Question: Today, children are not in any hurry to leave their parents’ home. They are not in a hurry to get married. Times are difficult, and there is no work. In Europe, this is often the case. You live with your parents, and they provide everything for you.

Is there such a rule about when a child should leave home?

Answer: I think that for males it is from the age of 13, 14 at the maximum. They should leave home, live in dormitories, and learn to live under serious supervision. Then they will be fine.

Question: What does it mean to learn to live? What does it mean to teach them to live from the age of 13 or 14?

Answer: It means to treat each other correctly, in mutual assistance! To treat life correctly, to know what we want from it.

Each should realize themselves in your their way! I must have a task in which I realize myself. It may not be the same as for my friends who are sitting next to me. Everyone has their own dream. This dream is in front of me, and I attain it. They help me realize it.

We are taught. We are taught science, we are taught to dance, we are taught how to flirt, and we are taught everything in the correct way. Everything that a person has is only in the correct form. Then we would see a different society.

Question: Why specifically dancing and flirting?

Answer: Because this is really the pinnacle of the relationship between the sexes, when I express my inner feelings in my movement. We do not teach expressing our feelings. Here we do it through motion. This is very difficult, deep philosophy. Ballet, stage play is all philosophy.

Question: Is there, in fact, as if some kind of conversation occurs when you dance with a partner?

Answer: Yes, of course.

Question: Are you not disturbed by this closeness of the partners?

Answer: No. This is how they talk to each other. This is not intimacy, but the transfer of energy, sensations, tenderness of a different kind, not a physiological one.

Question: Do you mean that when there is this kind of education, people will not be violent?

Answer: They will not be violent, no way. They will respect women.

Question: Will there be a sense of the other, without words?

Answer: Yes. They will have a sense of support.

Question: It is a big deal. Perhaps we should indeed introduce dancing at schools?

Answer: Dancing is about support, when a man supports a woman and gives her the opportunity to express herself. In general, this is so. Look how it is in ballet or dancing in general. In dancing, this already been erased a little, but in general this is exactly so.

Remark: You know, there was an interview with the ballerina Plisetskaya shortly before her death. She was asked, “What is your biggest dream? What would you most like?” She said, “I want Shchedrin [her husband] to be healthy.”

Can you imagine? That is, there was already such a connection, and they both gave each other so much. Indeed, it was as if a dance was happening between them. She understood what a partner is.

My Comment: Ballet is a very deep philosophy expressed in movements. This is everything that a person can express. Contact of the hearts through the motions of the body.

Question: Is it desirable for a boy to leave home for an independent life at the age of 13 or 14?

Answer: A  life that we provide for him!

Question: Does it mean that he is under care?

Answer: All the time.

Question: Is he directed to connection with others, to the understanding of others?

Answer: Until his very last moment in life. Society continuously accompanies everyone! This is called “the absolute mutual guarantee.”

Question: Does society provide a guarantee for him?

Answer: Of course. And he undertakes to obey society.

Question: Then there will be no abandoned, lonely people that we see here and there?

Answer: There will be nothing like that! People will be aware to such an extent in what environment they exist! It will be a different world.

Question: What about a woman, a girl, when should she leave home?

Answer: What can be more secure, pleasant, safe, and confident for her than the feeling of such a society that thinks about who she will marry, how she will treat her children, home, family, her raising children, and so on? The whole society must think together with her.

It will be a common umbrella that will cover us and serve us all until the mutual guarantee covers us all with such a common blanket. All of humanity! Then we will become one single desire in which one great upper force is revealed. That’s all.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/31/20

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Question: Now, when people are in lockdown, they begin a subconscious struggle for leadership. Psychologists say that people who are together for a long time try to be assertive in this way.

Who should be the leader in the family during the quarantine period?

Answer: The virus. It should determine the extent of our closeness.

We need to be very clear that it all comes down to our egoism. The virus appears together with egoism and disappears with it. Therefore, a couple should try to behave in such a way that this egoism, that is, the virus, is as far away from them as possible.
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From KabTV’s “Kabbalah Express” 9/27/20

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Question: During the first quarantine, there was a surge in domestic violence. Now the second quarantine is on its way. It has already been introduced in Israel. Public organizations are sounding the alarm.

What should spouses do during home isolation?

Answer: I would advise them to keep their distance to the extent that they can be on good terms. Regulate physical closeness with each other depending on the spiritual disposition toward each other.

You cannot do anything here; we are people. It is very difficult for us to control our egoism, our nerves, and our habits. We need to understand each other, talk about this topic within the family, and try to manage it.

Remark: It is interesting that the principle “the closer—the worse, the further—the better” works here.

My Comment: This is because we are egoistic. We are used to running into each other for half an hour in the morning before work, a half an hour or an hour in the evening, perhaps when we have dinner together, and somewhat when we go to bed, although this is more likely communication not between people but between the sexes.

Based on this, our life, of course, is rather poor.

Question: So, the main thing is to talk to each other more often, to communicate more?

Answer: Of course. But this does not mean that we should impose something on each other. We need to discuss everything as frankly as possible, not hide anything, so that the other understands what I think, what I want, etc. I, in turn, should try to express my personal opinion and not the one that I caught from some television series or from somewhere else.
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From KabTV’s “Kabbalah Express” 9/27/20

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New Life 1284 – Family Connection Above Any Disagreement
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Tal Mandelbaum ben Moshe

It is impossible to grow unless we embrace conflicts, ascend above our egos, make mutual concessions, and feel love for others. Love has to be more important to me than my own opinion and any competition between us. I concede my truth and do not demand the same from others; I only set a good example. It is impossible to demand love. If we touch delicate issues, it is only an opportunity for me to show the extent to which I am ready to pay for the connection. The outcome is that I feel a warm embrace, a sense of giving and closeness. If we do so, no disease will break out.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 1284 – Family Connection Above Any Disagreement,” 10/16/20

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Question: You often say that women can manage better than men. Why? What is your claim based on?

