self-study will reveal to me that the same voids, the same needs for an attitude of love and concern, are also in my partner, and then I begin to fulfill them like a mother.

So, with the help of a series of workshops, we discover what the sensation of love is. It comes to be expressed in the other, fulfilling for me all of the inner voids, desires, and passions that I used to feel as emptiness and dissatisfaction.

The infant is born with a desire. He wants them to take care of him. Following this, he feels the love of his mother and is relaxed by her hands, even though it would seem that, principally, nothing has changed. He yearns for her smell. He stops crying and softens.

All of this is because the need for love and relationship is born together with us and comes to be expressed already in the lap of the mother, and, now in the first workshops, it is up to me to understand, to clarify those same desires that I can satisfy only with the help of the concern of relatives: love. I want to find out about the negative sensations within me, the empty voids, the unsatisfied desires and the deficiencies that demand fulfillment. I search only for what I am lacking and that only can be received from others.

This is just like how a small child needs his mother and nothing will take her place. This is a sign that love is the main thing that we lack, even as adults. All of life, from beginning to end, needs to be accompanied by the sensation of love.

However, we block the flow of love because we haven’t been concerned about its existence. As I grow, I require less and less care by my mother, and so I naturally distance myself from her, and here it must be understood that, to the degree that we distance ourselves from our parents, it is up to us to nurture in children and youths a desire and a need for a true and deep connection whose name is love.

Society, my partner and my relationship to the entire universe, the nature of the still, the vegetative, animate, and humanity, all of this, essentially should give me a sensation of motherly concern. It is not for nothing that we call nature a mother. That is how the surrounding world should treat me.

By perceiving a person in a workshop, how he is ignited, we consider what it is like to be an infant in the hands of his mother and, after that, grow by her side. What does she give me? How does she warm me and allow me to have a sensation of security? How does she take care of me and prepare everything for me that I am not ready to do for myself? It is still too early for me to eat solid food, so she prepares porridge for me. I cannot bathe, so she bathes me, and so on.

That is how concern for others comes to be expressed first of all in why I can’t do something for myself. That is how I discover the need, the continuous lack in relation to the warmth and concern of relatives, a relationship that I never would be able to provide for myself alone. I will not be able to fill the gaping void inside; only others can take care of that.

I want them to cherish me, to appreciate me. I want to feel special, wonderful. All of this can only be drawn from the environment. Otherwise, when we don’t receive this favor, we suffer all of our lives.

We don’t get any favor as soon as the environment doesn’t make up for the separation from the mother through the partner or the friends. In ancient tribes, people compensated for this deficiency. The child grew up in a large family and received a ceaseless relationship of love and concern from it, and, therefore, people were then much more whole, natural, and relaxed. Yet, their desires were also smaller.

However, this is not so with us. We are more defective, lack more, are found without essential fulfillment that society doesn’t provide to us, beginning from childhood. In contrast to the ancient tribes, beginning from the period of the tower of Babel, society developed egoistically and following that, created a great deficiency of love in us. The growing ego brought this emptiness to us.

This is the reason that Abraham came to a humanity that was beginning to be divided under the pressure of the egoistic drives and said, “…you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” In this way, you will be fulfilled. You will complete everything.

Question: Isn’t this approach contrary to uniqueness and individuality?

Answer: No, on the contrary, everyone discovers within himself a greater space, becoming even more unique. Returning to unity between us preserves the uniqueness and individuality of everyone. The individual remains and blossoms under conditions of traditional care that makes it possible for him to discover a stronger desire for love from those close to him.

In fact, when examining the inner voids, I discover that only all of humanity can fulfill them for me. Through the initial contact with the partner, I discover new desires through the environment of friends, the community and the entire world. My love expands. It is supported still by the basic familial relationships, yet already reaches global dimensions. It is logical that I am living specifically in a space that opens for me with a new sensation of mutual concern.

This is truly living, mutual love, threads that connect the hearts. This is no longer my private space. After all, here I experience bestowal from outside, and from here I bring bestowal to everyone. I love them as myself. This reciprocity is maintained. Otherwise, I would not feel them, nor would they feel me.

So, love for others becomes fulfillment for me. The more that I love those who are close to me, the more that I bring them abundance, the more I am fulfilled. Our relationships become one complete thing, and there is no longer any difference between my love for them and their love for me. This is now the property of all.

