Comment: Many studies show that girls are more attached to their fathers while boys are more attached to their mothers. And you say that, in principle, boys after the age of three should be raised by their father and girls by their mother.

My Response: This is not yet the practice in our time. I have in mind a corrected society where boys can be with adults, take right examples from them, watch their fathers spend their free time after work, and so on.

I am talking about a society in which a person works several hours a day because he does not produce useless, unnecessary, harmful products, and the rest of the time he engages in his spiritual elevation. And next to him are his children: boys next to boys, girls next to girls, who take correct examples from their parents.

In principle, Kabbalah talks of a time that undoubtedly must come. I think we are getting closer to it. I hope we will come to it in a good way.

By the way, we see this from ancient customs of various tribes where boys up to two years old were in their rearing period, then for another two or three years shifted to the female half, and then completely switched to the male part and took examples from their fathers. They were interested in it, they were proud of it, and so they gradually became involved in life.

And the opposite is true today; boys are raised by women both in kindergarten and at school. Almost throughout their lives they are surrounded by women. We cannot imagine how subconsciously they absorb their attitude to life, and then against their will, they enter this life like a woman. Therefore, there are few real men in our world.

Question: What is a real man according to Kabbalah?

Answer: A real man is one who assumes the responsibility to be the master, the head of the family, who can lead—lead forward. Moreover, to do this not for career reasons but from the fact that he understands the importance and the need for this.

That is, he is a man. There is very little of this personality in men today. There are careerists, there are all sorts of petty crooks in science, in art, everywhere, but there are no personalities. And it is all because they have not received the correct upbringing.

They were raised by women, and they did not receive proper education for the masculine character, the masculine way of life, sight, and perception.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Two-headed eagle” 1/1/10

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My new article on Linkedin “Overcoming Conflicts in Relationships – A Solution that Really Works (and no one wants)”

Every relationship goes through conflicts. They are unpleasant, but inescapable. Overcoming conflict is necessary to deepen and strengthen a relationship. You can trust that a relationship will last only if it has overcome several conflicts. The problem is that because conflicts are unpleasant and often frightening, we try to avoid them. If we know how to accept them and elevate our connection to a higher level by overcoming them, we will not fear them and will be able to resolve almost any conflict.

Conflicts stem from conflicting interests. This is obvious. When I want one thing and my partner wants something else, I get angry. This is true in any relationship—with people, with pets, and even with machines (think of the curses you throw at your car if it doesn’t start on a cold morning).

When it comes to partners, the solution is simple, yet very hard to do: Kiss each other on the lips. Exactly at the moment of anger, do the opposite.

On a deeper level, we need to understand that every person has different desires, different thoughts, and a different approach to life. A relationship is the merging of two or more different people into one whole. In a good relationship, the differences between them help each partner develop qualities and perspectives that they would not develop were it not for the relationship. In a negative relationship, power struggles stifle the growth of the partners, the oppressed and oppressor become stagnant and entrenched in their views, and the love between them dissolves.

A good relationship requires work. The negative relationship is the natural one. To build a positive one, I must accept that the other perspective has merit, too, even though it isn’t my perspective. If I accept it, which requires some experience in “fighting,” I will find that the other perspective provides me with ideas and perspectives that I could not develop on my own.

It follows that kissing your partner precisely when you’re angry does not mean that you are no longer angry, but that you appreciate and care for your partner even though you are angry, and that your anger does not drive away your love. It is an affirmation of the strength of your connection.

King Solomon, who was said to be the wisest of men, said of this approach, “Hate stirs strife, and love will cover all crimes” (Prov. 10:12). In other words, keep the hate, but cover it with love; make love more important than your temporary anger.

The benefits you will reap are enormous. When we handle conflicts in this way, we not only change ourselves, we change our partner, too. Without saying a word, without preaching or admonishing, but simply by our own example, we pave the way to a healthy relationship.
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Question: In one of the lessons about The Book of Zohar you discussed the fact that prototypes of two forces— male and female, bestowal and reception—are the two luminaries, the moon and the sun. Why is a woman more affected by the moon? Even her pregnancy is set according to the lunar calendar.

Answer: A lot is said about this not only in The Book of Zohar but also in other Kabbalistic sources.

Our entire spiritual essence is built on the connection between reception and bestowal, the power of Zeir Anpin and Malchut, which in our world are represented by the sun and the moon. Therefore, we on Earth are under the ruling of these two forces.

All of nature is very sharply divided into male and female parts. The male part is identified with the sun and the female part with the moon. This comes from the opposition of these two forces of nature, and man exists in order to bind them together.

