Question: You once said that if a man and a woman are mutually connected, it is a powerful means to reveal the Creator, and a person who has this field of work is very lucky and doesn’t need much time to fulfill it, but actually only a few minutes a day.

But what exactly should you do during this time? What is the best way to study the wisdom of Kabbalah with one’s spouse?

Answer: It doesn’t really matter. What’s important is the effort a couple makes to feel as one spiritual whole in the face of various interferences that come along all of the time above which they must reach an upper agreement for the sake of their spiritual advancement.

Question: How should a person behave correctly and harmoniously from a spiritual perspective in situations of conflict with loved ones? On the one hand, the ego constantly finds different tricks to make people break up, and it is scary to realize how helpless we are. On the other hand, I truly cherish and value my relationships.

Answer: Try to understand that all of the connections between us go through the Creator. This will fine tune your perspective in all your relationships.
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Comment: At Tel Aviv University conducted a study, which conclude that there are no difference between the structure of the brains of men and women.

Answer: Certainly, because the brain is a machine, a computer.

There are no differences in the structure of the male and female brains. Everything depends on desire, or as they say, on the heart. But the heart is just a motor, a pump. A person’s desire is not found in any physical volume.

There is no initiator of desire within our body, it is found outside of us, and the body is its receiver that absorbs the desire, begins to process it, and reacts to it in a particular way. So men receive particular types of desires and women other types, and in this manner their brains are activated. But in themselves, their brains have no differences.

Desires come from a network that links between us, but we don’t feel it. And all of our actions go there: the mental, physical, moral, ethical, whatever. All of our reactions on all levels go back to this network.

I receive stimuli from this network, react to them, and these reactions go back into the network. The problem is learning how to accept and grasp the signals that reach us emotionally, react to them properly, and transmit them back correctly.

If I do this, I feel this network as a new world, the upper world is revealed to me. The wisdom of Kabbalah speaks precisely about how to react to this system correctly, use it, and manage it. The cybernetics of the future is the wisdom of Kabbalah.
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From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman” 12/10/15

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Question: What is the meaning of life for a woman who has no family or kids? Could it be that she can find the meaning of life in fulfilling herself in society?

Answer: Today, most women hardly ask themselves that question. Having one child is the norm, and the family institution is becoming weaker because the rate of divorce in developed countries is now over 50%.

Today, we are less capable of sustaining a family and caring for children. At the same time, a woman still has the motherly instinct and the desire to have children, although, according to statistics, there aren’t that many. In addition, if the state ceased to encourage women to have children, there would be even fewer.

I believe that not more than 30% of the population have the desire to have children. The others have them automatically under the influence of social pressure guided by the assumption that, if everyone has kids and I don’t, it is time that I should get married also.

According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, a person must realize himself normally: to be a family man, have children, and care for his family. It is actually from this framework that he should grow spiritually as he learns the method of the right fulfillment of everything that he has been given in this world.

Question: Won’t the wisdom of Kabbalah lead to loneliness?

Answer: On the contrary, according to the wisdom of Kabbalah, a person must get married, have children, work and care for his family, and the Kabbalistic method teaches him how to sustain his family properly and to feel great pleasure and happiness in it for many years.

The wisdom of Kabbalah tells us about how the world develops and what is determined by nature, and how we need to fulfill, use, and manage everything correctly and not distort our life in any way.
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From the Kabbalah Lesson 9/20/15

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Question: If I correct myself to the extent that I can love my husband unconditionally, no matter what he is like, would I still see his shortcomings?

Answer: If I ask the force from above to correct me and help me see my spouse without any conditions, then I see him completely corrected. This is called “Love will cover all crimes.”

Similarly, a mother does not see any flaws in her child since to he is the best, smartest, and most attractive.

Question: So I rise above my displeasure of a certain quality of my husband, ask to correct my attitude to love, and then suddenly it seems good to me?

Answer: The only way to come to love is by correcting yourself. I am not trying to overlook my partner’s flaws and deceive myself, but I rise above them, as I want to love him as he is.

But correction needs to start with love of friends. Until we begin to correct the relationships between all of us, we will not be able to correct the relationships within a family. This is why the institution of the family is falling apart and will continue to deteriorate further. It will come to the point where children will be killing their parents, and parents will be devouring their own children in the most literal sense.

Comment: But people are seeking romantic love, not love of friends.

Answer: This is because people are looking for material, egoistic love, which they will never find. Love exists only above egoism, and one should look for it inside oneself.

There is no need to look for an attractive object to love. The moment I realize what true love is, I should look for a partner who also understands how to achieve it.

And in that case, it does not matter whether or not we like each other’s appearance. I would come to a wise person and tell him about my desire to marry, and he would find me a suitable partner with whom we can build a correct family.

