Question: It is written in The Book of Zohar: “It is not good for the man to be alone.” I know that there are married couples who live together and still feel lonely. Does the statement “it’s not good to be alone” refer to purely physical or internal sensations?

Answer: It refers primarily to internal ones. The most important thing is for a person to feel that there is a friend next to him.

And the fact that people live together and feel lonely in marriage, nothing can be done. It depends on their upbringing and their outlook on the world and life.

Question: If I feel that my husband is internally lonely, can I somehow help him?

Answer: Try to show him that you are his friend, that you are ready to understand him in everything, and then help him. A woman has such opportunities. But is a man ready to accept that a woman would address him like that, come up, hug him, and he would not push her away?

Question: Yes, not all men can perceive a woman this way, even their wives. What should a wife be like for a man to perceive her as a friend, as support?

Answer: A wife must be smart; this is the most important thing. And she must also be similar to his mother. It is not easy.
[326604]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

Related Material:
A Man Is like a Bush in the Wind without a Woman
There Is A Woman Behind Every Successful Man
Men Need Support

Filed under: Man and Woman - No Comments →

Question: How is egoism displayed in the family?

Answer: Egoism is one’s own exaltation, one’s justification for oneself, and the desire to have power over the partner etc.

Comment: But it is impossible to escape it. Each and every time we reveal between us how much everyone is absorbed with oneself.

My Response: Indeed, the more we advance and try to suppress our ego, the more it grows. Nevertheless, we must gradually rise above it, and for this we need connection with the Creator.

Therefore, we are starting to beg Him to help us and not to leave us because on our own we are very weak and do not believe that somehow we can overcome our selves. We are working in this way day after day. This is a long job.

Question: But we do not always see this connection with the Creator. When the ego is growing, the opposite happens: we build and build and then fall even lower. What can you recommend for these moments?

Answer: You have to understand that when the ego rises, it gives us an opportunity to rise even more above it. This is what the help from the Creator means.

Question: It turns out that the Creator seemingly accepts our work?

Answer: Yes, from each one individually and from both together.
[326344]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

Related Material:
Will The Family Institution Survive?
Men And Women: The Structure Of Humanity
The Family Revolution

Filed under: Man and Woman - No Comments →

Question: What should we do if my husband and I try to somehow give in to each other and change ourselves, but it still does not work?

Answer: Ask the Creator and He will help. Speak directly to Him the way you speak to me now.

Question: Can two people do this?

Answer: Of course, turn to the Creator together. This brings you very close.

Question: How can we feel that the Creator is between us? Will we fight less, or will we get along better? What is this feeling?

Answer: You must be more responsible for each other and be ready to sacrifice a lot for this. That is all.

Question: I am trying to imagine this state; how do I nullify myself to zero?

Answer: There is no need for zero. It is necessary to make an effort to maintain a good, constant connection on both sides. That is enough.

The main thing is the feeling inside. It does not need to be manifested in actions in some special way.
[326485]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/5/24

Related Material:
Point of Connection Between Husband and Wife
Husband And Wife: Where Is The Creator Between Them?
A Spiritual Family

Filed under: Man and Woman - No Comments →

Question: If one of the spouses in a family notices how the other is working on his egoism, should he praise him for this?

Answer: No, you do not need to praise or talk about it; otherwise, it will confuse everything. It is best to just try to understand each other without words. That is much stronger, much more impressive, and gives everyone deeper work on themselves.

If you feel that you are working on yourself and trying to change somehow, but you do not see this from your partner, then you need to somehow hint to him to do this or that, that here, for example, he has the opportunity to lower himself a little.

Everyone has their own egoism, and everyone works on it. To help your partner in this work, you need to lead by example.
[326315]
From KabTV’s “Male and Female” 3/5/24

Related Material:
The Spiritual Work of Couples
One Desire for Two
Husband And Wife: Where Is The Creator Between Them?

Filed under: Man and Woman - No Comments →

Question: How does it happen that the fire that warmed us and nurtured our love, suddenly turns into something consuming? Where is the main oversight? When does it suddenly turn around?

Answer: On one hand perhaps the spouses forget that they receive a connection between them through the Creator and they throw Him out of their relationship. On the other hand they forget that they have a common goal in front of them and that it is unchangeable and unshakable. If there are children, then there is nothing to talk about at all. After all, we live not only for ourselves, but also for the sake of our children.

