Michael Laitman, On Quora: “What’s the essence of human relationships and communications?“

The essence of human relationships and communications is in the manifestation of a mutual state of harmonious connection.

Prior to connecting harmoniously, we each experience numerous positive and negative sensations that arise in our contact with each other. Eventually, this exchange leads to the formation of a new and harmonious kind of connection.

How can we, however, assure ourselves that our relationships and communications will lead us to a harmonious connection?

It depends on our preparation, i.e., the education, socio-cultural influences and upbringing that we receive.

We need not be concerned about our relationships and communications in and of themselves. Instead, we should concern ourselves with how to optimally prepare ourselves, i.e., what educational, social and cultural influences we surround ourselves with, in order to harmoniously connect. It is similar to a mother who advises her children on how to behave with others before sending them out to school or another gathering.

By preparing ourselves to harmoniously connect, i.e., surrounding ourselves with an environment that teaches and exemplifies positive human relationships and communications, then we can draw ourselves to the revelation of a whole new sensation: that of feeling other people’s thoughts, desires and needs as our own. Such a shared perception and sensation is the essence of human relationships and communications.

I discussed this topic and answered questions about it in a talk with Michael Sanilevich. Watch the video here: Communication skills. The essence of human relationships

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Remark: When evil arises, and now there is a lot of evil in the world in all its colors, there suddenly appear those who want to correct it. They are called honorable people, they are given Nobel Prizes, etc. They come to correct this evil. They donate money for it and invest their strength in it.

The great Kabbalist Baal HaSulam, whose works we study, writes in the article “Peace in the World” about “The Weakness of ‘World Reformers'”: “This is the key to understand the weakness of world reformers throughout the generations. They regarded man as a machine that is not operating properly and needs mending, meaning to remove its broken parts and replace them with working ones.”

In principle, it sounds quite logical. That is, they want to operate the machine properly so that it runs smoothly according to their understanding.

“This is the tendency of all world reformers—to eradicate any harmful and bad in the human species… and it is true that had the Creator not stood against them, they would certainly have by now cleansed man entirely, leaving in him only what is good and useful.”

Answer: And that would bring the end of the world.

Remark: But it is written here that they would leave “only what is good and useful.” This would be good for the world.

My Comment: Well, of course! Try to suggest this and you will see that everyone will agree with you! Except the Creator.

Remark: And the Creator says, “No, I do not need the so-called good and beneficial. I do not need it to be the only thing that remains in the world.”

Further on, Baal HaSulam continues: “But because the Creator meticulously watches over all the elements in His creation, not letting anyone destroy a single thing in His domain, but only reform it and make it useful and good, all the reformers of the above-mentioned kind will vanish from the earth, and bad qualities will not vanish. They exist and count the degrees of development that they must still traverse until they complete their ripening.”

It is as if the Creator is saying, “I do not like these world-reformers. I do not like those who like to do good.” They want this evil to disappear, to replace the damaged parts in the car with good ones, and to make the car drive well. I do not want that.”

My Comment: That is correct. Who are Creator’s partners? Villains. They reveal evil in the world, as the Creator has said: “I have created the evil inclination…” That is, they are His accomplices who help Him and reveal evil.

They show us: “Look at what the Creator has created!” And the only thing missing here is the other side, where we need to take the forces of nature and build an opposite system that would compensate for this evil. Then through creating our own system of good that compensates for the evil, we will rise by both of these forces, on both levels.

Question: Does this mean that evil people are the closest to the Creator?

Answer: Yes. It is through them that the Creator creates the world.

Question: He creates the world and shows us that the world is created from evil. We see this, are horrified, and start fighting this evil.  Are you saying: “It is wrong to fight evil?”

Answer: We must learn to compensate for it correctly, to use it as the minus and the plus in electronics and other areas.

Question: So, the evil exists and I should not touch it. On the contrary, I must create a mountain of good. Here is a mountain of evil, and a mountain of good. Does this mountain of evil grow? And the mountain of good also grows? Is the main thing not to erase this second mountain?

Answer: You cannot erase them, you will only mangle all of nature.

Question: How do I build the mountain of good?

Answer: On the basis of evil.

Question: Seeing all of this evil, do I say: “This is not the right way, I should choose another way”?