Such spouses want to find love that is above them. This is why they are not concerned about their spouse’s face or character, but only their willingness to build a relationship of mutual love that is above all shortcomings. They understand that each one needs to correct oneself, and in that measure, they will come closer and connect.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 8/30/15

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Question: Are you saying that love between a married couple is not enough and that they need to reach love between the Creator and the creature?

Answer: We don’t find any love in married couples nowadays. Our family relationships are in a state of the mournful day of the ninth of Av.

The destruction is felt in our entire lives, the relationships between parents and children, the boss and the workers, and between cabinet members as well. There is no understanding anywhere.

Question: There are many types of love, love for children, parents, close relatives, and so forth, but why is there a special romance in the love between a man and a woman?

Answer: Love is when I fulfill the desire of another person before my own desire. I need to know and feel what the other wants so that his desire becomes more important than my own.

This is the most general definition of love, but it fits all cases. The bond of marriage is just more encompassing than others since this connection includes mutual obligations, the experience of living together, knowing the partner, children in common, a common home and money, and a feeling of security and a guarantee of support in difficult times. A marriage is unification in this world with all the consequences that follow.

However, in the spiritual world, you are able to know your partner in a new way every moment. It is written that Malchut becomes a virgin again every day, and hence, a new relationship begins as if you weren’t familiar with her.

It seems that we lack this aspect in our regular life and family. If a married couple were on the spiritual level, they could renew their corporeal relationship every day.

Once, three and a half thousand years ago, the nation of Israel lived this way. Let’s hope that soon we will return to that and learn to reveal new qualities in each other every day. Then, it will be a correct, true love, which is renewed at every moment.

Meanwhile, today, in order to enliven our relationship even slightly and feel a connection, we are forced to fight. Upon making up after a fight, the flavor of love, which was dulled, is renewed.

However, it is impossible to get used to spiritual love. It changes all the time. New conditions are revealed constantly, and thus the love is rejuvenated all the time.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/30/15

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Question: To reach prayer, is this the individual work of a person or the work of the entire group?

Answer: Of course this is the shared work of all of us. From where would I get the strength for it? If I don’t identify with the sorrow of the community, I wouldn’t be able to reach prayer.

Otherwise I will scream for myself, but for this won’t receive an answer from above. I must transmit to the Elyon (Higher) the request of others, the Prayer of Many. It is called this because I scream for the many, and not because many people scream.

The “many” are my own desires that are portrayed to me as strangers. I scream because I want to approach them, feel them like I feel myself, reach love of others as myself, and connect.

I don’t scream about it being bad for them and the Creator needs to help them, even though this is also prayer, as it is said, “One who prays for his friend is answered first” (Baba Kama 90b). The main thing is, when I see them as parts of myself and am connected with them, to that degree I am connected with the Creator.

After all, if I ask the Creator to be merciful to them and to solve their problems, then in this way I blame Him that He is abusing them and am thinking He is cruel and am asking Him to do something good for them. But I cannot turn to the Creator that way and I will not have equivalence of form with Him if I don’t decide that He is merciful and gracious.

So a true prayer is not a request that something good should be done for others. How can I ask the Creator to do something good if He is also good that does good? I ask Him to make such a correction in us that all of us will adhere with Him. This is the entire prayer, there is nothing more for which to ask.

If I see something bad, this is because there is a gap,; the forces of Shevira (Breakage) are discovered. And the Shevira is within me, so I see reality as being so bad. So I ask that all of us will be able to adhere to the Creator and give Him pleasure. After all, we are so despicable that we are not prepared to accept Him as He truly is: good that does good.

It means that we don’t ask Him to do good for us because in every case we are found in an optimal situation for us. We ask for correction of our distorted vision and sensation, so we don’t blame the Creator like little children who scream, “Bad Mommy!”

Question: But what is to be done with an evil inclination that constantly proclaims that everything is bad?

Answer: A person must try to rise above his evil inclination and not annihilate it. We need to rise above it and be higher than it because desires of bestowal must be above desires of reception. Yet it is forbidden to extinguish the desires of reception; for then the desires of bestowal cannot exist.

Without the Yetzer HaRa (evil inclination), what are we left with? The Yetzer HaTov (good inclination) cannot exist in us because this is the Creator, the desire to bestow. I cannot be the Yetzer HaTov; the Yetzer HaTov can exist within me only to the degree that it rides on the Yetzer HaRa.

The Yetzer HaRa assures me of detachment from the Creator, independence. And the Yetzer HaTov that controls it gives me the form of the Creator. However, I can only ask for the Yetzer HaTov to dominate over the Yetzer HaRa within me. Only the Upper Light can carry this out; I myself am not able to. This is not at my power.

I can only clarify that this is what is required from me. I get such a possibility as a result of the Shevira, which builds the connection between the desire to receive and the desire to bestow. So I get the ability to clarify, to analyze, to differentiate between one and the other. The Upper Light begins to illuminate these concepts for me and I see what is good and what is bad.
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From the Preparation for the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/6/14

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Question: Is it possible to have such perfect family relations that I feel everything my partner is experiencing as if it is happening in my own body?

