Michael Laitman, On Quora: “What advice do you have for a mother who feels like she is losing her son?“

I received the following letter from a worried mother who felt like she was losing her son.

Hello, Dr. Laitman. I’m a worried mom. I feel like I’m losing my son. I raised two children. The young one I pampered and surrounded with love. But I feel that I didn’t give enough love to my elder son, who is sixteen now. I was a young mother who was very busy in a difficult economic situation. I made many mistakes. And I especially didn’t give him the warmth and attention that he needed. Now he’s moving away from me. He can’t even pronounce the word “mom.” Sometimes I feel that he really hates me. It really hurts me. And it worries me. I’m trying to fix things, but I don’t know how to bring him back to me. I wanted to ask you, Dr. Laitman, maybe you have some wise piece of advice on how to save our relationship. And how can I regain my son?”

She needs to show him that she loves, supports, understands and is there for him, that she is truly his friend. That is the main thing. She will find a way of how to support him, and he will understand that he has a mom, which is a bit different to what he thought.

In short, he needs to feel that he has no closer person that understands, feels, and is there to help him in any situation.

Based on the video “A Kabbalist’s Advice for a Mother Who Feels Like She’s Losing Her Son” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman and Oren Levi. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

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Question: You said that until the age of 13, a person perceives the world only in feelings. Does the mind switch on after age 13 when it can analyze everything that it felt before?

Answer: Approximately, nowadays, it may be not at 13, but at 25 because the current generation is in delayed development. This is noted by everyone: psychologists, sociologists, statistics, and polls.

Our generation is more infantile. Young people want to stay at home, do not want to start families and take responsibility; they prefer to sit in a cafe, buried in their phones.

Comment: According to our development, each person is, in principle, a child. He does not perceive the world with his mind at all.

My Response: We perceive everything through feelings, although we cannot admit it to ourselves, we do not understand it because our matter is the will to enjoy, to be filled.

Therefore, first of all, we are sensory sensors, and only later do we become aware of what we feel. Our consciousness is secondary, and matter, which is feelings, is primary.

Our feelings control us so much and dominate our consciousness that we simply do not notice this fact, we do not recognize it. We cannot get out of this, observe from the outside, and investigate. I am not even trying to explain this to people.

Only those who begin to acquire a second feeling, the quality of bestowal instead of the quality of reception, can calculate, realize, evaluate, and weigh to what extent they are in the quality of reception, and in accordance with this, how they can control and evaluate themselves, and so on.
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Mind and Feelings – What Is More Important?” 10/7/13

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And they created school the way the devil had ordered. A child loves nature, yet they locked him up within four walls. A child cannot sit still without moving, yet they forced him to sit still. He loves to work with his hands, yet they started teaching him theories and ideas.

He likes to talk, yet they ordered him to keep silent. He strives to understand, yet he was told to memorize. He would like to research and seek out knowledge on his own, yet it was given to him in a ready-made form.

And then children learned what they would never have learned under other circumstances. They learned to lie and pretend (Adolphe Ferrière, a founder of the Progressive Education Movement).

My Response: It is just as accurate today.

Question: Why did they take this free bird, a child, and stuff him into a cage?

Answer: It is because for you adults, this is simpler and clearer. To pressure a child by force and make him stay in our four corners, and that is all.

Question: Then what are we taking away from him?

Answer: We take away the free development of his soul, heart, mind, and even physical development.

Question: Do you think this is the most important thing for a person?

Answer: I think a child should grow up free. That is, he should sit and listen to adults, but it has to be interesting for him.

And he should spend more time outside with his friends. Simultaneously with friends and a teacher. To go out to the field, fidget with some cars and large machines, and other things like that. Raise a child according to his own ways.

Question: Do you think this is more important than, say, to sit him down and study physics or algebra?

Answer: There is no use of it. Only a few push through it and only because they want to be better than others.

Question: So, you are least interested in knowledge?

Answer: Right. We do not need it.

Question: So, knowledge least of all. And what you just proposed, what is that? Does this set a person free? What does it give him?

Answer: What I am proposing develops a child through the natural course of his activities. In this case, he will invent all kinds of things. Not some airplanes or helicopters but spaceships! Based on completely different principles, ones that we assume are used by aliens. And so on.

So, this liberation will give freedom to ideas, and we still do not know what a child has inside. There are entire worlds in him.

