Rabash, Letter 40: Each gift….that he gives to his friend is like a bullet that makes a hollow in the stone. And although the first bullet only scratches the stone, when the second bullet hits the same place, it already makes a notch, and the third one makes a dent.

And through the bullets that he shoots repeatedly, the dent becomes a hollow in his friend’s heart of stone, where all the presents gather. And each gift becomes a spark of love until all the sparks of love accumulate in the hollow of the stony heart and become a flame.

The difference between a spark and a flame is that where there is love, there is open disclosure, meaning a disclosure to all the peoples that the fire of love is burning in him. And the fire of love burns all the transgressions one meets along the way.

Question: They say that love is acquired through good deeds. When a person gives a gift to his friend, every gift is like an arrow that strikes the heart of the other and makes a hole in it. Ultimately, arrow after arrow, the wall in the heart of the other is breached and emotional unity is created between them. What is meant by “gifts” in relationships between partners? Is this a ring that is bought at a store or something else?

Answer: First of all, before buying the ring it’s necessary to check if this will really make the woman happy. Or maybe she needs new shoes or maybe instead of a ring or new shoes she would prefer to go out with you on vacation for a few days?

The meaning of a “gift” is that first you check to see if she needs it. I would close all the gift stores because they are full of absolutely superfluous things that nobody needs. On the contrary, it’s necessary to check what the woman wants and to bring her something which is exactly according to her desire and then this is called a gift.

The gift doesn’t have to be material; the main thing is to fulfill the desire of the partner. Even a nice relationship is acceptable as a gift if it comes from love that doesn’t require compensation. Through a relationship like this I don’t demand anything from the partner in exchange since I enjoy the activity and I don’t expect compensation in exchange. On the contrary, I am thankful to him for the opportunity to give him a gift, which is pleasure for me.

I see how much my wife enjoys buying a gift for a grandchild for his birthday. She should thank him for having a birthday for it was a pleasure for her to look for a gift for him and to think of what exactly to buy that he would like. This is an example of a gift coming from love.

It’s the same thing regarding relationships between partners. I need to be integrated into the desires of my partner and to imagine what would make her most happy. And after this I go and carry this out with the goal of fulfilling her desire. And in no way or manner do I need to expect any compensation in exchange for the gift, for here an inner estimation is made without any personal benefit.

For if I require a payoff in exchange for my gift, this is no longer a gift; rather it’s just a business transaction. A gift is made completely from non-egoistic motives rather, only from love. My partner doesn’t owe me anything in return on the contrary, this was a pleasure for me.

When we talked about mutual concessions, then there it was the opposite; I made a concession and required an action in response to this from the partner. But a gift is above all this.

With the help of the right use of gifts, we receive the opportunities to build good relations between us, to begin a “new life.” For by means of the gift, we convey our love towards the partner and through this we acquire him.

In real life sometimes the opposite happens, the gifts that we bring to the partner or to children destroy the relationships between us. But this is only because these gifts were not from absolute love but from an intention to bribe the woman as compensation for my behavior. In a circumstance like this it’s not a gift but compensation. When I promise my son a gift if he will finish the school year successfully, this is not called a gift either but simply a payoff.

I need to show my wife that I am bringing her a gift without any egoistic intent but only from love. It is said, “Someone who gives a gift to his friend must let him know.” That this gift is for no reason! For everything else there are reasons, and in this case there isn’t, therefore I must let him know. A gift like this without a reason awakens mutual love from the other side. This is not compensation, not a payoff, but needs some kind of response, reciprocity.

First of all it’s up to me to find out what my wife wants. And after I have checked this, I bring her a gift and tell her how long it took me to think about what would be best to buy and that I even saved the money for this purpose, how long I looked for exactly what she needs. That is, I double this gift because I thought about it a lot; I searched and wanted to fulfill her desires.

By satisfying her desire, I gave her fulfillment, because I love her absolutely without any calculation. I enjoyed bringing her a gift so much and am sorry that my effort has ended; I was so happy to search for a gift for her that would make her happy. This is what is called a gift.

As it is said, every gift is like an arrow that strikes the heart of the other and makes a hole in it. This is talking about strangers, about egoists who are found in a conflict. But if we are talking about partners, there it’s easier to melt the heart of the partner. Therefore it’s easier to begin to build relationships like these within the family and only after this in other places. In relationships between partners, they are not separated by strong impenetrable walls as there are between strangers. Therefore come, let’s start from the family!
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 8/1/12

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One hundred percent of our systems of relationships are connected to the economy. The economy is a reflection of our egoistic connections because it’s not just about finances. Even if we politely say to each other, “Hello, thanks, goodbye” or just give someone a fork, when we sit at a shared table, this is also economics because these are acts of exchange. We are not necessarily obligated to count dollars because the exchange is happening both in the energetic level and at the verbal level.

