Question: Many of my friends feel unhappy because they cannot find a suitable partner. What should one do in order to find true love?

Answer: First of all, you need to stop expecting some extraordinary qualities from others and find a person who understands how a relationship of love should be built.

Love is based only on concessions and on the fact that each yields in relation to their partner and enjoys having the opportunity to do so.

I do not demand from my partner special attention and care; on the contrary, all of my pleasure is in the fact that I am canceling myself for his or her sake.

Question: What is the pleasure in yielding to someone?

Answer: This is called love. When you give something to your child, don’t you receive great pleasure? The same can happen with respect to your spouse. You just feel that a child is closer to yourself in a natural, animal way, since you feel him as a part of yourself.

Your wife is also somewhat yours, but nevertheless she exists separately, is next to you, and has an independent opinion. But through the correction of love, this distance is erased, which is difference between my desires and her desires.

Presently, I feel only my own desire and hardly any desires of my partner. My desire is more important to me than his or hers. But it is said, “Make your desire like His, so He would make His desire like yours.” This is the condition of love.

Our desires need to unite into one. This is called adhesion. “Husband and wife, and Shechina between them,” as if we are one body. It is very simple, we only lack proper education.

To be able to love, a person needs to be brought up, educated, and prepared in special courses. There is a lack of such education for all of humanity. Until we learn how to reach such relationships, we will remain unhappy.

Question: Everyone is looking for love, but how do you convince people to attend such courses? I doubt that they will like this condition of sacrificing themselves.

Answer: This is because we are deceiving ourselves. We think that we are winning whenever we insist on taking a stand. But who benefits from this deception? We want to love and fulfill only ourselves by using our loved ones, our families. Ultimately, it brings us neither pleasure nor love.

We need to teach a person how to fulfill himself in the correct form, which is perfect and eternal. And this fulfillment is only possible by loving another, since one can always give to others and fulfill them endlessly, continuously deriving pleasure from it.

It is a continuous cycle that always comes back to me, and in this manner, I reach a feeling of absolute, eternal love, and even more—eternal life.

Since then I am not consuming myself and my environment, but on the contrary, I bring to life everyone around me with my love. Thus, I reach the feeling of unending ascent to a higher dimension, to the Garden of Eden, to eternal life. Love is paradise.

Therefore, there is no need to be searching somewhere for love, you simply need to build it.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/30/15

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Question: According to the Jewish tradition, the 15^th of Av is a holiday of love. People are searching for love their entire lives, and some would say that it is the most claimed good. It is not easy to find, and yet people do not give up and continue searching.

Even if we fail once, we keep hoping to start anew and find a new love. They say that love is a miracle. What makes love so appealing that we are willing to go to such great lengths to have it in our lives?

Answer: People search for love and cannot find it because it is impossible in our world. After all, love is a result of the unification of our desire, the basis, the fundamental material, and its fulfillment. In the science of Kabbalah, the desire is called a vessel and the Light is called fulfillment. The creature is the desire and the Creator is the fulfillment.

We need to attain this state fully in order for our desire to fill with the Upper Light and rise to the level of the upper force after growing quantitatively and most importantly qualitatively. This is why we constantly chase after love.

We need to look at the spiritual root, without which we cannot comprehend what happens. There is an important phenomenon in our lives, and it enthralls everyone. No one can free themselves from love. At the same time, no one knows anything about it.

There are numerous novels and books written, tons of movies made; all of humanity is spinning around love only, and no one knows what it is. All that is because love comes from an upper source, the Creator, who created the lower force, or the creature, so that this creature will wish to come closer to its Maker, and they will love each other.

It would seem that nothing can be better than that! It is a very touching story. It turns out that the upper force created all of us so that we would come close to it, embrace, and unite in love. But the fact of the matter is that we don’t understand what kind of love that is because love should be real.

Everyone dreams of real love, especially women. Women feel a need for love more, but they too don’t know what it is.

Real love means that I love someone else and not myself! I fulfill a partner and not that I become fulfilled because of him or her. That means that it has nothing to do with sex but rather wanting to feel all the desires of another person and getting pleasure from fulfilling those desires. That is love.