Then, our inner spaces begin to connect, both their emptiness and their fulfillment, and the physical needs like food or sex become accompaniments and no more than that.

Ultimately, the person doesn’t feel any detachment. His desires grow quantitatively and qualitatively, and the society provides for them. As a result of this, he is devoted to society, loving everyone, and when he receives abundance from them by himself, he bestows that to those around him. There is no alienation. There is no cheating. There is no hatred. Everything flows naturally since love like this leaves no place for doing anything against the society. This sensation conquers us, dominates us, not by force, but by itself.

Question: I sense the emptiness inside of me, understand that it yearns for love, and only a true partner can fulfill it. What is next?

Answer: First of all, this speaks about the most natural, closest partner to me. In our relationships, everything depends on us, on the manner in which we develop our mutual connection absorbed in love.

So, first, I discover a void within me egoistically when I want it to be filled for me. Yet, after that, I begin to understand that the void will be filled only on the basis of mutual relationships. This means that I need to express the same attitude toward my partner.

Then, suddenly, it is discovered that when I am concerned about him, I also get pleasure from this myself. That is how we are found in a process of learning and common development.

A mother feels immense pleasure when she takes care of her baby. She has nothing more desirable, more sublime, or better. This is love. I am concerned for someone and get satisfaction, fulfillment, and stimulation from this, a unique feeling that doesn’t make it possible for me to be detached from concern for the person who is loved.

So, only on a foundation of inner emptiness, an inner drive toward love that I yearn to receive from the other, it is up to me to develop the same relationship toward him. This is the principle of, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” and, when we begin to work on its realization correctly, I feel that the truth is that I get pleasure not in a situation where I lie like a baby in loving hands, but when I bring love to others.
[134031]
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 6/23/13

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In the News (from The Health Site): “Better education may help you earn more, but it may not make you a lot happier than those with low educational attainment, a new study claims.

“Getting a good education may not improve your life chances of happiness, showed the findings published in the British Journal of Psychiatry. …

“The researchers examined socioeconomic factors related to high mental wellbeing, such as level of education and personal finances. Low educational attainment is strongly associated with mental illness but the research team wanted to find out if higher educational attainment is linked with mental wellbeing.

“The team found all levels of educational attainment had similar odds of high mental well-being. …

“High mental wellbeing was defined as ‘feeling good and functioning well’. People with high levels of mental wellbeing manage to feel happy and contented with their lives more often than those who do not, the researchers noted.”

My Comment: As it is written in the Torah, “He who increases knowledge increases sorrow,” better less, but with the right intention, and simply, “the less you know, the better you sleep.”
[157530]

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Question: I would like to ask about how to win a man’s heart, how can I buy his heart?

Answer: A woman begins by letting a man understand that she loves him, admires him for being great, clever, and a hero. She encourages him like a small child.

A child and a grown man are exactly the same when it comes to this. They should constantly be given the feeling that they are strong, great, and clever. The only one in the world!

Thus, a woman ties him to her, like a puppy with a leash. He will follow her wherever she goes because he needs her admiration like a breath of air. This is how you tie a man.

In addition, she begins to gradually tame him, by teaching and showing him in different ways what she likes and what she doesn’t. He is constantly interested in getting a confirmation that she encourages, loves, and appreciates him. So he should understand that he will receive all that only if he treats her the way she likes; I am revealing all the secrets to you now…

A woman begins to convey to a man her impressions of him based on the way he behaves towards her. Thus, she teaches him how to treat her by showing him what pleases her, which in return invokes actions on her part that will be pleasant for him.

Question: How can I make him feel great and at the same time not annul myself? How can I make him feel that he is the king as long as I am the queen?

Answer: This is too difficult and too obliging. A man doesn’t want a queen by his side. She needs to appreciate him without any preconditions, like a mother treats her son. A mother always loves and appreciates her son regardless of how he behaves.

If a woman tells a man that he is great, he is really great and not on condition that she is great. If he is clever, it isn’t because she is clever. Her appreciation of him has to be independent, but no one will tell him the words that she tells him and so he will be tied to her.

Then she begins to set conditions. If he does something wrong she already shows her dissatisfaction and her face saddens. He is very sensitive to her mood since he wants to see her appreciation each time and to feel that he is a man, macho, and if not strong then clever and if not clever then a hero.