Therefore, the wisdom of Kabbalah says that the world will pass to another economy, and the present economy will simply destroy itself. And the sooner we understand where it’s heading the easier it will transition to a new economy.

A new economy is an economy of sensible consumption where we don’t consider our options but our needs and work only for them. The economy will be built upon satisfying a rational human lifestyle and nothing more. Whereas, the principle by which it works today will soon be successfully “removed” everywhere, everything will collapse.

If we don’t lead the integral education, it will be realized through crisis and bankruptcy, which already have their place now. We take upon ourselves only the educational work. We need new economists, people different from those who are found in power today.
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From the Convention In Krasnoyarsk 6/14/13, Lesson 4   

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Question: Young people who are studying both in schools and universities are still children but at the same time they already have an absolutely mature attitude. There is such a large gap between these two states that it is as if it “splits” them. Therefore, it is very difficult for adults to communicate with them.

Answer: At school they naturally behave like regular children. Accordingly, the relationship and the demands on them remain on the same level.

During the integral process, they transform very rapidly into adults but not as usual adults, instead they are like those who are connected. They form another social structure. We call on them to participate because this structure is the best and most fertile for both internal spiritual development, intellectual development, and generally for success in life.

Therefore, the integrality they acquire smoothes out any differences in their opinions when on the one hand, they enter into a mature society and study at a university and on the other hand, at the age of 14 they are still children. The integral relationship between them connects these two polarities, softens them so they become simpler, easier, and smoother; they feel mutuality. It follows that those with integrality take upon themselves the burden of adulthood they still may not want to take on. Through a correct approach like this we can straighten out all the problems.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 4/4/13

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The second principle of relationships between married couples says: “Each one must try to elevate the mood of the partner all the time.” Every person always welcomes the opportunity to improve his mood. And in a circumstance like this you need to see yourself as more than a partner, like a mother who cares about the welfare of her child.

That is to strive to please the other, to improve his mood, to be concerned that things will be good for him, to try to bring him what he loves, to prepare, to arrange things for him. And I need to show that I am doing this especially for the sake of my wife that I want to give her pleasure. I give her an example of behavior that I would like to see from her in relation to me.

This is talking about a married couple that learns to build the right relationship with each other. We understand that we are two egoists that must correct the condition of our family. Therefore, each one shows a different example and has the privilege to remind the other of how he needs to behave.

Together with this, it is very important to lift each other’s mood because we want to build a connection between us! A good mood helps open the person and a bad mood causes him to withdraw within himself. Therefore, in a bad mood, he is not prepared to connect with others.

If the partner is found in a depressed state like this, it is not possible to make him happy about anything, then it is necessary to descend to his bad mood, to share in his concerns, to try to see everything through his eyes, to agree with his assessment, and to justify him one hundred percent. And after you feel you are found in the same mood, in shared anger, try to take him out from there. For without connection it is impossible to bring the person out of a descent, it is first necessary to grasp him somehow.

And if you try to make the partner happy in this state, then this is liable to create the opposite effect and your optimism will summon within him even greater anger because you are standing opposite each other. First we must attain a connection, solidarity, to feel each other, and only after this, gradually, very slowly begin to lift his spirits, this will be the right psychological approach.

Every state needs to be exploited for the work of nullifying yourself. For example, you come home and see that your house slippers are not in their place, so you are happy that you have the opportunity to rise above your anger and that you receive material on which to work. You know that you will benefit from this in that you will empty an area within yourself for a deeper connection.

A person needs to get compensation for his concession so he will feel that it is worthwhile for him to make this concession, for in a form like this he gains love, a good connection, and even something higher! Within these feelings suddenly some kind of unique elevation appears that he rises from the level of the beast to the level of a human relationship and he can understand that it was worth it.

Question: What if I go home and see that he is wrapped in a storm cloud? My wife is in a bad mood and I’m terribly angry, I’m infected by the bad mood. What should be done in a circumstance like this?

Answer: Go look for a good mood the same way you would look for your house slippers! Search for ways to improve her mood and yours. You now need to become a psychologist in regard to your wife and search for a scientific approach to her, constructive and thoughtful, to build a connection like this with her that will take her out of despair and anger and will raise her to another level of relationship to life. Now you are working like a true psychotherapist.

And you even have stronger tools of influence than an external psychologist because you can approach your wife, hug her, and in a relationship of trust ask her what happened. First of all hug her, this will thaw everything immediately. This is like everything in life that brings a person pleasure and a feeling of support.

