New Life 711 – What Women Want
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Tal Mandelbaum ben Moshe

A man and woman are like plus and minus; they must eventually reach a balance, the correct connection between them; the man must give and the woman receives. She must want the right thing and he must fulfill this desire correctly. We cannot fulfill ourselves, only others, so the right connection between right and left is through finding the middle line between them.

In our day everyone is “out of order”; women want the incorrect fulfillment of false substitutes for their desires. The natural desire of a woman is first of all a family, but in the last century we have lost our direction regarding this matter. We have built an artificial world for ourselves in which life is difficult, the family unit is collapsing, and children are neglected.

The solution depends on an education for attaining the spiritual goal within relationships and family, as a gift that will uphold, “When husband and wife are worthy, the Shechina abides with them” (Sotah 17a). Fundamentally, a woman wants connection with the upper force through her husband. Throughout our history we developed through our desires until we felt an inclination for discovery of the inner essence, the supreme power, unconditional love.

The goal of alliance between partners is the discovery of the one supreme power that controls nature, our source, to which we must return to in unison. A woman wants that same power of love to dwell in her family because this is a safe, complete and eternal state. Through love between us we reach the revelation of the higher power of unconditional love.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 711 – What Women Want,” 4/7/16

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New Life 710 – Between The Sexes, Character Or Beauty?
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

What characteristics do men and women focus on when choosing partners; how does the environment influence our decision, and what is the attitude of the wisdom of Kabbalah to human beauty?

Currently models of feminine beauty have been created for us, and we act according to them. According to the laws of nature, a woman checks a man’s ability to provide her with a secure familial nest and how he will take care of her. According to his nature, a man wants a woman that will be pleasant for him to come home to, who will be like his mother.

Today everything is broken, but this is the original nature. A man has a problem with renewal. When he gets used to something, he is no longer attracted to it. With a man, sex and emotional attachment are two different things, whereas with a woman both of them are linked together. To understand everything that connects men and women, one must learn about their spiritual roots more deeply.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 710 – Between The Sexes, Character Or Beauty?” 4/5/16

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New Life 709 – The Attraction Between Men And Women
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

The inner software in nature develops the connection between the male and the female particles into a more complex relationship. The relationship between a man and a woman is the most complex.

Animals choose their mates according to their strength and their health, thinking of their future offspring, but we choose what society considers beautiful instead of what is naturally best for us. There is one social norm that defines beauty and doesn’t allow everyone to choose what is best for him according to his nature.

At the end of a hundred years of confusion, man needs to examine his situation today and to realize the cause of his troubles. Lack of satisfaction with a good relationship or family relations is the cause of all the other problems in human society. There is undoubtedly a right mate for everyone since we are all products of the same system that we have to return in pairs.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 709 – The Attraction Between Men And Women,” 4/5/16

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Question: How can you explain the fact that the woman was created from Adam’s rib from a Kabbalistic perspective?

Answer: This is an incorrect translation of Hebrew.

In the spiritual world there is a male part, the part that bestows, and a female part, the part that receives. The female part, Malchut, was created from the male part, Zeir Anpin (the Creator).

Malchut is a point, a desire in a state of smallness. When it ascends up to the chest of Zeir Anpin, up to the part that is called the spiritual ribs, it receives Light through Zeir Anpin and becomes a spiritual Partzuf (a body) or a soul that exists separately, but is still adhered to Zeir Anpin.

This is what is meant when it says that the woman was supposedly created from the man’s rib.
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From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 3/6/16

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Question: If a husband and wife are reflections of each other’s characteristics, they are practically doubles apparently, possessing similar desires and a natural feeling of closeness to each other. How can they advance together in the best way?

Answer: That is also how they must progress. If that is how they are connected to each other, it is up to them to feel how they help each other and advance together. Conflicts are constantly created between them and greater and greater possibilities for attachment.
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From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 3/6/16

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Question: Can a woman advance in spirituality if she mainly watches the men’s group on the screen?

Answer: Of course. A man can also advance in spirituality if he only watches the men’s group on the screen. Everything depends on the desire, the assertiveness, the persistence, and the yearning.

Question: Is it possible to find the ideal husband with the wisdom of Kabbalah?

Answer: It is not possible to find an ideal husband and there is no need to look for one either. The wisdom of Kabbalah cannot help here. The ideal partner for men and for women is the Creator.

Question: Do a husband and a wife draw further away from each other because their attributes change?

Answer: On the contrary, the different attributes enable a husband and a wife to get even closer to each other above all the differences.

Question: Has your wife attained the attribute of bestowal?

Answer: It is our private family secret.

Question: What is the spiritual root for a coupling of a man and a woman?

Answer: This phenomenon has no spiritual root. Similar actions that take place in the spiritual world are called coupling of beating, which we study when we study the spiritual Partzufim.

Question: I want to study the wisdom of Kabbalah but there are other things that interest me more, what should I do?

Answer: You have to find out what is more important for you in life.

Question: If a husband and a wife study together, watch the lessons together, read the sources together, and have workshops, do they need a group?

Answer: They will actually feel whether it is important to have a group or not. But they should both agree on it. If one of them still wants to be part of a group he or she has the right to do so.

Question: Can a father and daughter interact like a Kabbalistic group?

Answer: No.

Question: Is there such a thing as great love in the wisdom of Kabbalah? Not falling in love, but a great love between a man and a woman?

Answer: If you are referring to love between a man and woman in our world, it has nothing to do with the wisdom of Kabbalah! The wisdom of Kabbalah engages in the relationship between the souls, while in our world we engage in the relationship between physical bodies.

Question: Why do so many women who study the wisdom of Kabbalah find it difficult to find a husband?

