Question: How can we feel bestowal while feeling pleasure in receiving at the same time?
Answer: The more a person advances, the greater pleasures he feels in his desire to receive. The desire grows and the pleasure grows. You don’t know yet how many desires for pleasures are hidden in you.
It begins and it never ends. Every time a person thinks that he will never go back to what he was before, but the next moment, he falls again under the domination of the new desire that is revealed, the new Reshimo (reminiscence), and it is as if everything starts anew. This happens on a higher level, of course, but it seems that things repeat themselves.
The higher the level, the greater the evil that is revealed. Everything starts from the left line, from the growing ego, since we have to ascend to the top of the mountain, to the top of our passing thoughts, desires, separation, hate, and lust.
It is foolish to think that a person has to do it by himself. We actually waste our powers on this mistake instead of aspiring for connection.
The problem is that a person fights as Don Quixote against windmills and not against the real enemy. He is armed with a toy sword and a self made shield and not with a real sword and shield that he has received from his father, from the Upper Light, and has lost them because of his carelessness. After all, he thinks that he will attain everything by himself, by his own powers and his own mind.
This is his mistake because this work is actually not difficult at all; it can become quite pleasant, fascinating, and enjoyable. A person becomes a craftsman who loves his work and manages it and imagines correctly how to start it and who his partners are: the friends, the teacher, the Creator. The main thing is to clarify the right approach, and this is the hard part.
Children develop naturally: Nature invokes in them a desire, an aspiration, and abilities. We, on the other hand, have to organize everything by ourselves. This is the only freewill that we have: to arrange a place for our development and to concentrate all the conditions in it in order to create an environment that spurs our development.
But instead, a person wastes a lot of energy in the wrong places like rain in the desert. It is as if he makes great efforts, but in fact, he wastes them on useless idle actions.
From the Preparation for the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/7/14