Once upon a time, in the early stages of human development, we were not so egoistic and did not resist nature and its harmony. We were close to it, we were more inside it. Therefore everything that happened in nature happened to us in the same sequence, at the same pace, with the same fluctuations. In particular, the women’s cycle began on the new moon for every woman in the world.

And why wouldn’t it be so if it was clearly built in accordance with lunar cycles? Contrary to lower animals, humans can conceive throughout the year. But we went through such stages in our development when women could conceive only at a certain time, and birth took place exactly after nine months.

There were no premature births in those days. It is a frequent phenomenon today because egoism introduces such distortions in us that alienate us from nature. We know how much our body is now not adapted to nature. We can no longer live without plastic, and we will probably just get poisoned with natural products.

So, we cannot talk today about how to come back to some kind of harmony with nature through ordinary means. Although people try to somehow maintain their connection, this is no longer possible.

And in the past, we really fully felt nature, felt the weather in advance, all kinds of climatic changes, the breath of nature. That is what people who are inside nature and know what will happen to them feel. That is, nature is actually something deeper, more voluminous, and more transparent than what we are used to see when looking at the world around us.

Question: When Kabbalists talk about balance with nature, do they urge us to return to the past state?

Answer: It is not about that but about how we really rise to the correct level of nature.

Our current state is, in principle, correct. It takes us out of the fact that we are inside nature and makes us rise above it, and rise not in an artificial form when we create some kind of artificial habitat, but rise to the level of the force that manages this nature.

It is called the Creator, the power of bestowal, the power of love, the relationship between all parts of nature. We must rise to the level of this force and become adequate to it.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Two-headed eagle” 1/1/10

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Comment: A new trend in fashion is clothes that don’t exist. Digital fashion stores are now taking over the market. Digital outfits are simply superimposed on clients’ photos or videos on Instagram, social networks, and wherever you want.

Of course the lockdown, this virus, became an accelerator for this development. People were sitting at home and there was nowhere to go, there was nowhere to put on a dress or costumes. And now such virtual clothing stores have appeared.

Manufacturers say the traditional fashion industry pollutes the planet, but we do not. A lot of women buy clothes, put them on for one evening, and then throw them away.

Now you take these clothes—what do we want? Pajamas at home and tons of virtual clothes. You sit in front of the camera and you have a beautiful dress, you have wonderful outfits and so on.

It seems to me that this is a trend that will win its place.

My Response: I am in favor, of course. If I communicate over the Internet and can look the way I want on the screen of my choice, then that’s fine.

In general you need comfortable pajamas with large pockets, soft, in which you can lie and sit, and whatever you want to do.

Question: What should be the starting point when you say the word “fashion”?

Answer: Just convenience. Once good clothes used to open all doors; it all spoke of taste. Today taste is left to the mercy of businessmen; it all depends on money.

Fashion is a concept that I think is going out of style.

Comment: I used to wear clothes in order to be seen and appreciated.

My Response: Yes. One conveyed a lot with this, the language of clothing.

And today this is not the case. It is no longer there and will not exist at all. What’s the point if everyone can do whatever they want? And even more so in digital form. If we communicate, and we will definitely communicate in this form, then why do we need to run somewhere, or walk? You press the button “what clothes do you choose” and it gets put on you.

Question: And you can sit in your pajamas, you put on a suit, and you look like an English Lord, as it should be. Is this good?

Answer: I think yes.

Question: And what do they look at now when they communicate with a person? Do the clothes no longer make a man?

Answer: Of course not! Who doesn’t have these trousers, jackets, shirts, socks, and ties? I believe that all this should not be present at all. I am sitting in front of you in such attire and my hair is not mine. All this can be changed on the spot.

Question: What will I look at when looking at a person?

Answer: You will look at what he has inside. You will hear, you will perceive it.

Question: And I should not pay attention to what he is wearing, whether it’s Wrangler, Levi’s or something so cool from the well-known firms?

Answer: Of course not! Who is paying attention to this already?

Question: That is, will I be able to quietly see in a person his internality, his heart, his warmth? Is this what I will be looking for all the time?

Answer: I hope so.

Question: They will finally lead us to this, what alone will I be looking for?

Answer: I think so. But something from the outside will remain.

I remember my daughter. I was on a trip and she called and told me about some problem she had and even cried into the phone. This was when she was still a young girl.

And I was at the airport at that time. So I went to a serious bag shop there, called her from this store and asked: “What do you want? What gift?” There are such and such handbags. She of course lit up; she was still a girl.

Where she would go with this bag, I had no idea. And I photographed this handbag and sent it to her. She said: “Yes, yes. This is exactly what I want!”