Such love doesn’t have to be between a man and a woman. The one who fulfills another is called a man and the one who receives the fulfillment is called a woman. It could be opposite to our physiological qualities since it is determined by a spiritual principle that is higher than our physical bodies.

In order to have real love we need to rise above our egoism in order to truly love our neighbor. In other words, I no longer love another person because it is pleasant, sweet, and brings satisfaction.

I don’t look at a pretty face, legs, or hair, and not even the personality matters. In other words, I don’t pay attention to the external or the inner qualities of a woman. I just look for ways to fulfill her, rising above any personal attitude toward her, which is egoistic.

In this case, a man also can be an object of love for me, and that is why in Kabbalah we talk about love for the friends. We agree to build relationships of love between us, and of course we are not talking about any intimate connections.

Love is when each person is ready to reveal his desire so that a friend can fulfill it, and the friend, in turn, reveals his desire to me so that I fulfill it. In this manner, we unite in mutual love. Mutual or two-sided love is called adhesion.

I penetrate within the inner desires of my friend, fulfill him, and he penetrates within my inner desires and fulfills me. There is no difference here between men and women of our world. In this manner, everyone begins to unite. This love is completely separate from our animal bodies and genders.

In this love, there cannot be one who loves and another who is loved. Each of us both receives and gives love.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/30/15

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In the News (svit24.net): “A group of British researchers have conducted a longitudinal study the behavior of the body and a man in love. The findings of science have been disappointing. It turns out that love – a disease that causes serious damage to human health.

“Professor Martin Cowie says that when a person is in love, he experiences a storm of emotions. This is detrimental to his health and eventually ends in a whole bunch of diseases. This starts from the fact that the body is under the influence of a person in love and the emotions produce quite pronounced physical manifestations. During this period, scientists say, a great amount of adrenaline is produced, which in turn negatively affects the human body.

“It is known that a large number of diseases are caused by stress. Professor Cowie says that these diseases are the result of processes that are similar to changes in the body of a man in love. Most interesting is that when people are in love they do not adequately recognize that their health has deteriorated. The euphoria of the state of happiness overrides common sense. As a result, signs of the disease can even be similar to symptoms of the flu.

“When someone in love breaks with the object of their affection (their second ‘half’), they perceive it as a tragedy that sometimes can be even fatal.”

Comment: In fact, it is possible to say completely opposite things about love. In this world, love is the strongest egotistic shock, the highest selfish desire that “seizes” a person and tightly holds him until he gets “light-headed” or loses his mind.

Love expands our selfish desires and at the same time restricts itself only to them. But if it is real, altruistic love not for “our own sake,” but the kind of love that is directed to others without taking account of ourselves, then it does not limit a person, but instead opens new dimensions that are “outside” us, and these people attain the external world.
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Question: Formerly, plastic surgery was available only to Hollywood stars. But these days it is popular among ordinary people who want to look younger and more beautiful.

People say these operations free them from many psychological problems they had.

Why doesn’t a person agree with what nature gives him instead of trying to reach perfection with the help of such corrections to his or her appearance?

Answer: A person seeks to preserve his youth because of  his natural desire to live eternally. He knows that he is bound to die and no one knows what will happen afterward.

Even despite the fact that our life in this world is not serene, requires a lot of exertion, and tries our nerves, it is better than total darkness and disappearing.

Therefore, no matter how hard life is, a person’s instinct for self-preservation makes him strive to continue to exist.

There are cases of suicide, but this is an exceptional phenomenon. From nature, the human being tends to protect his life and extend it as long as possible. Only great suffering can force a person to agree that his life be cut short, but not otherwise.

That is, the desire for eternal life is a natural phenomenon. And it is very important for a person to feel beautiful, strong, dignified, and confident. He is willing to invest a lot of effort and money for it.

It would be possible to work for half a day in some simple position to secure the necessities of life. But we want to be as good as our neighbors and show off our expensive cars and fashionable clothes and, therefore, must work hard.

External beauty is the same object of pride as a new car, which has value in the eyes of society and determines our status. If we didn’t live in human society, we wouldn’t worry about our beauty and would care only about what is necessary for existence and nothing else.

It would be possible to wear pajamas all the time—soft, warm and comfortable—and just as easy to arrange our entire environment. But our pride and desire to show off in front of others make us care about our appearance.

