Question: How can spouses come to the feeling that they constitute a single entity?

Answer: This task is given to them for their entire lives. They must achieve such unity between themselves that appears as perfection; i.e., they should realize that they are a single whole that cannot be divided. Then, in this unity, they will reveal the Creator.

Comment: There are situations where the sense of unity seems to appear, but then it disappears. It does not come once and for all; there must be constant returns to it because a man and a woman are two opposite substances.

My Response: Yes by their nature they are opposites of each other. These are two completely different egoists who have not received the right upbringing or intention to come together.

But they somehow find each other and decide that they can be together as one entity. Internally, in their thoughts, feelings, and intentions, they must strive toward each other.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/19/24

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Comment: A family nucleus has an interesting structure. People meet, get to know one another, sense one another in some way, and suddenly, you come to the point when you see yourself completely differently through your partner.

Precisely in this nucleus, you cannot escape anywhere and cannot hide anything. It is like work with myself.

Answer: Absolutely, you have to work against yourself. Spouses in a family are like a mirror for one another. Your wife reflects your essence to you. Therefore, you have to take into account what she says.

Question: Sometimes when I yield to my spouse, I feel like a man. However, sometimes the opposite happens, it is like I lose my dignity and self-respect. Is this still correct or is there something wrong here?

Answer: You need to concede almost always. But at the same time, you have to watch so it does not lead to excess.
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From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/19/24

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Question: According to Kabbalah, all structures are built according to the four stages of the development of desire. Does this apply even to works of fiction and movie scripts?

Answer: If we want to fill a desire, we must treat it the way the light that created it treats it, according to the same four stages of development.

Any literary work develops in four stages. I am sure that all playwrights, writers, and even journalists who seek to attract the reader’s attention, understand that their work must be built on four stages, including the climax and the ending.

Otherwise, if it does not correspond to the structure of our desire, then a person simply will not understand what they want to sell to him, what they want to fill him with. Therefore, all writers should create in the same way as the Creator, according to the four stages of direct light.

There is such a formula when pleasure, in order to create a desire for itself that would feel it precisely as pleasure, must contact this desire for four consecutive and opposite stages, when intention and desire, pleasure and hunger, play with each other until they become completely opposite and at the same time can be together.

People instinctively understood that it should be built in this way, because they themselves consist of four stages of the development of desire. Psychologists subconsciously felt this when they saw such states in human relationships.

Let’s say I’m with a child when I am teaching him something, and see how I play with him and beat him so that he has a desire to be for or against so he will understand his mistake. He must identify all the erroneous states and only then agree with me. In principle, this is a natural thing that does not relate to Kabbalah at all.

Question: How can a Kabbalistic touch be added inside any work of art?

Answer: This is a completely different action when Malchut becomes Keter, and the Keter of direct light becomes Malchut. That is how the reverse light works! That is, the giver and the recipient switch roles when the recipient initially turns around in such a way that proves to the giver how by receiving from him, he actually gives to him. This is the whole trick between us and the Creator. In other words, the recipient, the object, the goal wants to compensate themselves in some way in relation to their Creator.

This exists even in human relationships. Only everything depends on what kind of relationship there is between them, and then receiving and giving are purely conditional. For example, between a mother and a child, between friends, between spouses, between any events in the world, the main thing is that behind them there are feeling, understanding people who are in some kind of state of connection with each other.

Another example is that they bring me a lot of gifts and sometimes fill me up with all sorts of nonsense. And I have to accept all this and thank them because the giver feels that he is giving. He is pleased with this, because in fact he receives.

Therefore, I act out how much I need it, how pleasant it is, and so on; that is, I increase the action itself many, many times. A gift can cost a few shekels, but I make it feel like it is worth millions and that it is exactly what I wanted.

We see that neither the amount nor anything else matters here, but only the relationship between people, when the giver feels fulfilled, receives, and enjoys it. This exists around us at every moment, only it is a very small fraction of receiving and giving.
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. The Mystery of Art” 1/16/12

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Yielding is not regarded as love in wholeness, for the one who yields always waits for when he will regain the power of control (Rabash, Article 240, “Discernments in States”).

Question: On one hand I yield more to my husband. On the other hand, thoughts come to me that there will come a time when I can retaliate for giving in and I will begin to dominate. How can I reach a state where I do not wait for the moment when I have the power to dominate?

Answer: The power to dominate can manifest in opposite actions for both parties. Therefore, there is no need to strive to mirror each other in the sense of “as much as you are, so am I,” and be sure to put them in the same form in a “common box.”

The most important thing is always to yield. Who yields to whom is irrelevant. For example, if a wife takes a step toward her husband, he will feel ashamed of himself. Or conversely, he will feel proud that she treats him this way.

The main thing is to respect each other and strive to always leave a pleasant impression on each other.

Question: What if I feel like I am disrespecting my husband?

Answer: Then you should replace it with love, as it is said: love covers all crimes. You must show love otherwise nothing will work out.

Is it difficult? In my opinion, it is the easiest thing to do.

Comment: Sometimes it is difficult. I understand that I offend and humiliate my husband and treat him improperly, but I cannot stop.