The whole mood, everything changed. I bought it and brought it to her.

Question: In order to correct the mood of another, is this necessary?

Answer: This is necessary. For women such things are part of their life.

Comment: But still, one way or another we will come to internal communication.

My Response: Yes. I look at today’s youth, how they walk in these rags; they do not look at glitter at all. They have their own language, their own expressions. They communicate in a different way, they look at each other in a different way.

Question: Do you think they will not have such a strong external part? Will they get something internally?

Answer: Yes, because once it was status, it was the language of a person; but today it no longer means anything.

We will come to a very comfortable look in everything that surrounds us, from apartments, to cars, to clothes, and everything else. Because it’s convenient. And we will respect this in a person, and practically we will look at it. A person should not bribe us with his outward manifestations. Whoever has a deeper pocket is better; this is generally unacceptable!

It will go away quickly in men, and more slowly in women. But it will happen all the same. And apartments will be practical: not 200 to 300 square meters, and on the other hand not 40 square meters either. In general we will come to this internally.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 10/7/21

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Question: What does practicing Kabbalah give a person?

Answer: A person falls under the influence of completely different, higher forces.

By practicing Kabbalah, we attract upon ourselves what is called the surrounding light, a certain force that begins to shape us. It makes a man out of a man, and woman out of a woman, but gradually because this is a lengthy process.

We live in a transitional period now. For the first time we are trying to put the Kabbalistic methodology into practice. I hope that already in this generation we will be able to make such an ascent to the next degree where men and women will attain nature and be in harmony: men with the male part of nature and women with the female part of nature.

Then they will be able to give their children, the next generation, the correct upbringing based on their corrected nature.

We need to educate people. Now they receive education, but not upbringing. We do not educate a person; we do not give him any concepts about proper social, family, or personal life.

I often give the example of how as students we went to the maternity ward for the first time and saw childbirth. I was seventeen and a half years old at the time. I was shocked! My attitude toward women changed. Forever! After that, us boys started relating differently to everything.

We need to make upbringing right for both men and women. It will change the world.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Two-headed eagle” 1/1/10

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Question: Today, according to some researchers, every tenth married couple is unable to conceive a child without medical help. It is worth noting that in 40% of married couples, the cause of infertility is the disease of a woman, and in 45% of cases the problem is with a man.

What are the spiritual roots of the fact that today a man is not able to produce offspring?

Answer: This is a result of our egoistic development. The bestowing, life-giving part comes from a man. However, we in our egoism are so closed within ourselves that we are unable to do even this. Our inner, mental, spiritual qualities begin to manifest themselves at the physiological level.

Look at what is happening nowadays with the genders, with their interaction with each other, how much they withdraw into themselves: women are closing themselves in their society and men in their own. They find some extraneous, alternative forms of sexual satisfaction. That is, everything is unnatural, everything is very far from nature. And this will continue to grow.

Question: Why is this happening?

Answer: This is a long story that continues throughout the development of the entire human race. At one time in Ancient Greece, in the East, etc. there were entire cultures of mutual attraction between women or between men. However, this was not an absolute norm and was cultivated among a very narrow circle of people, for example, among the aristocracy or in harems.

A person feels the need for this, because due to his egoism he does not find normal contact with the opposite sex to really be satisfying, enjoyable, to find warmth, a sense of at least some mutual understanding and support.

I believe this is the cause of a great number of diseases, in particular impacting the nervous system, cardiac system and others. The correct relationship between the genders would balance human nature, would lead to a decrease in stress, psychosomatic and heart diseases.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Two-headed eagle” 1/1/10

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Question: In one of your conversations, you said that a person does not need the upper world for solving problems in this world, including problems in the family, that on the contrary, problems in the family are needed in order to ascend to the upper world.

Does this mean that all the problems of our world are not meant to be solved?

Answer: Sure. They are needed in order to feel the need for the Creator who will solve them. This is how we reveal Him.

When we attain the upper force that manages us and become its owners, then we begin to manage our world, our life, our destiny, everything by ourselves. We become equal to Him, we see the entire universe from the beginning to the end and rise above this existence, above our body. This is called the revelation of the Creator.

All the problems of our world are intended to feel the need to attain Him. This is why our life becomes more and more unbearable: in order to force us to rise to His level, not for drawing Him into our world and making material existence more comfortable.

It’s the same with the family. The rejection between us should reveal the need for the Creator to us in order to rise to Him together, not to draw Him to us.

Question: What happens when one partner already has this need and realizes that a family can only be built on the spiritual component, but the other one does not have it yet?