If she shows him that he saddens her by his attitude and therefore she cannot appreciate him and expresses her impression like he is used to, he will begin to look for a way to win her admiration in order to keep on receiving her continuous praise.

A man needs compliments more than a woman does. This is how you get him used to the right and good attitude. Then he really gets used to it and treats the woman the way she wants and according to what she likes—proper treatment, respect, and appreciation. He doesn’t actually appreciate her but her attitude towards him. This is how we buy each other’s heart and that’s the only thing we need.

So we don’t need anything special in advance for love to flourish in a family. We simply need to feel good being with one another, to see one another, to touch, to eat the food that the other has prepared, to court one another. Everything else is established as a result of a game.
[133235]
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 6/9/13

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We must be concerned about fuel for advancement and the quality of the work, and not just run after the quantity. Otherwise, this will lead to a great fall. We must sit together and think about a method for approaching people. The moment you seriously begin to take care of the general public, you will get a second wind. Now, you feel tired after a long run. Even though you had great success, this no longer excites you and doesn’t give you the same vigor as you had before. You have gotten used to being successful and there is nothing new about it. Everything comes to an end and you have begun to get sick and tired of it.

It is like the four phases of Ohr Yashar (Direct Light). Why can’t the first phase go on forever? This is because, after it (Aleph-Lamed-Peh) finishes, the second phase (Bet-Yod-Tav) begins. After that finishes, the third phase begins.

The Light influences the desire and constantly changes it. Eventually, it becomes qualitatively new from reception to bestowal, from Hochma to Bina. So, the same thing will happen in our work as well. It is impossible to play the same game until the end of life.

When people fall in love, they swear that they will love each other until the end of their lives, but it is clear that love will fade before we die, for we evolve quickly. In our day, development is very rapid, so people marry and divorce a number of times in their lives.

It means that each state will end and we shouldn’t wait for it to happen. Already, in advance, we should understand that even though our dissemination work is productive, correct, and good, and we cant diminish its importance, it already requires additions. It is up to us to think about the quality of the work, for every new level is attained by improving the quality.

It means that the connection with people must be more qualitative. The next stage is precisely the same as the previous one, but with a greater level of connection. We need to meet with the same people we already have contacted and begin to teach them the method of correction. It is necessary to send explanatory material to them, to have workshops and unification evenings with them, and to teach them through the television channels and the Internet to continually keep them interested. It is as if we enrolled them in a school, and now it is up to us to begin the first grade.

As a result of this, we will become a conduit that connects people with the Creator. We are not yet this conduit, rather, we have only reached the first point of contact.
[135712]
From the 3^rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 5/21/14, The Book of Zohar

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Each time society, the human species, wants to ascend to a new level and improve their situation meaningful changes are really made through revolutions—in worldview, in social structure, in political structure.

Every revolution advances us to the next state; when this state is also discovered to be insufficient, a new revolution helps in taking a further step forward.

That is how our development happens—through revolutions, through levels of renewal.

Today we are facing the next necessary and inevitable revolution that will happen in the most internal area of our lives—in the relationships between us.

In the new era they will be changed drastically, and instead of being strangers to each other and far from each other, we will feel closeness and mutual connection, and we will begin to live according to the principle of reciprocity and support, like siblings in a cohesive family. This revolution in relationships will greatly influence the present situation.

Come, let’s focus on the unique characteristic that typifies all revolutions, both those that have been and those that will come in the future: Always at the beginning of the process there are unique people who motivate it and attract others after them.

Revolutionary Leaders, Then and Now

There is no revolution without a revolutionary who dares to say things out loud that others only thought about, but weren’t bold enough to say. A person like this makes a real difference.

If we consider the revolutionaries of the 20^th century like Lenin, Che Guevara, Martin Luther King, or Nelson Mandela, we can discern the characteristics that typified all of them. They began their activity in their youth; they were educated people who felt the processes that were taking place in society under the surface; they felt the people and their pain. They suffered injustices together with them; they were “cooked” on this fire; they matured, and they gradually shaped the new agenda, the revolutionary ideology.

As a result of this, as we learn from history, they truly succeeded in carrying out great changes in society and in the world.