Question: You speak of freedom; what are the principles of this freedom for a child?

Answer: The principles of this freedom are free contact with nature, discussions, conclusions, and debates with adults and peers. All this is very necessary for their proper development. Otherwise, you are simply placing them inside a square or a cube, and they cannot get out of it for the rest of their lives, you constrain their thinking.

Question: And you stop this whole progress by that?

Answer: Yes.

Question: What does this require of teachers?

Answer: It requires teachers to become different—not like teachers we have today. We have to redo all of it over the course of many years. But then, we will get completely different results.

Question: By realizing this, will we one day reach the fact we need to change everything? The Department of Education…

Answer: Through a great revolution.

Comment: You understand that this includes everything—the entire bureaucratic system.

My Response: All of it!

Comment: Bureaucrats will reject it.

My Response: I am not speaking of whether they would want it or not, whether we should fight for it or not. I am not calling for anything.

Question: So how will it happen?

Answer: I don’t know. I simply talk about what is true.

Question: Can our thinking be taken and changed from above?

Answer: Anything is possible from above. And by “from above,” I don’t mean the government.

Question: So, the upper force can just transform our thinking?

Answer: Yes.

Question: In what circumstances will it do so?

Answer: I cannot assert this with complete confidence, but it seems to me it is when we become completely disillusioned in what we have.
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From KabTV’s “New with Michael Laitman” 9/29/22

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Question: Let’s say a person has committed some kind of offense. How can we help him? Should we moralize? After all, there are a lot of methods.

Answer: We can help him by attracting him to us and connecting with others. We should attract him to us to be in the team and interact with everyone. We need to try to adapt him to that, and that is all.

What is not clear here? All the people who read my blog or listen to me will immediately understand this elementary truth.

What, am I supposed to trample him into the mud? By that I am not correcting him. I have to aim for correction! And what can it be, if not the return of the prodigal son back to the integral, perfect Mother Nature?
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. The Perfect Punishment” 10/10/13

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Comment: A girl sued her parents because she was born without her consent. As if she could somehow agree. And at first she even won the court.

Below I quote this young girl from her Instagram post:

“A few months ago I sued my folks for having me without my permission. And I won. So the court ordered them to pay me $5,000 a month to cover my basic expenses. Well, they went and had that appealed. So now they don’t have to give me any money. And now I have to go get a job. And I’m realizing, like I don’t have any work experience, or any higher education. Nowhere is paying me $5,000 a month. So how the hell am I supposed to afford to pay my bills? … Don’t have children if you don’t want to support them.”

My Response: She’s partly right. It only depends on how much and up to what age to help. Because if you give birth, you take responsibility.

Comment: But she is a grown-up girl. Someone who can study and work a bit. But this is the relation to the world in which a person simply does not want to be.

My Response: I understand her. If she really does not want to relate to the world and regrets that she exists, then her claims against her parents, in general, can be understood.

Question: What are these claims against parents?! They supported her as best they could. And at some point they stopped supporting her. She has to support them at some point. What kind of claims are these?!

Answer: But it depends on society, on education.

Comment: Many people have such a question: “Why was I born?” Some make claims to parents: “Why did you give birth to me?” and others ask the question: “Why was I born?” You are always advocating for this question to arise in a person.

My Response: Of course. So that a person finds out what he is born for explicitly.

Question: And to whom should one send this question?

Answer: To oneself. Whom else? What did the parents know about it? Also nothing. And I don’t know anything. They don’t have any questions, but I do. So go and find out.

Question: If I ask myself this question, can I find the answer in myself?

Answer: Yes. You can find this answer only in yourself.

Question: And what will it be like?

Answer: Whatever you will find. Look for the meaning of life.

Question: When a person asks himself this question, and, for example, an answer comes to him, at what point is he sure that this answer is correct? Does a person have such confidence?

Answer: Let him search. And he will select all possible questions and answers that he will have at the same time, and he will get to something interesting.

Comment: If a person, for example, is not looking for an answer to this question, but simply lives in this life and that’s it. He has no such ups and downs.

My Response: If not, very good, let him live quietly. A person who is looking for an answer in himself, on the other hand, really has a desire, an urgent need, to find out about himself, about his history, his fate: where I am from, where am I, what am I for, and so on.

