But suddenly from my Keter in which I had everything, from the attained level of bestowal, I fall into darkness; in other words, I think about myself, about the fact that I have nothing. I do not understand anything; I do not feel anything; I envy others and begin to despise them.
I feel completely worthless, a complete zero.
This is called the Malchut of the upper. I received an addition of uncorrected desire in which I sense the truth: who I really am. How can I get out of this state and go further, to the Keter of the upper?
First of all, I need to stop thinking about myself; this is called restriction. I do not care about everything that is in my own feelings; what matters is what happens to the group. It is like a mother for whom it is more important what happens to her infant than her own condition. That is, I must transfer the emphasis from myself to the group, and from the group to the Creator.
If I can rejoice that I can think about the group and the Creator from total darkness, it means that I have entered the spiritual space and am in faith above reason, in bestowal above my own desire to receive.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/6/18, Lesson on the Topic “From Helplessness to Crying Out to the Creator”