Question: As I understand it, our goal is to reach love, the qualities of the Creator. How do children contribute to this?

Answer: Children contribute by forcing you to rise above your egoism and sacrifice it for their sake.

Question: Why exactly should the Creator be between a man and a woman?

Answer: Otherwise they would hardly unite with each other and continue their existence together.
[326391]
From KabTV’s “Male and Female” 3/5/24

Related Material:
The Spiritual Work of Couples
One Desire for Two
Husband And Wife: Where Is The Creator Between Them?

Filed under: Man and Woman - No Comments →

Comment: We have not had such a prolonged war in a while. All this time, the guys have been out there on the front lines. It seems like it is going to continue for a long time.

A father of four children, who has not been home once since the war started, writes to his wife: “My beloved, my dear, I am here fighting for our home, for our people. But I feel the immense war you are going through, taking on everything: caring for the home, for the children, for me. Where do you get such strength? How did I not feel this before? Thank you for the peace you give me, for the strength that emanates from you. I know it is easier for me; I am here, surrounded by friends. All the care is on you there, you are the hero! For you: our wives, sisters, and mothers, we are ready to fight. Thank you, my love! I miss you so much.”

What would you say about such wives?

My Response: There are no words for it!

Question: Can we say that this is a feat?

Answer: Yes, definitely.

Question: How do they hold up as they are thinking about their husbands, fearing that suddenly—God forbid—someone will knock on the door and bring some news about them? Constantly caring for the children and not showing how hard it is for her. After all, a woman wants to be weak, but she does not have the opportunity to be weak. How?

Answer: The Creator gives a person what he needs. We see examples of this. Women are strong. They bear their share with dignity.

Question: So, even without thinking about the Creator, does she have a constant prayer?

Answer: Yes, it is constantly in her heart.

Question: Does that mean that there is a constant response?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Does that mean that He supports them all the time?

Answer: The Creator supports such people and helps and encourages them. Precisely the Creator.

Question: Does a person feel that this is from the Creator, or is it not necessary at all? Like this woman, the wife.

Answer: I think they feel it.

Question: Can a husband’s letter to his wife be called a declaration of love?

Answer: It can. In such cases you can speak openly and speak from heart to heart. Does he have four children?

Comment: Yes, he has four children. Yet, he writes to his wife, he feels that she is the stronghold and the foundation of everything.

My Response: What can you do? Of course. A woman is a home, as it is said in the Torah.

Question: Can we say that wives fight no less than husbands in this war?

Answer: Of course! Even more. After all, in action they cannot do anything, only in desires.

Question: Who do you think has it harder?

Answer: The woman, because she worries about the family, the home, the husband, about everyone. She generally is considered the center of the family in such a state.

Question: So her thoughts never disappear, she has no rest?

Answer: No! It is completely out of the question. Within her, she is always with the children and her husband who is far away, and she is constantly in these thoughts.

Question: In principle, what do husbands mean to such wives? Who are they?

Answer: They are their support. They are like the center of the world, the center of the universe. And for him, the wife is the center of life.

Question: Why does this happen only in such situations? He even writes here: “I did not even know you were so strong. I did not even know you were like this.” Why is this revealed only in such situations? Why can we not see this during peace?

Answer: Because they need each other. In ordinary life everything gets somewhat obscured. These states have a very positive impact on a couple, on husband and wife.

Question: Can you say that this war brings them together?

Answer: Of course.

Question: Does it bring together such families?

Answer: There are those who might drift apart from each other, but generally, it leads to coming together, to something serious and real, and makes them understand who they are to each other.
[326133]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 1/22/24

Related Material:
The Incident that Shocked all of Israel
So as Not to Pay for Life with Blood
The Enemies Will Retreat before Our Unity

Filed under: Israel Today, Man and Woman, News - No Comments →

Question: Researchers from the Weizmann Institute in Israel have found that human tears contain a substance that suppresses aggression. For the study, they collected emotional tears from women. Then, men were given the opportunity to smell these tears or a physiological saline solution. It turned out that female tears induce changes in the brain that reduce male aggression by more than forty percent. What is the spiritual root of tears?

Answer: Tears are excesses of the desire to bestow. In Kabbalah, this is called Ohr Hozer, the reflected light that comes out from the source of the light and envelops it. In other words, tears are a great force.

