The main difficulty on the way is that we don’t feel any deficiency for the goal of creation. Our deficiency is the opposite because I naturally think only about my inner state, how to complete what I lack, how to get this. And if I had everything, then I wouldn’t think about anything at all.
But I am not prepared to think about how to fulfill what the whole universe lacks, including the still, vegetative, animate, and human levels, or how to fulfill the Creator through them. Does He lack something? I don’t feel His deficiency. Somehow I can feel the deficiencies of others, but not the desire of the Creator. How would I know how to give Him contentment? I do not have the correct, purposeful, deficiency in me, not even the beginning of such a deficiency.
But the final corrected state that already exists in nature affects me; despite the lack of desire, I still am attracted to it, if not in my heart, then at least out of curiosity. Or I can get a deficiency from the environment, from the group. They all keep on saying how important this is, so I also begin to pay attention and work on the deficiencies of others. And in this case, the final state of perfection acts on me and begins to awaken changes in me.
Or I see that as the years go by I still have nothing, so I begin to consider what else I can do. I am not concerned about the importance of the goal, only about the years I wasted. I see that it is up to me to do something!
We must begin working with the environment in order to get a deficiency from it, and in response, the “Surrounding Light” arrives and begins to change me more and more.
The main thing is to bring me to a deficiency, to a Kli, and not to the fulfillment. It is up to me to imagine that I am standing before the “Surrounding Light” all the time and it is only up to me to ask! It is as if I come to the ticket window at a train station, peek in, and ask for a train ticket. It is only up to me to ask, and they will give me a ticket for wherever I choose.
I must feel that I will surely get the ticket but on condition that I know where I need to travel and what the next station is. But how would I know where the next station is? To do this, I have to be included in a group, to invest in it, to disappear into it, and to absorb the deficiency from them. If I come to the ticket window to buy a ticket with this deficiency, then without a doubt I will not miss it; I will take the ticket for the right train, for the next station.
That is how I advance from station to station. And it becomes increasingly clearer each time that the station at the final destination is to bring contentment to the Creator. This is also expressed as a deficiency. Because I begin to give contentment to the creatures, I receive a small part of the desire for giving pleasure to the Emanator, the Creator,” all the time. That is how this desire becomes more and more clearly portrayed.
Even though my request is very simple and I don’t understand exactly what I am asking for yet, I receive the Light in response a full set of the complete ten Sefirot. This also includes the Light corresponding to the stony heart, and I begin to understand that it is impossible for me to use it. This also includes the Light corresponding to the Sefirot of Keter, which belongs to a level above me. Within Keter of the lower, we already feel the Malchut of the upper.
That is how I begin to connect many states from the past, present, and future in me. I already understand how it is up to me to build myself in an increasingly advanced form all the time. I begin to feel the cyclicality, the rotation of the wheels that sometimes turn forward, sometimes backward, but always propel the train forward. The wheels turn in different and opposing directions, butt the train steadily approaches the goal.
In the entire complexity of states, the most important thing is for me is to think about the point of a true prayer, that it must be a prayer for the desire for bestowal. The main thing—it is the desire to seek and not the desire to bestow, which is a Kli, the prayer before the prayer, the deficiency of a deficiency for bestowal. That is specifically what I need.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/03/13, Writings of Rabash