Answer: A woman, unlike a man, can manage many jobs. Let a man do a general cleaning of the apartment, he will not cope with it in a month. Give it to a woman; everything will be perfectly done in one day. That is, a woman is adapted to solve small but varied tasks.

Question: How do female leaders differ from male leaders?

Answer: I do not think that they are in any way different from each other at all because this is no longer a woman and a man, but a person who lives by an idea and has nothing to do with gender differences.
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From KabTV’s “Management Skills” 6/11/20

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Question: What should be the basic principle of a person’s relationship with their family?

Answer: The family, according to Kabbalah, is a person’s environment, which allows him to exist in our world as correctly, normally, and comfortably as possible.

Question: For example, I love my children and my wife so I do not need to make much effort to treat them responsibly and altruistically. Can we say that nature gives us such an example so that we can later treat other people in the same way?

Answer: No. We cannot determine our attitude toward others without taking into account their attitude toward us. Therefore, if we are talking about building relationships within a family, then we must take care of the inanimate, vegetative, and animate levels in order to provide our household with these levels in the necessary, rational form.

Question: But why is it created by nature that a person should have some kind of small cell close to him?

Answer: Everything comes from the earth, from the inanimate level, followed by the vegetative, and then the animate level. In order to maintain and develop these levels in us, we must continue to exist in them, despite the fact that we are already, perhaps, at a higher level.

Therefore, any great Kabbalist still has a family, and he takes care of it to some extent. He satisfies the basic desires of his loved ones, although, in principle, his spiritual essence, his spiritual ties with the upper system in which he already resides, have nothing to do with communications within his family.
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From KabTV’s “Communication Skills” 7/30/20

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Question: What is true love?

Answer: True love is absolute trust, impeccable support, self-sacrifice, and confidence that you are treated the same way.

Question: Throughout the development of mankind, the concept of family has changed greatly. What is an ideal family today?

Answer: An ideal family is the same as ideal love. It is built on top of all the problems, with them, and in spite of them. Therefore, if people knew how to create bridges over problems and keep them safe, then true love is created. Love is a consequence of a very hard work over one’s own and other people’s shortcomings.

Question: What does it mean to live above problems?

Answer: Knowing all the problems, we try, without closing our eyes to them, to respect the other, value him or her, and be connected with each other without forgetting about our problems.
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From KabTV’s “Kabbalah Express” 9/1/20

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Question: Now all of humanity believes that marriages entered into at mature age are stronger and more stable. Is this really the case? When does a person need to get married?

Answer: Of course, over time we become wiser. Life educates us by quite harsh methods. However, you do not have to experience them. It all depends on the education received, what kind of example the child had in the family. We see that children literally are repeating what they see with their parents.

In general, I would start educating a person for family life from kindergarten and continue at school, at university, and at work. Home circles, television, everything should be dedicated to the creation of the correct family as the unit of society.
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From KabTV’s “Kabbalah Express” 9/1/20

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Michael Laitman, On Quora: “What are some ways to end domestic violence?“

The only way to end domestic violence for good is by implementing serious education that we need nowadays for our very survival: a new kind of education where we learn about how our egoistic human nature operates on us at every moment, how it is growing in us individually and in humanity as a whole, how it brings about such phenomena as divisiveness, hatred and violence, how today it has reached such heights that it needs new methods that our past education can no longer fulfill, and how to stop it from erupting in such terrible situations as domestic violence.

Violent tendencies exist in every person. While most domestic violence is thought of as men violently abusing women, today we also see such phenomena as mothers violently abusing their children, and even on the contrary, children doing so against their mothers.

Why did nature make us so savage that many of us strike out against our own family members?

It is in order for us to reach a conclusion that our egoistic nature is an evil inclination. Our ego, which is a desire to enjoy at the expense of others, ultimately hates anyone or anything that does not seem to benefit it.

Moreover, today more than ever, domestic violence acts as a prominent example of the immense hatred that is building up within human beings, and that it is all in order for us to reach a desire to put aside this hatred—which clearly leads to no positive outcomes—and start loving one another.

Therefore, the more violence and suffering amounts, the more potential we acquire to reach a desperate cry for change: to transform our nature from egoistic and hateful to altruistic and loving.

This is where the importance of a new form of education enters, one that focuses on teaching us how nature works—including human nature—and how we can develop positive attitudes to each other above the hatred that involuntarily surfaces inside us.

I’m optimistic that with such connection-enriching education, we can bring about great corrections to humanity. I have applied myself to connection-enriching education for dozens of years, and even though by nature I am very egoistic and domineering, by learning how human nature works, and by drawing alongside it a positive environment that is filled with positive examples of altruism, love and care, then I develop constant hope and motivation to become a better person from one day to the next.

That is the kind of drive we need to spread out to society at large if we are to see an end to domestic violence, as well as many other hateful outbursts occurring increasingly in our world today.

Photo by Jessica Rockowitz on Unsplash.

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Question: How can decisions be made in the family correctly? Is there some kind of hierarchy here?

Answer: All decisions in the family are made by the wife. At least that is how it should be. Abraham was told: “In all that Sarah tells you, listen to her.”

Question: Isn’t this said allegorically?

Answer: Both allegorically and not. I believe that a woman is more sensible than a man and can take part in decisions. Men should look at women’s attitude toward problem solving and learn from them how to lower themselves instead of pushing their opinions.
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From kabTV’s “Management Skills” 6/11/20

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