Question: Do you welcome this?

Answer: Of course. He can become a human, that is, can understand: what he is here for, and what kind of secret is in him.

Question: A happy person for you is one who feels ups and downs, descents and ascents, in search of the meaning of life. Big ascents and big descents?

Answer: Yes. But he’s a Human.

Question: And is this a happy man?

Answer: I do not know if he is happy.

Question: And when will he be happy?

Answer: When he gets to his core: to what he exists for.

Question: Can happiness be permanent if he gets to this core?

Answer: Yes, then he will be in constant happiness. Because he will merge precisely with the question and answer that he asked himself.
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From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman” 8/18/22

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Question: Why is there such a thing in nature that if a person commits some kind of offense, he must be punished?

Answer: It is not punishment, but correction. Only people punish each other just like that; nature punishes according to its program; therefore, this is called correction. In this way, it urges you to do what you have not done yet.

Comment: I am asking about the nature of a person, about his desire to punish others. If someone has done something, he must be punished, imprisoned, and lynched.

My Response: This is how the egoistic nature of a person manifests—to harm others. After all, in accordance with this, I feel good because I live by constantly comparing myself to others.

Question: How should it be?

Answer: Eventually there should be a completely different system with only mutual assistance in complementing each other up to the level of the Creator, connection, and mutual guarantee because we are all parts of one soul.
[304836]
From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Ideal Punishment” 10/5/13

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Question: We know that birth is a very emotional, powerful event for a child. After a while, he can already see, hear, smell, and feel. But no one remembers this event.

Not only do we have no memories of birth itself but also not of the first two years of our life, the time when we learned to walk, get to know mom, dad, family, and the environment, and uttered our first words.

We more or less remember all our emotional surges in life, we feel them, but we do not remember this. It is as if this period is completely cut off from us. Why?

Answer: A person begins to feel himself at the age when he really becomes human. This is at the age of 12 to 13, maybe even a little later.

Question: What feelings are you talking about? For example, I remember myself at the age of four.

Answer: Yes, that is true, but it is not a sense of your “I.” It is a sensation that I exist, and you remember some pictures, some scenes from those times.

Question: Are you saying that the “I” grows in a person and at some point it says: “From now on, you will remember everything”? And the “I” that was there when I was little was not the “I” yet?

Answer: Yes.

Question: When my “I” is revealed, what does it mean? What does it require? Why are such bright colors suddenly starting to appear?

Answer: This is when there is a connection with other people and especially hormonal attraction (at the age of 13 to 14). Then a person begins to form completely. All his, so to say, levels are already included in the awareness of the world and of oneself.

Question: Why does this “I” manifest in a person and begin to lead further?

Answer: In order for him to correct himself and to raise himself. In order for him to understand what he exists for. From this time on, you can already start working with a person.

Question: For an ordinary person, is the “I” something completely different?

Answer: It is because we are not being taught!

I was not taught either. But I remember wondering, “What is next?” And there is nothing. That is all. Next, you will go to school, to college, and so on.

Since I did not have an answer to this question, I did not want to study, and I did not want anything at all. I was quite often in a state of apathy.

Question: Was it because there was no answer? Did the answer arise from this “I” that required growth?

Answer: Of course. What do I live for and why? It was a terrible feeling that it is pointless, useless, and you are being forced.

Question: Is, in fact, our life the formation of this “I”? What does this “I” transform into,? What does it turn into?

Answer: It turns into indifference, into apathy. It exists because you exist. There are people who do not notice it. It is good for them, they are happy to live, acquire, build, give birth, and so on. This is how life goes on for them.

Question: Is there a connection between this “I” and that upper force that you are always talking about?

Answer: Yes. In the question: “What for?” This question is transmitted from above to everyone, but in little doses. The one in whom this question arises seriously, apparently can develop it and receive answers.

Question: Can we think and fantasize about this that these “threads” exist above and come from above to the “I” of a person?

Answer: Yes.

Question: How can one determine when and which “I” will play, when and which “I” will jump out?

Answer: To do this, you need to reveal your soul, that is, your entire connection with the upper degree. Then you will know why you are being pulled this way and not in another way.

Question: Exactly at this time?

Answer: In everything.

Question: Is it programmed which “I” will jump out and which will be dulled a little bit?

Answer: Absolutely everything.

