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“Sex, Love, and How to Reconcile Them” (Medium)

Medium published my new article “Sex, Love, and How to Reconcile Them

Looking for a suitable partner can drive you nuts. Even once we do find someone, the euphoria quickly fades as conflicts soon emerge. As a result, marriage rates are dropping, and nearly half of the couples that do marry eventually divorce. In a reality where the roles of men and women are blurry, and one’s gender changes on a whim, it is very difficult to know how to conduct ourselves in relationships. Instead of confidence, our relationships increase our anxiety and insecurity in all aspects of family life, from child rearing to sex-life. To regain confidence in our relationships, we need to understand the essence of love, sex, and the natural roles of genders. Then we’ll see how veering‎ off from the natural way of things, we feel out of place and insecure.

To understand the nature of things, we need to look back a century or two. Until not long ago, people conducted their lives by the dictates of Mother Nature: Mothers stayed with their babies, nursed them until they became children, then boys joined their fathers and girls joined their mothers. Watching their parents and learning by example, children learned how to relate to everything in life.

At that time, relationships between men and women were natural. With the exception of the upper class, who did not have much else to do, people did not pay much attention to sex. Men wanted a woman who was healthy, fertile, and able to maintain the household, and women wanted men who could provide for them and tend to their and their children’s needs. Sex and appearance were marginal considerations when looking for a partner.

In the 20th century, sex and sexuality suddenly became important. We began to develop fashion, and an entire culture evolved around sexuality. Sex became essential in everything, both overtly and covertly. Literature, theatre, films, television, internet and social media all employ sex to lure in people. Even cars need to look “sexy” or attractive.

Animals, on the other hand, do not need dating sites; they do not have Tinder and do not occupy themselves with sex at all. When mating season comes, they follow their instincts that tell them which partner is right for them, and copulate. They do not make mistakes because they flow with nature’s rules.

In the previous century, we completely abandoned nature’s rules and began to develop our own ideas and ideologies concerning what is right and what is not. As a result, we no longer know how men and women should communicate. Additionally, decades of influence from Hollywood completely warped our perception, and sex consultants have destroyed what was left of our common sense.

Once natural relationships became obsolete, there appeared operations to design and redesign our organs to meet ever changing standards determined by bellwethers who are themselves products of a lost society. This is how we have come to live in a society where everything is possible and permitted, yet everyone feels empty and disconnected.

But the great chasm that “progress” engendered has spawned a new era. Out of the cold void of loneliness and depression, people are beginning to realize that they want to build proper, natural connections, where things make sense and feel natural.

Such natural connections require something of a middle line, where people accept who they are and bond above their differences. They no longer try to change themselves or others, but strive to connect above their differences.

Today, it is far more difficult to rise above differences than in previous centuries because we are far more selfish and narcissistic than our ancestors. Nevertheless, if we do not strive to follow our whims, and focus on enhancing our connections without trying to change one another, we will build far deeper and more meaningful connections than our ancestors could have imagined. The experiences of our failed attempts at changing our nature will make us appreciate the restored simplicity, and we will be able to enjoy and appreciate healthy, solid relationships like no generation could before us.

“What do you pray to?” (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: What do you pray to?

We develop in our lives until we gradually start understanding that we are in a perfect and whole system that includes all people. It controls us in order to lead us to a certain state where we get to know the system and start using it correctly, consciously, with understanding and in agreement with its goal, and in such a way we start understanding the reason for undergoing the various states we experience, and we can then enter the system we are parts of with all that we have.

This process is both intellectual and emotional, but it is especially an emotional one. The emotions it works on are feelings of stagnation, that it is better to die than to live in a way where we are stuck and confused, where we do not know what to do with ourselves, how to progress in life, what is life and the world, who we are, and we simply become lost. We need to reach a state where who and where we are, and the goal we are supposed to advance to, all become clear to us.

We turn to that system inside of us, in our heart. It comes after we dig within ourselves until we reach more essential questions, and we then reach a place where we receive help, and we receive help in order to organize our questions and hear the answers.

Based on the video “What Do You Pray To?” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman and Oren Levi. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

Freedom of Choice and Reward

527.03Question: When a person feels the control of the upper force, he clearly sees the reward and punishment. If so, where is his freedom of choice?

Answer: Freedom of choice is always to at least ask what else I can do to bring my qualities, actions, thoughts, and desires closer to equivalence of form with the Creator.