Question: Let’s compare the revolutionary leaders of the 20^th century and the leaders of the approaching revolution. Is there a difference between them? Or are we waiting for the same kind of leader to arise, raise the flag, and draw humanity after him?

Answer: First of all, the word “revolution” can be understood in different ways and not always accurately.

We generally know that the person is a desire for pleasure, living to fulfill his desire. With this goal he changes the form of social relationships and passes from one model to another: from family to village, from village to city, from city to nation, to international relations. All of this fulfills the human need, the desire to enjoy and feel good.

That is how the healthy ego manages the world, that is how we develop from generation to generation—and so from time to time we must change something. And the changes that are caused by the development of our ego cannot occur continuously, at every moment, especially in light of the fact that we are not even aware of the speed of these processes. Only in the present generation has the pace of essential changes clearly accelerated, whereas previously they took place once in a few centuries. Accordingly, even the revolutions derived from the necessity of adapting social relationships to our inner development sometimes happen only rarely.

In addition, it is necessary to understand that the revolutions of the past were not so powerful and extreme. In the end, the next state was born from the previous state, even though this happened with struggles, conflicts, stormy discussions that necessarily typify the transition from slavery to relative freedom, from feudalism to capitalism.

This caused great changes, not only in relationships between people, but also in the relationship to the higher power (religion), and also in industry and the economy. In fact, the Industrial Revolution changed the relationships between us, and this will inevitably require  further social innovations.

Understandably, there were always people who expressed the common aspiration. In addition, various sectors of society always related differently to the changes. Many circumstances and factors contributed to this process. However, in general, development is conditional upon society reaching an accommodation with the global conditions, with nature.

In the past we advanced due to the fact that nature caused certain progress in us. They shaped and caused reactions and internal changes. Following this reaction we ourselves had to change something.

In general, it is interesting that the closer to our time on the scale of generations, the changes that have occurred have become more sharp and have demanded more understanding, agreement, and participation by people.

For example, in the past, in the transition from the prehistoric era to the era of slavery did not erupt in war or revolutions because the innovations were relatively favorable both for the masters and for their slaves. And then this transformation became a social process and led to the creation of the new ruling regime with particular laws and systems of enforcement.

But this was not the result of a conscious analysis and subsequent conclusions; it was simply life itself demanded an ascent to the next level. Under the influence of nature we understood that slavery no longer pays off and cannot continue. Conditions that were created in trade and industry demanded that slaves be interested in their work and they were freed from the state of absolute lack of rights because this made it possible to gain greater profit from them.

So in the course of time the slave became a worker subordinate to his boss, and after that became completely free. One way or another, in this process everything depended upon the desire for pleasure, the degree of benefit that I can get from someone and he from me.

And so nature awakens changes in us during our inner development, and constantly requires us to digest, understand, and feel these changes, to agree with the general process, with the changes in it, with their adaptation and absorption into human society.

Our contribution, our participation, is specifically found in this. We must stick to the middle: Even though nature compels us to change, in spite of it, all we must make the changes ourselves.

That is how evolution and revolution are integrated. Humanity undergoes an inner process of development and along with this the social process is the initiation of innovations in social relationships. And even though all of this is caused by nature, understanding, consciousness, and realization is required from our side.

Question: Where is the place here for a leader, a revolutionary, who will go forward and draw the others after him?

Answer: This is always the case: The leader gathers a group of friends and other people from more external circles around him until it reaches the masses, quite passive, but involved in the process of changes.

Question: In what way does the revolutionary stand out in the general passive environment?

Answer: It is in his ability to ignite others. After all, the need, the desire, for a change for the better also exists among them, and he must accordingly “buy” them through promises. Together with this, the revolutionary is generally more developed, understands and feels more, so he sees the world in a slightly different light. And in addition, he knows how to turn to people and in what form to provide them the necessity of revolution, meaning, the imperative for the changes in social structure. If the person is successful, if he acts at the right time and in the right circumstances, he realizes his goal.

Revolutionaries were always educated people; they understood what was happening, they knew how to read the big picture, and also possessed special charisma. In addition, they had helpers by their sides that were ready to arouse the masses. In this way they led development.

On the other hand, the word “revolution” is not always appropriate. Clearly we are talking about change; however, changes like these are already found cooking within society; it is only necessary to bring them out, develop them, and translate them from potential into action.