Question: Even in a spiritual sense?

Answer: Especially in a spiritual sense.

Question: So, it overwhelms me, I want to bestow, bestow, and bestow?

Answer: When a person feels that he cannot solve the problem of bestowing, then tears manifest. I really want to bestow, but I cannot; my nature is different.

Question: It is one thing when a child cries. Another thing when an adult cries. Are tears still a form of helplessness?

Answer: Yes, it is helplessness every time.

Question: So, I have to reach a dead-end and then tears come?

Answer: And then tears appear. These tears are the reflected light in which the direct light from the Creator is dressed.

Question: Can you explain the terms reflected light and direct light more simply?

Answer: It means that a person appeals to the Creator and receives help from Him. This is called light.

Question: Is this the direct light?

Answer: Yes, and reflected light is the light that comes to a person and reflects from him in the desire to merge with the Creator.

Question: In our world we have tears of happiness, tears of sorrow, pain, hatred, and all of these are still tears. Why are they all tears?

Answer: Tears are a lack of the ability to embrace the immensity.

Question: Do I want to embrace the unattainable?

Answer: Yes, those who want to encompass the unattainable and find that they cannot do it, they cry. This can happen to a little child or an old person as well.

Question: In Kabbalah, there is a concept called “gates of tears.” They say that the gates of tears are always open. Can you explain?

Answer: When a person has a complete realization that he has done everything possible to come close to the Creator and sees that he still cannot achieve it, he then explodes from within in sobbing, thus opening the gates of tears. In other words, all gates are closed, but the gates of tears are open to a person who comes to them in this way.

Question: When you said that he has been through everything, already done everything, does that mean that all gates are closed? So, he checked all the gates?

Answer: Yes.

Question: So, one must still check all the gates?

Answer: Otherwise how will one explode in suffering and prayer?

Question: Can we say that, in principle, our life is to check all the gates? Is this our life? And all the sufferings we get along the way, are they because the gates are closed?

Answer: Yes.

Question: We come to it with age, with wisdom? What do we come to the gates of tears with?

Answer: With a plea out of helplessness. With a request that we have done everything, and besides the Creator no one can help us, and only to Him do we turn. But we are capable of it! Not just crying and screaming like a child. But when you have been through everything and your despair is greater than all the problems that came to you.

Question: Have you ever cried?

Answer: I have cried. The last time I cried was when my friend was drafted to the army. And with this I felt that childhood and youth were ending.

Question: Was it your childhood friend leaving?

Answer: Yes.

Remark: So, you had that period of happiness called childhood, and it ended.

Answer: Yes, something like that.

Question: This is an overflow of what?

Answer: It is an overflow of emotions. We were very close friends, and it was the end of it.

Question: Another question: Your teacher Rabash, did he ever cry?

Answer: No, I imagine that it could have happened, but I never saw a single tear.

Question: Even, as you said, when his wife died, when he was distraught by that blow?

Answer: No, he did not cry and did not show any emotion.

Question: Why?

Answer: He did not have it in him. He did not have anything like it. I was with him for 12 to 13 years; he passed away in my arms, and never did he cry.

Question: But when you think about him, very often tears come to your eyes?

Answer: I am not him.

Question: What do you feel at that moment?

Answer: I feel bitterness that I could not bestow to him more than I did. And sometimes, it caused him a sense of offense toward me. So… I still have to figure this out.
[323852]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 12/25/23

Related Material:
Spiritual Shock
Light Pouring Out in the Form of Tears
Crying from Kabbalah’s Point of View

Filed under: Man and Woman, News, Spiritual Work - No Comments →

Question: One boy had a very bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and said: “Whenever you offend someone, hammer one nail into the fence.” On the first day, the boy hammered 37 nails. Then he began to learn to control his anger, and the day came when he did not hammer a single nail.

His father said, “Now for every day that you have managed to restrain yourself, pull one nail out of the fence.” One day there was not a single nail left in the door, he pulled everything out.

The father said, “Son, you have done a great job. But look at how many holes are left in the wood. It will never be the same again.”

The moral is this: Every time you offend someone, it leaves scars. You can take back your words later, but the scars will remain forever.

The question is, is it possible to resist offending another? After all, you say that we are egoists anyway. Can we do it?

Answer: No, every moment we try to lower others; otherwise, I do not feel that I am living!