Question: Does a person who reveals the Creator clearly see punishment and reward?

Answer: Yes and no. It depends on what is best for his development. Either he conceals it from himself and does not want to see it so that his relationship is more honest and elevated or, vice versa, he does not conceal it from himself and checks how much it affects him in order to raise himself even higher, to a state where the result of the action will not affect his attitude.

Question: It turns out that the goal of the upper force is to separate our actions from the result so that there is no connection. Why?

Answer: You will not be able to act in bestowal if it depends on the result. The reward should be from the process itself.

If I am now trying to unite with other people or strive for the revelation of the upper force, then the process itself is the reward.
From KabTV’s “Spiritual States” 5/31/22

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To Taste or to See?

276.02Question: The Creator and nature have the same numerical value of 86. This indicates that from the point of view of the Kabbalists who have attained this phenomenon, the Creator and nature are identical. What does this mean?

Answer: The Creator (Boreh) and nature (Teva) are one and the same. Everything that is around us, except for a small individual egoism of a person, is the Creator.

Question: How does it happen that nature and the Creator have the same numerical value?

Answer: It is the same. We are talking about things that exist. All of nature, everything that exists, is the Creator.

People who discovered this phenomenon called the Creator Boreh from the word “Bo u-Reh” (come and see). In this way we approach Him and examine Him, as it is said: “Taste the Creator,” like a child who puts everything in his mouth because taste is the strongest sensation.

We sometimes do not feel tactile sensations, but taste sensations are the closest to us.

Question: To see the Creator is somehow understandable. Hearing is even more understandable. But to taste…how is that?

Answer: To taste is the closest, the truest sensation of man because he absorbs everything inside and feels everything inside. And you can see and hear at some distance, i.e., these are secondary explorations.

Question: What does it mean to see the Creator?

Answer: It is the same as you see a person and can identify him by some signs and enter into some kind of contact with him.

Comment: It is easier with a person, we see him. But we do not see the Creator, He has no image.

My Response: Make it so that you can see the Creator. Here we are already starting to get interested in the wisdom of Kabbalah, the science of revealing the Creator.
From KabTV’s “Spiritual states” 6/7/22

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What Language Does the Creator Speak?

237Question: What language does the Creator speak?

Answer: The language of bestowal and love. Therefore, we do not hear Him and we do not feel Him because we do not use this language.

Question: You wrote that there is a difference between awe and fear of the Creator. Awe is a certain caution in communication. So should we be afraid of the Creator or not?

Answer: No, you can’t perceive it that way. All human descriptions come from egoism and therefore cannot be truthful and complete sources of any direct feelings toward the Creator, or the opposite, from Him.
From KabTV’s “Spiritual States” 6/7/22

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Truth Should Be Paid For

547.05Comment: From a letter: “You talk all the time about the fact that there is only evil in us. There is no good in us, no love; there is evil, there is ego, and that’s it. But if a person reveals this in himself, don’t you think that he will begin to be afraid of himself?”

My Response: To be afraid that you will act accordingly with your evil? You’re already doing that. Reveal yourself to yourself? It’s very, very hard and almost unbelievable. We are distracted every second from this very thing, from the revelation of ourselves. To reveal the “I” itself within yourself, this is an incredible work of a person.

Question: Why is there such a hide and seek game? Why can’t we be taken and directed to this so that we want to escape from this evil?

Answer: If you have a very serious need for this, then dig in. It depends only on your desire. It is hidden from you and reveals itself to the extent of your urgent striving to work on yourself. It’s not easy.

Question: That means, the goal should not be to reveal the evil in yourself. There must be some other goal and evil is revealed along the way?

Answer: The goal should be to reveal the connection with the Creator. And on the way, He points out what’s stopping you.

Question: In this letter there was also a sub-question: “If this is so, will it be necessary to somehow detach yourself from this evil?”

Answer: You won’t be able to do it, it will turn out to be a lie, a falsity. If you want to separate yourself, then this is another, long-term job.

This is our development, this is our life.

Question: A person at some point will want the truth and not sweet? And no matter how bitter it is, he will want to live like this, in truth?

Answer: He will want it as much as he will be able to pay for it. It is said about this: “Buy the truth, but do not sell it.” This is a serious degree.
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 3/31/22

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Adult Questions from Children

961.2Comment: Parents send you their children’s questions. The questions are actually deep.