My Response: Then kiss him. In such cases, it helps best.

Question: Will that stop me?

Answer: Absolutely! Kiss each other more and calm each other down. Get closer to each other!
[327379]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/19/24

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We overlay our faces with tons of make-up. We get Botox and even starve ourselves to become that perfect size. We try to fix something but you can’t fix what you can’t see. It’s the soul that needs the surgery (Julie Roberts).

Question: Why does the question about the soul not arise in people immediately? We gradually age, we are not as beautiful, we do not play as much, and so on, and the question about the soul suddenly begins to awaken. Why then and not earlier?

Answer: A woman has many such strings and connections to our external world. She must look good, she must attract, she must entice. She must be relatively successful in her career. And so on. That is, she has many more worries. This is until about 50, even maybe until 60 years old.

Then, the regret begins: “Where is my soul? Where did I lose it along the way and what should I do with it? I cannot be the same as I was at 20, of course.”

Question: But through the soul, maybe I can?

Answer: Through the soul, yes.

Question: So this moment is very important for her, the transition from external to internal, as she says, to the soul?

Answer: Yes.

Comment: This of course is hugely popular on the internet. There are millions of views when Hollywood stars and famous people suddenly start talking about the soul.

My Response: Because such a person who has achieved relative success in life, shows to all others that despite all his achievements, fame, money, and so on, his connection with the meaning of life, with the Creator, still needs correction. This means a lot. Dozens, hundreds, millions of women follow her. But, of course, it is all relative.

Question: What does “working on the soul” mean to you?

Answer: Working on the soul for me means that a person begins to constantly, every minute, ask himself throughout the day, every day: “What about my soul? What about me? Where am I?” Here one’s need for the Creator, begins to unfold, the need to unravel the mysteries of the universe, its purpose, and its puzzles. And so on.

Question: So, is this called “working on the soul”?

Answer: Yes, who am I? What am I here for?

Question: Julia Roberts continues: “How can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself? You have to be happy with yourself. It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.”

What does it mean to love myself?

Answer: To love myself means to love what I am filled with, what I think, what constitutes the meaning of my life, its fulfillment, and so on.

Question: To love my thoughts, etc.?

Answer: Everything except one’s appearance.

Question: When a person feels emptiness inside, as she says, what should they do? What does “I am empty” mean?

Answer: They need to urgently clarify the meaning of life for themselves.

Question: Does emptiness awaken for this purpose?

Answer: Yes, this is a serious question!

Question: Is this a good state?

Answer: I would gladly find myself together with her in a television studio or somewhere else to talk with her.

Comment: There is indeed a lot to talk about the soul and emptiness.

My Response: There is a lot to talk about, but it is unlikely that it will turn out as it should.

Question: Does emptiness arise in a person who is already fulfilled, when such a demand arises?

Answer: When there is a demand without an answer. But I would have had to rescue her. There would be no conversation. It would have turned out that it is not nice to leave her in such a state, that I cannot ask sharp questions, and so on.

Question: So would you still corner her first?

Answer: I would a little, on the edge. But then I would yield all the time.

Question: Is this the right way to conduct a conversation with people? Do you first ask questions, corner them a bit, and then help?

Answer: Yes. But very cautiously.

Question: She continues: “Today, I declare: I will no longer wear makeup, I do not want to wear someone else’s face. I am well aware I have wrinkles but I want to see beyond that. I want to embrace the real me and I want you to embrace who you are, the way you are, and love yourself just the way you are.”

When a woman decides to age naturally, is this the right decision?

Answer: No, a woman should always maintain herself as she has always desired. But there is no need to spend more time in front of the mirror now than before. This still elicits a different response from others.

Question: What if a woman still does a little grooming?

Answer: If a woman is beautiful, if she is attractive and knows how to present herself and is not someone neglected or downtrodden…

Comment: So, a little make-up is okay?

My Response: This is the right thing to do. She is not doing it for herself but for others. Before, she did it for others but for herself. So, it all depends on her worldview.

Question: Accepting a person as they are. If you were to say, “Accept me as I am,” what does that mean?

Answer: I am accustomed to being in this form. So if I needed to appear before a million people, I would go out like that too.

Question: This is external. What about internally?

Answer: Internally, a person should always be himself provided that he is understood correctly.

Question: So, does this external aspect exist, do I still think about people around me after all?

Answer: Of course. After all, I speak differently with children than with adults, and so on.

Question: Saying “Hello,” “Goodbye,” being polite, and so on, is it necessary?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Julia Roberts continues: “You have no idea how much money cosmetic companies make on you. They have managed to convince you that you urgently need to invest finances to delay what is inevitable.”

Should I even care about how they profit from me, or shouldn’t I?

Answer: What matters to me is what I want. If I want to achieve this goal, if this goal is achieved through makeup, through performing in front of an audience, and so on, then I do it. The goal and its achievement are what matter.

Comment: Julia Roberts concludes: “I choose to say to myself: stop! The external shell is the last thing we should care about. Only our soul matters. Remember this forever.”