Answer: It is possible, and moreover, we need to achieve this mutual feeling not only in the family, but on the scale of all of humanity in order to be one person with one heart.

After all, from the very beginning we belonged to one body, one desire. All matter is desire manifesting itself in different ways at different levels. Originally only one desire was created, but then because of the fall of Adam and the breakage, we lost the ability to feel as one person.

But now we need to return to that, despite the fact that our growing egoism amplified all feelings manyfold. Complete breakage and destruction prevail between us.

But when we unite on the day of love, the 15^th of Av, after all the darkness and mutual hatred that are revealed on the 9^th of Av, then we will reach a magnificent unity that is 620 times more powerful than before.

Question: In a perfect spiritual family, spouses never quarrel with one another?

Answer: Together we try to uncover what kind of disagreement or misunderstanding still remains between us. But all of this happens under the rays of Light that illuminate the darkness, since the benefit of Light is attained only out of darkness.

We uncover the dark areas and understand why this darkness is necessary, for it sharpens the taste of our relationship, like pepper or mustard added to a dish.

Question: What should be the first step toward a perfect marital relationship, since we are presently as remote as the east is from the west?

Answer: Try to perceive each other as if you belong to one whole. Begin to cultivate these inner feelings within yourselves, so that each would start to feel the other as oneself. And then you will be able to feel each other together without words.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/30/15

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Question: What does an earthly family with a corrected spiritual relationship look like?

Answer: It is difficult to say since we have not yet seen such examples in our lives. For now, we are still in a state of breakage, in exile.

Therefore, since the time of Rabbi Akiva, after the destruction of the Temple, we know nothing about such families who would correspond to the corrected spiritual relationship with the Creator.

Moreover, it is written about how Kabbalists of the past suffered because of their wives who often had very difficult personalities and presented many grievances and demands. Kabbalists accepted it as inevitable and a consequence of the breakage and exile in which we exist.

A spiritual couple should feel as if it exists in one body, in common agreement and understanding, completing each other in a fusion of minds, hearts, and mutual intentions. Everything that exists in the body of the other, in their mind and heart, I accept as my own thoughts and feelings.

And these are not just nice words but are truly felt even on the most earthly, physiological level. If something is hurting in your partner, then you feel this pain in your body, even if they do not tell you about it. This is a complete union of bodies in accordance with the union of souls.

We will come to this state as soon as we begin to correct ourselves in relation to our general love for one another.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/30/15

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Question: How can we establish peace in the family?

Answer: There is only one recipe for that. Each person must rise above their own egoism in order to establish peace in the family and in the home. Then, we will have the feeling of a higher existence.

A person should feel that society notices and condemns his family quarrels. Society should support a person in his effort to strengthen the family because the opinion of the environment affects a person so much so that he is incapable of going against it.

When we stop ourselves in the moment of anger, we gain something so precious that it is worth restraining oneself for. The profit is too great.

In the same way that we hold back our dissatisfaction at work in front of our boss, fearing being fired, similarly, we should contain ourselves at home. However, it will not require effort from us. We will not bottle up this anger inside, clenching our teeth and threatening to explode.

The general public opinion will support such an atmosphere so that everyone will feel how unacceptable it is to be irritated and pour one’s wrath on others. We will live differently, according to completely different laws, joyfully and calmly, like on vacation.

All arguments, competition, and screaming at the kids will stop. It even will not be necessary to talk about it. It simply will permeate the atmosphere as a generally accepted behavior, and thus will influence everyone.

Question: You are talking about some parallel universe with a completely different sense of life.

Answer: You can say that we will find ourselves in a future world where the force of love and bestowal reigns, and each will add to this force of love, yearning to preserve it.

There are many more worthwhile pursuits than scandals. People are tired of this life and dream of changing it. They do not know what to do. All that is left is divorce and escape. No way out of this dead end is in sight, and I am offering a wonderful, balanced, and easy way out.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 2/15/15

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In the News (inosmi.ru): “The popular saying that people prefer to marry someone from the surrounding area is still correct in the sense that we search for someone who will be similar to us in terms of living environment, lifestyle and social and economic environment regardless of whether this is a man or a woman.

“That is how people particularly mark a line on dating sites, generally drawn to those who have the same characteristics.

“Opposites are not attracted that much. And if we extend the logic of ‘berries from the same field,’ it follows that your ideal mate is someone who is found with you throughout your life, meaning yourself. So does it follow that a person is sentenced to solitude?”

My Comment: If you can reach a goal only together and only with full union, so you require a mate. Only the importance of attaining the ultimate goal will invite someone not due to instinctive desire but for the purposeful desire of marriage, family, and love.
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