Question: You see and feel it, but you do it anyway?

Answer: Yes.

Comment: And by this we, as if, leave scars.

My Response: This is the principle of existence of our world.

Question: It means it is all covered in scars, by and large. Are the scars in me or in the one I am lowering?

Answer: In fact, it is in you.

Question: So, these scars remain in me. If we cover our transgressions, the fact that we offend someone, as you say with love, what happens to these scars?

Answer: Then they heal! There are no traces left!

Question: So, is the assumption that it is possible to heal scars so that no traces remain true?

Answer: None of the traces.

Question: This is the most important advice! If you cover all this transgression with love.

Answer: It is said about this: “Love covers all crimes.”

Question: How can you cover with love? How can you do it?

Answer: Selflessly. That is, just love. That is all.

Question: You just now humiliated him.

Answer: No, not just now, it cannot happen right away.

Question: You felt that you humiliated him, and it made you feel bad. Is this the case in stages?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Do you have to somehow evoke love for him? Can this love be evoked? It does not exist in me.

Answer: Yes, love can be evoked. From where? Because there is hate. This hatred, from the opposite side, manifests itself as love.

Question: So my hatred for this person is what causes love. At what point? Is it when I feel like I am wrong or what?

Answer: It is under the influence of the upper light.

Question: But do I need to feel something? That I want to make it up somehow, it hurts me, I feel bad, I have scars! Should I feel this?

Answer: Yes. It has to be present.

Comment: Then, this is a man before us.

In most cases, we do not feel it. Basically, we justify all the scars we inflict.

My Response: It means that we will have to check ourselves and correct ourselves a lot more.

Question: Why are we not hurt by these scars, we have so many? We have already “massacred” many people.

Answer: But we do not feel it. Our egoism erases it all carefully.

Question: When do I start to feel this, and what is it to “cover with love” hatred or dislike for the other?

Answer: I cannot say any more. Imagine that you are writing on a blackboard and then you start gradually erasing every word you say and writing the opposite.

Question: Do you mean “I hate” – “I love”? “You” – “myself,” like this?

Answer: Yes.
[324446]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 1/8/24

Related Material:
How To Cope With The Shock Of Hate?
Love Will Cover All Our Crimes
Love Always Rises Above Hate

Filed under: Education, Man and Woman, News - No Comments →

Question: We have a holiday on March 8^th—International Women’s Day. It started as a struggle for women’s rights and then turned into a warm international, global women’s holiday. I remember buying my mom Queen of Spades perfume and a bouquet of tulips. We also bought flowers for the girls. And for special girls, beloved ones, maybe Bird’s Milk cake and something else. How was it for you? Do you remember?

Answer: No, I never gave anyone anything except for my mom.

Question: What did you give your mom?

Answer: I sent her a telegram.

Question: Although you were living together?

Answer: Yes.

Question: But when you were little?

Answer: Yes, when I was little, I went to the post office and sent my mom a telegram.

Question: What did you write?

Answer: Congratulations on March 8^th, wishing you health, and that is all.

Question: What would you like to wish for our women now?

Answer:
Dear Women!
From the bottom of my heart, no twist, I love and respect you very much for your huge contribution to fixing the world that your men distort and disfigure.
So let’s continue our work together until the world is fixed. And then all men will understand how much they owe to their women—mothers, daughters, wives. And the world will become calmer and better.

Question: How do women fix the world?

Answer: With their gentle attitude, by not wanting suffering.

Question: Do they intuitively think about their children, that is, this thought immediately arises?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Then why do troubles continue and continue?

Answer: It is all because men do such things to the world.

Question: All these games?

Answer: Yes.

Question: So women are not inclined to play games?

Answer: Absolutely not! Women are ready to forgive everything just to have peace. But men are not ready for that. They do not feel like they are achieving anything unless it is through fighting.

Question: What should women do now to come together and raise such a prayer, a cry to stop all of this?

Answer: If women could, then they would make men leave their childish games of war, become more thoughtful, and compel everyone to focus on peace, nature, humanity, and children. But for now, I do not see it.

Comment: But still, you say that women are involved in correction.

My Response: They are involved in correction, but it is very small. They are afraid to step forward.

Question: Do you still have a desire for them to step forward?

Answer: Yes, definitely! They should start governing the world, and the world will become a better place. Exactly then.

