Answer: When I think that the grass is greener on the neighbor’s lawn or I envy his new car, this is called hatred. That’s because I assess my well-being in relation to my environment, and if the comparison is not in my favor, this causes me to feel hatred for others.
With their successes, they force me to feel bad and to suffer. And naturally, I hate them for that. You may not be aware of it, but it’s so.
It’s impossible for me to be indifferent to others because we are connected within one system and I undoubtedly assess my state by what others have. That is how we are by nature, wishing to see everyone else as lower than us and to have everyone serve us. If you don’t understand this, then you simply lack awareness.
When do I reveal that I want everyone to be my servants? When I try to serve them! This lets me see just how much I want the opposite!
It’s not simple revealing your hatred. One reaches Mount Sinai (the mountain of hatred) and the reception of the Torah only after a very lengthy preparation, the Egyptian slavery and the journey around the desert. As long as you don’t reveal your hatred, you do not need the Torah.
There are many people in the world who deem themselves righteous and think that they don’t wish bad for others, that they love others. But they simply don’t feel their hatred. If they really tried loving others, they would reveal just how much they hate them. One has to go through the Egyptian exile in order to reveal hatred.
This is why the “day of love” (Tu B’Av, the 15th of Av) happens after the day of destruction, the 9th of Av. After we reveal the evil, the enormous, horrible crisis, the hatred between us, this is followed by 5 days (5 levels) when we correct ourselves and reach love. It happens only in this form!
Therefore, in our regular lives, if a husband and wife don’t quarrel, then they don’t reveal their love. Sometimes people pick a fight on purpose, doing it instinctively in order to feel sweetness and the taste of their relationship by making up. Indifference is the worst possible thing.
From the lesson on 8/15/11, Selected excerpts on the Day of Love