History gives us examples from various generations: The leaders were always intelligent and educated, middle or upper class people, not “common folk,” and at the same time, they were able to connect to the masses and lead them toward the transformation. This phenomenon was never confined to the elite level– but from there it spread to the wider public.

The revolution before which we are standing today is exceptional. It will be unique.

In principle, the process is the same process: Nature works on us and pushes us towards change. But this time the changes are caused not because the desire has already changed and only the environment has not yet been organized in the appropriate way, as was the case in transitions from one formation to another in previous eras. No, today we must only change ourselves. Before the revolution changes the face of our society, it is necessary to change the person. So this requires advanced work from us, the basis without which nothing will succeed.

So we must go out to the people and teach them to build new relationships, new laws, according to which we will live. Nature is pushing us specifically towards this; this is what it inserts into us. So first an “educational” revolution is required—we must do everything to go out to the people and educate them.

According to the outward signs this is somewhat like what the Bolsheviks, with Lenin at their head, wanted to do in Russia. They also disseminated printed material, communicating with the masses working in factories, and on every corner explained their message. And while this was not a change in a person and society; nevertheless, they were shaking the public and explaining what needed to be done.

Along the way they adapted themselves to the people and really appealed to the poor, to the commoners, who were very far from the industrial revolution that the nation needed to develop and not be an agrian appendage of Europe.

Question: And so the coming revolution will be a revolution in education and will require advanced publicity in all the strata of society. Only after that will the ground be prepared for the decisive stage—the change of the person. In that case, which characteristics must typify the leaders of the coming revolution?

Answer: First of all, they will be guides, an “army” of guides. They must turn to the people, especially through virtual networks, through the Internet, because it covers the whole world and makes it possible to reach everyone, without being involved with printed material.

In general, the true revolution happening today is not in the capital cities. There is a different situation: The revolution penetrates inside, and in the first stage, it takes place primarily within the person.

Question: What is this internal revolution?

Answer: As in every revolution, a person must be in despair about the present situation. But, at the same time, he must understand the reasons for the situation: It doesn’t depend upon the predatory elites who are only concerned about themselves, not on the government that doesn’t do anything practical. Here the whole thing is in human nature.

No one is to blame, and we didn’t intend to burn, destroy, or overthrow anyone; after all, the next functionary will be the same, if not worse. No, we see that our hater, our enemy, is our nature. It is the predator that sits within us—the ego that is concerned only for itself. Within me and in each one of us sits a wild animal that thinks only about itself. It looks at the world from within a person and makes a calculation: “How can I have pleasure? How can I use everyone only for my own good? How can I humiliate the others? After all, this is also pleasure….”

So first of all the person requires a revolution in the understanding of his fate: “It is logical that I am totally dependent on the wild animal that is hiding itself within me; I am subordinate to it.”

And so we reach the conclusion that it is necessary to build a system for our internal correction. It will show us what this “beast” is—our nature, the evil inclination, the ego, that destroys every initiative and doesn’t make it possible to rein it in and relax it. On the contrary, it always dominates us and even goes out of its way; in spite of it all it is still in charge. As much as I want to get out from under its authority, to dominate it, in the end, I will discover the same beastly face that rules me, albeit in another dress. I simply have no other nature besides this ego.

This process is called the “recognition of evil”: I learn to recognize the beast in me and see how crazy it is, its sophisticated total control, and nothing is left for me.

Only one thing can save me—if I connect to others. Then we find the point of connection among us and act from that. Then we can tighten the connection between us more and more, dominate the beast within us, the evil inclination, throw it out, and distance ourselves from it. This is the only way.

The work in this direction—is integral education, or the wisdom of connection. The name is not that important. What is important is how we realize the first stage of the revolution.

So it follows that the next revolutionary is a leader, a teacher, a guide. He doesn’t stand up against anyone; he doesn’t incite one part of the people against another part, or one nation against another nation. The Bolsheviks specifically needed a war with whose help they could dominate the elites who were weakened. There is nothing like this here because we stand before man. And it makes no difference if he works the land or is a king; this is not important. After all, everyone from the smallest to the greatest is sick with a single disease, all of us are dominated by the evil inclination and all of us are its servants.

So everyone must undergo the changes through the study to be aware of what is happening, to understand the way of development of the human species, the present level and the next level towards which we must rise. Whoever is wise, he sees, he already has acquired intelligence and sensation. And then according to the inner changes we will begin to carry out changes in society.