The whole method of familial relationships is supported by concessions and the connection that is attained with them by overcoming your ego so that “love covers over all iniquities” by helping the other, by giving an example of how to connect back with you. Everything necessary is already in these words; I have nothing more to add.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 8/1/12

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Question: Suppose I invest all possible efforts in getting close to my wife, yet I don’t find reciprocity from her. Is there some kind of limit to this when I can say that according to how my partner reacts it is worthwhile for me to stop and wait?

Answer: I must help my partner, not just stopping my attempts deciding that I have already tried enough and now I can relax. I simply understand that in a better relationship I would pamper her too much and weaken her, she couldn’t tolerate a good relationship like this from me and remain balanced.

Even while I stop myself from showing excessive kindness and love, I do this out of love. As with children, it is impossible to be too good to them without spoiling them through over-indulgence.

It is necessary to basically consider that we are all “beasts”; we all must work on ourselves to become human. This is possible only through reciprocal work in the family, and then in the whole society.

Question: What is considered a good result here?

Answer: It is possible to be satisfied with the result if we start to feel each other. I no longer approach my wife as if I am travelling in a car to a distant destination; rather, we are found next to each other and turn the steering wheel together. We need to feel that we have common desires, hers and mine, and we both manage them. Our two egos, mine and hers, remain below, while our shared desire to bestow to each other, is found above. We are like two scientists, like two humans, working together on our “beast”.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life #46” 8/01/12

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Question: During the discussion circles a sensation of unity, of identity, is created among the people. How important is it here, specifically, for the person to understand that this is happening to him now?

Answer: The person doesn’t need to do anything at first. We arrange workshops with very different people like those who are opposites, who hate each other and disagree. They are completely different people in mentality, nationality, age, profession and so on, gathered into the circles.

Very gradually, over the course of the first half hour, surprisingly, they begin to connect internally, to understand each other, to complement each other and they don’t interrupt each other and don’t argue in any way. They try to find a common point of view, to rise above themselves. Then, suddenly, something in common begins to form between them, an agreement that shines on them with some kind of inner light, an inner energy. This is specifically what a person lacks today.

Our world now is entering into a state like this. Around us, nature is revealing more and more of its integrality, its mutual cooperation that fills all of its parts, and we, humanity, are like a cancerous tumor. We don’t want to be integrally linked between us and with nature itself.

Through attaining the most minimal integrality in a group, we become like the nature that surrounds us (except for humanity) and begin to feel a kind of radiation from it, some kind of influence, and this feeling of receiving a unique energy makes the world more resonant, more subtle and fine. This is so soothing, relaxing, and balancing for a person that he doesn’t want to be separated from it.

A sensation of wisdom descends upon him because he is found in balance with nature, meaning with the entire universe. He begins to feel that there are special goals in a state like this and that through these states it is possible to go out as if through some kind of matrix to the next level of existence. Apparently, a group in which this is found is, in fact, not a group, but a unique body, a schema, an instrument, with whose help one can organize his ascent above this world.

From a physical point of view, he might have everything: a house, a family, salary and the like. However, this sensation of “suspension in the air” above our world fills him with meaning. This gives him rest from everything that he usually feels in this world. This is very important to people. For this, they would be ready to give everything if only to attain such a state.

Therefore, from my personal experience, I would claim that within an hour to an hour and a half of being in a workshop, a person reaches this kind of state. He becomes completely different.

Taking part in integral workshops are: Arabs, Jews, Druze, the old, the young, right wingers, left wingers, fascists, and communists. It doesn’t matter who or how. They sit around a roundtable as enemies that don’t usually complement each other and within an hour they transform into comrades. An absolutely incredible activity has taken place!

Afterward, they will travel to visit each other, meet, wanting to feel that feeling that they had found again, and precisely in contrast to that initial sense of opposition, they feel the new state more prominently and clearly.
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From KabTV’s “Through Time” 3/17/13

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Question: Are there any indicators or evaluations for determining whether there is a healthy situation at the level of the family, for instance?

Answer: I think that we are not taught properly about the behavior in a family. We study in the group that spiritual attainment requires us to move forward. It’s based on the fact that the ego is constantly growing and unity is constantly growing above it. That is, if we feel 20 kilograms of mutual egoistic repulsion between us, then we have to rise above this. This means that the uniting force needs to be at least one gram more than repulsion.

Is it not as it should be? We are brought up incorrectly. We, egoists, are constantly growing and changing. Each spouse is in his internal egoistic states: by strength, character, etc. I want romance and she wants cosmetics. I want to go fishing and she wants to dream.

We are not taught what we should constantly work on. As a result, family life is destroyed. Why do families break up? As soon as egoism starts growing and switches from the animal level to the next human degree, we no longer understand how to cope with it.

It becomes integral and people do not know at all how to work with it, “It’s easier to get a divorce!” It becomes a normal phenomenon and we do not criticize it. And it’s really true because we fundamentally do not understand how we can work with our nature. All of this is manifested in this way.

