Question: I have not felt happy about being on the spiritual path for a long time, what am I doing wrong?

Answer: Your ego is poisoning you and erasing the joy. Apparently your environment is not strong enough and so it cannot impress you. You must have the right environment that will enable you to work above the whining.

We will constantly hear the whining inside our ego. All our dark evil forces are there and they constantly try to draw all our energy for their own benefit. It is actually our inner hell. We, however, have to face them by building our Heaven above them: the attribute of connection, of bestowal, whole and complete love, the feeling that I am like a baby in the arms of the society. I give them everything that I have and in response I receive total support.

Then I feel joy since I discover that everyone worries about me. I have nothing to worry about since I am in a world that is absolutely good. Everything is wonderful and cannot be any other way if we have such relations with our environment.

Although all this is built on top of the dark forces that remain inside me and want to separate us, and I actually feel these evil forces in my stomach; it is clear that they are devotedly doing their job since they are the Creator’s messengers. After having given all of myself to the environment, I am absolutely sure that I can be above these evil forces. I only want to annul myself and to dissolve among the friends, and this is my only hope, sense of security, and joy.

I have no other option, no other way. I throw myself into them like into a pool and am among them ready to give them everything, as long as I receive the light of security. This light provides security since the upper Light is in it. This is what we should do!
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From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/20/13, Shamati #58

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