Question: Is it due to the fact that they have motherhood in them?

Answer: Yes, They give birth, they want everything to grow, to move forward. But men do not have that.

Question: But still, we both think. A thinking man, a thinking woman.

Answer: A man does not have that deep need for peace in the world. And a woman, she feels with her womb.

That is why this holiday, March 8^th, is truly a special holiday. A holiday of hope for correction.
[326328]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 3/4/24

Related Material:
We Can Only Rely On Women
Women’s Connection
The Last Generation—The Time Of Women

Filed under: Holidays, Man and Woman, News - No Comments →

Question: There is a wise saying for the difference between like and love. When you like a flower, you pick it. If you love a flower, you water it daily.

What does it mean to love, to water a flower?

Answer: It is very simple. It is to understand what the one you love needs and to provide it for him or her, to fill them, to “water” them.

Question: So do I first need to find out what this person needs and give it to him? Is this called love?

Answer: This is indeed called love.

Question: So when I see a withering flower, for example, it is easier for me to water it, see it start to lift its head, and suddenly come to life. And when love withers away completely and the flower dies, do we then lose hope or do we still water it?

Answer: What else is left?

Comment: Leave it. Look for another flower. Or should I still water it?

My Response: I think you should still water it.

Comment: That is, this hope should be.

My Response: You can revive it with your feelings and by giving it water.

Comment: We are talking about love, which is believed to not be there. However, you feel that there is no such thing as no love there. You say we can revive it.

My Response: Yes, absolutely nothing disappears.

Question: Is something still alive there? It is so beyond reason after all. How can we believe it?

Answer: It is beyond reason, but we can see it in nature, too.

Question: As when something suddenly sprouts from a completely barren land?

Answer: Yes. We can overcome even the state of death.

Question: Can we overcome a dead, withered state?

Answer: At any state, at the vegetative level, at the animal and human levels.

Question: How can I convince myself of this? This is the most important thing.

Answer: It all depends solely on the expansion of your inner feelings. If you want, even the Pharaoh’s mummy will come to life. Let us say he was buried two or three thousand years ago, and your attitude toward him reorients itself so he begins to come to life.

Question: When you say “come to life,” what do you mean?

Answer: To live at our level.

Question: Meaning, will all the vital forces come back to him? This is not fiction?

Answer: It will not be fiction.

Comment: But in our current state, the way we understand things now, this is just pure fantasy.

Answer: Of course. This is decomposition into natural elements.

Question: Can we put them back together with our efforts?

Answer: We can bring them back together; we can do it.

Question: Where can I get the patience to work in this way?

Answer: No one has the patience. But there is an understanding of the process you are talking about. Let us say love has died in you now. And then what?

Question: Where to get the patience, as you say, to even raise the dead?

Answer: Let us say you have realized you are able to revive it with your efforts during, say, fifty years.

Question: Do I have to invest fifty years into this?

Answer: No, you are not thinking of investing fifty years into this. You are thinking of what you are reviving. The years become unimportant; you are already living the outcome.

Question: This is beautiful! Is this the way to live?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Then all my efforts matter less, everything I invest into it fades in the face of this goal, this revival. And then I will revive it?

Answer: Yes, of course. Your spirit will penetrate this dead state, and it will sprout.

Question: When can I give up, raise my hands because I am unable to revive it? Is there such a thing?

Answer: That is weakness.

Question: Is it really a weakness? And does it come to the person all the time? How do I work with it?

Answer: I once had a neighbor in the next apartment whose little son was ill with brain inflammation. I remember how, at about two or three in the morning, as I was going to the lesson, she knocked on my door and brought me this child, a little bundle, handed him over, and said hopelessly: “Take him.” That was it. That is the kind of state we cannot get to. Fight it!

Question: So, no surrender, neither with what I see nor with what I hear? Is that all?

Answer: Keep going!

Question: Is this what we call coming to real prayer?

Answer: Yes.

Comment: It is not easy!

Answer: But in my story, it was already too late. The child was already… the body was still reacting somehow, but everything inside was already nearly dead.

Question: And yet you say we cannot give up? Should that never happen?

Answer: Never.
[323299]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/27/23

Related Material:
Love Is A Beast
What To Do If Love Is Gone?
How To Save A Marriage

Filed under: Man and Woman, News - No Comments →