My Response: Of course. Having lived the life she has, any woman can say this. And then she can finally calm down.

But in general, of course, you still need to try to maintain the style, the level that people ask of you, demand of you, in order to convey to them some of your new messages and wishes.

Question: Even in order to convey this message about the soul to them?

Answer: Yes, you still need to do it while remaining yourself, in good shape.

Question: Is that why we need our external shell?

Answer: Yes.

Question: When ancient texts, for example the “Song of Songs” talk about how a woman dresses up before her master, what is it saying there?

Answer: Of course about inner beauty.

Question: What did King Solomon write about when talking about the woman who waits for her beloved?

Answer: He wrote about the female part of humanity, so to say “female,” which should approach the male part of humanity and in the right connection between them reveal the Creator.

Question: So basically, it is a song of songs to the Creator?

Answer: Yes. Of course! “Song of Songs” is the highest song! That is why it is called the “Song of Songs.”

Question: If we draw such a conclusion: external, internal, a woman who should always remain beautiful—what does that mean? How to achieve that?

Answer: I do not know. I do not equate appearance with inner achievements.

A person spends 50, 60, or 70 years of their life absorbing and creating within him the right vessel for sanctifying the Creator through him. It is his job. So what does external makeup have to do with it?

Comment: But still, you said that if we are talking about a woman, then a woman should maintain herself.

My Response: Yes.
[327014]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 2/26/24

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Question: Are the spouses’ aspiration toward each other called caring?

Answer: It is everything. You should strive for unity so that every single thing in your environment, utensils, clothes, everything you have in your home, what is called “yours,” unites you.

Here, one should combine the spiritual and the material. You should be so harmonious in everything that even looking at something in the house physically unites you, and you feel it is “ours.” That is something you need to learn and painstakingly attain.

Question: How can I achieve this? Is my annulling in something putting my partner’s desires above mine?

Answer: Naturally, everything is built on the annulment of oneself relative to the other. And this should be constant.

Each one yields to the other, but in doing so, they do not diminish themselves; instead they offer the partner to occupy a more advantageous state and take a step toward them. That is, each acts in a way that the other has a chance to come and turn to them.

Question: But is this not at the expense of the one who yielded?

Answer: No, we are not discussing this from the point of the ego, but are talking about how to get closer.
[327200]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/19/24

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Question: In a family, should both husband and wife work in bestowal? What does that mean? For example, as a woman, I cook for the whole family and take care of everyone. What else could my actions be?

Answer: Everything you do for your family is your bestowal to them.

Question: Isn’t that considered as natural behavior?

Answer: No, nowhere is it said that such behavior is considered natural. Why couldn’t the husband do it instead of the wife? It is just the way things are set up and that is why we think it should be like that; but in reality, it is not.

Two completely different people meet, who do not even know each other well, and they start building something together. Each of them should strive to contribute everything he can to this common cause in a way that is enjoyable for the other. Gradually, they learn each other’s character, tastes, and everything else.

Question: So if I work for the sake of my spouse and family, does that mean that I am working in bestowal?

Answer: Yes, for women, it is much simpler.

Question: Indeed, when I work for the family, I feel some self-annulment, and it is not even difficult for me.

You once mentioned your wife, who cooked for your teacher and there was a lot of care and bestowal in this, and he felt it. It may seem like ordinary things, but there is still special effort in it.

On the other hand, it seems that reaching something spiritual is somehow different, another action, another state. Or are they not related?

Answer: Every time you do something, you should include your intention from the start to finish of that action.
[327295]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/19/24

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Question: There is a holiday called the International Day of Happiness. Probably the idea is that there is not much happiness and maybe you can celebrate somehow in one day. It is a fact that people are less and less happy. How do you think one can become happy?

Answer: I do not think that is possible.

You can only build or create happiness. There is relative happiness when I give way to my life partner, and he gives way to me, when we think about each other so that the other will be happy; it is all about the little things. And just like that, we gradually get used to wishing others happiness every minute, every half hour, every hour.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 3/18/24

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Yielding [on the part of the husband or wife] is not regarded as love in wholeness, for the one who yields always waits for when he will regain the power of control (Rabash, Article 240, “Discernments in States”).

Yielding, which does not lead to absolute connection, is called imperfect. Therefore, such a connection is also not considered perfect; it lacks love.

Love is a state with similar aspirations on both sides and both spouses assume they are aiming toward a common center where they merge and achieve perfection.

Question: How does the yielding that Rabash talks about differ from concessions, which you mentioned? Is it some other function?

Answer: Concessions can be made out of love or can be based on other calculations. Any calculations in yielding, other than love, are not good.
[327254]
From KabTV’s “Man and Woman” 3/19/24

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Question: There is an opinion that women tend to gossip more than men. Does this come from them being more egoistic, or is it just the female nature?

Answer: For men, this manifests itself as a motivation to action, and for women, it manifests itself simply in conversation. That is why women do more harm.

Question: Does this mean they have more work with the vice of slander?

Answer: No, working on oneself is when a person works against his vice but they do not do it.
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From KabTV’s “Spiritual states” 3/7/24

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