Question: Does it mean every “I” of the entire eight billion?

Answer: Of course! The beginning of creation, the end of creation, and its intermediate states—practically all of them are known in advance. Only one thing is unknown: how a person in his manifestation of freewill implements his personal participation in all this.

Here, the implementation is not prescribed in advance, but is given to a person

Question: Does it mean that, in fact, something still depends on the person?

Answer: Yes.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/18/22

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In the program placed into a person by the Creator, there is a huge part called “mistakes of the past,” meaning the area of sensory, social, personal, and family successes and failures. Can you imagine what is uploaded into a person?! It is world that a child does not have, an enormous part of the universe in which an adult exists.

It is impossible to give a person such an injection that he immediately, like in a science fiction movie, “Oh-oh-oh!” and that’s it, he is already in the upper world. It does not exist.

He needs to get through it all, store it in himself, make an upgrade, and reload everything. He must live through all these states, feel the opposites, try to do it himself without the Creator or with the Creator, with a certain environment or without them, stumble, get up, and so on. At every step, at every given one. And out of these billions of steps, an opportunity is created in a person—only an opportunity!—to start feeling another state, another universe.

He enters into this feeling gradually; a feeling is revealed that did not exist before! It exists here and in another dimension. And now this dimension is being revealed! In order for it to begin to open up, I need to create in myself huge internal reserves, opportunities, sensations, accumulations of all kinds of thoughts and feelings.

In such a way I begin to enter into a perception of new connections, a new world. I see it in a completely different way. I see its opposite side, where it is controlled from, and how it all works. My world becomes small, I am entering into the management system, and it is becoming important. And this whole world and all these animate, small, instinctive interactions of ours just lose their importance.

My animalistic body remains in connection with the others, temporarily, for the time being, in order to contact the others through it and help them also enter into this new universe, into this dimension. And as soon as we all break away from this field, on which we graze like small animals, and enter with our sensations into a new state, into a new dimension, the material world simply disappears.

It does not exist even now, like everything else, because it exists only in our consciousness, which rises completely to the next level. And along with the area of new human relationships, our animate, vegetative, and inanimate sensations also rise, meaning our whole world.

But it is impossible to do it at once, like some kind of injection and a person is already in the next dimension. The program needs to enter into us gradually and be adapted by us. We must accept it, feel it, unite with it, and feel as we are it as one whole.

This requires consecutive, voluntary implantation into this program because it is against our egoistic nature. This is what our work consists of.
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. See What Doesn’t Exist” 8/30/13

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There are a large number of unnecessary professions in the world. A person should be freed from them; otherwise, he will completely pollute the earth. He should be taking through integral education.

It is estimated that 75% of working people are engaged in completely unnecessary work. It would be much better if more than 90% of the world’s population stopped doing anything at all, and would simply sit and consume. Both people and the environment would be better off.

So the method of integral education is urgently needed to put the economy in order, to make it normal, economical, and to free people for what is really necessary.

Our conformity to nature, which can be achieved by integral education, will bring all of nature and us into order, meaning into harmony, and all the problems that we see in the world today and call a crisis will actually become the birth of a new humanity. In principle, the real meaning of the word “crisis” is birth, and not something negative that we understand by this term.
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Invest a Part of Yourself” 8/24/13

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Michael Laitman, On Quora: “How do I teach my children to embrace failure?“

Suppose we encounter failure. Michael’s group played against Oren’s group, and we lost. We then sit and talk about it, understanding that we were weak and we lost, without crying about it. We might feel some pain or cry internally, but we try to understand why we lost. It is quite complicated and it takes time.

At first, there might be shouting, yelling and blaming, but later on, we reach a state where we lost, and now what? Do we throw it away or do we continue? In such a juncture, we need to learn and absorb examples from those who have succeeded and dealt with failure, and there are several movies and books on such a topic. Those who reach success have undergone major crises, become disappointed, faced exploitation and whatnot.

We then decide that we now want to learn from our failure, and seek how we can overcome such a state. At this point, we learn what was wrong, what we should correct, how to correct ourselves, and how to study our opponent. And if we discuss such a phenomenon in terms of our inner traits, then we each learn about our egoistic nature that is ultimately behind all failure and loss, and in so doing, we prepare ourselves for our next battle.

Based on the video “How to Teach a Group of Children to Deal With Failure” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

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