This is not a revolt, it is not terror; this must come from within according to the level of development, according to the understanding and awareness, according to the depth of the human desire. And so only the method of publicity, explanation, and education, when the power of a society on a person changes him, will work. Only this way is it possible to advance. And the image of the next revolutionary is created from this.

Question: That is, he is a guide, a teacher, and his role is to bring a person and the entire society, everyone, all sectors, to recognition of the human nature that brings us trouble and destroys our lives. It doesn’t make it possible for us to build good relationships with others. It is the internal hater that hides within us. So it follows that a person or groups of people who rise up at the head of the next revolution are educators whose method is completely the opposite of the aggressive approach, of conflicts and confrontations?

Answer: Right. Violence has no place here at all because this entire revolution is based specifically on equality. We draw strength to change from unity, and true unity is possible only among equals.

The guide is great, high, understanding, and strong—this is correct. But in relation to others he is specifically lower than all: he supports them, teaches them, and serves them. There is no room here for a new elite.

Next, his emissaries begin to appear, people who are ready to work in the field. And after that, while people are undergoing changes, the turn of the organizers comes, arranging for the new society that is adapted to the inner changes that people are undergoing.

So it follows that the revolution takes place within the person – and in accordance with this defines the new image of society.
[134856]
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 4/3/14

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In the News (from The Telegraph): “Computers can determine your personality better than friends, just by analysing the posts you have ‘liked’ on Facebook, a Cambridge University study has shown.

“Now researchers, by analysing self-reported personality scores for what are known as the ‘big five’ psychological traits – openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism- have created an algorithm which can accurately predict personalities simply based on Facebook interactions.

“And, surprisingly, it knows your character better than your close friends.

“The team found that their software was able to predict a study participant’s personality more accurately than a work colleague by analysing just 10 ‘Likes.’

“Given enough ‘Likes,’ the software matched people’s self-reported personality traits more closely than family members. …

“But the researchers share the concerns of those who fear a dystopian future in which our traits and habits become an ‘open book’ for computers to read.”

My Comment: Everything is simple in the human being because he is made of only one desire to be fulfilled (to fill himself, to enjoy). It is possible to create the image of this desire by several (test) “likes.” Then, all the other person’s actions could be accurately predicted.

Having created such an image we already know what the person’s responses will be when you address him. Now, you just need to write a program to control the person—because a completely controlled robot is in front of you!
[155948]

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Question: I agree that the salvation of the Israeli nation is in our unity, and I am trying to establish good relations with people at home and at work, but I see that even the most trivial conflicts immediately annul all my efforts and lead to anger and disputes.

So, how can I attain this unity if I am not righteous and easily explode the moment someone cuts me off on the road?

Answer: The wisdom of Kabbalah isn’t about the simple relationships between us but about something that is totally different. It teaches that if we want to see the world correctly, we must act as if we are united, especially in such cases when anger and dissatisfaction erupt in us.

If there is a conflict on the road, at work. or in the family and we know how to work above all these interruptions by intensifying the connection between us, our unity is tightened by this connection and we begin to feel how this world is built. We see how all the elements of nature are connected, and then we begin to see and feel that this network lives and breathes.

We discover that we are all in it, connected by endless connections, and that the distance between us isn’t empty, but are like air, full of radio waves in all infra- and ultra-frequencies. We discover that we are all connected and that this connection is in continuous motion, in special dynamics.

We feel the flow of life in this connection and begin to affect the connection between us, and consequently, our fate. It is because the good fate depends on our mutual relationships, and this change is in our hands. Then we will not have to fight our neighbors and will be able to solve all the problems by the good connections among the Israeli nation.

We will not have to depend on the politics of foreign governments such as America, Russia, and France. We can correct the entire world by strengthening and intensifying the connection among the Jewish nation. This is what the wisdom of Kabbalah is about. The Jews were given this opportunity, and therefore it is painful to see how we are destroying our own life and the life of the entire world.

The world understands that the Israeli nation can improve everyone’s life and that it doesn’t do so, and so it blames the Jews for all its problems. It is actually the Jewish nation that can affect the network of connections between all the nations and make everyone’s life in this world wonderful.
[155667]
From Israeli Radio Program 103FM, 2/8/15

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