So, when we go out to the general public with a lecture or dissemination, then everything that we studied in Kabbalah earlier becomes the magical golden key to solving any problem in integral education. Just as we are trying to unite in the group, we can unite in family by exactly the same system. Otherwise, the family will cease to exist!

Even in those modern civilizations where the family still maintains the historical foundation and way of life, nothing will be left there either if we do not introduce integral education. And it’s entirely based on Kabbalah. What you do in the group, do at home and at work.

Today, we bring our methodology to various businesses and managers who also complain that people lose motivation; a person cannot force himself to work. He needs money, he needs to live, but he cannot force himself.

The world will suffer until it becomes convinced that we cannot manage without the system, which you derive only from the knowledge of the spiritual structure; you need to implement it because the world is entering it yet doesn’t know how to act within it. It turns out that it adjusts itself according to the new spiritual structures, but everyone still tries to live in it by the egoistic principles.

That is why the family crisis can be solved easily. Show examples of workshops and all kinds of integral interactions through the same television series. Start teaching people the method of bringing them together and you will see how it will begin to work. People will not know from where they get the desire for unity; they will not have a clue that they learn this from the heroes of television shows.

The dissemination of the method of integral education is not just going somewhere and telling something to someone. It should be our main weapon. In this case, we calm the world down. Moreover, this spreads as fast as anything else.
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From the 1^st Preparation to the Convention in Krasnoyarsk 6/13/13

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Question: Will the communication between people change in the integral society? Will they move on to some kind of deeply sensitive system of communication?

Answer: By their complementing each other, people will create such devices and mechanisms for measurement that they will feel the next level, the world, that in the meantime they don’t feel today since we aren’t connected to each other.

The thing is, despite the presence of the relative repulsion, there is no attraction between us which means there aren’t two forces which work to build the picture of this creation.

A person has to have a new sense organ called the “soul.” By uniting in integral groups, people find contact with their soul and then start communicating with each other on the level of the general soul—the unified information field to which they have to connect.

Therefore, there is the appearance of a large group of sensitive children because humanity is now more prepared to have contact with this information field.

Question: Can we expect some evolution on the level of biological bodies?

Answer: No. The biological body exists only within our feelings. To the extent that our feelings will begin to change into being higher, then the body will gradually lose its importance within our feelings until such a state that the whole world will begin to disappear like in a fog. Already physicists and psychologists are speaking about this. These are purely scientific statements.
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From KabTV’s “Through Time” 3/20/13

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In the News (from EUbusiness): ”… European Union president Herman Van Rompuy on Friday called on Europe’s leaders for help in fighting youth unemployment, now at record levels across the 27-nation bloc. …

“‘The number of unemployed people in our Union, especially of young people, is at record levels,’ he said. ‘It has become one of the most pressing issues in most, if not all, of our member states. That is why we must do our utmost to deal with it together.’ …

“The June summit ‘will be an opportunity to mobilise efforts at all levels around one shared objective: to get motivated young people back to work or education,’ he said, urging leaders ‘to actively contribute’ to fight youth joblessness.

“Fears are rising of ‘a lost generation’ with almost two out of three under 25-year-olds out of work in Greece and in Spain.”

My Comment: It is good that there are calls because the problem is growing, but as usual, funds will be allocated, plans will be created, hundreds of jobs for office workers will be created, and then one day they will remember them and see the result: wasted money… The only way out of unemployment is to occupy young people with integral education: It is inexpensive, reliable, promising.
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Opinion (Elena Galkina, historian): “Violence among children is multiplying. They have much more opportunities today to immerse into the virtual space, in the TV world, computer games; between the ages 5 to 15, they see approximately 20,000 murders, horror movies, thrillers, a huge amount of blood, and treachery. They conclude that he who is successful is a rapist, a murderer, one who views others as stepping stones, steals, and take bribes.

“A child needs to see an example of a good behavior towards others. Otherwise, as a biological creature, he sees how he should compete and, of course, he will choose this path of crime, violence, and social dominance.

“If we don’t resolve this issue, our society will turn not just into beasts but into a population that will not be able to reproduce because for reproduction even animals and birds require an element of altruism, an element of social cooperation for the common good, and not for the benefit of just oneself through the misery of others. If no attention is given to this, we will be faced with social collapse and the collapse of individuals.”

My Comment: This is the path of the realization of the evil of our nature, and only after recognizing it as evil will we be able to begin our correction as the only inevitable, sensible, and desirable action. The realization of evil can be long and cruel if we persist in remaining in egoism, or it can be fast and easy if we study it as a tendency to realize it as evil in order to rise above it by means of integral education, and then replace it with kindness and love with the help of integral upbringing.
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