Eight year old Marina asks: “When my parents were fighting a lot, I would come to school very sad. Because of this, children did not want to be friends with me. It is a war now and my mother went to my grandmother’s. And now everyone is sad. And I am glad. Because now they understand what it was like for me. Is it bad that I am happy?”

My Response: But the parents are sad. So what are you happy about?

Question: She is glad that they now understand what it was like for her when they were fighting and she was sad. And how is eight years old Marina supposed to get out of this? Or how should she behave? I see my parents sad, for example, or everyone around me sad.

Answer: Set a goal to make them joyful.

Question: That is, by the fact that she is glad, she gradually understands her nature? This is an eight-year-old child! Suddenly she feels that she rejoices when others feel bad. What does this say about our time?

Answer: That we can already approach a state that we are able to understand.

Question: If children understand this, then can we even more so? Can we already start teaching children this?

Answer: You can teach children everything. They are ready for absolutely anything! We have already entered what is called the period of the last generation. As for adults, those children’s parents, it is not known whether they are ready for this or not.

Question: Because they have one foot in the past?

Answer: Yes. It is quite possible that these are dinosaurs that should give way and be reborn again. And to come into this world as a child again—so naive, so open.

We have grown-up children, just like adults!
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 3/14/22

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Water—The Basis Of Life

701Question: Why do we tie life with water? What is this special quality—water?

Answer: Water is the basis of life. It is an integral component of all substances and the main component of our body by weight, volume, and importance. In general, everything around us is basically a property of water.

Even on the Moon and Mars, we are primarily looking for water. This is very remarkable and significant because everything else is based on it.

The special properties of water include the freezing point, dew point, and boiling point. Thanks to them, life is preserved under the ice and freezing occurs in very interesting patterns.

Water contributes to health improvement. Since ancient times, special mineral waters for drinking have been known. Two thousand years ago Avicenna said that human health is directly related to the water one drinks.

In those years, when we were not yet so disconnected from nature and did not use various chemical additives, water was of great importance. Therefore, mineral waters were one of the most powerful means of healing a person.

We wash ourselves with water and this is how we introduce a new wellness program to ourselves because water carries a huge amount of information. We are all in the water. Inside the mother, the child is also in the water. Even the air around us is a certain type of water structure.
From KabTV’s “Close-Up. The Secret of Life” 7/13/11

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“What should I do when life stagnates?” (Quora)

Dr. Michael LaitmanMichael Laitman, On Quora: What should I do when life stagnates?

Accept that you are stuck. That is, be aware that you are at a dead end.

Ask yourself: “Was I the cause of my life currently becoming stagnant, or not?” Really try to answer this question. Eventually, such a question should lead you to scrutinize that your life is within a greater force of nature: that nature organizes your life, leads you through life’s various events—including your current feeling of stagnation—and from such a feeling, nature invites you to look into life’s meaning and purpose, and where it all comes from.

Justify the stop in your life that you have reached. When you start seeking out answers to life’s deeper questions as a result of your life feeling stagnant, then you can already justify such a stopping point. We can liken the state to a train that we ride, which suddenly stops in the middle of nowhere. We then feel that we do not know what we should do, what we should decide, and what is good or bad from this point onward. It is a very clear feeling that humiliates us, and then leads us to question how we can move forward. We then feel a growing demand for an explanation: “Why is this happening to me?”

Understand that there is a higher program in nature that has led you to a stagnant place, and which you need to discover. Since you start asking deeper questions about life’s meaning and purpose, you reach an understanding that there is a higher program at work that you have to discover. Today, it is easier to discuss the fact that there is a higher program at work in nature, because we are familiar with such definitions from the world of computers. Indeed, there is a higher program organizing our every move in order to lead us to questions about how we can turn to it, enter it, and find out what is going on with us.

Direct your request to nature. You need to scrutinize that you are inside nature and that nature leads you to a point where you feel life as stagnant, and you start asking about what is happening with you, demanding an explanation. In other words, you wish to find out how to act correctly in order to get out of your stagnation, and by doing so, discover the higher program in nature and the sublimity of making contact with it.

Based on the video “5 Things You Should Do When Life Stagnates” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman and Oren Levi. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
Photo by Randy Lisciarelli on Unsplash.