Answer: Then nothing will work. We must come to a state where both partners are aware of this and realize it.
[288250]
From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Emancipation” 9/16/09

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Question: U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken announced the fulfillment of his campaign promises.

First, in the near future, Americans will be able to choose male and female gender for their passport independent of other gender designations on other documents. Secondly, the designation of a third gender “X” in American passports is about to be introduced.

This is for intersex and transgender people. In addition, a law introduced in New York allows one to write “parents” instead of the traditional “father” and “mother.”

Please tell me, is the introduction of such laws, such freedom, when a person chooses their gender or does not call his father and mother as such but only “parents” correct?

Answer: There is a certain danger here. How will a person change one’s attitude toward the world, toward life, toward people, toward society, toward oneself and that includes how one views his or her parents and how the parents will look at him or her. He is not from some kind of machinery, but from his parents.

Question: Is there a revolution in his view of the world and the view of the world toward him?

Answer: I don’t think there will be a revolution. I think that as usual these are the imbalances of humanity at this stage, which with time will simply recede and will be forgotten.

It can’t be. No one can cancel a man and a woman, how they conceive a child, and how it develops. I would not advise them to flirt with such fundamentals of nature as parenting, childhood, birth, and the definition of it all.

Question: So if we take the view of nature on humanity, then nature cannot allow this?

Answer: You can try to do whatever you want. But as you distort natural definitions, no matter what they are called, in the end it will lead to emptiness.

The fact is that humanity should have long ago reached new guidelines of being mutually connected, mutually obliged, loving, and in this connection to reveal its single highest and unified root. We must actually find something to move towards. And then all these problems will simply cease to be important.

Question: It will no longer become the goal of life?

Answer: What difference does it make what and how we call it?! Life remains life. I don’t understand human stupidity! Except one thing, I see that nature wants to teach us very seriously in order to give us a good slap so that we do not think that we are smarter than it.

Question: I feel this is such a cunning move. Does nature itself direct us to this dead end?

Answer: Yes. So learn. We learn from our mistakes. But there are mistakes that cost us a lot.

To avoid these problems we need to clearly define what an ideal society, fantastic in the good sense of the word, should actually be.

This is a society of equal, kind people who help each other, who work together in conjunction to take from themselves, from everyone, and from nature only what is necessary for existence, thus preserving themselves and the world around them.

Question: Then can all these problems be resolved by themselves?

Answer: Of course. We will not jump somewhere, I do not know where.

Comment: I mean these same-sex marriages and so on.

My Response: The one who does not want children, let him not have any. Calmly.

We have come to such a state in the world where people do not know what to do with themselves! We have to give it all to our simple nature. And then everything will be fine. Everyone can dispose of himself as he wants. The rest depends on the upbringing.
[289383]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 9/30/21

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Comment: Kabbalah says that the nature of a woman is the receiving part and a man’s the bestowing one.

My Response: This is very conditional. In the spiritual world the quality of bestowal is called male and the quality of receiving is called female. But we are not talking about a man and a woman in our world. This is how spiritual forces are divided.

Where do we see these manifestations? If a man practices Kabbalah correctly, he attains the spiritual force first and then transfers it to the woman. But the woman helps him in this, and without her help, he cannot achieve anything. A woman is that desire with the help of which a man attains the upper force, reveals the Creator.

Thus, their partnership is necessary from the very minimum level. Therefore, in the past Kabbalists did not accept men who were not married as their students.

But in our time, to achieve a real spiritual state, it is necessary to have a combination of both a man and a woman, directed toward the Creator.

Hopefully, we are now approaching the generation in which the right spiritual combination will appear between couples.
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FFrom KabTV’s “Close-Up. Emancipation” 9/16/09

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Question: Alena Glushchenko asks: “How can you come to terms with the death of your husband at the age of 30?”

Answer: This is indeed a tragedy. It knocks down and kills a woman. Also, a man, too, in general, is not strong in this.

What to do? We must continue to live; we must continue to seek and understand the meaning of life. To understand that if you have been given such a fate, then you need to use it correctly for some purpose. There is nothing accidental in nature.

I can tell her only one thing, if she orientates herself correctly to the right goal, then she will see that everything is for the better.

Question: What is the correct goal in your understanding?

Answer: In my understanding, the correct goal is to find in our world the upper force that determines everything, that determines our destiny. In connection with this force, we can each find our own destiny and gain real happiness.

Question: Then I would ask a practical question. If her husband died, can she think about another person who she can meet, about another man?

Answer: Why not? Yes, absolutely.

Not to reproach yourself, but seriously think about how to get on with your life anyway.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/12/21

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