Answer: Of course. Otherwise, you will be like those who destroyed sparrows, flies, and so on.

Question: So, do I build a mountain of good by looking at this mountain of evil?

Answer: According to it.

Question: Where do I get the strength to build this mountain of good?

Answer: Here you have to ask the Creator Himself.

Question: Is there no other way?

Answer: No. Then you will see why the Creator created evil. It is so that you would turn to Him and receive the force of good.

Remark: So, with material resources alone, with my abilities…

Answer: Will lead you nowhere. You will not accomplish anything. There is only evil in our world. Even the good that you see is also evil.

Question: And when they say: “This strong, charismatic, courageous, and determined leader will be able to lead us to good, to happiness,” and everyone starts voting for him, is it all a lie?

Answer: Sure. Today more and more people start to realize this.

Question: Is our task to build this good against evil, and all we need to do is ask for strength from nature, from the Creator?

Answer: To ask the Creator for the force of good to balance the evil and to ascend on these two forces as if on two legs.

Question: Will the world come to this?

Answer: Very soon! I believe that, perhaps, I will also get to see this. But we must lay the foundation.

Remark: This is definitely a turning point for a person.

Answer: We need to educate people! Basic concepts that we just need to lay out before them.

Question: We are talking about an ordinary person. Tell me, when one faces evil what should his first reaction be?

Answer: To balance the evil. If I want to destroy it, I have to balance it! In this way, I not only eradicate it as if reducing it to zero, but I employ it and use it for good.

As two forces in electricity: the minus and the plus. Any force that is revealed in this world consists of itself and of its opposite, its parallel. There is nothing else, only this. Therefore, regarding evil, we must find the expression of good and put them against each other, placing yourself in the middle. And you will see how to rise on these two streams of the fountain. That is how you will rise using both of them.

Question: So, are you saying that in order for one to rise in a good way, he has to be between good and evil?

Answer: They should push you from below like jets from a fountain.

Question: When I build good against the feeling of evil, is it called that I am in the middle? I see both good and evil.

Answer: Yes. We need to teach people how to use both forces correctly. For them, this is the revelation of the new world and endless possibilities.

Question: It means that we need to work on the first reaction of a person to destroy evil? So that the first reaction would be: “Oh!”

Answer: It depends on the support of society, on the environment.

Question: So, one way or another, a person should be searching, or he should be placed in the environment that thinks this way, right?

Answer: Yes. The environment will support him behind the scenes. And he will feel that he needs to perform certain actions. He will receive thoughts from the environment. The world is coming to this, there is no other way. This is how the world is arranged. The main thing is to move forward!
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/10/20

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The Times of Israel published my new article “It’s a Draw! Hash It Out!”

Whether Trump or Biden end up in the White House, neither will be the president of the United States. He will be the president of only the Americans who elected him. A president who is one hundred percent accepted by half the country, and one hundred percent rejected by the other half, cannot be regarded as POTUS. It leaves the American people with two options: hash it out or fight it out. I hope they choose the former.

America is a highly developed country, especially when it comes to politics. As with any developed nation, its people are very opinionated. And the more opinionated they become, the harder it is for them to budge from their opinions. They become less tolerant and more arrogant, less attentive and more assertive, until finally, the whole country explodes in riots, violence, and civil war ensues.

This is the natural way, and countries should watch carefully what is happening in America because it will also happen to them. It’s the natural evolution of human nature.

Despite the morose prognosis, humans have more than human nature going for them; they’ve got intellect. When a situation becomes an evident impasse, look for a bypass. There is no reason things should end in violence if we already see that this is where we’re going; we can reroute.

There is a lot of truth in Albert Einstein’s famous adage, “The problems we are dealing with cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.” But there is more to it than that; we, that is our nature, created them so as to rise to a higher level.

Consider this: If everything had been alright while we were living in caves, would we ever have come out of them? If everything we did then succeeded, would we ever develop new tactics or tools to improve our lives and make them easier? Life keeps posing problems now as it always has, and always for the same purpose—to drive us forward, impel us to evolve. And today, evolution centers mainly on society.