Answer: Do other women find husbands? I think your question refers to general statistics. In our group, on the other hand, couples get married all the time and have children. Of course there are problems, but the rate of divorce compared to the world’s is scant.

Question: Does the wisdom of Kabbalah have a special approach to everyday life? How could it be that a Kabbalist has to somehow change his actions? For example, engage in his spiritual work for a couple of hours and spend the rest of the time living anyway he wants to and let everything work out by itself.

Answer: No one is forcing you to do anything differently. You can act this way! But then you will see that the wisdom of Kabbalah gradually fills your daily life. When you advance you will feel that you can also implement your spiritual work while you work, in your everyday life, and also when you communicate with others. Why not it if you can profit from it?
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From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 3/6/16

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In the News (Russian Bazaar): “‘No one disputes the fact that the institution of marriage is dying, – says Bauer.- The question is how to deal with this fact. We can not turn back the clock and make the church a major institution in the country. Also, we can not force the young to have the reverent and sacred attitude toward marriage inherent in the older generations. So maybe everything that happens – is for the better ’

“If the ‘anti-marriage’ trend does not change, then already in 2025, Americans will be much more likely to get divorced than to marry.”

My Comment: Growing egoism separates people from each other more and more. Bringing them together is possible only by the upper Light. Studying the wisdom of Kabbalah spurs and summons the action of the Light. Otherwise we will see masses who are estranged from each other.
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Question: Should a woman have only one spiritual root that ties her to one man while a man can have several women?

Answer: We shouldn’t tie corporeal problems to spiritual development. We develop both physically and spiritually and the two aspects should not be mixed.

Personally I don’t interfere and don’t give my students any advice.

Adults who come to study the wisdom of Kabbalah are interested in spiritual development, so focus on that and study it! Other than that, our physical body has different requirements and natural needs (food, sex, family, money, respect, control, and knowledge) and we have to fulfill them to the degree that doesn’t interfere with our spiritual development.

There is no need to delve into the psychology of the corporeal bodies. It has nothing to do with the wisdom of Kabbalah. We have to engage in our spiritual development and from ourselves we will draw advice for ourselves and our family life.
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From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 3/6/16

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Question: How does the wisdom of Kabbalah regard the issue of divorce that is passed on from generation to generation? In my family, for example, there are four generations of divorced single women.

Answer: This happens because we don’t know how to correct ourselves. My life hasn’t been very easy and was far from being smooth, but I set a very clear guideline: divorce is not an option! I have kids, a family, I have to take care of them and I have no right to leave them.

Relationships between couples may be different, this is how it goes. But a person’s obligation is to take care of his family because it is his and that’s it.

Question: Are bad mutual relations between parents better for a child than divorce?

Answer: I believe that it is better to live that way than in a broken family. A child who grows up without a father feels that he is not protected because there is no one beside him to hold his other hand. This sharp feeling of a deficiency of a father by his side is reflected throughout his life.

Comment: The rate of divorce is 50% now and it keeps growing.

Answer: The fact is that the world is more and more in need of correction. In order for that need to be felt, conditions are becoming more difficult so that people ultimately will decide that they have to do something.

Question: Can the wisdom of Kabbalah help sustain a person and the family?

Answer: The wisdom of Kabbalah helps strengthen the family. Today we already know how to do it more or less. The method includes discussions in groups of ten people, family workshops, and workshops for couples in groups that incorporate mutual cooperation between a husband and a wife. We still don’t have enough power to help all the families yet, but we have to gradually teach this method to all of humanity.
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From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 3/6/16

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In the News (Russian Bazaar): “Americans aged 18 to 29 years continue to rapidly lose interest in marriage. If in 1960 55% of people in this age group were considered married, today only 19% of “millennials” (born from the early 80’s to late 90’s) officially live a family life.

“Today we can say with certainty that all attempts to return interest to the institution of marriage, undertaken by the government and religious institutions, failed miserably. …

“According to experts, young people no longer understand the meaning and the essence of the religious marriage.

“‘Many ‘millennials’ consider marriage obsolete and an outdated institution, which from a legal perspective only complicates life. Without marriage, as we know, there is no divorce, division of property and other litigation. …

“Getting a college degree, moving to their own homes, buying a house or car, the birth of a child – all of this is much more important for today’s youth, than a wedding. Even ‘meeting someone you love’ they rate much higher than official marriage. …

“Look who is protecting the institution of marriage today. By and large, they are conservative Americans aged 45 years and above. They grew up with other values and traditions, and now they want to instill in their children. But the 90’s and 2000’s greatly changed American youth. It thinks very differently and evaluates reality differently than the older generation.”

My Comment: Human behavior is based on a single feature: egoistic pleasure. This determines every aspect of our behavior. Therefore, the reason for a change in our behavior is a change in the basis of the phenomenon, egoism.

Egoism has developed and continues to develop very rapidly, especially qualitatively. At the heart of nature is its development program and the program of human development.

You can read about the lack of free will in any of our actions in my post “There Is No Such Thing As Free Will“.

According to this program a person has to penetrate nature’s program, to study it, implement it on himself, and act in harmony with it. Currently, we operate opposite to this program. But it is normal and this is also part of the actual program, which is called the growing period, similar to the way children grow in our world.

Today we are in the stage of transition to actively participating in the plan of creation. The program of creation will force us to attain its essence and to act specifically according to it. It is similar to the way young people become independent in our world. Some easily succeed and others find it very difficult.

The wisdom of Kabbalah is the science of human development and it is meant to tell us what happens to us and to prepare us for the correct interaction— Achishena, hastening time (along the quick and easy path)—with nature, with the Creator.
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