If we did not live in a competitive environment, neither men nor women would have cared about their looks. This occurs only under the influence of society.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 2/6/15

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Question: Is spiritual beauty a feminine quality?

Answer: Spiritual beauty is only a feminine quality because a person who knows how to reach this Inner Light has a desire to get it in order to bestow.

The desire to receive is considered a woman’s property, and the desire to give this Light to others is a man’s property. That is, such a person combines two spiritual qualities: male and female.

Spiritual beauty is born as a result of our desire to achieve immense bestowal. And then a person ceases to pay attention to external beauty.

Question: What should a woman do to radiate inner beauty?

Answer: If a woman wants to preserve eternal youth and beauty, she must take care of her inner beauty, that is, to think about how to help others, how to love all people and to show them a good example. Then she will be very beautiful.

Question: Do ordinary people see this spiritual beauty by looking at her?

Answer: If a real man (Adam), that is similar (Domeh) to the Creator looks at this woman, he would see her inner beauty. We are not talking about the physical body.

No matter what methods we use to rejuvenate it, it will still grow old. Even if we can extend life of up to 200 years, up to a 100 years, a person will look and feel young, and then he will live as an old man another 100 years.

Medicine can relatively easily prolong human life for hundreds of years, but is there any sense in it? Isn’t it better to develop one’s soul in this physical body in the shortest possible period and begin to live in it?

I can achieve my general correction in 20 – 30 years, build my spiritual body, and begin to live in the spiritual world. Why do we need to stretch our existence in this world—the lowest and worst of all the worlds? We need to perform our task in it and get rid of it, having obtained eternal life. Then youth and beauty will be seen as something completely different.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 6/2/15

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Question: Why do people dream of being forever young?

Answer: It is natural that a person strives to preserve youthfulness. But what is more important for him is to hide from the thoughts of his imminent death. Fear of death is very evident even in animals. The animal body does not want to die—it is a natural instinct.

Although animals are not concerned about the question of eternal existence, they are terrified of death. This fear also lives in the human body because it is animal.

Question: I am more concerned not about the thought of death, but about aging. I come to the mirror, see new wrinkles, and realize that old age has come. Why is it so important for the human being to be young?

Answer: It is not old age that distresses a person, but the fact that it means the approach of death. By itself, old age is a relative concept. When I was ten, I saw fifty-year-old people as very old people whose lives has ended. Today, I am seventy, and I like my life. I would not change it to younger age.

I’m getting old, but the question is whether I have realized my purpose in life, and if I have not yet implemented the program and I have built plans for the future.

Comment: But every woman really wants to be young!

Answer: For women it happens differently: the appearance is very important for a woman. A woman will cease to worry about her wrinkles only if she changes her physical beauty to spiritual. This is a completely different beauty – the immense Inner Light (Hochma) that is revealed in a person and the force of active bestowal and love for people that radiates from it.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 6/2/15

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Question: Where is it possible to find true love, and who is a successful person?

Answer: True love can only be through a feeling in which the person doesn’t think about himself as the object of love, but about the person who is loved, so he is concerned about how to do something for him. So, in life, true love can be put into practice only through the implementation of the method of the wisdom of Kabbalah.

A truly successful person is someone who compares himself with others not to attain material success and higher competitive capacity, but to use the characteristic of natural envy to move more quickly than others toward spiritual correction.
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From KabTV’s “Conversations with Michael Laitman” 5/13/15

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Question: You talk so beautifully about unity, but what is one to do if unity doesn’t exist in their own home? I side with leftist political views whereas my husband favors extreme right-wing views. Our conversations about politics lead us to fights all the time. What can be done?

Answer: I think that you, and all the people of Israel, have received the opportunity to correct this situation. As it is said, “…love covereth all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12). How is it possible to attain peace between us? Peace doesn’t mean that one defeats the other and suppresses him, or convinces him that he was wrong, as we want to do in general.

Peace means that in relationships with another person who is against me heart and soul, in all characteristics and opinions, we reach complete mutuality. This is attained by building a bridge of love between us. And then on the physical plane we are left with contradictions and oppositions, in struggle, resistance and collision with each other, whereas above this, specifically as a counterweight, we build love.