Indeed, our society is lame. Human relations everywhere are plagued with suspicion, animosity, alienation, and hatred. Do we like feeling this way toward each other? If we did, we wouldn’t see the rates of depression, substance abuse, violence, homicide and suicide that we are seeing. We have become a society of sad, depressed, scared, and mainly hopeless people, and it’s all because there is a demon inside of us that makes us hate each other.

But it’s not a demon; it is human nature, the same engine that has developed us throughout the ages. Previously, it made us feel uncomfortable physically so we would develop easier and ways to live. Now it makes us feel uncomfortable emotionally so we will develop easier ways to live with one another.

This is why the Left and Right will never agree. Republicans will always think that Democrats are dead wrong, and Democrats will think the same about Republicans. But without the tension, there will be no impetus for growth, no realization that we must somehow establish unity or we will kill each other.

There is a funny thing about unsolvable conflicts. When you finally manage to reconcile, you often feel closer than before the conflict broke out. Moreover, you often realize that the problem doesn’t exist anymore even though you never touched it, but only focused on connecting with the other party. If it ever happened to you that you fought with your partner and after you made up you couldn’t remember what you fought about, then you know what I mean.

But it isn’t only on the personal level. The same idea is true for social, national, and international conflicts. When you work on unity, the problems aren’t solved, they disappear since they were only there as catalysts for connection.

America has been the leader of the free world since pretty much the end of World War II. Now it’s in a crisis that can send it soaring or sink it down. If Americans want, they can be the trailblazers they have always been and lead the whole world to a new era, where problems are promoters of connection, and conflicts are opportunities for deep concord. It’s been a political draw in America since 2016; it’s time to hash it out and rise together to a new level of solidarity and cohesion, and pave the trail away from friction and toward real and lasting peace.
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Comment: Communication as an informational interaction is based on the principle of feedback. You said that there is an opportunity to unite even if others do not know about it, and you cited the example of sages who could unite the whole world in themselves, but other people did not feel it.

My Response: It is not at all necessary that people feel this; the main thing is that the person who performs the unification should feel a connection with them.

Comment: But communication implies feedback, and it turns out that there is none here.

My Response: This is communication in which I do not need more than ten people. We are created in such a way that if I take nine more friends as my partners, then together we can create an absolutely complete, integral system that will be similar to the common, integral nature.

Question: So, even if only two people interact, there should still be feedback?

Answer: Yes. If we interact with each other in the ten, we will find in it absolutely all the laws of the universe: both spiritual and material.
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From KabTV’s “Communication Skills” 8/21/20

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New Life 464 – Anti-Semitism Denial, Part 2
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

Israelis don’t feel that anti-Semitism exists and are insensitive to manifestations of anti-Semitism around the world. Today, there is hardly any connection between Israelis and Jews abroad. If there is any connection, it will gradually grow weaker. The level of anti-Semitism in the world today is similar to the level it was before WWII in Germany. We are stubborn and haven’t learned anything since then.

Nevertheless, the wisdom of Kabbalah has been revealed in order to teach us that certain problems in Israel can only be solved by connection.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 464 – Anti-Semitism Denial, Part 2,” 12/2/14

Video: Play Now | Download

Audio: Play Now | Download

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Remark: Shame is inherent only in the human race and is subdivided according to levels of desire. The more developed a person is, the more often he has a state of shame.

My Comment: Shame is a feeling of imperfection. In animals, the sense of shame is completely absent. But sometimes, even in advanced people, this feeling can be completely suppressed. And people who are close to nature, more finely tuned, can feel shame.

Question: Shame is the most hated feeling for a person. People are willing to commit suicide rather than feel public shame. What is the root of this painful phenomenon for a person?

Answer: The fact that it affects the “I” of a person, his egoism, which is our essence. Therefore, for a selfishly developing person, shame is the biggest defeat. He can’t stand it.

Remark: They say that in the absence of witnesses, the feeling of shame does not arise.

My Comment: Yes. Usually, shame only manifests itself in relation to something or someone. In particular, regarding the specific rules that exist in the surrounding society. We always evaluate ourselves relative to our surroundings.

Question: You write that a person needs shame in front of the Creator. That is, to achieve this is a great means of correction. This feeling is awarded to high souls. What is this about?

Answer: If a person really begins to feel his connection with the Creator, then he already measures himself in relation to Him. This is where he feels shame as a means of ascent to the Creator.
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From KabTV’s “Communication Skills” 8/7/20

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About Leadership

Question: Do you consider yourself a leader?

Answer: Yes.

Question: What is the best quality of a leader that you can identify in yourself?

Answer: The immutability of the goal to which I direct all humans.

Question: Have you always been a leader, or has it come with time?

Answer: I think I was born that way.

Question: Which of the leaders of the past do you respect?

Answer: In addition to the biblical leaders, I respect the great Torah interpreters of all time. Because the Torah is a method of development of our world.

Question: Do you consider yourself a charismatic person?

Answer: No. I try not to hide my qualities from those close to me and to my students so that they can see absolutely all my weaknesses. I don’t think I need to pretend. A leader should not pretend. His idea needs to work, not he himself. He’s not the boss.

Question: Do you always prepare for public speaking?

Answer: Never! This may be a problem. I often find myself in such situations when I express an idea that I came to a public lecture within 15-20 minutes, and I have nothing to say. Then I pass the microphone to the audience, and they start directing me.

Question: Do you feel pleasure when you manage to convince anyone?

Answer: I don’t think it’s a pleasure from forcing or persuading someone. It is a pleasure from the fact that the purpose of creation, the system of the universe, is becoming clearer to a wide range of listeners.

Question: What do you do best? How do you develop this skill?

Answer: I don’t even think about what I need to be able to do. I teach and do it as much as I can. In addition, I process news, some materials, and all in order to teach.

Remark: Name the success of which you are particularly proud.

My Comment: With the help of my students, I created an organization that explains to humanity its next, corrected, highest state.

Remark: Name the failure you remember and what lessons you learned from it.

My Comment: My whole life is a huge number of small failures. But I don’t think it could have been any different.

Question: Does God or society choose the leader, or do you become one?

Answer: Only the upper force determines all our steps.

Question: Was your teacher a leader?

Answer: For a narrow circle of his students, he was the undisputed and absolute leader. But he is not a leader by nature. His father, I think, was a leader.

Question: How should we treat those people who do not work well? What effective methods of punishment do you know?

Answer: The most effective is the team. If the team is set up correctly, then the slightest flaw in the person in their place will immediately be perceived by the team members with negative feedback.
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From KabTV’s “Management Skills” 6/11/20

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Question: The process of comprehension of information is very time consuming. And if you are also listened to in translation, as by your students for example, how realistic is it to hear you? After all, this information passes through the translator. Do you think you are being heard?

Answer: I hope they hear. The rest depends not on how much they hear, but how much they follow the guidelines.

In Kabbalah, you may not hear much or even understand the language at all. The main thing is that you really want to understand the upper purpose that we are talking about. And then this desire opens a channel for you to connect with the upper force, and you will begin to hear.

It all depends on your desire only.

Question: So hearing is not at all what we understand in our material sense organs?

Answer: Of course!
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From KabTV’s “Communication Skills” 8/14/20

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Question:  Why is the feeling of evil a denial of the Creator’s control, and not accepting His control as evil? After all, if He rules, then what is the reason that I feel evil?

Answer: It makes no difference how you perceive the Creator. What is important is how you see yourself with regard to the goal.

You can perceive Him in any way you want, either good or evil. He sends you problems, He puts obstacles along your path, He invokes such confusion in your mind and your emotions that you cannot even imagine. All of this comes from the Creator.

But what does it mean that it is from the Creator? It is not someone’s bad luck, and it is not a person sitting above planning and conspiring against you. The Creator is an absolute, integral system in which there is both the initial and the ultimate point of our evolution, and there is the best and shortest way between these two points. If we divert from this path, the system puts us back on track by force.

The main thing is to understand how we can bring ourselves back to the right and shortest distance from our state to the goal of creation so that we will completely be the masters of the whole system, which means that we will be eternal and whole like the system itself.

So, we do not need to ascribe human attributes to the Creator, although this is how we usually speak, because a person can only express himself according to what he knows and is familiar with.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah” 11/18/18

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Preparation to the Lesson

Lesson on the Topic of “Work With Faith Above Reason”

Writings of Baal HaSulam, “Table of Questions for Topics, Vol. 1, Part 1, Item 94” 

Writings of Baal HaSulam, “Peace in the World”

Selected Highlights

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