It is necessary to learn how to do this. The main thing is not to be afraid that we have two planes: a lower one in which we contradict and oppose each other absolutely, and a higher one in which we are connected with each other. This is called, “…love covereth all transgressions.” Specifically above all the transgressions and mistakes, no matter how many great contrasts there are between us, we can build a stronger connection of love. One cannot be without the other. Therefore, if we are talking about wholeness, about unity and even about love, this is talking about two planes. It is impossible otherwise. It is possible to build a connection only above all the disturbances, frictions, and differences between us.

So nobody is allowed to demand that the other change. There can be no coercion, neither religious nor secular, from either side and in anything. Each one must remain as he is. If he wants to change, he wants this by himself. And we only need to learn by ourselves and to teach ourselves how to build love as an umbrella that covers us all, even though we oppose each other. And precisely then our love can be permanent, without being transitory, great and flourishing due to the fact that inside rage flames of our opposition to each other.
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From the Israeli Radio Program 103FM, 5/3/15

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Without positive pressure from society on each of us, no family can live well and normally. Today we live under tremendous pressure from public opinion, but it was created by our egoism, which often breaks through and puts us in confrontation with each other.

“Mandatory nationwide family education and good relations in society and the state” should become a national law.

Comment: But I want first of all to improve relations in my own family!

Answer: It will not work! Not a single family will succeed in this. There may be some temporary exceptional cases, but in the end the family will fall apart if we do not build the overall atmosphere that will compel every family to become harmonious.

Question: Where should mandatory family education start?

Answer: We should begin with studying human nature in order to understand how egoistic it is and how we can still maintain relationships between us.

Indeed, our egoism has grown to such alarming proportions that we cannot tolerate anyone around us. Every child tries to shut himself in his room. In the end, every family member will need his own separate entrance so as not to run into anyone.

Question: What needs to be done after the first lesson in family education?

Answer: It is necessary to put everyone in a circle and begin to build the correct relationship between us. We can discuss how everyone imagines a good, close-knit family, what mutual participation and mutual concessions are required. Any life situation can become a topic for such a discussion.

There will be no success in any individual family until we raise the entire society. First of all, we need to educate the people, and after that proceed to the education of the individual, family. The entire society should be brought up on the principle: “We are all friends, brothers, as one man with one heart.” And when we reach this state, every family will be strengthened within the nation.

There is no other way. Attempts to make peace separately in one’s own family are doomed to failure. We need to proceed from the general to the particular: “All people are friends, all are brothers.”
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 2/15/15

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Question: What laws should there be in the correct society and family?

Answer: The laws of equality, total participation, unity, and reciprocity. All that we want to see in our family is necessary to take and teach these laws to the whole nation.

Everyone must accept them and understand that if the entire nation cannot live according to these laws, then no family will be able to live happily, neither the richest nor the poorest.

The general and particular are equal, so if we want our family to live well, it is necessary to establish good relations in the society. And then society will maintain peace in every family. That’s the secret of a happy family.

Question: But I bring to the family in the evening all my complaints that have accumulated over the workday, all my quarrels with co-workers.

Answer: With whom can I quarrel at work if we all are one family and care for each other? I will see around myself only good examples and feel that everyone is a brother.

This will be tomorrow’s world if today we start to learn how to build it. And it is not difficult at all. A person gets up in the morning and watches a 15-minute talk on TV about correct relations. It is interesting, an enjoyable program, which he watches with pleasure because he understands that it benefits himself, the children, and the whole family.

He comes to work, and the first half an hour of the day is a workshop in the circle about correct relations between people. Only then they start to work. In the middle of the day, there is again a workshop. We come to nothing good without education for the entire nation.

At the end of the day he is taught how he should behave on the road, coming back home and how to behave at home. At home, his family members who have also received the same education are waiting for him. Everyone studies how to establish good relations with each other. After all, by this we gain a sense of higher existence, as if we found ourselves on the cloud.

It heals all our sores, strengthens the bond between parents and children, relationships with neighbors, and changes the face of our city and region. No one is afraid to let their children go to the street because every passerby will treat them as his own child. But to achieve this, everyone must be constantly learning.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 2/15/15

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